The desire to pull off the performance while keeping things at a "reasonable level" was nothing but my own stubbornness. It meant deceiving my teammates, and further, deceiving the people who would watch the stage.
So if I had to throw something away, it had to be my vague mindset.
'It's not that my desire to get eliminated from
But even so, I couldn't go up on stage planning to do it halfway. That would be deceiving not only these guys but also the me from my previous life.
'…I've never once done a stage half-heartedly.'
Regardless of whether my condition was good or bad, regardless of the stage environment or my mood that day, I had never once failed to give my best on stage.
Even when things grew distant between the members.
Even when the number of stages I could stand on dwindled.
At least when I was on stage, I tried to do the best I could. Even if I had given up on Lightning, that part was only natural.
'Because that's why I wanted to become an idol.'
To give my all on stage, to pour out my sincerity, to stand under people's eyes—that was why I became an idol. So I couldn't just wing it. I couldn't become complacent.
Lightning had few opportunities, and even fewer chances to catch attention. That was why every performance was new and had to be different each time.
And to get even that one opportunity, to climb up on even that one stage, I had endured for a long time.
Because of that, I still remembered—the times I had to pass through just to get up on that stage, the pride I had held back then.
'…Whether I pass or get eliminated, that doesn't matter. At the very least, I need to perform properly.'
How that version of me would come across to the public, how the system would evaluate that, and what the results would be—no one knew.
I might really debut, or I might try my best yet still get eliminated without much attention.
But regardless of all that, I intended to do what I was given properly. Because that was the only way I could protect my pride.
"Yuha, want this?"
I looked at the braised meat that plopped onto my tray. Aiden Lee, looking strangely cautious, had given me some of the food from his own tray.
"…Then you eat this."
"Huh?"
I tossed one of my dessert jellies onto Aiden's tray. As he stared blankly at the jelly sitting on his tray, he asked with a puzzled look:
"Are you sick?"
"What?"
"…You're acting kind of weird."
"What are you talking about?"
I answered, dumbfounded, and put the braised meat he'd given me into my mouth. But Aiden's worried gaze still didn't leave me.
"No, it just… you seem sick, Yuha."
"…I'm not sick at all."
"…Then why are you suddenly motivated?"
"What?"
Aiden blurted that out before realizing it, then darted his eyes like he was gauging my reaction. And since he'd already said it, he continued like he had no choice.
"You didn't want to do this."
"...."
I shut my mouth without replying. I could feel Joo dan-woo beside us glance over. He was probably worried because our disagreement earlier had almost turned into a fight.
To reassure him—and to calm Aiden, who seemed suspicious of my suddenly changed attitude—I decided to explain.
"You told me to think carefully about where I enter and where I exit."
"Huh?"
Both Aiden and Joo dan-woo, who had been tense a moment ago, looked at me in a daze. I quietly set down my spoon and continued.
"Wanting to do it or not wanting to do it aside… you were right. It's important to choose where you enter, where you exit, what you gain, what you lose. I was overthinking things. I tried to bring that overthinking to the stage. I just let go of that."
"...."
"And most importantly, what matters is doing it properly."
Aiden was right. Regardless of how I felt, nothing mattered more on stage than doing it right. Giving it my best.
"I'm not planning to hide on stage, so don't worry about that. I have no intention of phoning it in."
Finishing my words, I picked up my spoon again and began eating. But even as time passed, the spoons of the guy in front of me and the one beside me didn't move at all.
When I looked up, Joo dan-woo seemed deep in thought about something, and Aiden wore an expression like he'd made some kind of decision.
"…Aren't you eating?"
When I asked awkwardly, Aiden silently picked up the jelly on his tray and placed it onto mine.
"No, you eat—"
Thud.
Then he dumped all the braised meat from his tray onto mine as well.
I stared at him in disbelief as he nodded firmly and said in a determined voice:
"Eat more. Yuha, you need to eat more to do well."
There was some kind of strange pressure in his tone, and I let out a small sigh.
"…Am I the only one who needs to do well? You should—"
"…I'm gonna go first."
At that moment, Joo dan-woo suddenly stood up. Both Aiden and I turned toward him. His tray was still full of uneaten food.
"You're not finishing your meal, hyung?"
"Are you not hungry?"
"No…"
Worried he might be feeling unwell, Aiden and I asked, and Joo dan-woo hesitated before speaking with a firm expression.
"I want to practice more. I'll go first."
With that resolute tone, Joo dan-woo took his tray and left.
'…What? Is he really okay?'
I stared blankly at his retreating figure when—
"Yuha, this won't do."
"Huh?"
Aiden spoke in an oddly serious voice, and before I could react, he dumped all the remaining food from his tray onto mine in one huge pile.
I gaped at him as he nodded to himself.
"As I thought, Yuha needs to eat more. Yuha, you're doing great."
"I don't even know what you're talking about…?"
I still had no idea what he meant, but Aiden only grinned without giving an explanation.
And despite dumping all his food onto my tray so enthusiastically, he now had nothing left to eat and had to go back to the serving area to get more.
Two remaining days of practice passed, and on the day of the mission—
"I'm gonna die…"
"I'm nervous…"
"H-How do I look? Do I look okay? How's the makeup? The hair? The coordi? Does the ribbon look cute when it's tied like this?"
"Please calm down, hyung…"
Team 2 was dying in real time.
'…Is it because it's their first stage experience?'
