Sunday, February 27, 2005
I hadn't been to the Makah rez in a while, but Emily had asked if I could come over and help her with the girls for a bit. She was babysitting her nieces today; Cora, who was four going forty, and little Claire, who had recently discovered the joy of standing on her own two wobbly feet.
When I walked into the house, Emily was half-crouched behind Claire like a goalie waiting for a penalty kick. The baby toddled from the coffee table to the couch, arms spread like she was trying to hug the air. Emily let out a sigh of relief.
"She's been driving me crazy," Emily said as we settled at the table. "Now that she can hold onto furniture, she thinks she can run without it too. I swear, if I blink too much she'll crack her head open on something."
I chuckled. "That sounds just like Seth, he used to give mom heart attacks daily."
Emily shot me a look, but the twitch at the corner of her mouth betrayed her amusement. "Fortunately Cora helps a lot. She's really mature, she even scolds Claire before I can."
I glanced over at the girls. Cora was sitting cross-legged on the rug, eyes glued to the TV, occasionally reaching to steady Claire whenever she wandered too close. "She's a better babysitter than half the adults on the rez."
Emily rolled her eyes but smiled. "Okay, enough about the girls." She leaned forward, eyes sparkling with gossip. "How did your date go?"
Just the word date made something warm unfurl in my chest. Before I could stop myself, I smiled like an idiot, "it was good."
Emily gasped. "Just good? Leah, please. That smile says it was more than just good."
I hadn't even realized I was smiling until she pointed it out. I pressed my lips together, trying, and failing to hide it. "Fine. It was… very good. We went to the movies. We messed around the whole time. It was easy. Relaxing. Like… there was no pressure at all."
I fiddled with a napkin, tearing the edge of it. "When I was with Sam-" I said the name like I was spitting out a bug. "-I never felt like I could be myself. I was always forcing myself to act… normal. Soft. Girly." I gestured at Emily. "Basically I tried to act like you."
She froze, and my stomach tightened as a thought hit me, ugly but true. "Maybe that's why he chose you in the end."
Emily's eyes widened slightly, but I met her gaze and held it. "But you know what? I'm kind of glad he did. If he hadn't, I wouldn't have met Mike. And he actually likes my real personality." I snorted. "Can you believe that?"
Emily's expression softened. "There's nothing wrong with your personality."
I barked a laugh. "Yeah, because attracting more girls than boys is definitely normal."
Emily burst out laughing. "To be fair, half the girls in the school had a crush on you at some point."
"Please don't remind me."
She looked over her shoulder again to check the girls, then her expression shifted, more careful, more serious. "Leah… Sam came back yesterday."
My spine straightened instinctively.
I waited for the usual sharp sting to hit me. The old mix of humiliation, betrayal, anger.
But instead… there was only irritation. Some simmering anger. Nothing more.
"Do you need help dealing with him?" I asked bluntly. "I can put him in his place if you want. Or we can call Nora."
Emily actually laughed softly at that, rubbing her forehead. "God, imagine Nora dealing with Sam… She'd skin him alive."
"No lies detected."
She sobered. "There's no need. He came to apologize. I didn't want to open the door, but he stayed outside for hours. Kneeling. Refusing to leave."
I blinked. "Seriously?"
Emily nodded slowly. "He looked awful. Like he hadn't eaten in days. His clothes were wrinkled. His eyes were so red… he could've passed for a homeless man."
That image was so absurd I didn't know whether to laugh or feel sorry for him.
"He told me he knew he didn't deserve forgiveness." Emily's voice trembled. "He even…" She swallowed. "He even offered to take his own life if it would make me feel better."
I froze, the air punching out of my lungs. Emily wiped at her cheek, embarrassed at the tear.
I could tell there was more she wasn't saying, but I didn't push. Emily shared things at her own pace. Always had.
"So what did you do?" I asked gently.
She hesitated. Then nodded as if deciding something.
"I forgave him."
I stared at her. Not judging, just taking it in.
"I couldn't let him keep… breaking himself," she whispered. "And I don't hate him. I know I should after everything that happened. But I don't. I can't. Is there something wrong with me?"
My chest tightened. I reached out and squeezed her hand.
"There's nothing wrong with you," I said softly. "This is who you are, Em. You don't have a mean bone in your body." I snorted. "You never did. Remember when we were little? You forgave every kid who bullied you. Every single one. Right after I beat the crap out of them."
Emily chuckled wetly. "I remember. You were my tiny, furious guard dog."
"Still am," I said, managing a smile. "Just taller."
We sat quietly for a moment, her holding back tears, me squeezing her hand, and the girls laughing at something on TV.
