The que to meet members of the Idol group Sanguine Sinners snaked back and forth through the auditorium entry hall. Daedalus Kane tightened his hold on his messenger bag strap and tried his best not to feel out of place. The majority of the fans around Dae(Vamps as they called themselves) were alternatively dressed young women. In a sea of black and red clothing, full faces of gothic makeup, and elaborate costumes, Dae's light blue button up and jeans stuck out like a sore thumb.
The divide between Dae and the average vamp was what'd stopped him from attending meet and greets despite being a long time fan. Tessa, Dae's closest friend and only fellow vamp, finally got fed up with Dae's nervousness and dragged him along.
He'd known it was only a matter of time before she strong armed him into attending in person. It wasn't like he could say decline, not with the debt he owed her from their first year in college.
The two of them were part of their school's small and deeply competitive biotech department. Tessa was the only woman in their department. Dae was the only out gay man. In a foolish underestimation of prejudice, Dae assumed college would be a safe place to be honest about his identity. He quickly learned that jealousy outweighed progressiveness.
In Dae's first year at school he was given the opportunity to work on the development team for an implanted nerve stimulator meant to lessen pain from nerve damage. His name was even listed alongside the other developers. Instead of celebrating Dae's accomplishment, the other members of the department decided that Dae must have slept with his academic sponsor.
Through it all, Tessa stayed by his side. One year his senior and decades wiser, Tessa encouraged him and comforted him. Since Tessa received very similar treatment, Dae tried his best to do the same.
Together they laughed at the ridiculousness of Dae(an eternal virgin) or Tessa(a woman whose lanyard had been sporting an aroace pin for her entire school career) could ever attempt to seduce a married man. But laughter wasn't enough to erase the isolation both of them felt at being iced out of their department.
So they turned to fandom.
Tessa was the first to discover Sanguine Sinners. She was popular slash author on some social media Dae didn't have an account on. One day she got a request to write about a certain band. A band the immediately shared with Dae. Almost overnight Tessa became one of the most popular vamps.
Dae on the other hand-- much less outgoing than his friend --became the most dedicated collector of merchandise for the dancer of the group, Nox. Occasionally Tessa would post pictures of his collection and every time she was met with astonishment bordering on concern.
A cloud kissing tall stone peaks
No different than ocean foam
Crashing into the rocky shore it weeps
Of the love I wish to own
Dae didn't mind the alarmed comments. He knew his...interest...in the idol was far from casual. Wasn't that the point of idols? To be adored and to inspire others. Dae certainly believed this to be true. Seeing Nox, an openly queer man, dancing and flirting while dressed as alternatively as he liked healed something in Dae. He got to live vicariously through Nox.
His halo of bright white hair made him look angelic in the stage lights. His fluid movements turned to ritual and his voice to a prayer. His tendency to injure himself on his punk clothing turned his blood to divine sacrament. This comparison solidified when Kaspar, the lead vocalist, erotically licked blood from Nox's finger in the middle of one of their sets.
The chemistry Nox displayed not only with his band members, but with every person he interacted with, fed into his air of divinity. He could flirt with fans, interviewers, and strangers without ever coming across as lecherous or disrespectful. Online, fans described being in his presence as being truly and wholly seen.
Ironically, Nox himself was an enigma. His charisma made it easy to deflect any and all questions about himself. Once an interviewer asked Nox his favorite color and Nox managed to avoid answering by discussing the color themes of the upcoming album and somehow ending up in the interviewers lap.
Somehow Nox's aloofness added to his approachability. He was a blank canvas and finished painting all at once. Someone like Dae, a dorky loser in STEM, could relate to Nox just as easily as a teenager trying drag for the first time. The only thing fans knew for certain were the fact that Nox was queer and that he had a younger sister who inspired him to start performing.
"Is the DVD creepy?" Dae looked down at his tote bag as he anxiously shifted his weight from foot to foot. Out of all of Dae's merch he'd been forced to choose three things to bring for the signing. He'd decided on a poser with Nox at the center, his favorite Nox photocard, and a DVD that held his own compilation of Nox's best dances.
When he looked up Tessa was holding out a fanart poster featuring Nox and Kaspar, both shirtless, entangled with each other and a hair's breadth from kissing. Dae pressed his lips together and nodded slowly.
"Yeah, I guess it could be worse..."
"You still gonna say it's for your imaginary sister?"
Dae's dark blush and guilty silence answered Tessa's question. She rolled her eyes then grabbed Dae's arm as the line moved forward.
If I let go you could hold me
Suspended
Between sky and sea
Despite the venue's thematic gothic decor, the group interacted with their fans cheerfully. They frequently recognized fans, even going so far as to take pictures with their personal phones. Dae wondered if he could have been one of those familiar faces, if Nox would smile at him like that, if only he'd plucked up the courage to come sooner.
