2021, February 15th
(On the plane)
AIDEN
If she just got scared, if she just needed time to mourn… was I wrong not to chase her?
"That wasn't your choice to make. It's not up to you how much I can handle," I said, my tone equally as quiet and grave.
A long stretch of silence coupled with staring at each other followed.
Back to the questions. The denial. Back to not knowing why I was in Caspira, or anywhere, without Keira.
My arrogant ass pushed the pain away. I refused to ask why she ran. It didn't matter anymore. I moved on.
Happiness. I had fucking earned it. Deserved it. Elena. I had to think of Elena. The woman who wanted me. Didn't the one in front of me want me too?
Keira was proposing marriage.
Fake marriage. Fake proposal. Not real. Nothing was ever a certainty with Keira Dormer. Things were more complicated with her than both of my previous engagements combined.
Elena finally knew what she wanted. She made it clear as day that it was me. All I wanted was to hold her and tell her it's okay. That I hadn't disappeared and everything I put her through was worth it because I was making her mine.
I was angry, but I had never learned to walk away from Keira Dormer. She was all alone. Needed me. So was Elena. So did Elena. Aah man, what was I doing?
"I'm sorry about your mom. Losing people like our moms, it's complicated. When Mary went away for attempted murder, I felt relief. There was grief too, though. It's okay that there's grief too, Keira. It's okay that it hurts," I said, taking her hand in mine, like I wanted to that night when she got the news of Madz's death.
When she shut me out for the last time.
I was bitter and resentful, but she had my sympathy too. I couldn't help it. She was in pain. Keira Dormer may be a capable woman and Nathan would have been at her side throughout it all, but clearly she hadn't dealt with this part yet.
When she started opening up to me, the stuff about Madz came out too. I knew how hard that was for her. Showing weakness.
It would come back to bite me in the ass, but I was glad I was still her person, at least in this way. I wanted to be the one to comfort her, to tell her it was okay. Just because I was mad at her, didn't mean I knew how to be an asshole to her. Would that I did. We would be better off if I did.
KEIRA
"Me too. I'm sorry she's gone too. How pathetic is that? Mommy dearest ruined everything that came into my life that was good. She took it right away and I'm still fucking sorry," I mumbled, accepting condolences for the first time since I got the news.
Aiden took me into his arms as silent tears fell from my eyes. Where have you been, Aiden Condron? Why did you let me walk away? Don't you know how much I needed you? How horribly difficult these six months have been without you? But he couldn't stay. He was never supposed to be part of my world. The dangers were simply too grave to keep him at my side.
I liked where I was though. Being in his arms felt right, even if it was just for now. He pitied her because she was losing her shit about Madz being dead. That was all. He gave up on me at last. Moved on like I knew he would. I had to be okay with it. made it so. Our lives couldn't be connected anymore.
I really thought I was okay. The last six months was a busy time. Everything I had to do allowed me to delude myself into believing that I didn't need to cry. Feel. Grieve. Being Archduchess Dormer was harder than it looked.
Just a little more, Aiden. Hold me just a little more.
"Emily's important to me, Kei. She might be my last chance at this relationship thing. If I can't make it work with her, then I'm done. I give up. I need to give this one my all," he said, his words making my gut twist around itself as envy took root inside me.
"Seven days," I made myself say, forcing the dread of leaving him again down. "Just give me a week to deal with Kate and handle the business of Madz's death. Play the part of my fiancé and I swear it'll be the last time. You'll never see me or my crazy family again."
I had no right to ask and yet I did anyway. Asking things of him felt safe somehow. Like I was entitled. Allowed. From the very first time, I knew he'd give me what I wanted. There was just something about him. It was like I'd known him for years as I sat across from him in that restaurant and asked for a fuck. After that, I couldn't stop craving his love. Six months changed nothing. My hunger remained unchanged.
"What's happening this week? You're not doing dangerous, dumb shit, are you?" he asked patiently.
He looked into my eyes and touched my face with tender affection. The anger was long gone. In its place was familiarity. Warmth. Concern. I dared to hope, a willingness to bend to my will. I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face into his chest.
"Trust me? Just one last time, Denny."
I was asking him to stay with me for a week so that I could go away forever. So why did it feel like I was asking for his heart? Why did his gentle caresses make me feel like maybe I didn't need to ask?
Do you still love me?
A fleeting,
perilous thought.
The answer had to be no. We had no future.