Rito woke not to the sound of his alarm, but to something far softer and much more unusual: a gentle, almost timid humming.
It was melodic, shy, and sweet as honey.
He blinked slowly at the ceiling, trying to place the tune. His room's door was cracked open, letting a thin wedge of golden morning light spill in from the hallway. With the light came a faint, mixed scent: vanilla, ozone, definitely Lala's influence, and something else, a hint of slightly burnt toast.
'Run.'
He immediately knew the owner of the voice. Run Elsie Jewelria.
He sat up slowly. The futon beside him was empty, but the sheets were still warm, Lala must have slipped out moments ago. He ran a hand through his perpetually messy hair.
'I hope she didn't put a booster on the toaster again.'
A distinct, soft clatter rang out from the kitchen, followed by a sound suspiciously like sizzling milk. Then, his younger sister's voice cut through the morning air, sharp and laced with the steel of a teenager pushed to her limits.
"NO. MORE. ALIENS. IN. MY. KITCHEN. And, Run-san, you're using the molecular sterilizer to make coffee!"
Rito rubbed his face, bracing himself. He swung his legs over the bed, pulling on a slightly wrinkled shirt.
'Well, another ordinary morning.'
…
Rito stepped onto the bottom stair, peering around the corner. Downstairs, in the usually immaculate Yuuki kitchen, chaos had already taken root.
Run Elsie Jewelria stood at the counter, her light green hair tied in loose twin-tails, wearing one of Mikan's spare aprons over her uniform. She was completely absorbed, attempting to flip a pancake with a massive spatula.
It finally flipped. Not onto the plate, but straight up, where it hung, perfectly adhered, to the ceiling.
Run gasped, clutching the spatula to her chest. "E-eh?! It was supposed to be heart-shaped for thanking Rito-kun, but now it's a ceiling decoration!"
Mikan's glare from across the counter was a silent, terrifying force. She held a dishcloth like a weapon. Her voice dropped to a pitch that promised violence. "You have already made enough, now leave it."
Just then, Lala bounced into the room, her tail swishing excitedly behind her. She held a glowing silver orb that pulsed with alarming energy.
"Run-chan, don't worry!" Lala chirped. "We can use my new Propulsion-Pancake-Injector-kyun! Let's make pancake rockets! They'll fly right into Rito's mouth!"
Peke zipped around her head, looking utterly resigned. "Peke advises against combustion in enclosed spaces. Furthermore, the maximum velocity of this prototype is calculated to be Mach 2. It may cause internal damage to Rito-dono."
Lala ignored Peke. As Run stared at the glowing invention with a mixture of terror and hopeful ambition, a deep, furious voice echoed sharply from inside Run's head.
It was Ren's voice.
"STOP FLIRTING IN MY BODY, YOU BRAINLESS IDIOT! And stop trying to kill the human! I need him alive to prove myself!"
Run instantly flushed a spectacular crimson, clutching the spatula like a lifeline.
It was at this precise moment of peak breakfast-related disaster that Rito walked into the kitchen.
Four pairs of eyes snapped to him, and a fifth, immaterial reaction, hit him like a physical wave: Mikan's desperate glare, Lala's cheerful sparkle, Run's starry-eyed swoon, Peke's worried hum, and Ren's silent scream of masculine, jealous rage.
…
Rito finally managed to escape the kitchen without ingesting any Mach 2 pancakes, leaving Mikan to furiously sterilize the ceiling. He was hopeful that school would bring some semblance of order. He was wrong.
By mid-morning, Sainan High School was not a place of learning, but a warzone. Specifically, the pristine battlefield was the Home Economics classroom.
Ren, now in his male-form, had commandeered the room for his latest campaign of masculine dominance.
"COOKING CONTEST OF TRUE MANHOOD!" he bellowed, standing rigid at one stainless steel cooking station, his sleeves rolled up and his hot pink eyes blazing with relentless rivalry.
Rito stood at the opposing station, his apron tied, rather crookedly, over his uniform. He looked utterly resigned.
'Let's just get through this quickly.'
Lala was perched cheerfully on the counter, swinging her legs over the edge.
"Rito-kun, I believe in you!" Run cheered, in Ren's mind.
Ren's subconscious roared back in response, "STOP CHEERING FOR HIM, HE'S THE ENEMY!"
The challenge, naturally, was to produce the perfect omurice, a delicate dish requiring precision and heart.
Ren cracked the eggs with dramatic, theatrical flair. The yolk, however, failed to make the bowl, instead splattering across the pristine white counter and his own face.
Rito, resigned, chopped onions. He felt a sting, and a single tear traced a path down his cheek, definitely from the onions, he told himself.
And then, disaster struck. Lala's miniature "Flavor-Boost-don" — a device intended to instantly infuse ingredients with hyper-spices, rolled off the counter with a metallic clatter.
It bounced on the linoleum and activated.
FWOOM!
