Thankfully, I'm taken back to my cell instead of the Cages.
Hilde is there waiting for me, her eyes wide with fear and her body nervously shifting with trepidation. The patrollers shove me into the room and lock the door behind me, leaving the two of us all alone.
I am defeated. I know that. And I'm not stupid, so I know it's a waste of time to try that again. Besides, she closed and latched the window. I think I lost my sunshine privileges. And, by extension, so did Scarlet. My heart feels sticky and grimy, like it's been drenched in dirty molasses, and I fidget with my claws as I stand in place, avoiding Hilde's eye. In total, I was probably gone for less than five minutes, but it feels like that short amount of time is all it took to break… something.
It just doesn't feel the same as it did before.
But Hilde isn't angry. She looks terrified. And she's holding back from coming over to comfort me, a conflict which is clearly eating at her inside. Her voice is muted and soft when she asks, "What… What just happened?"
I hook my index claws together, looking to the side with my tail between my legs and my head hanging in shame. There's no point pretending. "I… I was… scared. I am scared. An invasion? I don't… like that. I don't want that to happen. It's bad…"
"Bad?" She risks a step closer. "Bad how? Defeating the Wretched once and for all is a good thing. They kill mortals by the millions. They kill us for trying to stop them. They kill, hurt, destroy, violate, and abuse fucking everything and everyone. That's inexcusable and unforgivable. There's nothing bad about ending something so irrefutably wicked."
I clench my jaw, biting my forked tongue. Just now, I remembered. I'm playing innocent. No, I'm playing the victim. All so Hilde will listen. But an escape attempt does not bode well for my act. I did it without thinking, but now I need a way to invalidate and neutralize its impact.
It isn't hard to find one.
"I don't know, Hilz," I mutter, lowering my head even further. "I don't know what came over me. Something in my head just… compelled me. To jump. To flee. To… escape. You–You mentioned this invasion and… Well, I guess… I felt like I had to go warn her. Warn Umbr–The–The Fell. About it…"
"Compelled?" Hilde comes closer still, looming over me in a way that feels fiercely protective. "To warn her. To help her. To assist the Wretched. Hm. It isn't difficult to imagine why."
"It… It isn't?"
"You were compelled to defend and protect her. Some traces of being Wretched must still linger. Perhaps not in your body, but in your mind. Fragments of splinters of her control over you, like instincts. Reflexes. What do you think? Does that describe it well enough? Or am I totally blacked out?"
I fervently nod. "That sounds right. Yes."
"Then it was compulsion. Not your choice." Hilde sighs, reaching out to me. When I step into her embrace she closes around me with another sigh. "Experimental. We're still working out the process. I hadn't even considered something like that might happen. I'll make sure it's addressed going forward."
"Thank you…"
"Absolutely. There's one hitch. The higher ups think the window should stay closed permanently, but I think I can argue against that now that I know it was reactive. It's not like you're going to do it again, are you?"
I shake my head. "No. No, no. I won't. Please, don't close the window…"
"I won't let them." She winks, holding me gently. "Are you okay? I can't imagine any of this is easy on you, and knowing she still has her hooks in you like this must be terrifying."
Resting my head in the crook of her neck, I murmur, "I'm okay… I'll survive. I've survived much worse."
"Yes. You have." She kisses my forehead, fixing my hair. "Let's… take it easy, this morning. I cancelled your tutoring so we could set up your room like this. We could go to the pond if you like?"
I'm still bare naked. And I still want sex.
But seeing my scar reminded me of who I belong to.
Unless… She really did let go of me.
Oh. Oh no. Wait. Is that what this is?
Umbra found a chance to get rid of me and took it.
Or maybe she didn't. I don't fucking know anymore.
I don't know anything anymore.
My hands find Hilde's waist. "I still want you…"
"Ohh." She hums in thought, then kisses my ear. "Alright then. Let's try this again. You must be stressed. I'll make sure you're well taken care of, red. How do you want it? Bloody, like usual?"
"N–Not this time… Soft…"
"Ah. As soft as you like. Come here and lay down, cherry red. Very good." She returns to straddling my hips in my bed, both hands pressing down on my chest. "Just relax, Crimz. Deep breath. I'll make all your troubles go away."
As she kisses me, feels me, tastes me, I stare at the inside of my eyelids and run my claws through her hair, trying my hardest to enjoy this tentative relief. It isn't too difficult. Hilde is very good at what she does to me, and it feels fucking incredible. It's just that I can't seem to stop thinking about whether this is wrong or not. I love Umbra. I love Hilde. Neither of them have truly agreed to make things official with me.
In that sense, I am still single. Right?
This is fine. I'm allowed. Right?
Or maybe I'm just a bad person.
A selfish, desperate, cowardly fucking bitch.
I cannot stand to be alone. How pitiful is that?
I'm sorry, Umbra. I'm sorry, Hilde.
It seems I'm making everything worse for them both.
Put me in the dirt. Someone like me deserves nothing more.
I'm such a worthless piece of shit.
But there is one good thing I can do.
I need to warn Umbra about this invasion.
Somehow. I will find a way.