Luo Hao: "[Picture] This guy."
Miyuki Uchiha: "Even though he got beaten so badly you can't even recognize his species anymore… yeah, that's Sanshōu Hanzo.
Miyuki Uchiha: "The so-called 'demigod' of Amegakure. Poor guy — unlucky enough to run into Luo Hao-san of all people."
Nerona Jaeger: "Yeah… that's some absolutely catastrophic luck."
Yamamoto Mei: "Everyone has their destiny. Honestly, surviving even a few minutes against Luo Hao? Hanzo should already feel honored."
Luo Hao: "This man is a demigod? Seriously? This level?"
She stared down at Hanzo, who lay crumpled like someone had rage-quit life mid-battle.
She truly could not understand how anyone ever called this man a "demigod."
Peak power of the Naruto world = planetary destruction, right?
Could he even blow up a mountain?
A hill?
A morally questionable boulder?
Luo Hao didn't know the horrors of shonen power scaling creep.
Back in early Naruto, the Third Hokage was hyped as "God of Shinobi," Kakuzu claimed he fought Hashirama (he threw shuriken at a wood clone from long distance and ran away), and everything was exaggerated like a bad MMO trailer.
Nerona Jaeger: "Just think of it as… overhyped marketing. You know—like video game ads. Legally allowed to lie."
Luo Hao: "Hmm. Yes, that sounds correct."
Miyuki Uchiha: "…Poor Hanzo. But honestly, I'm even more pitiful than him after Kushina abandoned me."
Luo Hao: "So, what do we do with him?"
She pinged the chat.
Luo Hao: "@Jaeger — the kill is yours if you want it. He's still a 'legend.' Good chance he becomes a Noble Phantasm."
Nerona Jaeger: "Oh? Thanks a lot, Miss Luo Hao."
Luo Hao: "No need for gratitude among friends. And call me Luo Hao — or Cuilian, if you prefer."
Miyuki Uchiha: "...…"
Nerona Jaeger: "...…I'll stick with Luo Hao. 'Cuilian' feels wrong on 37 different levels."
Luo Hao: "Call me whatever you like. A name is merely a label."
As they chatted, she dragged Hanzo's limp body over.
"Tch. Seriously unlucky," Miyuki muttered, staring at Hanzo's hopeless state.
"Born in a tiny country, bullied by the big nations, finally gets famous… then meets an actual god-killer from another universe. What rotten RNG."
"You Konoha people were part of the ones bullying the Land of Rain," Jaeger deadpanned.
He brushed past her and casually pulled a plain sword from his Divine Treasury.
Fssht—
A single, clean slash.
Thus ended Sanshōu Hanzo — the 'demigod' who once granted the Sannin their titles.
Miyuki brightened a bit.
"Well, with Hanzo dead, Akatsuki can take over Amegakure way earlier. Might save the country from becoming a permanent war zone."
"Forget that boring man," Luo Hao said. "I want to see the Noble Phantasm. When someone is slain and their myth is reborn — what did you get this time?"
Jaeger scratched his cheek awkwardly.
"Uh… hard to explain."
He whispered the name:
"Come, Demigod."
Hummmmmm—
Golden light gathered.
A figure slowly appeared…
Miyuki screamed instantly:
"I–IS THAT GOLDEN TWINKLE GIL?!"
Even Yamamoto Mei froze in the live chat.
Yamamoto Mei: "…Isn't that just Hanzo… dipped in gold?"
Sure enough, Hanzo stood there — a fully gilded version.
Skin, clothes, eyes — every pixel gold.
A walking luxury item.
It was so sparkly Miyuki's brain defaulted to Gilgamesh.exe.
Jaeger sent the Noble Phantasm info:
『Come, Demigod』
Level: 1
Category: Summoning Noble Phantasm (Permanent)
Attack Range: None
By slaying Sanshōu Hanzo — dubbed a 'demigod' — and using Hermes' divine power, a fantasy weapon was created.
Activating it summons a younger, stronger Hanzo permanently under Jaeger's command.
"It's… not that useful," Miyuki said, failing to hide her grin.
Esdeath: "Indeed. Even upgraded Hanzo is mid-tier compared to Jaeger's other Noble Phantasm."
Tohsaka Sakura: "It's okay! Jaeger-nii will definitely get even better treasures later!"
Nerona Jaeger: "I'll borrow your luck, Sakura-chan. You're extra cute today."
Tohsaka Sakura: "Hehe~ Jaeger-nii is super handsome too!"
After flirting, Jaeger smirked at Miyuki.
"Who said this Noble Phantasm is useless?"
"I did!" Miyuki stomped.
"He's not handsome, not impressive — just a random golden NPC! He's practically treasury clutter!"
Jaeger tilted his head.
"Kings need kings. Chefs need chefs. You only judge by appearance and brute strength."
Ignoring her protests, he turned to Golden Hanzo.
"From now on, you are Sanshōu Hanzo — awakened Sage Mode version.
Find and bring the entire Akatsuki Organization under our command."
Golden Hanzo knelt.
"As you command, my lord!"
He sped off like a golden missile.
"…Akatsuki Organization…" Miyuki whispered.
Then her eyes widened in horror.
She pointed at Jaeger with trembling fingers.
"Y–You — you — your target isn't Konan, right?!"
Jaeger simply smiled.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Miyuki collapsed dramatically.
How did she forget?!
If Hanzo lived and obeyed, he could gather Akatsuki far earlier and Konan, her future waifu, would be right within Jaeger's reach!!
Her heart shattered into confetti.
"No time to waste!" Miyuki suddenly yelled.
"If we delay any longer, who knows how many more of my future waifus Jaeger will steal!"
She pointed dramatically at the horizon.
"Saint Jaeger! Take Utaha-senpai and Kushina to find the Third Raikage!
I'll go straight to Iwagakure with Luo Hao-san!
MOVE MOVE MOVE! GO GO GO!"
•••
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