The group ahead of Tessa and Dae peeled off to visit with Cas, the rapper of the group. As Tessa approached the table Kaspar narrowed his eyes, trying to place her.
"Slash Lash Queen?" Kaspar asked.
Tessa did a mock curtsy, "In the flesh! You also signed some art for me at the last concert!"
Kaspar nodded as Tessa laid out her poster. He looked down at it and whistled lowly before leaning over and tugging on Nox's shirt. Nox, who'd just finished meeting with a fan, leaned over to look at the poster.
"Want us to pose for this one too?"
Nox's voice was even more enchanting in person. The gravely tone from the concerts vocal strain added an intimate quality Dae wasn't prepared for.
"Wait!" Dae held a hand up as his mind caught up to the contents of Nox's question, "You make them act out your ship art?"
Both idols laughed and nodded as Tessa looked away evasively.
"Are the two of you together?" Nox asked gently.
"Yes!" Tessa chirped as Dae firmly said, "NO!"
The two of them looked at each other then back at the idols.
"We came to the concert together but we're not romantically involved," Tessa amended tactfully as Dae blurted out, "I'm gay and I hate her."
Nox lifted one hand, adorned with rings and chains, to cover his mouth as he struggled to stifle a laugh. Kaspar made no such attempt. He clutched his stomach and bent over with raucous laughter.
I wish to be the coil unspooled in your hands
It only takes two to pull me taut
it's enough to just watch you, Watch the sky
Clouds in your eyes, Feet off the dock
Dae's ears burned and he stared down at his feet. When he looked back up Nox and Kaspar were clutching each other. Kaspar was seated with one hand looped around Nox's back and the other firmly grasping Nox's thigh. Nox cupped the back of Kaspar's head with one hand while the other rested lightly on Kaspar's chest. Their faces were close enough to share breath and their expressions held the same longing as the artwork.
Beside Dae, Tessa busied herself with capturing multiple angles of the scene before them. All Dae could focus on was the small gap between Nox's parted lips. When the idols finally separated Tessa approached the table to lay out her other items.
After signing the poster, Nox slid back into his seat and motioned for Dae to follow. As if in a trance, Dae instantly obeyed. The way Nox smiled at Dae made Dae's heart race. He could feel the tratous organ trying its best to escape through his throat and reveal his affection. He busied himself with unpacking his bag.
Nox hummed to himself as he signed the card and poster, tactfully filling the awkward silence Dae created between them. When Nox got to the DVD his humming stopped and he looked up at Dae questioningly.
"This doesn't look official. You're not making me sign anything weird, right?" Nox's lips were curled into a playful smile and his eyes were alight with friendliness but Dae still felt his stomach drop.
Dae held out his hands and shook his head frantically, "NO! It's just a compilation of your dancing- I mean that's what my sister said! It's um.. All this is for her." As he trailed off he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.
"Since when have you had a sister Daedalus?"
Dae's mouth fell open and he was sure he felt his heart stop as his full name left Nox's lips. Beside him he felt Tessa still and out of the corner of his eye he saw Kaspar turn to Nox in shock.
"Ho-how do you... Tessa did you post my name on your account?" Dae turned to Tessa, reaching for the only possible explanation for this impossible situation.
Nox tilted his head. His eyebrows pinched and his lips tilted towards a frown, "I knew you before I knew about Tessa's account. Actually, I didn't know you listened to our band-"
Kaspar reached over and grabbed Nox's arm. While wearing a tight smile he hissed, "Dude you're scaring our fan!"
Nox stared at Kaspar indignantly then turned to Dae imploringly, "I'm not going to pretend not to recognize an old friend!"
If I let go you could hold me
Suspended
Between sky and sea
Silence stretched out between the four of them until a manager started signaling for Nox and Kaspar to get the line moving again. Nox looked genuinely hurt at Dae's confusion, which only served to worsen said confusion.
Kaspar was the first to act. He reached over to flip Dae's poster and scribble something on the back. As Nox stared at Dae sadly, Kaspar shoved the poster into Dae's hand and held a finger up in a shushing motion.
Tessa led a shell-shocked Dae out of the venue and into the parking lot. As they approached her car she whirled to face Dae. Dae, head still spinning, crashed into her and nearly knocked his glasses off. Tessa grabbed his shoulders and shook him.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU KNEW NOX!"
"I DIDN'T KNOW!"
Tessa chewed on her thumbnail and furrowed her eyebrows, "How could you forget someone that hot?"
"Trust me," Dae sighed, "I'm asking myself the same thing."
Suddenly remembering the poster, Dae pulled it out of his bag and unrolled it to read what Kaspar wrote. It was a phone number, Nox's if Dae had to guess, as well as a message reading "Share this and ur dead."
Tessa peeked over the top of the poster and gasped in shock. Dae shared her sentiment.
