Wake up, school, lunch, school, home, games, anime, sleep mode, and repeat. That was my life for two weeks now. I've actually felt human, I haven't felt this human since before I became a tenno, I remembered the classes, the teachers, the subjects, friends.
Then the "jump" happened, and my life was thrown into disarray. It was kill or be killed from then on out.
I chose to kill. How many have I killed? Hundreds? Thousands? No, it was far more. Perhaps into the millions now. I myself helped in one full genocide. And was basically leading another one against the infestation.
How many Grineer have I killed? Corpus?
I couldn't even count, couldn't even look them in the eyes, usually. And while I hid in my warframes, drowning my emotions of grief and guilt in alcohol.
I only had one companion, Ordis, my orbiter's sentient AI.
He was damaged slightly, after years of unmoving silence. But when I returned he was there, he welcomed me with open arms. He was happy to see me again.
And now I was gone again. Not a goodbye.
Not a word. Just gone.
I was guilty. I knew it was bad for mental health, but I could never run away from the guilt. Not with alcohol, not with new friends.
I started distancing myself from my peers. I did not deserve friends. I did not deserve kindness.
I was a monster in human skin.
Even now, I was puppeteering an unknown body.
A body of someone who had a life, the life that was ripped away, most likely by my own arrival.
I didn't go outside. I went to class at least.
The teacher was silently observing me, watching every movement. Just like Joseph and Uzi had started.
Any attempts to hang out were rejected.
I hurriedly left the classes before they could try and "force" me to join.
I started drinking again. Everyday. Less than what happened on my birthday, but it was still an unhealthy amount. I thought I ran away from the guilt and grief after arriving here. But it was just hiding this whole time, ramping up its ammunition against me.
And it hit like 20 vectis shots at once.
My small laughs were replaced by my usual Silence. Optics unmoving, mouth unmoving unless talking.
I was like a machine. I was numb from this hell.
I couldn't even look at Doll's optics for a moment.
I could have avenged her parents.
I could have killed V.
Let Doll finally rest easy, knowing that her parents' killer was dead. But I didn't. Because, just because of Joseph.
I listened to him, purposefully spared the murder drones, risking my own life. Just because of him.
My confusion turned into questions, the questions into anger, the anger into unrest. And then, it turned into indifference. Why should I care? Why should I care about some girl's parents I could have avenged? Why should I care what Joseph's plans were? And the answer I came, each answered in the same manner. I shouldn't, that was my answer to all these questions. And so I didn't ask questions, didn't apologize, didn't care about their opinions of me.
Why should I care for the thoughts of machines?
What did it matter if they were sentient? They were machines, coded, programmed. Body parts? Replaceable.
Feelings? Fake. Gender? Changed from a single setting and hair. They were machines. Artificial. Metal.
And I.. I was flesh. Real. Biological. My thoughts? My brain. My limbs? Irreplaceable. Gender? Final.
Could you argue that they were superior? Practically immortal? Yes. Did it change the facts?
My answer was no.
And so I started leaving the bunker.
Each day I was let outside, I worked, struggled, and sweated.
I was making a new base. No longer would I be on a leash by machines. No longer would I follow their pathetic attempts at replicating humanity.
I was human. I had the will, the blood, the mind to prove it.
And suddenly, I was inside Joseph's hab. Helping the others prepare a birthday party for him. I observed everyone, my mind working, examining everyone. I have been doing it the whole time I had the realization.
I observed the smiles, the laughs, the whispers.
And couldn't deny that they were just replicating humans.
The only exclusions I noticed were Joseph, Uzi, and the murder drones. They were different.
They acted differently. Behaved differently.
They felt like actual people, trapped inside metal casings.
I brushed away the disgusting thought.
I slightly leaned to the side, I had a little too much today.
Hopefully, no one would notice.
Finally, I helped Lizzy put up the "Happy birthday, Joe!" Banner. My thoughts unchanging, expression unmoved.
I didn't even need the PNG anymore. My expression always remained blank, no matter what.
Then everyone hid behind furniture, I myself remained to the side of the door, an obvious blind spot from the location of the door.
Then Joseph entered, the birthday boy himself.
He seemed taken aback for a split second. Then his expression turned neutral.
The talks started, and everyone stated what they did. I myself remained quiet. I studied Joseph's expression.
Looking for that small hidden glimmer of humanity hidden away. And then I saw it, a few tears formed on his visor.
And then he sniffled. And I knew, Joseph was definitely different from the other drones.
Then the glimmer of humanity was hidden once again.
And the talking started.
And then the party started. I refused the cake. Just gave Joseph his present, which, of course, was the usual amount of requisitions. I stayed a bit longer and then excused myself. Leaving the party straight for my home.