15 Have no fear, Lockhart is here.
Waking up with the sound of waves and seagulls, yep my alarm is spelled that way, I looked beside me… empty. Bummer, she didn't come last night. Well, maybe tonight. We can only dream about it.
At the breakfast table, I noticed Kitty did not have a good night's sleep. I asked: "Is everything alright? You look tired." She laughed bitterly: "No, nothing is right anymore. When the pillars you build your trust and beliefs on are just empty lies, the whole world crumbles down to nothing. You were right on one thing, even I would refuse to be my friend because of what I allowed to happen."
She looked me in the eyes, and asked: "Did you ever look in a mirror, and saw that the life you lead was meaningless? All the hardships and suffering wasted on the cause of a manipulator?"
I nodded: "People are fooled a lot of times, but it is also because if we are paranoid and mistrust everyone around us, life won't be worth living. You just have to work on your judgment."
Bullshitting 50
Hey! That was good advice! I was feeling like those TV Doctors. You know the kind that says: "Do what I say, not what I do." I smiled at Kitty: "You can always come to me for a talk. And I am famous for my foot rubs." Don't laugh! It is a good starting point to work your way up, and when you are holding their foot, it is hard to run away.
She answered with a smile: "A foot rub would be nice, but not today." I was having a good time, almost all Claws and Puffs walked with billowing cloaks. Snape was spitting fire, I tried to help him with a suggestion: "Severus, you can borrow my spell for sparkling teeth. People are always more at ease when you smile at them."
The naffer stuck with his billowing cloak and left the hall. Anyway, I have to prepare for the next class, the devil twins are in it.
Xxxxx
They were all on time, eager to see what I put in their book. I started: "Welcome Lions and Snakes, today I, the Great Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile, and your beloved Defense against the Dark Arts Professor will guide you on the path to glory, fame, riches, or to live your life in safety."
A great opening if I say so myself, I continued: "Here are your course books: Seven Years DaDa with Lockhart. Book four: Defending the defenseless. As you might already know, I give each year a task. For the fourth-year students, the task is to find the Chamber of Secrets, the famous chamber our founder Salazar Slytherin supposed to have built before he left Hogwarts."
A Snakette said: "But professor! They have looked for centuries for that chamber!" I shrugged: "It exists, I guarantee it. Tell you what, if you can show me the start of the secret passage you get half the credits. Now, open your book at page five."
The kids were interested, the books were a big hit in the common room last night, they were curious for theirs. The second and third year was more focused on magic animals and creatures, and how to defend themselves against them. Fourth-year was starting with defending against spells.
"Well my Snakys and Lionys, from the first ten spells, try to learn the shield spell and two others. practice them on the target dummies. The first house that every student succeeds with it gets ten points. You have one hour." everyone was eager to find three easy spells to get the points.
It was a fun hour, the Lions won narrowly because they teamed up. I congratulated them: "Well done, but I must say, the Snakes went for the harder spells. So here we have the usual dilemma: teamwork or individuality. Both have their good and bad points, choosing between them depends on the situation.
Now, pick a partner from the other house to form a dueling team. This partner will be yours for the rest of the year so choose wisely."
The next minutes were awkward for all, the twins were avoided like the plague, so were the bullies from Slytherin. I interrupted: "Hold on! By now you noticed that several students are avoided. This says something about them, why are they avoided? If this is some kind of house rivalry, it is a stupid one. Gryffindor and Slytherin are just places you sleep for seven years. Making enemies of 25% of the students in school because they sleep somewhere else? Is that brave? Cunning? Pick one, you can decide your permanent partner at the next lesson."
Reluctantly they paired up: "It is simple, one student shields, one attacks. Two hits out of three wins. You get one minute to decide who does what."
The rest of the lesson was fun… for me. There were thirteen teams, the duels were fast, mainly because of poor shielding. Any lesson where they can wave their wands is a good one, so they were happy at the end of the period.
I said: "You all did your best. I will inquire if it is possible to form a dueling club in a few weeks if there is enough interest. Now get out and make room for the next class." Hmm? I have a free period.
Xxxxx
I went outside looking for Hagrid, when I found him I asked if I could borrow some roosters. It went the same as the last Level, I went down, kukulukuu, and Basi ended in my inventory. Now they can find the room for all I care. And Basi will bring me some well-earned galleons. I plan to reimburse my victims, give some of their memories back. Not all of them, there were some assholes among them that deserved what they got.
I returned the roosters to Hagrid complimenting them for their fierceness and cruelty. After all, they killed a class six monster with just their voice.
That damn Game still gave no quest completed. Stingy bastards are making it hard.
Xxxxx
At lunch I flirted with Sinistra and Babbling, completely ignoring Snape. Flitwick was chuckling with my efforts to bag those two witches. He took a look at my course books and was impressed with the quality.
Dumbledore was absent again, the poor bloke was in deep shit. Greengrass was out for blood.
I might have informed him that they found the ferret before his daughter's door at night, and it was not for a serenade.
Hmm? Does Vectra feel neglected? We can't have that! I gave her my Award-Winning Smile and included her in the conversation. How can I combine those three topics… aha! Space flight! We are going to build an…
I started: "Here is an idea, why don't we four take a small project on for fun? You can even let your Newt students help." Vectra asked: "What project do you have in mind? We have different courses, how do you think to include us all?"
I smiled at them all: "Well ladies, why don't we build a spaceship. The muggles did it already, I would like to think we can do it better. Minerva? We could use your input too if you have the time."
Babbling said: "Muggles have spaceships?" I nodded: "They do, they even landed on the moon a couple of times. But I think we can do better. We have so many options available to do it, for example, unbreakable Runes on the hull, isolating spells, featherweight, expansion, and so on. We need the arithmancy to calculate the right positions of the runes, we need to transform metal into the right shape, We need to plot a course to a moon or planet, calculating distances and speeds. See? A fun project. It does not matter that we succeed, there is always next year to try again."
Flitwick chuckled: "You are already planning to return next year?" I answered: "But of course, I already dispelled the classroom, now I have to find the anchor that fed the curse."
It was on the tip of my tongue to give my slogan, but I don't want to ruin my chances with the women.
Xxxxx
The next class was the Lion and Snake firsties. I gave them the same treatment as the Huffies and Claws. At the end of class I showed the plans on the back of the book: "In the second half of your books, I included spells that are helpful to muggleborns, as pure- and half-bloods you know they exist and know most of them. Muggleborn however has a harder time telling what spells are useful.
Now I give every year a task. The first years need to complete the maps of Hogwarts in my book. Find new doors, secret passages, hidden chambers. You must know, Hogwarts is very magical, she can change sometimes. Good luck and off you go."
Teaching 17
Xxxxx
Dammed I forgot it again. I need to perfect my slogan. Anyway, I went to the library, and raided the restricted section, even scanning for hidden compartments.
At dinner, Sparkly eyes and Billowing cloaks were the new fabs. Even the snakes had them. Snape still refused to spark his teeth. Petty bastard.
Hermione approached me at the table: "Professor Lockhart, can I have the coursebook for your class please?" I glanced at her and asked: "Why?" She rambled: "It is important to be prepared for class, I studied all my courses in advance, I memorized them all."
