Well, alright.
That's mean, he's not weak.
That's not the word.
My feet push against the ground, twisting my entire torso to give a small thrust on his shield. Another one. And another one. He meet all my thrusts with well timed pushes to avoid being pushed back.
It's not that he's weak. No, that would be a lie. And even if the coiling in my gut is deflating like a balloon, I can still focus on my priorities.
Finding information.
He's just like before? I think?
Yeah, that would be the better word.
It's not like he's weak, or anything like that. It's just that....I mean, do you remember when me and balrow sparred the first time?
Seperating my spear from his shield. I do a big pull behind me, giving him a lot of space to get closer to me, he does. My feet slam against the ground, energy flow inside my waist. He push forward, and he's greeted with a front kick, right on his shield.
He get pushed back. And I do too.
You knoooow it! Yes, like, when we were in the hearth room.
You remember right?
Well, it's kinda like that. It's not like he's weak, it's more like. He's like before? Like, he's not stronger.
It's not like he directly unlocked a crazy shit like jenna, he's just...like usual.
My back foot push back and hop a bit to help me keep my footing. Walking forward carefully, still in my stance. Doing some kind of rudimentary footwork. I engage again, keeping balrow at bay.
That's what's happening.
He's just good old barlow.
The curling of hunger in my body is...confused? The burn in my body slowly die down. My excitation die down. It's not dead, but it's dying.
Why? Because it's dissapointing!
What about me!? My future power boost!? The potential power that should be mine!? What the fuck am I saying!?
Focusing back on balrow as he push forward, I do three small and fast thrust he's forced to hold on before he advance.
Fuck, what am I thinking!?
What the fuck did I do? Urgh, fuck. Did I lose myself again?
Damn, this shit is happening more and more often since...pushing that hought away, the burning in my body die down even faster.
Turning around and trying to attack balrow on the side give me an idea, though. A big idea.
Like a cancer, it come back. This feeling, this desire. And it come back hard.
My body thrust my spear hard enough to push back balrow. Taking a step to the side, my body twist.
The burn fuel my muscles, my mind, my creativity.
A piece of cloth appear right in front of my belly, the end of my twist allow me to punch said cloth. Not punch per se, more like grabbing so fast it look like I punched it. Keeping the cloth tight in my hand, I blitz forward and throw the piece of cloth over me, over us. Over balrow upper body. Over balrow face.
Maybe this skill has a different meaning? The coil in my guts patheticly try to stay alive, giving me ideas.
Maybe it's different? Defense is a broad term? Maybe he's just better at keeping his shield up in unconventional situation?
My spear lower itself down, I give him the weakest, small tap on his calf. He can't protect as he throw the clothes that got tangled on his shield and head behind him.
....maybe...maybe it's something else?
The coil in my guts, look so pathetic right now. But I listen.
"Alright, wait here" my hand come up, raised, showing that we're done.
"What's the name of the skill exactly"
He give a glance behind at the piece of cloth, he definetly didn't expect that, I didn't too to be honest. The coiling in my gut can be useful sometimes.
Wouldn't have dared to use that mid fight to be honest.
"the towering mountain shield form"
The fuck is that, what could it improve maybe he's just mor-! "Level 3"
What?
My eyes lock up on balrow, my throat feel tight. The curiosity making my hunger louder. "Level 3? When, what? You never tested it before right!?"
He look at me, up and down, as if he was wondering something "no."
What the fuck!? Turning on myself one big time I ask something "did it level up when we were sparring?" He shake his head "no."
WHAT!?
"Did....did you get the skill at level 3?" He nod "yes"
WHAT THE FUCK!? THE HELL!? THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN!?
Should have asked him more even clearer questions.
Pushing my hands up on my head, I do my best to figure out this mystery.
Did he get it at level 3 before his skill was already at this level? But how does the system categorize competence? Is a skill just like...I don't know, a proof? Like something you can brag about? Like.
Hey you!
Be careful booooy.
I have the towering mountain at level 32! You won't be able to fight me!
Or some shit like that!?
But what happened with jenna? Is she just a fucking genius!? Or like, did she gain her newbie gains and the system helped her or!?
Argh! That's annoying, that's really annoying. Should I even bother testing more things?
My mind keep running. Wondering if I should. Wondering if I wasn't just wrong since the start.
It keeps running. Just like that. Silently, just as I decide to try something else.
I take two steps forward, my spear dissapear. My hand wave at balrow "take your stance"
He does, when I'm just in front of him. I stop. Lift my hands and grab his shield.
"Resist me" he nod back.
When he's secure and solids, I push as hard as I can. Seeing if I can push him.
My feet dig in the ground, pushing my muscles to the max, it's hard when he resist.
But yes, I can push him a bit.
Seperating myself from him, a big sigh escape me.
He's not that strong, it's possible to push him...
Are skills useless???
And my mind keep rushing. Going toward a much simpler solution. A solution that, between all the chaos and desire for power. I completly ignored.
Worse. One I completly forgot about.
And it's not like it's a complicated one, I was just blinded.
He look at me, an eyebrow raised, asking silently what I think.
And what I think.
What I think is that there is another problem. Another major problem I didn't even considered.
He's not that stronger than before.
Yes.
But let's think of it like that.
My hand come up to wipe my face in bored annoyance, the coiling in my gut settle itself back.
Secure. Weaker, but secure.
Urghhhhhh, I'm soooo dumb.
I acted like a crazy motherfuker to test that skill, and talked about how he's not stronger than before.
But like, that's not the right word to use. It's a misleading word. A fake word.
One look to the left, one to the right.
Don't pay attention to me, I'm just trying to escape this dumb realization.
It's a really dumb mistake.
My coils of hunger can be useful sometimes. But one of the reason I hate them just prop up in front of me again.
I can't say that this skill is useless, or that it's useful to be honest.
I can't say anything!
Because, I just can't! I literally can't!
My hand come up to rest on balrow shoulder "Balrow"
"Yes."
"I have no idea what your skill did"
He stare at me and blink.
I DON'T KNOW HOW STRONG HE WAS! I NEVER FUCKING DID!
I'm basing myself on a random spar! A random fucking spar we did days ago, one I wasn't focused on. I was just focused on wondering if my spear would dissapear mid fight.
I never did tests with him.
I don't have concrete proof that he stayed the same, got weaker, or stronger, or whatever.
I literally can't say anything. That's the answer, that's the thing I was so blind to see in the middle of my raging hardon for a power boost.
Litterally have NOTHING to compare his current self to.
This fucking spar barely count!
And the coiling in my gut is happy, secure.
Doesn't matter that it blinded me. No. That's my problem to clean up, like always.
It's just there, secure knowing that I didn't managed to get any concrete answer to the skill question.