The quest timer hammered in his skull one second at time, five minutes to live, or five minutes to die. Hunter steadied his breath, raised his eyes to the cold beauty in human form, and chose the only weapon he had left: his voice.
[LUNA] OKAY, SHOWTIME. TALK FAST, LIVE LONG.Hunter rolled his shoulders, channeled his inner sage, and started his greatest performance ever.
"Why shouldn't you kill me?" He lowered his sword slightly, trying to look non-threatening. "Because I'm not the demon you think I am."
Liu Mei's eyes narrowed. "Explain. Quickly."
Four minutes and fifty-five seconds remaining.
"I'm actually an undercover agent." The lie came so naturally it scared him. "Working to infiltrate the bandit networks of the Northern Wilderness. Everything I've done has been to establish my cover."
The silence that followed was deafening.
Behind him, through his spiritual sense, Hunter felt his three bandits' confusion. Their shock. Their dawning horror as they realized their master was either a genius or had just completely lost his mind.
The jury was still out on which.
Liu Mei stared at him.
Then she started laughing.
It wasn't a nice laugh. It was the kind of laugh that said I've heard every excuse in the book and yours is the stupidest yet.
"An undercover agent?" She pulled her sword fully free. Ice spread from the blade, freezing the moisture in the air. "That's the best you could come up with?"
"It's the truth!"
"Then who sent you? What organization? What sect?" Her blade pointed directly at his throat. Close enough that he could feel the cold radiating from it. "Answer quickly, or die slowly."
Four minutes and twenty seconds.
Hunter's mind raced. He needed to buy time. Needed to make her hesitate. Needed to say something that would make her stop and think instead of immediately decapitating him.
What would make a cultivator pause? What would make them question?
Then it hit him. The stupidest idea he'd ever had. Which, given the week he'd been having, was really saying something.
[LUNA] HUNTER WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Surviving.
[LUNA] THIS IS THE WORST PLAN EVER
Got a better one?
[LUNA] ...NO
Then shut up and let me work.
Hunter met Liu Mei's eyes and prayed to every god he could remember from both Earth and this world that his next words wouldn't get him immediately killed.
"I was sent," he said slowly, putting every ounce of conviction he could muster into his voice, "by the Heavenly Dao itself."
The frost stopped spreading.
Liu Mei's sword lowered. Just an inch. Just enough.
Her expression shifted from absolute certainty to the tiniest sliver of doubt.
Four minutes remaining.
"The Heavenly Dao." Her voice was flat. "You expect me to believe the universal force that governs all cultivation," paused and raised her eye brows and continued, "Personally sent you to rob farmers?"
When she puts it that way, it does sound stupid.
"No. Not to rob them." Hunter kept his voice steady while radiating sainthood. "To test them. The Heavenly Dao works in mysterious ways. Sometimes, the righteous must appear as demons to reveal the true nature of those around them."
Oh my God, I'm making this up as I go and it's somehow working.
[LUNA] OMG >.< THAT'S THE DUMBEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD
[LUNA] SHE'S NEVER GOING TO—
Liu Mei hesitated. She lowered her sword another inch.
[LUNA] ...YOU'VE GOT TO BE FREAKING KIDDING ME
Hunter pressed his advantage. "Think about it. A Foundation Realm cultivator appearing out of nowhere. Completing an impossible raid without casualties beyond a single guard who foolishly stood in my path. Testing the village's resilience, their unity, their willingness to sacrifice for each other."
Three minutes and thirty seconds.
"The Heavenly Dao doesn't send messages in clear language, Fairy Liu Mei." Hunter used her title respectfully, hoping it would help. "It sends trials. Tests. And I am one such test."
Liu Mei studied him. Her eyes were calculating, weighing, measuring every micro-expression on his face.
Please buy it. Please buy it. I don't want to die. I really, really don't want to die.
"If what you say is true," Liu Mei said slowly, "then prove it. Show me a sign from the Heavenly Dao. Show me something that would convince me you're not simply a clever bandit with a silver tongue."
Three minutes.
Shit. Shit shit shit. She wants proof. What proof do I have? I'm just a guy with a system and some shadow powers and—
Wait.
The shadow power thingie.
Hunter glanced at the shadows around them. The forest was full of them. Deep, dark patches where the morning sun couldn't reach. Perfect for what he needed.
This is either going to be amazing or I'm going to die trying.
[LUNA] HUNTER NO
[LUNA] YOU BARELY KNOW HOW TO USE SHADOW STEP
[LUNA] YOU'LL KILL YOURSELF
Then I'll die doing something cool instead of being executed like a common criminal.
Hunter closed his eyes. Reached for the Shadow Step technique burned into his soul. Level Two: Shadow Swap.
