Who could possibly be here to see me? I wondered, frozen in place.
"Jolls," Sandy called out again.
Still trying to figure out who it could be, I let my legs carry me to the living room. I found Sandy standing at the door, blocking whoever it was from my view. Exhausted, I dragged my body to the door.
"Who is it?" I asked, "I asked, pushing my messy hair out of my face."
Sandy moved out of the way, opening the door wider. I froze in my spot, eyes wide, breathing forgotten. For a moment, I felt my heart stop.
My fingers curled into Sandy's sleeve, gripping the fabric as if it was the only thing holding me upright.
"He says he's a friend," I heard Sandy's voice from afar.
Even after all these years, I could never forget this face. His nervous smile. After all, he used to be my favorite person. My world. But not anymore, and I had made that clear. How did he even know where I live?
Pulling myself together, I let go of Sandy. My heart was now slamming against my chest, fast and hard. I took in a sharp breath, closing my eyes, hoping it was all a dream and I would wake up soon. When I opened them again, releasing a long breath, they were still there. Both staring at me. Sandy confused, him apologetic, hopeful, and something else I couldn't quite put a finger on.
"Are you okay?" Sandy asked, her voice low, eyebrows knitted.
"Bird," the voice was deep and low, just as I remembered.
I was shattering into pieces inside. I had always wondered how it would be to meet him again. Even on the sidewalk. Well, I had the answer now. I wanted to scream at him, demand answers, tell him how much he hurt me, how I would never forgive him, never want him in my life.
But none of that was going to happen today. I was not going to give him the pleasure of seeing me broken. Seeing that what he started was accomplished. I had to pull myself together. At least until they were here.
His voice dragged me back to a memory I hated revisiting.
("When will dad be back?" I asked my mother, my eyes heavy.
"Not today. Go to bed now. It's eleven and you have school tomorrow," she said, her voice firm. "We can't be doing this every day."
"Why isn't he picking my calls? Does he not want to speak with me?" I asked, my voice cracking as I wiped my cheeks.
"Did I upset him? Is that why he didn't even say goodbye like he always does before leaving?" I let out, choking every word out.
My mom let out a sigh before taking my hand and leading me to my room. "He's just busy with work. He'll call you once he gets time.")
"Jolls?" Sandy's voice pulled me back to reality.
I cringed at the memory. I was very stupid. I must have made my mom very exhausted with the same questions every night.
He had made me look stupid for believing he would never abandon me. It was my time now.
"Bird?" I asked, ignoring Sandy. "We haven't seen any here."
His face turned pale, eyes bulged out, but he quickly covered it with a smile. He cleared his throat.
"It's me, Bird, your..."
"Are you okay, sir?" I quickly cut him off. I couldn't let him finish that sentence. My eyes were burning now. I sniffled, letting out a dry chuckle. "There isn't a Bird here. Should we call the police, Sandy?"
I asked, turning my gaze to her.
"Mmm..." Sandy was now confused. She kept looking at him, then at me. "I..."
"Or do you have someone we can call, sir?" I cut Sandy off, returning my gaze to him. "I'll get my phone. Just stand there, don't move."
I turned on my heel, going back into the house.
"Jolls, what is..." Sandy called out. I could hear how confused and worried she was.
"Wait," he whispered just loud enough for me to hear.
I turned, my eyes boring holes into him.
"I think I knocked on the wrong door. I'll leave now," he added, the smile long gone, his head down.
A smile tugged on my lips involuntarily. I was accomplishing my goal. He was hurt just like he had hurt me.
"Are you sure, sir?" I asked, my lips curved upwards, a warmth forming deep in my stomach.
"Yeah. Sorry for the inconvenience," he said, never lifting his head.
"It's okay," I said in a low voice, trying to meet his gaze. "Just don't let it happen again," I added, each word dragged, hoping he would know what I meant.
"Of course. Sorry again."
With those last words, he turned, straightening his suit before making his way to the elevator but stopped, his hand hovering near the button.
For a second, I thought he would look at me again. Say something. Explain.
But he didn't.
There were so many questions flooding my head, demanding answers. I could call him out right now, invite him in, and demand answers. But that was not going to happen. I was enjoying this way too much to let him off the hook.
I turned around, going back into the house, leaving Sandy standing there. Her mouth was hanging open, her figure frozen like a statue. She must have realized what I had done. After all, she was the only person who knew the most about me.
"Who was that? And don't tell me you don't know," she asked, following behind me.
My favorite show woke me up. There was someone in the living room watching TV. I figured Sandy was still here.
After the whole thing at the door, I had gone straight to the kitchen, served myself some food, and left for my room. Sandy had tried to come and join me, but I had asked her to leave and locked the door. I wanted some time to myself.
I had to process everything that had happened. My long-lost dad appearing out of nowhere at my doorstep. What was he even thinking? That he could get a do-over?
If that was the case, he was fooling himself. I was not going to let myself lower my guard only to be hurt again. I had promised myself never to let what had happened that night with Sandy repeat itself. Even if it meant that I would be alone.
I put on my flip-flops and walked out of my room to fetch some water. My throat was dry from all the emotions I had been suppressing.
When I walked into the living room, Sandy was asleep on the couch. One leg hanging to the ground, the other on the couch. The fleece that I assumed had been covering her lay on the ground, covering the hanging leg.
I couldn't help but chuckle. This was so Sandy.
I walked over to her and ended up stepping on the remote where it lay on the floor. I shook my head before picking it up and switching the TV off.
"Heey," I called out, shaking her lightly. She growled, disapproving of the disturbance. "Get up. You need to go to bed," I said, shaking her again.
She chewed something that clearly was nothing, scrunching her eyebrows.
I forced her up, supporting her to the guest room, but she turned into a statue at the entrance. I tried to gently force her into the room, but she wouldn't budge.
I sighed, defeated, knowing exactly what she was doing.
"Fine," I grumbled, turning to my room. I placed her on my bed and pulled the sheets over her. She clutched the sheets to herself, and her breathing steadied altogether. She looked so peaceful sleeping.
I walked back to the living room and picked the fleece from the floor, covering myself.
I needed some fresh air, so the balcony was my best option.
I stood at the rail, my weight resting on it as I looked down at the street. The place was empty, streetlights glowing with an orange color.
I took in a deep breath, closing my eyes, taking in the late-night air.
It felt so peaceful, almost making me forget everything that had happened.
I wished things were okay between Sandy and me. I would have let her be here for me. I would not be feeling this alone.
The feeling I used to have before I met Sandy was back.
I really missed her.
She always made me feel safe without even knowing.