Clear thoughts shaped like a dream
Never a restful night
It hurts to know you'll never really need me
Both the line and the kite
"Ok, Explain!" Kaspar flopped onto his and Nox's shared hotel bed wearing nothing but a robe. Nox pressed against Kaspar's warm skin and twined his fingers through Kaspar's. It was becoming clear that Kaspar's insistence on Nox showering first was less altruism and more a preventative measure to keep him from falling asleep before Nox was done.
"I don't know what to tell you," Nox sighed and rolled over, looping his arm over Kaspar's waist, "He was like a mentor to my sister. We hung out during her competitions. I guess I just didn't make a lasting impression."
Nox knew how mopey he sounded. Had he been with anyone but Kaspar he would have refused to divulge even this much. It stung that the man who triggered Nox's gay awakening was attentive enough to compile his dance highlights. While simultaneously being so unaffected by their time together that he never made the connection.
"Ok, like no offense, but how could he not remember you. You're like," Kaspar lifted his head and gestured to Nox's face. A face filled with piercings framed by stark white hair, "You're pretty hard to mis- WAIT!"
Kaspar shot up, forcing Nox up with him, "Was this before you went alt?"
"Fuuuuuuuuuck," Nox buried his face in his hands as understanding washed over him.
The alternative style was much more his sister Nell's thing than his. The whole group was her idea in the first place. People could say he had a sister complex all they wanted. When your little sister battling childhood cancer asks for a boyband, you make the damn boyband.
Dae's presence in Nell's-- and by association Nox's --life fell solidly in the beginning of Nell's treatment. Back then Nox dressed like any other reserved bookworm. His closet was filled with plain clothes and oversized cardigans. His hair was long to match Nell's and cover his face. He even wore glasses to further separate himself from the public's gaze.
All that went out the window when he started Sanguine. He adopted Nell's second favorite style and perfected his fake confidence. Dae had only ever known him as who he'd been before, or at least he would have until Nox forced the connection at the signing. Nox hoped his words helped draw the line connecting the Nox of back then with the Nox of today. Especially since he seemed more quite interested in Nox's persona. A fact that only stung a little.
"I think he only ever called me by my last name." Nox sighed as he fiddled with his hands resting in his lap.
"I bet he thought you were a girl," Kaspar nodded sagely, "I know I did."
Not helping! Nox's eyes expressed wordlessly as he glared at Kaspar.
Kaspar lifted his hands up defensively, "Look at it this way, he finally came back to you!"
Nox hummed in half hearted agreement. Kaspar fell back on the bed and Nox joined him again. Nox pressed himself against Kaspar, seeking his comforting warmth. Kaspar's arm instantly circled around Nox's shoulders comfortingly.
Dae was a college mentor for aspiring engineering students. When he was paired with Nell Nox was prepared for him to shirk his duties. What college student wanted to spend time with a kid who might not be well enough to leave the hospital let alone compete? Instead, Dae showed up at Nell's hospital room with the entire robotics kit in his backpack.
The backpack evolved to a small wagon that he dutifully packed and unpacked to make sure she could work on her robot anywhere. He also fought with event organizers ensuring Nell could participate digitally in a competition scheduled two days after a major surgery.
Daedalus Kane was an easy man to fall for. Nox hadn't realized his affection grew stronger in their time apart. The moment he spied Dae trying to hide behind Tessa he recognized him. Attraction and fondness crashed over him like a tsunami.
"I wrote that song about him."
A pregnant silence stretched between them as Kaspar processed the bomb Nox dropped into the conversation.
There was only one song in their discography that Nox wrote by himself. He'd pitched in on the others. But only one was solely his.
"That's why you were so insistent that everyone got credited for writing it." Nox nodded against Kaspar's side, "It wasn't that you were worried about rumors, you were worried about those rumors being true."
"If you tell a single soul I swear I'll tell people you like wax play but start crying and wimp out the moment it's more than soy wax."
Nox shifted his head to glare at Kaspar who looked genuinely hurt. After realizing Nox was being honest he sighed and pulled away from Nox.
"I guess this is over then?" Kaspar gestured between Nox and himself with resigned finality. He didn't seem upset, just slightly inconvenienced.
"Maybe you can finally shoot your shot with Ellis," Kaspar glared at Nox who sighed before continuing, "There's no promise he'll even call, let alone date me."
"Yeah who would want a slut like-" Nox leapt up to straddle Kaspar and pressed a pillow down over his head like he was trying to kill him. After five seconds of muffled struggling he pulled the pillow away, "Ok! Since when did you take issue with being called a slut?"
Nox clicked his tongue in annoyance and dismounted, "I don't give a shit what you call me. Just drop the whole Dae thing, kay?"
Kaspar clearly had more he wanted to say but he chose to remain silent.