I said: "That is quite the achievement miss, an Eidetic memory is very helpful in your study. Tell me, did you memorize all my books?" Eagerly she nodded: "Every one of them! They are great! You are very experienced. But I want the coursebook of our year we all seem to get at our first class.
"Well… you have to wait. Are you more special than the other students? Every student gets their book at the beginning of their first class with me. But I will give you a small task: read my books, instead of memorizing them, read them. Sunday at dinner you can tell me what you learned from those books. Of you go."
Flitwick asked: "Why did you give Miss Granger that task Gilderoy?" smiling I answered: "An eidetic memory is often confused with intelligence. The gift of total recall is great in combination with high intelligence. Without, you might as well be a parrot that repeats everything it hears."
I continued: "I want her to find out that those books are not course books, just stories to entertain the crowd. Just like those Harry Potter books, everyone thinks are true stories. Mind you, these events happened, but not exactly the way I described."
McGonagall asked me: "Then why did you put them on the list? All fifteen of them?" I shrugged: "My publisher thought it was a great idea to apply for this job and to put those books as the course books. It was more for a publishing stunt I guess. To our surprise, Dumbledore hired me, and approved the book list suitable for DaDa."
Weary I looked at them: "It was at the book signing it struck me that the job was real, and it was going to make me look like an ass with those books. So I went to my publisher and made these course books and gave them for free to compensate for those fifteen expensive books. They just got done on time, they are a rush job, and I plan at the end of the year to rework the second edition."
Flitwick nodded: "I saw the first years book, and I liked the idea of the map of Hogwarts, also the compilation of grooming and household spells to aid the muggle-born are helpful too. I approve of your textbook, the spells are described, explained, their history as well as their uses. The pictures with the demonstration of the spell help the students to visualize it. As you can see, the sparkling eyes and billowing cloaks are a big hit."
I smiled my Trade Marked Smile: "If they look hard enough, there is the spell for that spark on your teeth. It really brings your smile to the attention. See?"
Bathsheba and Sinistra giggled at the comment, Sinistra said: "Those books are popular with every student, some of those spells are even helpful for Newt students."
Acting 33
Xxxxx
Meh, suck it. I prepared for a visit to the Greengrasses, after the tutoring hour, I flamed close to the manor. This time the whole family welcomed me. I presented Astoria the first years' book and went with Lord Greengrass to his study.
With a glass of fire whiskey in his hand, Lord Greengrass started: "My daughter wrote me you are quite popular already, the Newt students are praising you. Quite a feat for a first-time professor."
Humbly I answered: "To be honest there was not a lot of competition comparing me with my predecessors. I came to report something that worries me. The Head of House Slytherin is abusing his position, what his plans are for House Slytherin I don't know, but it looks like to me he is training death-eaters. I inspected the dorms of all houses, only the dorms of Slytherin had all their wards disconnected. I managed to activate the oldest wards and locked them with a password.
Those wards were intent-based and set to punish according to their own intent. As you know, intending to do something does not mean you actually are going to do it. But for these wards, it was enough to punish them. They got punished for their mindset, can you imagine what their intents were to get punished so severely?
Lord Greengrass swore: "That is why Daphne asked me for extra wardstones for her room last year." I commented: "I bet they threatened your family to keep them silent about it. Some older girls could already tell them what happened to families of the ones that complained. Also, his policy that Slytherins should keep a united front against the others is crippling the House. It means when the bullies harass the other houses, they can not react to it directly. To the other houses, it shows they approve of the bullying."
Lord Greengrass asked: "What do you want me to do? Dumbledore is struggling at the moment, but is far from defeated."
I came to my point: "Statistics. Since Snape teaches Potions, the number of students that graduate is reduced. From the ones that get their Newts, most are tutored at home or are Slytherins, that get at most an Acceptable Newt. So no new Aurors, Healers, even Unspeakables. The bad part of it: it is done with Dumbledore's approval.
In my opinion, it is done so he can stay the most powerful of us all. See what courses were scrapped under his leadership, what spells and rituals were declared dark just because he said so. To me, Dumbledore is a Shadow Dark Lord.
Investigate the Owl and Newt statistics from before his teaching days with the ones from this day."
Lord Greengrass sighed: "That will take some time to do so, I will set my solicitor on it. Anything else?"
I grinned: "I happen to have killed an animal, do you know someone that can render the corps? It is quite big." Lord Greengrass raised his eyebrows: "What kind of animal? I do know some renders, some won't come for simple animals."
Answering I told him: "A basilisk, more than seventy feet long, approximately thousand years old. I killed it just before lunch."
New Skill: Bragging 25
Eat me! If I can't brag about killing a basilisk, what else is there to brag about? Lord Greengrass was looking slack-jawed at me: "A Basilisk? At Hogwarts?"
I nodded: "Yeah, I had to make sure the students are safe when they discover the Chamber of Secrets. I set the fourth year on the task of finding it. If one would accidentally enter that Chamber while that basilisk is still there, that would be disastrous."
Bragging 26
Lord Greengrass took his wand out and sent a messenger Patronus away. He said: "I asked Lord Davis to come here. Can you provide the memory of the basilisk?" Hmm a trick question, it would reveal my parseltongue ability.
I said: "There are some secrets I like to keep, I'll show you from the moment the basilisk comes into the room until after it is killed, I did study the animal a bit before I stored it away. It is also to keep the location a secret. We can't ruin the fourth year fun can't we?"
A few minutes later Lord Davis came in: "Cyrus? What is the emergency? Ah? Lockhart?" Lord Greengrass said: "Jacob, You won't believe this, so Gilderoy, can you provide the memory please?"
I took the memory out, from the moment after I asked to statue to open, to the moment just before I stored the snake into my inventory: "Here you go, enjoy the view."
Both viewed the memory, when they came out, Lord Davis asked: "How did you know it was a basilisk? The odds for it were very low." I shrugged: "It was simply a case of deduction. Salazar was supposed to have built a Secret Chamber and left a guardian in it to protect the school in the time of need. As you know, Salazar was a parselmouth, so the odds of the guardian being a snake were very high. Also, there were rumors the chambers were opened fifty years ago, and a student was killed. A snake that can survive for thousand years has to be magical. The only creature that fits the description is a basilisk."
Bragging 27 Manipulation 39
Lord Greengrass commented: "Well, you made killing a class six creature look easy. You have my respect. We offer to render and sell the corps for a commission of 15% do you agree?"
I gave my Trade Marked Smile: "5% and we have a deal." We bartered until 10% and I got the skull as a trophy. My entrance hall was not big enough, and I don't want to have my lady visitors pee their knickers.
With a promise to deliver the snake on Saturday after we signed the contract, I left.
Xxxxx
A new dungeon was available: New Dungeon: Orc Dungeon. Goblins were sneaky bastards that ambushed me, Orcs were battle-crazy mother fuckers with axes. The loot was getting better, crafting materials for Blacksmithing.
I noticed that when I make all tools available, the production was magically done. It was how I created all the potions. It reminded me of the game World of Warcraft, you had to stand at a smithy to create your weapons, but you did not have to swing a hammer at all.
So I bought myself a nice small smithy and all the tools I could imagine. Leveling Blacksmithing went great after that. Getting blueprints of axes and throwing knives from the orcs, I found some tomes in Hogwarts, but somehow it was lacking. It was strange to find so few books on the topic, it used to be an important job. Meh, I find out on the weekend. Now I have to work on my fan mail.
