There's a small note under my napkin at breakfast the next morning.
I slip it into the folds of my robe, watching for an opportunity to check its contents. With a sideways glance, Hilde sees that I've taken it, and she circles around toward the door to ask the newest tutor about something inane and irrelevant. Hells, we're so good at this. I take a quick peek.
Two mistresses. Wyvern and Lung. Wife is wyrm.
Containing my laughter, I burn the paper in my fist and swipe away the ashes, making myself busy with eating. Soon enough, Hilde and my tutor are ready, so she introduces him.
"Crimson, this is Bishop Crane. He's quite well versed. And I'd hope he's a mite more patient than the previous two. Bishop Crane, you may begin when ready."
"Gladly." The brown-green mystic wyrm takes the same seat the others took and spreads out his books. "Now, Legend Hildegard has briefed me of your prior discussions, and I thought I'd add my own interpretation on the core tenet of–"
"Actually, Bishop, I've had something else on my mind I'd like to ask about."
"Oh! But of course. Anything you'd like to know."
I crunch into some bacon. "What can you tell me about holy matrimony?"
There's a flicker of alarm in his green eyes. "What?"
"The holy bonds of matrimony under the Goddess's eye. She blesses draconid pairs who decide to mate for life, right? And she does so with the stipulation that both draconids remain faithful and true to one another up until the moment they agree to end their matrimony or until they die. What's the exact diction on the tenet forbidding infidelity? I need to know because if I happen to wed a certain dracofae, would it be a sin to continue sleeping with a certain amphithere?"
"Well… Yes, Crimson. It would be a sin. The Goddess condemns all acts of infidelity as a betrayal of Her blessing. To break such a sacred bond is nothing short of sacrilege."
"Ohh. Then what about if I were to do it twice?"
"I'm sorry? I don't understand the question."
"If I were to wed, say, a wyrm, and then breach the Goddess's blessing by seeing a wyvern and a lung dragon on the side, how sinful would that be? Twice as bad, right?"
His face pales.
I crunch my bacon. "Next."
That afternoon, there's another note with lunch.
Steals from charitable donations.
"Crimson, this is Master Scribe Elena. Your new tutor."
The instant she sits down, I snap a bone in my teeth and ask, "What do the Goddess's tenets say in regards to theft, Scribe Elena? This tome I was reading earlier mentioned some rather severe punishments for the crime, but not much about what qualifies as theft."
"Ah. Interesting question." Two of the gray-blue webwing dracofae's four arms rifle through some scrolls before unrolling one of them. "Yes. Yes. Here it is. Theft under the Church's tenets is defined thusly. The act of taking something from another person or entity without permission with the intent to keep it or pass it off as one's own. And that 'something' could be an item or an idea or–"
"Money."
"Yes. Gold, silver, gemstones. Anything that doesn't belong to you."
"What about if… Well, say someone is buying something at a store, and they're in the process of paying. If they set their coins on the counter and the shopkeep has yet to pick them up, do they belong to anyone or no one?"
"They would belong to either the buyer or the seller."
"So if a rogue came along and snatched them off the counter…"
"That would be theft, yes."
"You're saying that taking money which is actively being transferred from the giver to the intended receiver qualifies as theft."
"That's correct. Indeed."
"And theft by any draconid can merit different punishments, up to and including execution, depending on the value of what's been stolen?"
"Yes. If a rogue stole a loaf of bread, for example, it would hardly merit anything severe. If a rogue stole a small fortune from a landed noble, that may merit death."
"What about if a rogue stole one gold coin from the offering plate while it's being passed around during mass?"
"That would be utterly heinous. The rogue would be stealing from the Goddess above. That much warrants imprisonment at the very least."
"Hm. And if a rogue stole fortunes from kindly donations that were yet to reach their intended recipient, the Church, wouldn't that be stealing from the Goddess too? And with the value of what's been stolen, that should warrant execution, no?"
She frowns. "What are you suggesting?"
"Hm? Suggesting? I'm merely asking questions."
"These questions are becoming awfully specific."