A blinding cloud of glowing, pink, alien spice exploded outward, engulfing the area. Rito coughed violently, stumbled forward blindly, and inevitably, tripped right over Ren's outstretched foot.
Time slowed to a crawl. Rito's world turned sideways as he fell toward his rival.
'This!'
'No! I refuse to believe that I can't change this canon event!'
'I refuse!'
Despite his inner struggle, his lips crashed into Ren's.
It was full. It was accidental. It was a complete, horrifying mouth-to-mouth collision in a cloud of pink spice.
Ren's eyes went wide as saucers, utterly frozen in a state of shock, his competitive fury momentarily short-circuited.
Rito yanked back with a gasp, his entire face exploding crimson.
"THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I tripped! It was the spice cloud! I swear!"
Ren sputtered, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, looking utterly violated.
"Y-YOU—! PERVERT! You stole my first—! You stole my first kiss!"
But as Ren stood there, red-faced and furious, his body suddenly went rigid. His hot pink eyes glazed over slightly, and his strong masculine posture wilted just a fraction. This was the moment the Run persona, trapped beneath the surface, reacted to the sensory input.
'R-Rito-kun's lips… so warm… so soft… He claimed my first kiss! He claimed me and Ren at the same time! My knees… my knees are so weak…~♡'
Despite being in the male body, Ren's face flushed an even deeper, more spectacular crimson, and he involuntarily clutched the neck of his shirt with one hand, his knees knocking together slightly. It was a purely feminine, swooning reaction exhibited by a male body.
Lala tilted her head, utterly missing the sexual horror Ren was experiencing at the moment. "Ooh! Kissing contest? I want to kiss Rito too~! I love kissing him~♡ Peke, modify the Flavor-Boost-don to make kissing flavors!"
At that exact, chaotic moment, the door to the Home Economics room burst open. Kotegawa Yui, the perpetually annoyed disciplinary committee chair, stood framed in the doorway, clipboard clutched to her chest.
"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!"
Her eyes swept across the room: the cloud of pink smoke, the shattered desk, the mortified Rito, and the male Ren clutching his chest and trembling from an involuntary romantic reaction.
Her jaw dropped, and the clipboard in her hand clattered to the floor with a sound that was somehow drowned out by the low hum of Lala's malfunctioning device.
The home economics room was a disaster zone worthy of a police investigation. Glowing pink spice clouds drifted lazily through the air. The remnants of a shattered wooden desk lay in one corner, and the final omurice, which Lala had successfully injected with some kind of propulsion, was spinning wildly in mid-air like a glittering disco ball.
Rito and Ren stood frozen, separated by about two feet, their lips still tingling from the accidental kiss.
Ren's face cycled through every shade of red possible on the Memorzean spectrum. Yet beneath the rage, his body continued to tremble slightly, a visible result of the internal conflict.
Run's subconscious was in full meltdown.
"R-Rito's lips… I can still taste them… so spicy and manly…~ ♡ This is a confession! I couldn't resist! I can't breathe! I'm in heaven!"
The masculine fury finally surged past the internal swoon. Ren pointed a trembling, egg-smeared finger at Rito.
"THIS ISN'T OVER, YUUKI RITO! I will prove my superiority! You haven't seen the last of me!"
He spun on his heel and stormed out of the classroom, slamming the door so hard the windows rattled in their frames, the lingering scent of pink spice finally beginning to clear.
Yui finally found her voice, though it was strained and high-pitched. She marched straight toward Rito, her eyes narrowed with disciplinary fervor.
"Yuuki Rito! First you openly engage in acts of public indecency with Lala, and now you are engaged in an act of public indecency with another male student! You should be punished for—!"
Before she could finish the threat, a thwack sound echoed from the ceiling. The disco ball omurice, losing power, plummeted from the air. Rito, instinctively reacting to protect Yui, tried to catch it.
No surprises there, he missed.
The omurice landed squarely on Yui's head, coating her perfect, severe hair and her pristine face in sticky, sweet rice and egg. She froze, a single grain of rice hanging off the tip of her nose.
Rito panicked, "I'm so sorry, Kotegawa! That was Lala's! Let me help—!"
Rito reached out to wipe her face, but his hand got caught in the sticky rice, pulling her slightly forward and causing her to stumble... right into Rito's chest.
Yui, her voice muffled by the omurice, protested. "Y-Yuuki Rito! Don't touch me! This is indecent! I said—!"
Rito could feel her rigid body pressing against him, and the heat radiating off her face, which was now turning crimson under the layer of food.
'I just wanted to survive a cooking challenge!' Rito thought, his situation once again sealed by his own unstoppable perverted fate.
…
The chaos of the Home Economics room was a memory by the time Rito and others, reached the school gate. Run had regained control of their shared body with a sudden sneeze, returning the girl's form. Lala, meanwhile, was skipping along happily, inventing a backpack that could hold an entire swimming pool.