Xxxxx
My Friday was spent on the fourth year Puffs and Claws in the morning, and the third year Huffs and ravens after lunch. The task for the third year was to find Helga's or Rowena's Chambers after I presented them with Seven Years of DaDa with Lockhart. Book three: Battling with Creatures.
I said: "My brave third years, just as I tasked the fourth years, you have to find the fabled Chambers of Helga or Rowena. Share this news with the Lions and Snakes, how you are planning to find the Chambers I let that up to you, my only demand is that you don't destroy the castle in the process, so no destroying walls to look at what is behind it."
With my Trade Marked Smile, I continued: "Take your book and open at page five. You will notice the spell and what creature it is used against. The second half of the book contains information about those creatures and their weaknesses, also some fun spells that are good to know.
I don't have a lot of creatures on standby, so I enchanted the target dummies to simulate the creatures. Study the first three spells, when you are ready, you can try them out on the target dummies."
It was another fabulous, awesome, inspiring, mind-blowing class. Even if I have to say so myself.
Xxxxx
I knew Hermione was ready to blow a fuse, her DaDa class was on Tuesday, and she has to prove that she was smart to me.
Dumbledore finally showed his face at dinner, I was happy to advise him on how to do his job because after all, I am the Great Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile, Play Witch Monthly's most used fantasy, and a beloved Defense against the Dark Arts Professor.
Dumbledore choked in his food when I mentioned Play Witch Weekly. I asked him: "You are not a fan of that magazine? Oh! You are more for the Bums and Buttocks Monthly? It is alright, I don't judge preferences. The wizarding world is more tolerant these days."
I looked at Snape and said: "Ah! Now I know why you are not booted out of Hogwarts! I understand completely, favoritism is still a common thing in our world. Is that why you both learned Legilimence? To see who has the same tendencies?"
Now the female professors were choking on their food. Coughing McGonagall said: "What do you mean with that Gilderoy?" I smiled at her: "Nothing really, just thinking out loud, there is a reason for everything, and I thought I found one."
Dumbledore was fuming: "You have to be careful with such statements Gilderoy. Those can be taken seriously." I smiled my Trade Marked Smile at him: "Oh? I am sorry, you will forgive me of course, after all, you forgave all those students that abused girls the last ten years, and gave them a chance to redeem themselves. Even after they relapsed several times."
Dumbledore looked at my food, I remarked: "Oh you want to know the loyalty potion in my food is working? Nah, I used antidote for that, we can't be all mindless fools can't we?" That comment caused the teachers to spit out their food.
I looked at McGonagall: "Minerva? You had yourself examined at St. Mungo's and you relapsed? Didn't you know the food was spiked by Dumbledore and Snape? Why else do you keep Snape employed?
Flitwick analyzed his food: "Nothing shows Gilderoy, you must be mistaken. I showed him the fifth-year coursebook: "Page seventy-five and six Filius. The potions are alchemy-based, so normal spells will miss it.
Flitwick showed his talent when he skimmed through the page and cast the spell. Cursing he turned to Dumbledore: "Is this how you keep us under your thumb? I will notify the DMLE right now." the other teachers were looking at the spell, one by one they cast the spell.
I smirked at Dumbledore and said: "Have no fear, Lockhart is here to save you all."
Bragging 28 Manipulating 40
16 Did I do that?
Dumbledore lost his sparkle, he said: "Are you sure your spell is correct Gilderoy? I browsed through your books and could not find a single one that worked."
I looked puzzled at him: "Then why in Merlin's name did you approve of those books? Why did you hire me? I had to rush, to create better coursebooks because those fifteen books are useless for teaching. We just expected to not get hired.
Are you feeling well upstairs? Is old age catching up on you? I must say that there is indeed a loyalty potion in our food, keyed to you headmaster. Professor Vectra can analyze the spell with Arithmancy."
Vectra said: "I already did Gill, the spell is correct, and our food is spiked with a loyalty potion, Albus. I will inform the Lord of my House of this. Expect a visit from our solicitor. You too Snape, I have had it with the both of you." She named me Gill! I am halfway into her knickers already.
Babbling was glaring at Dumbledore: "Ad my solicitor too Albus. How dare you drug the teachers! Is nothing safe from you? Who do you think you are? I will report this to my Lord too. Now excuse me, I have to go to St Mungo's." She took her plate and left the Hall. Vectra followed with her plate too.
I shrugged: "We will soon find out if my spell is correct or not Albus. That spell was hard to find though, I found it in a second-hand bookstore, I think the book was written by an N.F. my guess it was a Flamel, but I am not certain of it." To be honest, I found it in the Potter library, the previous level.
Kettleburn asked: "Gilderoy? Does this potion affect the judgment of the one taking it?" I nodded: "Long-term exposure affects your common sense, it makes you do things you normally avoid. Hmm? Albus? Why did you cast a confundus on me? Now an obliviate? I forgot to inform you that I am protected against mind-altering spells. Nicely done though, silent and wandless, I am impressed."
Yep, Gamers mind is on 85% so there is not much that can pass my defense. I equipped the Hallow ring and turned it three times thinking about Ariana.
A ghostly figure appeared next to me, she looked around and spotted Dumbledore: "Albie! What have you done! There is a whole bunch of people waiting for you! You used to be a nice brother, now you are one of the worst monsters in our history!" She looked at me and said: "Can you send me back? Being here so close to that maniac hurts."
I gave my Trade Marked Smile at her: "I am sorry for calling you Miss Dumbledore, but he needed the wake-up call. Goodbye, and thank you." I turned the ring again and she disappeared."
I looked at Dumbledore: "It seems your next adventure will be an exciting one. Don't you agree Albus?" The poor sod grabbed his chest, and fell face down on his plate."
Manipulation 41
I looked at McGonagall: "Did I do that? It was not on purpose! I swear… No, I don't swear on that. To risky. We better leave him like that, maybe call Pomfrey? She can fix almost everything."
I called the Headboy: "Headboy, please inform Madam Pomfrey that the Headmaster needs medical attention. We dare not move him, afraid to cause complications."
Silently McGonagall said to me: "You are a ruthless bastard aren't you?" I grinned at her: "Only if I have to Minerva, but I promise you, I am only ruthless in bed when the Lady asks for it. After all, I am the Great Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile, and Play Witch Monthly's most used fantasy. I am particularly proud of the last one. Although my live performances are not bad either."
McGonagall whispered to herself: "Maybe I have to find out about that." I heard that! I whispered back: "My door is always open for you Minerva." Hey! The Kitty can blush!
Flitwick returned with the Aurors, I hushed him: "Please don't move him Filius, that can cause complications. We notified Madam Pomfrey. Albus always swears on her competence."
Snape reacted: "We need to help him! He has a heart attack." I stood aside: "He is all yours Severus, you know the muggle technique CPR? I have seen it done, quite impressive. But I think Dumbledore rather dies than be revived with muggle means. Don't let me stop you though, go right ahead."
Did you know Telekinesis rocks? While I was explaining all this, I stole the Elder wand and blocked the bloodstream to his brain. You know, just pinching the main arteries shut, close to his brain.