"Specific to what, exactly? We're talking about a nasty, lowly, worthless fucking rogue, aren't we? Because only the most contemptuous of sinners would ever dare to steal from the Goddess, right?"
She's slowly going red with anger.
I gnash on some sausage. "Next."
Another breakfast, another note. Scorpinist.
"What's the punishment for heresy, Professor?"
Another lunch, another note. Serpentia supremacist.
"Did the Goddess not personally declare that dragons reign supreme amidst our kind, Bishop?"
Another breakfast, another note. Stolen valor.
"The Goddess denounces liars, doesn't She, Master Scribe?"
Another lunch, another note. 'Alleged' kinslayer. Brother.
"Mother superior, what penance is due for the crime of, say, fratricide?"
Another breakfast. Incest!
"Do you have a sister, Deacon? Is she available tonight?"
Another lunch. Genuine fucking child predator.
"No. Get the fuck out of here. I should kill you myself."
Hilde stays put until he leaves. "Not a bad idea. I'll see what strings I can pull. Make that filthy fucking rat disappear. Perks of being an enforcer…"
"Please do." I push my tray away and cling to her hips since she's standing next to me in my chair. "Hilde… How many more? I'm so sick of this…"
"There are a lot more," she sighs, hugging my head. "That said, I think I now have a decent case to circumvent these nepo-hires. Tomorrow, I'll make an appeal and hopefully I'll have someone competent in the morning."
"Mmm…" I grumble wordlessly, hiding my face in her robe. "Tired…"
"You're so fucking cute when you're sleepy." She pets my head and hums. "Care for a nap? Together?"
"Yes…"
I crawl into bed with her but napping is only my second priority. With a warm laugh at my expense, Hilde grips my hips and watches as I kiss my way up her chest to her neck. I'm on top, for now. I might be pushing my luck, but I'm hoping she takes over. Eventually she pulls me down on top of her to kiss, and my skin prickles as she slowly drags her claws up my backside. The moment she bites my lip, I know I've succeeded.
All I did was seduce her. She's the one taking it further…
Suddenly I'm on my back with her heavy weight over me. Hells, I love being underneath tall women. She's big and strong, and she's smiling as she kisses me, eager to make me feel good. I'm eager to let her.
But then she stops kissing me. "I want to ask you something."
"Now?" I huff, flushed and a little out of breath. "It can't wait?"
"It's important." She lays down atop me, propping her head up with an elbow on the bed. Gazing the short distance down at me, her blue eyes slip toward my lips then come back up. "I went in to get you from the Hells. But you didn't leave with me. You were still Wretched then, so she was controlling your mind, but I can't help wondering… Would you choose her? Or me?"
My poor battered heart sinks. "Wh–What? I… Choose? I don't… Wait…"
She takes a slow breath. "That's answer enough. Speaks for itself."
"Hilde, I don't kn–This is just–It's so sudden!"
"And the answer should be simple. One or the other. Her or me. Just the fact you're hesitating, or maybe panicking, means you either choose her and don't want to say it or you somehow haven't decided between your slaver and I. If it were me, you would've dragged it straight and just said so. But you didn't. You haven't. I don't… I don't understand. Why do you still have feelings for her? She made you a slave, Crimson."
I clench my jaw hard, staring up at the ceiling. My body is going stiff, like my joints are freezing in place. My chest hurts. My stomach hurts. My head hurts. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm like a rabbit between two wolves. And I don't know what the fuck to do.
Choose? I don't want to. I don't. Why should I have to? Can't they sort this out between themselves? I'll be with whoever they decide I should be with. I don't want to be caught between them like this. I don't want to make this decision. I don't want to be anyone's issue. I don't want to hurt anyone. Maybe I'm the fulcrum of this imbalance, but I can't fix it in any way.
I can't do this. I'm helpless. I'm fucking pathetic.
I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here.
I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to.
I'm going dark. Shutting down. Falling limp.
Why won't someone kindly end my suffering?
I'm cold. I want my blankets. I pull them over me.
Hilde stands and I curl up as small as possible.
My hands cover my ears so I can't hear anything.
One broke my heart and the other stabbed it.
And yet I cannot help but love them both.
I hate myself so fucking much.