The first thing Kaito noticed when he woke up was the sound.
It wasn't the gentle rhythm of Mai making breakfast, nor the low hum of his refrigerator. It was a new sound, and a profoundly irritating one: a muffled sob, coming from the closet by the front door.
He opened his eyes. The morning sun was barely filtering through the curtains. The peace of his morning routine was gone before it even began. He sat up on his beanbag chair, sleeping bag pooling around his legs, and just stared at the closet door.
The door creaked open.
Fia emerged. Her divine dress was crumpled. Her bubblegum-pink hair, usually in perfect curls, looked like a bird's nest. A red mark creased her cheek from where she'd clearly slept pressed against the inner wall. She looked less like a goddess and more like an anime mascot that had spent the night on the street.
She spotted him. Her electric-blue eyes widened, and she sniffled, visibly trying to compose herself. "G-Good morning, Chosen One!" she said, her voice hoarse. "The System recommends a 'Morning Morale Boost' to optimize the start of the daily cycle!"
Kaito didn't answer. He just stared, his expression blank, masking the wave of pure annoyance rolling through him.
The bedroom door opened and Mai came out, already dressed in casual clothes. She looked well-rested, but her shoulders slumped in resignation at the sight of Fia emerging from the closet.
"Morning," Mai said softly to Kaito, before turning to the goddess. "Fia... did you... sleep well?"
"Sleep in a confined, unventilated space is suboptimal for mana regeneration!" Fia declared, before her lower lip trembled. "And it was dark!"
Kaito pushed himself up and headed for the bathroom, pointedly ignoring them both. He needed silence.
When he came out a few minutes later, the scene in his small living room had shifted. Mai was sitting at the kotatsu, reading. Fia, however, was standing in the doorway of his tiny kitchen, hands on her hips, an expression of intense concentration on her face.
"What are you doing?" Kaito asked, his voice flat.
Fia turned, a determined smile snapping into place. "I am returning your... hospitality! And fulfilling my primary function! The System indicates that sharing a meal increases 'Affinity' by up to 15%! Therefore, as your Guide, I have prepared breakfast!"
Kaito's stomach clenched, not with hunger, but with pure dread. He glanced at Mai, who looked up from her book with an expression that screamed, I tried to stop her.
He rounded the table and peered into the kitchen.
On the small counter, Fia had arranged the ingredients as if they were RPG inventory items. There was a pile of eggs. Beside it, a small note written in her flowery handwriting: "Egg (Common Item): Rank-D Protein Source. Restores 5 Stamina Points." There was also bread ("Simple Carbohydrate: Temporary Energy Bonus") and a salt shaker ("Essential Mineral: +2 Flavor Bonus").
"The plan is logically flawless," Fia explained proudly. "I will combine these items to create 'Divine Scrambled Eggs,' a recipe that guarantees a +10 Happiness buff for three hours!"
"Fia, maybe I should do it," Mai offered, starting to stand.
"Absolutely not!" Fia said, holding out a hand to stop her. "This is a Guide's task! Observe and learn, mortals!"
Kaito decided the result would be, if nothing else, instructive. He leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms. "Proceed."
Fia picked up an egg. She examined it. "First: content extraction." Instead of cracking it on the bowl, she held it in her palm and closed her eyes. "Divine Skill: 'Essence Extraction'!"
A faint golden light enveloped her hand. The egg trembled. Then, with a wet plop, the shell disintegrated into dust, the yolk and white dropping perfectly into the bowl.
"See? Efficiency!" Fia celebrated.
She repeated the process with three more eggs. Kaito noticed the fine layer of eggshell dust now coating the entire counter, but he said nothing.
"Now, the mixing!" Fia announced. She picked up a fork, then wrinkled her nose. "Too much manual effort." She put the fork aside, pointed a finger at the bowl, and muttered, "Small Mixing Vortex!"
A small air current formed inside the bowl, whisking the eggs at an impressive speed. So impressive, in fact, that half the mixture shot out of the bowl, splattering the wall and Fia's face.
She blinked, a string of yolk dripping down her cheek. "...Calibration needs adjustment," she admitted.
"Fia..." Mai began, her voice tight with worry.
"The final step!" Fia announced, ignoring her, desperate to salvage the mission. "Heat application!"
She eyed the gas stove with disdain. "Primitive technology." She shoved the frying pan aside. Then, she extended both hands over the bowl with the remaining eggs.
"Kaito, I think you should stop her," Mai said, taking a hesitant step forward.
"No," Kaito replied, his eyes glued to the scene. "I want to see this."
"Divine Energy... Focus...!" Fia muttered, sweat beading on her forehead. A sphere of hot, white light began to form between her palms, hovering directly over the bowl. The light grew brighter and brighter. The smell of ozone filled the kitchen. The eggs in the bowl began to sizzle and bubble.
"It's working!" Fia shouted in triumph. "Instant-Cook!"
The sphere of light pulsed, once, twice. And then, Kaito, with his vast experience in observing failure patterns, noticed a slight tremor in Fia's hand. Her concentration wavered.
The result was immediate.
The unstable sphere of light collapsed. There wasn't a deafening explosion, just a dull, wet FUMP.
Egg.
Egg everywhere.
The shockwave of half-cooked yolk and white hit the ceiling. It splattered the walls. It coated the cabinets. Chunks of cosmic omelet stuck in Fia's hair. The entire kitchen was covered in a thin, yellow film of breakfast-failure.
The silence that followed was profound.
Fia stood frozen in the middle of the devastation, covered in egg, her face a mask of shock and failure.
Mai, who had backed away in time, had her hand over her mouth, her eyes wide with horror at the mess.
Kaito didn't move. He didn't scream. He just looked up at the ceiling, where a particularly large piece of cooked egg trembled before detaching and landing on the floor with a splat.
A wave of exhaustion, so deep and overwhelming it was almost physical, washed over him. He had to brace himself on the doorframe. The effort. The sheer effort it would take to clean this. It was astronomical.
He pushed himself off the wall and walked calmly to the cabinet under the sink. He took out a bucket, a sponge, and a bottle of all-purpose cleaner.
He placed the bucket on the floor in front of Fia.
"You," he said, his voice dangerously calm, "are forbidden from the kitchen. Forever."
He turned to Mai. "You are in charge of supervising the ban."
He went to the pantry, grabbed a packet of instant ramen, and flicked on the electric kettle.
"Fia," he said, without turning.
"Y-yes?" she sobbed, trembling.
"Go to your closet."
Without another word, the egg-covered goddess shuffled out of the kitchen, leaving a yellow trail on the floor, and locked herself in her "room."
Kaito waited for the kettle to boil, his mind numb with exhaustion. Behind him, he could hear Mai begin to clean, the sound punctuated by a heavy sigh.
He looked at the closet door. His peace was over; a routine of chaos awaited him. He closed his eyes, and a single image floated into his mind: the cultural festival flyer.
five days.
He just had to survive five more days.
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