Hidden Quest completed:
Quest: Murder Dumbledore in front of at least 100 witnesses and get away with it.
Reward: Upgrade one ability.
Finally the good stuff! I upgraded my Cut/Copy/Paste again, reducing the cooldown to four days. It means I can use it tomorrow. I put the wand in my inventory with the ring. Although Murder is such an ugly word, I prefer Kill, Eliminate, Dispose of, you know, the kind that gives you the moral high ground.
Pomfrey hurried in, she examined Dumbledore: "Oh Morgana! He is dead!" I nodded: "Yep, a death to be envious about. He died on his throne in front of his puppets. He was loved by Snape, that much is true. Too bad, he had to drug us for us to like him. It proves even the greatest minds can be insecure. Filius, can you examine the food of the students too? If Albus was so desperate for recognition, I bet he drugged the students too, that poor man."
Bullshitting 51 Acting 35
I'll take it as a compliment. Filius analyzed the food from the students, and behold! 550 students are thinking Dumbledore farts rainbows. I doubt Albie will get the pompous burial he hoped for.
Once the flushing potions did their job, spending a few hours alternating your ass with your head over the toilet bowl, will certainly lower the sympathy for the man. That and the stories dear Rita came up with, the dear is so good at finding dirt, especially when I pointed where to look for it.
Hours later, I accompanied Minny tho her new office, we inspected it thoroughly, we found a red stone in a hidden drawer, I commented: "Why did Nicolas Flamel allow Albus to keep that stone? Doesn't he need it to survive?"
McGonagall sighed: "He told us the stone was destroyed along with Quirrell. I'll notify Nicolas." That will make Nick's day alright. Getting to know you got shafted by your own student hurts. We found all kinds of treasures, Grimoire's from extinct families, the books he declared Dark, the Potter pensive, you know, Ali Baba's cave for Librarians. It even had a flying carpet.
The elves already cleaned the bedroom and made it ready for Kitty. I asked: "What do you think? Are you ready to face a ruthless lover?" Kitty looked at me and undressed with a spell: "You better live up to your words Gilderoy, that old bastard had me tied to this castle for far too long."
Ruthless is today's favorite word. Minny got a good shagging, To old you said? Shame on you! You are never too old for a good shagging, there is nothing a good tube of lube can't fix. Halfway through, she came to her senses, she transfigured some pillow sheets into handcuffs and chains. She chained me on the bed and rode me Cow-girl style for the next hour.
All in all a shag to remember. Minny left her office with a new smile on her face. I had to dispel the chains myself, that ruthless bitch left me chained to the bed.
Xxxxx
I arrived at the Greengrass manor an hour late, after our greetings I gave my excuse: "Sorry for being late, but the new headmistress had me chained down to help her out. She needed to put her own mark on her new quarters and office. She was quite ruthless about it."
Lord Greengrass: "The death of Dumbledore shocked everyone, especially when it came out he was drugging the whole school, we expected you being late because of that. You were a close witness to it all, is it possible to share the memory?"
I gave my Trade Marked Smile: "Of course. I am happy to provide that memory! It so happened I had my favorite robes on, so it will make a good showing. But first, where can I put that basilisk?" The basilisk was moved to an apartment trunk, to prevent exposing my Inventory.
I was led to a big storage room, I noticed Astoria spying on us, curious about the snake. The trunk enlarged, I levitated the trunk into the air and tilted it so the snake fell out, along with everything that was loose in the room. With a reparo and some levitating spells, everything except for the snake went back into the trunk.
That left a big ass snake on the floor. Astoria gasped at the sight of it. I smiled at her: "Congratulations Miss Astoria, you are among the firsts to see a thousand-year-old Basilisk. It is going to be cut up in a few moments, so I advise you to look away. It is going to be very bloody."
Caught spying on the adults, she ran away. Lord Greengrass chuckled: "Now that she is healthy, she is all over the place. She can't sit still, wanting to see and learn everything. We caught her with Ellen's old wand practicing spells from your book and succeeding with it. I must say that book made learning those spells easy. Ellen and Astoria are bonding with it, those household and grooming spells are fun to do."
I gave my Trade Marked Smile and said: "I, the Great Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile, and the most experienced Defense against the Dark Arts Professor, knew she would enjoy the book. I had the First-year students practicing the Sparkling eyes and Billowing cloak, those were the Trade Marks from Dumbledore and Snape. Snape was pissed when the Puffs and Claws all came to breakfast sparkling and billowing."
Bragging 29
The others did not even hear us, they were salivating at the sight of the basilisk. Lord Davis shouted: "Merlins' dried out nutsack! It is even more impressive than the memory!" The renders came to their senses, one of them said: "It will be a privilege to render this monster Lord Greengrass and Davis, This will make a nice profit. Goblins will be fighting for the meat, the skin is worth a fortune, so is the venom, blood, and intestines. The eyes alone are worth a fortune because they are the first targets to destroy of the breeders, to avoid certain death."
Xxxxx
I left before the slaughter, as long I got the skull and the money, the rest is of no concern to me. I returned to the castle just before dinner. Kitty replaced the throne with a comfy chair, everyone was conversing happily, except Hagrid he was sitting with teary eyes.
I asked him: "What is the matter Hagrid? Are you alright?" He shook his head: "No I am not. He used very powerful potions on me. Did you know I put a Cerberus in school last year? If a kid came too close to it, Fluffy would have been eating the student!
Dumbledore has been feeding me potions from the day I got expelled, I helped him destroy the forbidden forest. There is an acromantula colony, not two miles in the forest, that is hunting all magical creatures from the forest.
The unicorn herd is down to one-third, the centaurs are having a hard time feeding their own, just because Dumbledore wants them gone. I don't know what to do anymore."
I shrugged: "That is simple, clean the mess you helped create up. I read somewhere the Goblins want to blood their young warriors in battle. You can invite them to clear the nest. Afterward, I can visit the site with my Newt students to hunt the newly hatched spiders the goblins might have missed."
It is true! I read it in my stupid brother's Fan-Fiction. He was always raging about Hagrid and his dangerous hobby. Meh, enough about that half-giant.
I focused on prettier targets, Babbling, Vectra, and Sinistra. They heard how I took care of Dumbledore, and all lovingly called me Gill. Yep, the foursome is going to happen, I'll better not include Kitty, if she teaches the others, I don't think I'll survive.
Said Kitty had a big smile on her face and was whispering to Sprout, who was looking at me with a predatory grin. Crap! If they both double team on me… I need more lube.
Xxxxx
That evening, Babbling, Vectra, and Sinistra paid a visit to my quarters. To inspect my ceiling and walls. Thank Merlin for Pepper-up Potions, and thank The Game for Rejuvenating Potions. My Telekinesis got a decent workout. The extra hands came in handy, pun intended.
Telepathy is such a cheat, I usually have it turned off, it is overwhelming in a school. But with those three witches laying in my bed, looking at the ceiling, it was not hard at all to get into their panties.
Well… it lasted all night, they had a lot of frustrations pent up, and I was the lucky guy to let it loose on. You know like that song from Frozen: Let it go… they did let go.
We missed breakfast, Kitty woke us up: "Gilderoy? I came to see if you were chained to your bed. Ah girls, did you keep him awake all night? Make sure he is in one piece tomorrow. He has classes to teach." Smirking she left. She is a ruthless bitch.