Run walked beside Rito, her light green twin-tails bouncing. She clasped her hands together shyly.
"Rito-kun." she asked, her voice soft, "Can we… stop at the arcade? I want to win you a prize!"
Ren's subconscious groaned: "STOP DATING IN OUR BODY! We need to train! We need to prove my manly worth, not play games with plush toys!"
Rito thought just for a moment. The alternative was a direct confrontation with Lala, after all with Ren/Run in their house, Rito and Lala couldn't have sex.
'Ren doesn't think through anything. He might ambush me for a challenge while I am doing it with Lala… There's no way I am taking chances with that, moreover, they will move out soon enough.'
"Sure. Just try to keep Lala from building anything while we're inside."
"Aww, Rito~!" Lala protested. "But I was going to make the claw grip stronger with my Magnetic Success Wave-kun!"
…
The arcade was packed. Run, delighted, dragged Rito and a protesting Lala straight to the biggest crane game.
"I'll get the limited-edition alien plushie!" Run declared, leaning into the machine with intense concentration. Lala, impatient, decided to help anyway and secretly pressed the button on her wrist communicator, aiming it at the crane.
The crane wobbled. It grabbed. It dropped.
CLANG!
The machine exploded outward in a massive shower of plastic toys and jingling coins. Lala's "Prize-Boost-kun", hidden inside her communicator, had activated the Magnetic Success Wave at full power, ripping the entire prize container from its housing.
Plushies rained down on all three of them. Run squealed with delight, her arms instantly full of prizes.
"Rito-kun, for you!" She thrust a massive, multi-eyed pink toy at him.
Lala beamed. "Success! My invention works! Now everyone can win!"
Ren's voice screamed internally: "THAT'S MY ARCADE REPUTATION YOU'RE RUINING! I'M SUPPOSED TO WIN THEM WITH SKILL, NOT EXPLOSIONS!"
…
Outside, the late afternoon sky was darkening.
Suddenly, a low, intense hum filled the air. Dozens of metallic drones descended, the infamous Memorze Royal Gossip Swarm.
The electronic voices chanted, "MEMORZE HEIR ON EARTH DATE!" "SCANDAL! PRINCE REN/PRINCESS RUN WITH HUMAN BOY!"
Lala looked up. "Ooh! How fun! New flying toys! Let's play catch, Peke~!"
The cameras flashed blindingly. Run froze in terror.
Rito grabbed Run's hand and Lala's arm. "RUN! LALA! We have to go!"
They bolted. Rito dodged and weaved, pulling them into a narrow, dark alleyway.
A single drone cornered them, its laser sight locked onto Run's face.
Drone Voice: "EXCLUSIVE PHOTO! CATCHING THE COUPLE RED-HANDED!"
Rito shoved Run behind him, shielding her. Lala quickly blew into a tiny, silver whistle she'd pulled from her pocket.
The drone fired a blinding flash.
ZAP!
Pain flared instantly in Rito's shoulder.
The drone, however, short-circuited, Lala's Anti-Paparazzi Shield-kun had activated. The swarm glitched, crashed, and smoked, falling into the alleyway like broken garbage.
Run stared up at him, her hot pink eyes wide and glistening.
"Rito-kun… you protected me… again." she murmured.
She stepped closer, her soft hand rising to touch his burned shoulder. The intensity in her eyes was palpable.
"My prince…" she whispered.
Ren's subconscious wailed: "STOP! THAT'S MY BODY TOO! SHE'S GIVING HIM ROMANTIC GLANCES WITH MY BODY! THIS IS THE ULTIMATE BETRAYAL!"
…
Home. The disaster was far from over.
Mikan opened the door to see the sight: Run clinging to Rito's arm, eyes starry, even more infatuated than the previous day. Lala was examining a smoking drone. Rito was clutching his shoulder, looking exhausted.
Mikan's death-glare hit critical mass.
"Dinner. NOW. And NO MORE INAPPROPRIATE THINGS in this house tonight."
Run suddenly went rigid.
"ACHOO!"
A flash of light. A quick puff of smoke.
Ren reappeared in a heap, sprawling forward and landing directly across Rito's chest.
He jumped up, furious but disoriented.
"YUUKI RITO! I'LL NEVER LOSE TO YOU!"
Mikan's eye twitched.
"NOT IN MY HOUSE! Both of you! Dinner, then stay in your respective rooms!"
Lala, oblivious, patted Rito's head. "Don't worry, Rito~! Tomorrow I'll invent a better way to walk home!"
Rito facepalmed. He looked down at the furious boy lying on his chest, then at the cheerful alien who was planning his next high-blood-pressure-inducing experience.
'Well things have… progressed at least. I'm already living with two aliens, faced quite the aliens myself, and now I even accidentally kissed my romantic rival.'
'Spider-man was right… You can't change some canon events. Moreover, this isn't even near of the future chaos I'm about to face.'
*****
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