The knowledge was there. Perfect and complete. He knew exactly how to do it.
Knowing and doing were two very different things.
He channeled qi through his meridians. Felt the shadows respond. The one beneath his feet darkened, deepened, became almost solid.
"Watch closely, Fairy Liu Mei," Hunter said. "And witness the power granted to me by the Heavenly Dao."
Two minutes and thirty seconds.
He stepped into the shadow beneath his feet.
For a moment, nothing happened.
Then reality twisted.
Hunter felt himself sink into darkness. Not falling. Not moving. Just existing in a space between spaces where light couldn't reach. It was cold. Silent. Wrong in a way that made his soul scream.
Then he was somewhere else.
He emerged from a shadow twenty feet away, behind Liu Mei, gasping for air.
Holy shit that worked. That actually worked.
[LUNA] HOLY SHIT THAT WORKED
I KNOW RIGHT?
Liu Mei spun around, her eyes wide with genuine surprise. "Shadow Step? You know Shadow Step? How?"
"The Heavenly Dao provides," Hunter said, trying to sound mysterious instead of like someone who'd just nearly given himself a heart attack.
Two minutes.
"Shadow Step is a lost technique." Liu Mei's sword was back up, but her grip had loosened. "Only three people in the entire Azure Cloud Sect know it. And you're telling me the Heavenly Dao just... gave it to you?"
Technically, the manual was downloaded to my head but who is keeping track
"I'm telling you," Hunter said carefully, "that I am not what I appear to be. That there are forces at work here beyond simple banditry. And that perhaps you should ask yourself: why would the Heavenly Dao lead you here, at this exact moment, to witness this exact confrontation?"
Please work. Please work. I'm running out of bullshit and time.
Liu Mei lowered her sword completely. The frost stopped spreading. The temperature slowly began to rise.
"You raise interesting points," she admitted. "But I have questions. Many questions."
One minute and thirty seconds.
"Ask them," Hunter said. "I have nothing to hide."
That's a lie. I have everything to hide. But I'm committed now.
"First question." Liu Mei sheathed her sword completely. "If you're truly sent by the Heavenly Dao, why bandits? Why not righteous cultivators? Why not work with the established sects?"
"Because the Heavenly Dao as you know tests both the righteous and the wicked." Hunter pulled the answer out of thin air. "The bandits are as much pawns in this game as the villagers. By bringing them into cultivation, by giving them power they never dreamed of, I test whether power corrupts or redeems."
One minute.
Liu Mei nodded slowly. "And these three?" She gestured at his terrified bandits. "They're part of your test?"
"They are the test itself. Common mortals, forced into extraordinary circumstances. Will they choose righteousness or villainy? Will power elevate them or destroy them? Only time will tell."
Thirty seconds.
Behind him, Hunter felt Tao, Xuan, and Lex's complete and utter confusion. They had no idea what was happening. They probably thought their master had completely lost his mind.
They might be right.
"Final question." Liu Mei stepped closer. Close enough that Hunter could see the ice blue color of her eyes. "Why should I believe any of this? You could be lying. You could be a demon using forbidden techniques and pretty words to escape justice."
Fifteen seconds.
Hunter met her gaze. Time for the biggest bluff of his life.
"Because deep down, Fairy Liu Mei, you already know I'm telling the truth. Your cultivation has reached Peak Core Formation. You're one step away from Nascent Soul. And at that level, you can sense intent. You can feel the truth in someone's words." He paused. "So ask yourself: do I feel like a demon? Or do I feel like something else entirely?"
Five seconds.
Liu Mei stared at him. Her eyes searching. Her spiritual sense searching.
Is this how Alien Abductees it feels to get probed?
Then she smiled. Just slightly.
"You're either the most honest man I've ever met," she said softly, "or the most gifted liar. I haven't decided which yet."
Three seconds.
"Perhaps both," Hunter admitted.
Two seconds.
"I'm going to watch you," Liu Mei said. "You and your test. If I discover you've deceived me, if I find even one shred of evidence that you're truly demonic, I will end you. Do you understand?"
One second.
"Perfectly."
[SYSTEM] ◈ MISSION COMPLETE ◈ OBJECTIVE: SURVIVE 5 MINUTES — SUCCESS... CALCULATING REWARDS... CONGRATULATIONS HUNTER! YOU SURVIVED THE IMPOSSIBLE! REWARDS: TBA
The notification faded.
Hunter stood there, staring at Liu Mei, barely believing he was still alive.
I did it. I actually did it. I bullshitted my way past a Core Formation cultivator using philosophy and shadow magic.
[LUNA] THAT WAS THE MOST INSANE THING I'VE EVER WITNESSED
[LUNA] AND I'VE WITNESSED A LOT
[LUNA] I'M GENUINELY IMPRESSED
Thanks. I think I need to sit down now.