Aurora groaned: "Great, I hope she won't give us the talk. The teacher-teacher relationship Talk." I sighed: "Don't worry about that, she is more inclined to join in." Bathsheba gasped: "McGonagall? Joining? I always thought she was a dried-up prude." I answered: "Dumbledore's potions were responsible for that. I think she is more a whip and chain kind of woman."
Septima shrugged: "The bed is big enough, and Gill has the stamina and skills, I don't mind." This level is my favorite! I grinned: "We have until lunch, and looking at those gorgeous bodies, got me back in the mood."
Xxxxx
At lunch, we got curious looks from the other female teachers. Meh, as my stupid brother always said: it's like Pokemon, we got to fuck them all. We discussed the spaceship, and how to begin with the project. Soon all teachers were interested.
From the hull to the enchants, runes, and life support, there were a lot of topics to think about. I suggested letting the Newt students chip in, Six and Seventh years could learn from it.
The whole school was excited when they heard of it. The younger years formed study groups to design their own spaceships, declaring their model was going to be superior to ours.
Although some purebloods suggestion of a big broom and a bubblehead charm was fun to hear.
Xxxxx
On the seventh floor, I paced before the wall. The door appeared to the room of hidden things. The tiara was on its usual spot, A few dispels, and all that is left is that cup. I still have the stuff from the last level, it did not reset like the previous level, I left it for the next lucky finder… NOT!
My inventory got a good workout, Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts, the good part of my inventory, it all changed into Galleons, so no ten thousand knuts. All kinds of gems and jewelry got in, I dispelled the curses on them, and with an overpowered reparo, they became as good as new.
The books got the same treatment, there were a lot of antique tomes in the pile. More money for me. I changed the room into a library. I imagined a room with all the books I did not learn yet. Hah! I am a cheater!
I absorbed every book in the room, most were spells I already knew, but I found some gems, like Rowena's Rituals and Godrick's Blacksmithing. Helga had a complete book about Potions for Rituals, Salazar had some books about Parseltongue and Parselhealing.
Then it struck me, what would happen when I learned everything there is to learn here? Another story? Naruto or Dragon fucking ball bloody Z? If it is One Piece I kill myself. I hate that fucking straw hat idiot. What normal person wants to be a pirate? You have to be prepared to kill, rape, and steal from others, putting a straw hat on makes no difference to me. Pirates are scum.
I decided to stop learning for now.
Xxxxx
At Dinner, Hermione approached me: "Professor? I can't find anything wrong in the books. Can I have the coursebook anyway? Please?" I sighed: "Miss, your fault is that you memorize books, but do not learn from them. You accept that everything in books is correct, that you can depend on that knowledge. You have to learn that there are flaws everywhere even in books. Again, read those books but with a critical mind. Of you go."
I shrugged to the other professors: "She will learn someday."
I had a lovely night with three witches, exploring the night sky from the bed. I had to promise Aurora Sinistra to spell a classroom ceiling with the night sky. It made teaching easier because of the zoom function, and they won't freeze their asses off in winter.
Xxxxx
Monday morning was for the Puff and Claw Owl class, after the introduction of the book, I started: "I decided to get the Owl class… no task. The Owl classes are the most stressful, next year you can drop courses, so this year has the biggest workload. You can however decide to help other years with their tasks.
You already heard from the lions and snakes, so, partner up with someone from the other house. I hope you all brushed up on your stinging hex because you are going to need it!"
At the end of class, everyone was exhausted. I laughed at them: "come on! That was only two hours! You could even rest between when it was the other's turn. This demonstrated the need for physical fitness, a fit body lasts longer and can cast more spells. It even makes your body more beautiful. Yes even for the girls."
I smirked at them: "Tell me, girls, what do you like more? A fine boy that can go for hours, or a boy that is exhausted after five minutes? Or boys? What do you like to see? A fit athletic girl, or one that is tired after a few minutes?"
A boy grumbled: "I like to see my bed after a shower." That was met with a lot of agreeing comments. I said: "I know, next classes will not be so demanding physically, but I expect you all to get in shape. Twenty minutes every two days is enough to form a good base. Two hours every two days will get you in top condition. But… Your life, Your body. I can only point it out to you. Off you go, you all did your best."
Xxxxx
I have the seventh years before and right after lunch, the first hour was spent brushing up on spells from previous years, all silent and with as few wand movements as possible, the lack of good teachers was showing. I put two books from every year on a desk and said: "When in doubt, check the coursebook for the spells, but I expect you to do all spells silently and with less than half of the wand movements."
The hour passed quickly. At lunch, the seventh years from my class didn't look fresh anymore, the Puff and Claw owl class were tired too. Bathsheba asked me: "What did you do to your owl class? They could hardly stand up when my class was done, they all complained about sore muscles."
I grinned: "I showed them the need for exercise. Dodging spells is important." She grumbled: "Yeah, it is, but leave them breathing for our class. It was like I was teaching zombies." I said: "I'll make it up to you." Sprout smirked: "I'll bet he will."
Xxxxx
The next hour I went easy on the Newt students. I demonstrated spell chains, different tactics for different fights, battling in my dungeons gave me a lot of experience, and it showed. I filled an hour demonstrating how to make the environment work for you, transfiguring furniture, automating books and chairs to attack, making traps and weapons. At the end of the hour, they needed to pick their jaws up from the floor.
I closed with: "I am the Great Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile, Play Witch Monthly's most used fantasy, and your beloved Defense against the Dark Arts Professor will teach you all you have to know to survive this cold, cold world. Now off you go."
Xxxxx
The second-year Claws and Puffs came in. Eager for their book, they sat down. I gave my Trade Marked Smile: "Welcome my Puffies and Claws! We are going to have an exciting year! Battling dark creatures, recognizing dangers from all sides, looking our darkest fear in the eye, and laughing at it!
But, before we learn how to fight a Nundu, we start with something easier." I let a roar of a Nundu come from my private quarters. I yelled at the door: "I told you! After Easter! Not a moment sooner."
I looked at the kids, all of them were scared out of their minds.
I asked: "Now, who can tell me what is wrong?" Several Puffs shouted: "You have a bloody Nundu in your room! That is what is wrong!" A Claw boy, dammed I need to learn their names, said: "You have a class six monster in your room and want us to handle it. That is wrong."
I grinned: "Really? How else can you learn to handle dangerous animals?" An Indian girl, I guess Padma said: "What is wrong, is us believing you have a Nundu in your quarters. There is no way there is one in school. My guess is that it is an illusion or a recorded sound."
I clapped my hands: "Ten points to you Missy claw, for thinking logically. There is no way I can keep a Nundu in my quarters, they have after all a poisonous breath. So all I have to do to scare you off is to play a sound. That alone can save your life, bluffing your opponent, creature, or human."
I distributed the books: Seven Years with Lockhart. Book Two: Facing Creatures. "Now for the annual task: Find Godrick's secret chamber." A Puffy girl asked: "What if we find the secret room of the other founders?" I Smiled, yep the Trade Marked one: "Then my Pufferette, you completed your annual task, and the students that are tasked to find that room gets your task. And vice versa of course. Now, open your book at page five." Another roar sounded from my room. I yelled at it: "Quit! They don't believe it anymore!" That got a lot of giggles, nervous ones but still. The rest of the class was spent learning two spells and practicing them at the dummies. The last half hour I released a Cornish Pixy and told my students to catch it with one of those two spells.