It was… peaceful. And complicated. But mostly peaceful.
…
Wednesday, March 2, 2005 - 9:35 AM
The hallway is loud, crowded, and somehow still boring. Bella and I are leaning against the lockers during the short break before class, just killing time. I take one look at her sulking over her books and sigh.
"So Eddie boy is ignoring you again?" I say. "How many times does that make it?"
Bella drags a hand down her face. "I lost count after reaching the double digits." She groans softly. "I'm this close to giving up on him and just accepting one of the other guys' invitations to the dance. And I don't dance."
"Two left feet, I know," I tease.
She rolls her eyes, but not in a mean way.
"Well, then how about you go with me?" I suggested.
Bella freezes. Her face goes pale like I just confessed my undying love. "You too? Mike, I thought we…"
"No, no, no, stop!" I practically choke on my own spit waving my hands. "Not like that! I mean as friends. I… I have a girlfriend." My voice drops into a panic. "I think she's my girlfriend. I mean, I haven't asked her formally, oh god, I should do that soon. What if she changes her mind and decides I'm too stupid and…"
"Mike." Bella puts a hand on my arm. "Breathe."
Right. Air. Good idea.
She waits until I'm not hyperventilating and asks, "So if you already have someone, why ask me to the dance?"
"Well," I say, rubbing the back of my neck, "the dance is for students only, so Leah can't come. And I was thinking we could go together so people stop pestering us with invitations. I've already rejected like ten girls, and Jessica keeps giving me this look like she's waiting for me to cave."
Bella grimaces sympathetically.
"And," I continue, "you can use it to give Edward a wake-up call. Dude can't keep giving you emotional whiplash forever."
Bella bites her lip, thinking. For a second she looks exhausted, like she's tired of waiting for the universe (or Edward Cullen) to make sense.
Finally she exhales. "You know what? Fine. Let's do it. I'll go with you." She squints at me. "But don't complain when I step on your feet."
I grin. "No worries. I can just lift you and sway you around like a dad dancing with his kid."
Bella snorts and gives me a once-over. "Honestly? With your stupid height, that's probably exactly how it'll look. What are you eating to keep growing like that? How tall are you now?"
"Six-nine as of this morning," I say casually. Then I add with a smirk, "The perfect number."
Bella's face bursts into a bright blush.
"Oho? Is that a blush I see? Bella Swan, how dirty."
She smacks my arm hard, but I barely feel it. "Stop being such an idiot!"
"Can't," I say proudly. "It's part of my essence, that word was made just for me."
Despite herself, Bella laughs.
Then she suddenly goes quiet beside me. The kind of quiet where she's clearly thinking herself in circles. Finally she glances up at me with an uncertain look.
"Hey, Mike… can I ask you something?"
I raise a brow. "Sure. What's up?"
She hesitates, always a bad sign, then leans in slightly. "What do you think of the Cullens?"
"…What do you mean?" I ask slowly.
She darts a look around the hallway, checking for eavesdroppers. Nobody's close enough to hear, but she lowers her voice to a whisper nonetheless.
"Haven't you noticed anything weird about them? Like how they never eat…"
I snort lightly. "Or how their every move looks rehearsed? Their blinks are perfectly timed, their breathing never changes…" I pause, remembering. "I'm pretty sure I saw Emmett not breathing for over five minutes once. Scared the hell out of me, I thought he'd died standing up."
Bella's eyes widen in relief. "Exactly! Thank God, I thought I was losing my mind."
Her shoulders loosen, like she'd been carrying that worry around for days.
"And the other day," she continues, "I touched Edward's hand and it was freezing. But the moment I mentioned it he pulled away like… like he was hiding something."
I meet her gaze, serious now. "There's definitely something off about them. But…" I exhale through my nose. "I don't think you should go poking around trying to figure it out. They deserve their privacy. And if Edward wants you to know, he'll tell you eventually."
Bella deflates a little, like I popped her investigative balloon. "I know, but I just-" she presses her lips together "-I can't help it. And it feels like Edward is daring me to investigate. Like he wants me to know but… just can't say it."
That makes my stomach twist. Because she's right, Edward does want her to know. And once she does… her life will become something completely different. Dangerous. Way too dangerous for a human girl. To me she's not just a character from the books I read in my past life anymore, she's my friend, and I don't wish to see her hurt.
"Bella…" I say quietly, unsure how much I can risk revealing. "Just promise me you'll be careful, okay? Really careful."
She blinks at the earnestness in my voice, taken aback. For a moment I swear she's studying me, wondering if I know more than I should. But then she simply nods. "I will."
…
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