They'd probably stood on stages like monthly evaluations before, but never anything this big, and especially not in front of an audience evaluating them directly, unrelated to the company.
'Was I like this too…?'
Thinking back, all rookies were probably like this. I also remembered not being able to sleep the night before my first stage.
I stayed awake the whole night, but never felt sleepy, so I performed in that strange, hyper-alert state. Then I crashed immediately afterward.
'Judging from yesterday, these guys didn't sleep either.'
Last night, Cheon Serim seemed to toss and turn until dawn, and Joo dan-woo didn't sleep at all. The others didn't seem much different.
Which meant the only one here doing fine was…
"Let's get first place~!"
Aiden Lee—he was the only one.
'This guy really must be a veteran, huh.'
His relaxed behavior was so extreme that I wondered if he had regressed too. I clicked my tongue in disbelief.
While every trainee gathered in the waiting room wore tense, stiff expressions, Aiden Lee alone was overflowing with energy.
"I'm excited, right~? Let's do well!"
"…Yeah, let's do well."
I gave a half-hearted answer and looked around at the team members. Aiden Lee never had any worries to begin with, so I skipped him. The others seemed nervous, but otherwise didn't appear to have any significant issues.
Which meant the one I needed to pay the most attention to was—
"...."
—Joo dan-woo.
Joo dan-woo had been silently murmuring the lyrics under his breath, reciting the lyric sheet since earlier. He was obviously the one who wrote them, so of course he would know every line from beginning to end.
'He must be anxious.'
Joo dan-woo had already made a mistake during the level re-evaluation, and before that, he'd failed to digest the concept properly and ended up with a D rank. It made sense that he lacked confidence.
On top of that—
—Yuha, thanks.
—Huh? For what?
—…Just everything. I won't do things halfway either. Let's work hard.
On the fifth night of training camp, Joo dan-woo—who had gone off to practice earlier—stayed behind alone even after all the practice ended.
It wasn't new for him to lock himself in the practice room regardless of time—he'd been doing that since the theme song mission. But starting that day, Joo dan-woo looked even more anxious.
'Feels like something I said hit him somewhere.'
He was already feeling pressure about the stage, so I didn't know whether what I'd said had a good influence on him or a bad one.
I would only find out on stage, but I didn't want to be checking his condition after things went wrong.
I quietly sat next to Joo dan-woo as he focused on memorizing lyrics. Whether he was deep in thought or simply too absorbed in practice, he didn't notice me at all.
"Hyung."
"Uh—uh?!"
When I tapped his shoulder and made a sound, Joo dan-woo's head snapped up. Even with full makeup on, the pale face beneath showed clear signs of nervous tension.
I held out my hand without warning.
"Give me your lyric sheet."
"…Why?"
"Hurry."
Joo dan-woo hesitated, then handed it over. I quietly took it, folded it, and shoved it into my pocket.
"Why…?"
He stared at me in confusion, glancing at my back pocket where the lyric sheet had gone, clearly unable to understand why I was doing this.
"Hyung, you know all the lyrics already. You wrote the song."
"...."
At that, Joo dan-woo shut his mouth, unable to argue. But he still looked reluctant, so I decided to speak plainly.
"Remember what I told you on the day of the level re-evaluation?"
"Huh?"
He didn't seem to catch on right away, so I didn't wait and reminded him myself.
"I said, 'let's perform together next time.'"
"Oh… yeah…"
"Hyung, you still think that was just empty words, right? That I said it because we got close while sharing a D rank."
Joo dan-woo fell silent, as if I had hit the mark exactly.
'Figures.'
He probably never imagined I meant it as praise. He probably never believed someone genuinely wanted to team up with him.
I held back a sigh and looked at him straight on. Still looking dazed, he needed things explained more directly.
"I told you—those weren't empty words."
"...."
"I didn't say it to comfort you. I didn't say it because we're friendly. I meant it. I want to be on stage with you because I know you're good."
I had thought this many times—Joo dan-woo was a good kid.
He had a good face and talent. His personality was good, too, blending well with the team without ruining the atmosphere. For group activities, you couldn't ask for better.
'And Joo dan-woo's biggest strength is…'
He was someone who never stopped working hard.
And from what I knew, guys like him could grow endlessly as long as they didn't quit. That kind of persistence was a talent few had.
"Just do what you can."
"Huh?"
Because of that, I wanted to see Joo dan-woo not give up.
"Don't think about having to do well. Don't think about messing up. Just do as much as you can. But—"
I looked him in the eyes and spoke firmly.
"—don't hold back when you can do it."
"...!"
And if Joo dan-woo simply did what he was capable of, this stage would be more than enough.
"Teams 2 and 14, please get ready!"
"Yes!"
"Yes!!"
We heard the staff calling us. Across from us, Team 14—coordinated in a concept completely different from ours—glared our way.
Aiden Lee looked at them and grinned innocently.
"Let's do well~!"
Then he slapped a high five and headed toward the backstage area with the others.
"Yuha, hey. There's something I didn't tell you."
On the way backstage, Aiden Lee suddenly leaned close and whispered in my ear with a strange tone. His eyes were oddly sharp, and I asked with a frown:
"…What is it?"
Aiden stared at me with an unsettling sparkle, then grinned again.
"I'm dead serious about winning."
"...."
"So let's crush everyone. You know?"
He was expecting big things~.
As he squeezed my shoulder with unnecessary force, I swallowed back the words I almost said.
I already knew that, you typical genius brat…