It was pandemonium, spells flew everywhere, the pixy was having fun flying between them so they were hitting each other with their spells. Slowly the students organized themselves, a Claw boy and a Pufferette took the initiative and coordinated their efforts. Two minutes later the pixy was handed to me.
I said: "It is good to fight together, isn't it? Five points for each house for taking leadership of the group. Now, for your homework… you are to keep quiet about this class until I have the other houses tomorrow morning, especially that lioness that wants to read the book in advance. It would ruin my Nundu's mood when he is expected. He so loves surprises. That means you too Clawette, you have your twin sister at the lions, so no telling her."
Xxxxx
That night at dinner, the second years' Claws and Puffs were pestered by the lions and snakes for information. Hermione went crazy, she kept continuously glaring at me.
The most hilarious was my sixth-year students, trying to steal my magic the muggle way. When a Puff grabbed me I said: "That does not work, if it did we would have known how they did it, nobody has caught a muggle in the act of stealing, yet."
I did Copy Kitty's, Transfiguration Master. Meh, I Cut Snapes Potion Mastery again and Pasted it on myself.
Xxxxx
The next day, Hermione was the first in class, at front. When everyone was in, I did my Nundu gig, as one they all bolted to the door. They stopped when I yelled only after Easter. Hermione turned to me: "You are going to let us face class six monsters? Are you crazy?" The ferret was not back yet or else his dad would hear of it.
I Showed my Trade Marked Smile: "Well Snakes and Lions, who can tell me what is wrong?" Hermione started to ramble rules and regulations at high speed. I stopped her: "Missy, it is time you learn something, so be quiet and listen to others for once. Now, who has an idea what is wrong?"
A Snakette raised her hand, I nodded at her, she said: "There are three reasons that there is not a Nundu in your room. First, the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were too smug yesterday, if there was a real one in your room they would have acted differently. Second, Susan Bones' aunt is the head of the DMLE, if the Nundu is real, you would have been arrested today. Third, Nundu has poisonous breath, having it in your bedroom would kill you."
I smiled at her: "That is smart thinking miss, take ten points for the Snake house. Although I applaud all of your reactions for clearing out of here. It is a smart decision to run away by the first sign of danger. Although, if the dangerous animal can run faster than you, it will bite you in the ass."
I distributed the books and gave the annual task. When they practiced their spells I noticed a few with old wands.
I halted everyone and said: "I noticed a few with old wands, that is a smart move from the parents, that has several reasons, by using old wands they are not very suited for the student, First, they have to work harder to let the spell work, so their magic is learning to be more forceful. Second, they will underestimate you, thinking you are weak. Third, you will learn about your true friends. True friends don't care if you are good or bad at magic."
At the last half hour I showed my pixy, a boy, I guess the boy Dean laughed at the small thing, I pointed at my door and said: "Open that door, oh brave lion, if you are too good for a pixy."
With a brave face, he went to the door convinced there was nothing behind it. I activated an illusion, a roar sounded and two sets of claws pierced the door. Again, everyone ran for the door again.
I laughed: "You the smart Snakette, explain what happened." Her heart pumping in her throat, she said: "It is not real, you used something to confuse us." "Very good Miss Greengrass, I used an illusion, a real-life like. Now, everyone, come back to the front so I can release my pixy, it is your job to catch it using one of the two spells you just learned."
Again, it took ten minutes before they organized themselves, Daphne for the snakes and Harry for the lions? Harry succeeded to hit it with a spell.
"Congratulations all. You have noticed now, that your enemies don't stand still and wait for you to hit them with a spell. We will practice on that, we will use the pixies for it, or if you prefer my Nundu, that can be arranged too. Now off you go."
Teaching 30 Bullshitting 52
17 Soul searching.
It took a few weeks before the novelty wore off, teaching kids was fun, and in its own way very awarding. To see them pick the spells up easily, I especially took pride in that they were eager to learn the spells.
They filled the weekends to search the castle for the hidden rooms. With the Diadem and basilisk out of the way, there were practically no dangers left for them. The sixth-year students were having a hard time.
Some of them truly believed muggles stole their magic, so I let them take a peek into my bedroom, allowing them to steal my magic at night. At that time I was entertaining Sinistra, Vectra, and Babbling, the adult way.
Percy Weasley, Penelope Clearwater, A Puff Girl, and two Slytherin boys got an eyeful of grown-up activity and decided to try stealing my magic on another day. It so happened they had Astronomy class a few hours later. Percy and the two snake boys were looking more at Sinistra's ass than at the stars.
The next day, my reputation went through the roof.
Bragging 33
Every four days I Cut a Skill from Snape, I felt sorry for him, so I Cut my Self Pithy and Paste it on him. It became hard for him to pretend he still had the Skills, before each class he was writing the recipe on the blackboard, yep, I Cut that Skill too, and studied the potion they are supposed to make that lesson.
Meh, let him struggle for a while. He became very paranoid of the Sixth year class, they were after all studying ways to steal Magic, and somehow one of them is stealing his magic.
Xxxxx
Three weeks into term, Malfoy senior approached me, we went into an empty classroom for a talk. He began: "Mr. Lockhart, sources informed me you can remove very powerful curses. Is this true?"
I gave Malfoy my Trade Marked Smile: "My dear Lord Malfoy, I am the Great Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile, Play Witch Monthly's most used fantasy, and the most loved Defense against the Dark Arts Professor at this moment, can certainly remove difficult spells, as you might have read in my many bestselling books."
Malfoy could not stop his eye from twitching. Swallowing his bile, he said: "Yes… so I read, Lord Greengrass told me you were the one that removed their family curse. My Draco has a curse on him that makes him impotent, can I commission you to remove that curse?"
Greengrass told him? After I informed them they found the ferret before their daughters' room? I bet it cost the Malfoy's an arm and a leg for that information. My Trade Marked Smile doubled in size.
I said: "Of course, you can commission me to remove that curse Lord Malfoy, after all, I am the Great Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile, Play Witch Monthly's most used fantasy, the most loved Defense against the Dark Arts Professor up to date. What can you offer me?"
Man, I love to sass that prick with my lines. He grabbed his walking stick so hard, his knuckles turned white: "Name your price Mr. Lockhart, the health of my Heir is important to me."
I pretended to think for a bit: "Well... my Loyal house-elf can use some company. House-elves are the best, don't you agree? The better you treat them, the more they will work for you. My elf speaks fondly of your elf Dobby, so my price for curing your son will be Dobby. Do you agree?"
Fuming inwardly, Malfoy agreed: "Very well Mr. Lockhart. The moment Draco is healed, Dobby will be yours." We flooddeded… flooded? Floosed? Meh, we went to St. Mungo's to visit the little dragon.
I am certain Lord Greengrass told them of my illusion meadow, so I made a nice Illusion of a sunny meadow, instead of flowers and butterflies, I filled it with white ferrets. I repaired the little chit's junk with a Remove Curse and a Medium Heal.