[LUNA] DON'T
[LUNA] YOU'LL LOOK WEAK
Right. Can't look weak. Must maintain mysterious Heavenly Dao agent persona.
Hunter forced himself to stand straight. To look confident. To not collapse from the adrenaline crash currently trying to destroy his knees.
Liu Mei studied him a moment longer. Then she turned to leave.
"Wait," Hunter called out before he could stop himself. "If you're watching me, does that mean you'll be... around?"
Please say no. Please say you're going back to your sect and never coming back.
Liu Mei glanced over her shoulder. "I'll be in the region. Observing. Don't disappoint me, 'agent of the Heavenly Dao.'"
She took one step and vanished. Just disappeared like she'd never been there at all. Only the patches of frost on the ground proved she'd existed.
[LUNA] SHE'S GONE
[LUNA] YOU CAN COLLAPSE NOW
Hunter immediately sat down. His legs gave out and he hit the ground hard.
"Master?" Tao rushed over. "Master, what just happened?"
"I have no idea," Hunter said honestly. "But I think we're alive?"
"Are we really agents of the Heavenly Dao?" Xuan asked, sounding hopeful.
"No."
"Then what was all that about?"
"That," Hunter said, "was me making things up to avoid getting murdered."
"Did it work?" Lex asked nervously.
"Apparently." Hunter laughed. It came out slightly hysterical. "It actually worked. She believed me. A Core Formation cultivator believed my terrible lies."
[LUNA] NOT JUST BELIEVED
[LUNA] SHE'S NOW GOING TO WATCH YOU
[LUNA] TO SEE IF YOU'RE REALLY A HEAVENLY DAO AGENT
[LUNA] SO NOW YOU HAVE TO ACT LIKE ONE
[LUNA] CONGRATULATIONS (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧
Hunter put his head in his hands. "I've made a terrible mistake."
"What do we do now, Master?" Tao asked.
"Now?" Hunter looked up at the sky. At the sun rising over the trees. At another day in this impossible world. "Now we figure out how to act like agents of the Heavenly Dao while also being bandits. Because apparently that's my life now."
"Is that possible?" Xuan asked.
"Probably not."
"Then why are we doing it?"
Hunter stood up, brushed himself off, and tried to look like someone who had any idea what they were doing.
"Because the alternative is death. And I'm not ready to die yet." He looked at his three bandits. His three incompetent, barely-trained, freshly-made cultivators. "So we're going to fake it. We're going to pretend to be righteous. We're going to do... good deeds, I guess? And hope that Liu Mei doesn't figure out we're frauds."
[LUNA] THIS IS THE WORST PLAN EVER
You keep saying that.
[LUNA] BECAUSE IT KEEPS BEING TRUE
Hunter sighed. "Alright everyone. New mission. We need to figure out what righteous cultivators do. And then we need to do it. Convincingly."
"Master," Lex raised his hand. "What do righteous cultivators do?"
"I have absolutely no idea. But we're going to find out."
[LUNA] OH THIS IS GOING TO BE GOOD
[LUNA] BANDITS PRETENDING TO BE RIGHTEOUS
[LUNA] WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG? ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
Everything, Hunter thought. Everything can go wrong.
But at least we're alive to see it.
The sun rose higher. The frost from Liu Mei's visit melted away. And somewhere in the distance, a bird sang.
Hunter looked at his three bandits. At the camp they'd made. At the stolen goods still sitting in bags by the fire.
We're going to need a new plan. A better plan. A plan that doesn't involve robbing farmers and quoting Liam Neeson.
"Okay," he said finally. "First things first. We hide the stolen goods. All of them. If Liu Mei comes back and sees them, we're dead."
"Where do we hide them?" Tao asked.
"I don't know. Bury them? Find a cave? Throw them in the lake?"
"Master, if we throw them in the lake, they'll get ruined."
"THEN BURY THEM."
All three scrambled to gather the bags.
Hunter watched them work and felt the weight of what he'd done settle on his shoulders.
I just lied to a Core Formation cultivator. Told her I was sent by the Heavenly Dao. Promised to act righteous while secretly being a bandit.
This is going to end so badly.
[LUNA] YUP (◕‿◕✿)
Not helping, Luna.
[LUNA] WASN'T TRYING TO ♥
Hunter sat back down by the fire and tried to figure out his next move.
Step one: Hide evidence of banditry.
Step two: Figure out what righteous people do.
Step three: Do those things without dying or getting exposed.
Step four: Somehow survive long enough to find a way home.
Simple. Easy. Totally achievable.
Who am I kidding? We're doomed.
But at least they were alive. For now. And in this world, that was about as much as anyone could ask for.