I commented: "Strange, with Little Astoria they were butterflies, with Miss Daphne beautiful birds. It must be an inner trait or something." Anyway, the healer confirmed that Draco had his little swimmers back.
Lucius called Dobby: "Dobby, from now on you are the property of Gilderoy Lockhart." The Little bugger jumped around before he could spill the secret, I called him: "Dobby, go to my place and wait for me to call you. Now, go." Dobby hugged my legs: "Yes, Master peacock!" And popped away, my eyebrow was twitching now.
Xxxxx
I took the little ferret with me to Hogwarts, and delivered him to Snape: "Ah, Severus! Here is your little Snake back, I personally repaired his little snake, so he can put other little snakes on the world. Maybe you can explain to him why his little snake got damaged, so his little snake won't get in trouble again. I doubt Malfoy can afford to lose another elf to pay for the little Snake."
While talking I Cut Transfiguration away from Snape, and Paste it on a pebble. I got quite a collection already. Snape took the ferret to the snake pit while explaining the changes in the dorms.
Xxxxx
In the next class with the second years' Lions and dragons, I tested if they informed Little Malfoy of my Nundu: "Here you are Mr. Malfoy, the coursebook: Seven Years with Lockhart. Book Two: Facing Creatures. This year you will face all kinds of creatures, from Pixies to Nundu's." The Nundu roared from my chamber. I yelled: "Not before Easter! I told you!"
Alright… I vanished the urine, dried his pants, and removed the smell. He stuttered: "A a a Nundu? Are you mad? When my father hears of this…" I said: "Of course when your father hears of it, he will think you are bravely facing the darkest creatures. But my dear little snake, think… look around you… what can you tell me?"
Draco looked around, the lions were choking from laughter, the snakes were smirking at him. He looked at me: "You tricked me. There is no Nundu at all. If there was one, they all would be running to the door."
I gave him my Trade Marked Smile: "Take five points to the snake pit! Now, my little Snake, do some self-study, why did your classmates not warn you for my Nundu? They met him a few weeks ago. What does it say about you, so that they did not even hint about it? Why don't you have any friends?"
I addressed the class: "The house treat of Slytherin is being cunning and ambitious, the Gryffindors are brave and chivalrous. Does that mean Slytherins can't be brave? Or Gryffindors can't be ambitious? It is best you have all traits from the four Houses. So Malfoy, if you were nicer to your housemates, they would have warned you. If you depend on your fathers' reputation and Galleons, you will end up lonely. It applies also to the lions, judging your year mates on the house they are sorted in is plain out stupid. We are the best because we are brave, you are evil because you had dark lords in your house?"
The best defense against the dark arts is having good friends that will help defend yourself against your enemies, no matter what house they are in. Now, open up on page nine-teen, so we can get started."
Bullshitting 54 Teaching 31
Xxxxx
Dungeons went slow, I clearly underestimated teaching. When I started assigning homework, correcting the essay's swallowed my free time. Hermione and several Ravens annoyed me, I ask for a foot, they deliver enough feet to fill a bloody shoe store! Three or four feet was no exception!
The next class I told them: "Ladies and Gentlemen, when I, the Great Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile, and your beloved Defense against the Dark Arts Professor, ask for an essay of one foot long, I will deduct a point for every inch the essay is longer.
Next, just copying text from books doesn't show you understand the topic. Write about it in your own words."
Too bad, I am required to give at least once a month homework to the students.
Xxxxx
Leveling went slow as always, I rotated the dungeons to have some variety, the drops were crappy as always too.
I did notice I became more cold and ruthless. The way I disposed of Dumbledore, even joked about it, is not normal anymore. When you spend hours a day killing Zombies, Goblins, and Orcs, killing Dumbledore was easy, I felt nothing at all, not even anger.
I remembered a friend in my old life, he worked in a slaughterhouse, he told me, that when his dad sends sent their homegrown pigs to the slaughterhouse he had tears in his eyes, now that he was working at it, he could not cry anymore for every pig that passed him by. You become numb or quit the job. Some cope with it by comparing it to harvesting vegetables, and closing their emotions off.
Well, Dumbledore was not a vegetable or animal, I have to do some soul searching to cope with this mindset. It was exactly what I was protecting Little Harry from in the first level. Now someone has to protect me.
On the other hand, he had it coming, he abused his authority to destroy Harry's life, so fuck him.
Snape, you say? He is bullying the son of his bully. A bully that is dead for more than eleven years. A man that is using his position to take revenge on a dead man, by tormenting the son, deserves everything I do to him.
You don't agree? There are enough fan-fics where he and Harry are lovey dovy.
Xxxxx
Enough about that depressing topic, I asked Harry to visit my office, he came with his hangerons. I introduced him to Dobby: "Mister Potter, this here is Dobby, he is the catalyst of everything that happened these months. He tried to protect you by preventing you to board the train. There was a plot from his bad master to bring disaster to you and the school. I managed to prevent it with his help.
Now, I promised him as a reward that he can become your elf. This is an opportunity Mr. Potter, House-elves are quite expensive, and Dobby is eager to be a part of your family."
Hermione was exploding: "Harry! You can't make Dobby a slave! Tell me you are not taking him!"
I interrupted her: "Hold on miss Granger, why do you want for Dobby to die? Are you cruel? I thought you were compassionate about creatures. I am so disappointed in you."
Hermione stammered: "I am not cruel! I want Dobby to be free. Nobody should be a slave." I nodded: "Ah yes, the typical culture difference. Tell me, Miss Granger, what do you know about house-elves? Did you study them? Did you ask a pureblood like Mr. Weasley about them? You have to first gather the data, before forming an opinion."
Ron said: "Hermione, House-elves need our magic to survive. To get it, they need to bind themselves to a family or a place like Hogwarts. When you set them free, they lose their magic and slowly die. We don't have an elf, because mum loves to cook and clean for us. Those are the tasks elves usually do."
Hermione protested: "But that is slavery! It is not right!" I nodded: "Yes, it is slavery. Your mother is your slave, so is your father. Do you pay them? House-elves are part of the family, you insult them if you want to pay them for their work. So would your mother or father, it would mean that you are not viewing them as family."
Harry said: "I would like to have Dobby, but would he be welcome with the Greengrasses?" I turned to Dobby: "Dobby? Can you ask Miss Daphne to come to my office? She can bring a friend along."
Ron protested: "They are snakes!" Coolly I looked at him: "Mr. Weasley, you clearly did not pay attention in class. Look through history, the Dark Lords came from all houses. Dumbledore was a Gryffindor and was worse than Voldemort. Are you evil? Tell me, don't you have any ambitions? Become a quidditch player? Marry and have children?"
He sure is not going to be a professor, I already can tell him that. Maybe he got dropped on his head as a baby? Well, he is not my problem.
The two snakes came in, Daphne and Tracey, I explained the situation, and let Harry ask his question. Harry: "Miss Greengrass? Is it alright that I take Dobby as my House-elf? He really wants to be my elf, but I live with your family now, so I have to get your permission."
Daphne sighed: "Potter, first of all, call me Daphne, and Tracey here. Any elf that wants to be a part of your family should be accepted just for the fact that they want to be a part of the family. House-elves are scarce these days, and quite expensive because families rarely want to part with them."
Harry nodded: "Alright Daphne, call me Harry, and this is Ron and Hermione. Dobby? I want to accept you in my family. How do I do that?" Dobby was ecstatic: "Master Harry needs to put his hand on Dobby's head and tell he wants Dobby in the family. Then Dobby says he wants to be in Master Harry's family."
Manipulating 43
Optional Quest completed
Quest: Make Dobby Harry's elf
Reward: +15% to the next level
Xxxxx
Stingy bastards. After that day they were often spotted together, Daphne and Tracey were explaining the pureblood noble houses customs, Hermione tried explaining the upper-middle-class muggles customs. Ron explained the Weasley customs, that was a special set. Harry reluctantly revealed some of his home life.
He got his first hugs from three girls, he kind of liked it.
At the end of September on a Saturday, Sirius Black got his trial. There was not much Fudge or Malfoy could do to prevent it. Madam Bones was on a warpath, more so because she got an anonymous letter about Barty Crouch Junior.
When the rat came on trial, the imperioused death-eaters became nervous. Pettigrew was up til the trial hidden in a secret location, Bones manor, dungeon, in a rat cage. The questions revealed the truth about the extent of the betrayal. The crimes that Dumbledore was responsible for made me feel bad for killing him too fast. I delivered my Trade Marked Smile when they gave me credit for capturing Pettigrew. Peter and Barty Jr. got a kiss, Barty Senior life in Askaban, and Sirius a hefty sum for the inconvenience.
Optional Quests completed:
Quests: Free Sirius Black, Get Pettigrew, and Barty Jr. kissed Imprison Crouch Sr.
Reward: +45% to the next level.
So a total of 60%? not so bad. I am glad there is not a time limit on this level, changing the wizarding world on a time limit is crazy.
Xxxxx
A troubling development was my sixth-years, they tried to ambush me three or four times a week in an attempt to steal my magic. The troubling part of it is that they were all females taking a peek at my nightly actions.
You know me, I am the Great Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile, Play Witch Monthly's most used fantasy (Day or Night), and the most loved Defense against the Dark Arts Professor up to now. I love to spread my knowledge, share my best techniques, so I introduced all my fellow colleague teachers to the night sky above my bed.
Of course, I had my back to it, after all, I see it every night. They all came for a visit, even miss Cherry-bottle.
My sixth-years stopped peeking when they spotted me with McGonagall, Sprout, and Pomfrey. I could understand it, after watching me chained to the bed, with three SM mistresses in black leather around me, it was too much to take in. I used a lot of lube that night.
I agree, I miscalculated that too. It bloody hurt like hell. I did not count for the years they spend repressed by the old goat. For once I wished they took Snape for that stress release.
Hidden Quest completed:
Quest: Bed all female teachers before Christmas.
Reward: +1 Endurance
Huh? Stingy bastards are trolling me! That night with those three deserved bloody more than that! It even left those sixth-year students traumatized for life! They could not look at me for days, and you know how I crave attention.
New Skill: Whining 5
Xxxxx
The next day I Paste Whining onto Snape. Yep, keep the good get rid of the bad. My life philosophy… Nah, most of the time I don't even know what I am doing.
Minerva got appointed as Headmistress, we got a new transfiguration teacher, Miss Dodge. That night was the first night the sixth-years came peeking again, Miss Dodge was a 9.8 on a scale of ten. Those girls were turning into little perverts. I found out they warded my corridor to identify who is visiting me. Probably to avoid McGonagall.
The seventh-years were having a hard time. News of their annual task got to the Daily Rubbish and smeared it out into a hot topic for the whole country. The controversy between the light and dark was openly discussed.
I fucke… convinced Rita into doing impartial research, with clues I provided to her. Although I advised her to publish it under a pseudonym.
Xxxxx
With Kitty's permission and a little help from the elves, we transformed seven empty classrooms close to the library into a meeting place for students of the same grade. To do homework and socialize.
Hmm, what else has the fantastic Lockhart had to do to get more attentio… to help his Students? Ah! The dueling club! I doubt Snape will volunteer to be my assistant, the poor lad is spending his evenings to relearn his Skills. In the end, I convinced Vectra, Babbling, Sinistra, and the lovely Dodge to agree to be my honey traps. The boys are attracted to the eye candy, and the girls are interested in the Skills they could learn.
Flitwick agreed to a demonstration match with me. Boy, I was glad I copied his Skill in Dueling. I could barely hold him off. He was a bloody Yoda on steroids, the little bastard was targeting my hair, and stained my Apple Green battle robes. That day the Goblins received a lot of respect. I needed an hour to get my hair back to perfection.
Xxxxx
On Halloween, I escorted Harry to Godrick's Hallow, to visit his parents grave. Sirius Black was waiting for us, the Greengrasses as well. Astoria rushed in Harry's arms for a hug. Excited she was explaining the spells she already could do with her mother's old wand. Hand in hand they walked to the adults.
Sirius approached Harry: "Harry? I am sorry I wasn't there for you. I was blinded from rage and went after the rat instead of taking care of you. I'll promise that I will make you my top priority from now on." He turned to me: "Mr. Lockhart, I am in your debt, name your price and it is yours."
I raised my perfectly trimmed eyebrow: "Really?" Black swallowed: "Anything."
I grinned evilly: "Oh my dear Lord Black, that is an open invitation to get abused. You won't like what I am going to ask."
I turned to Lord Greengrass and asked: "Lord Greengrass, having House Black in your alliance and Lord Black in his wizengamot seat, should help you a lot. Doesn't it?" Lord Greengrass nodded: "House Black was well respected, it will also remove Malfoy as the proxy, and give legality to the alliance with the House Potter- Longbottom group."
Sirius paled: "No… You expect me to sit in the Wizengamot? Do you know how boring these meetings are?" I shrugged: "In those boring meetings are the laws decided for the following years. Currently, they are repressing the werewolves, I am certain you have an opinion on that topic."
Harry followed the conversation until Lady Greengrass guided Harry to his parent's grave: "Harry, I know that this is your first visit here, but I promise we will visit whenever you want." Harry was between Astoria and Lady Greengrass, holding both hands, taking comfort from it.
Now, I can scare the crap out of them and summon the Potters, but that would be overkill. Another thought of giving Harry the ring and wand are discarded too. It would paint a big target on his back. I'll better wait a few years.
Xxxxx
Two hours later we returned to Hogwarts. He smiled at me and said: "Thank you for everything, Professor. You are the Greatest to me." In the Great Hall, he joined his friends, soon he was losing his sad mood and enjoyed the feast.
Xxxxx
That night when the professors went back to their room, I went into the Orc dungeon and reached lvl 17.
I analyzed my behavior and feelings. The constant killing and battles were taking a toll on me, the only things that are keeping me somewhat sane are the evenings with the colleagues, and the satisfaction of teaching the children.
What came out is the fact that I won't kill anymore out of the dungeons. The fact that I killed Dumbledore in cold blood spooked me. Although I am not convinced this is a real-world, it feels bloody real to me. So go mad in the dungeons and fuck the professors in between. And avoid those crazy crones with their whips.
Well… life is good because I am the Great Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile, Play Witch Monthly's most used fantasy, and the most loved Defense against the Dark Arts Professor up to date.
Bullshitting 55 Bragging 34