"What?" Locious asked in disbelief, his voice piercing the air. He must have heard it wrong; it was impossible that after just a couple of days the Aura had completely faded. Usually, the longer Angels stayed in contact with humans, the stronger the Aura became and the longer its effects lasted until they wore off. For casual encounters it was mostly a lustful moment, but for people he spent long periods of time with, it usually developed that intense, love-like feeling. And Rose showed all the signs of being under its effects. She didn't look at him with desire; she looked at him with eyes full of love, which was a dagger to his heart.
"Seriously, Locious, you are supposed to be the elevated being here and you are just… being a delusional asshole. I love you, man, but really, you need to get your shit together," she said.
He knew he should feel offended, but suddenly an immense guilt he had never felt before punctured his heart.
"How do you know that it faded?" he asked. Not because he thought she was lying, but because thinking that the looks he saw on Rose could have been real was unbelievable and made a strange emotion stir in his soul. Sandy opened and closed her mouth as if unsure of what to say, and he instantly understood. It was one of those secrets Sandy preferred to keep for herself. Despite that, he knew she would never betray him.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't prying. I just want to know if you are one hundred percent sure that she wasn't under its effects the day I took her home," he explained, touching his forehead.
If what Sandy said was true, he was in a more awful situation than he first thought. It wasn't only the harsh words he had said, but the realization that her words may have been her real feelings after all.
"I don't make mistakes with important things like that," she said, her voice chilling, but he knew she wasn't angry with him. She was probably divided between her necessity to protect her newfound friend and her loyalty to him. He couldn't save her from that because he himself was also torn, as if his essence was split in two and both sides were pulling in different directions. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"
No, he didn't. He was ashamed, he felt guilty, and a lot of other contradictory feelings were clashing against one another inside of him. Putting his thoughts into words might help him understand how he could set things right with a human, but he didn't know if he was ready to face the truth of his own sentiment. Or hear it coming from another person's mouth.
"As I said, she told me she liked me. But as I thought it was because of the alcohol and the Aura, I said… some pretty terrible things to her. So I was feeling guilty for having been too harsh with her when it wasn't really her fault, but now that you told me it wasn't the Aura but that she was being for real, I just… I don't know what it is that makes me feel so… strange and out of control… I can't… I can't explain it, okay? And that makes me feel like I'm going crazy."
Angels are not supposed to be moved by emotions. I shouldn't be letting these feelings cloud my reason, but I can't overcome the fear of having done something terrible that would end up shattering our whole relationship and make me lose her. He wanted to say all that but was unable to do so; it was like being stripped naked of his cover image, his pride, and all the serenity and foundation he had spent centuries building. Giving in to those feelings meant giving up his whole world, giving up himself completely.
"Do you like her?" Sandy asked, locking her eyes onto him. Her eyes shone and her aura changed colors. At that moment, he felt as if he wasn't talking to Sandy, his subordinate and friend, but to an ancient being—someone who had all the answers to the Universe attached to her very soul. How odd. We have had talks a thousand times, but it's the first time I feel so vulnerable in front of her. Is it because of the intensity of the talk? He thought and wondered if maybe there was more to her than she let on. How could there be something that could make Angels, the supposed supreme beings, feel so ashamed and powerless?
"I do, of course I do. That's a silly question. She is a good person and a valuable ally for me," he answered and immediately regretted it.
Sandy went back to her usual wild expression and hit him on the arm with her closed fist. He knew he hadn't answered what she was asking, but he was not going to admit anything yet if he hadn't even been able to understand his own thoughts, let alone talk about the confusion he was feeling.
"Don't play stupid with me! You know I meant romantically!" she almost shouted. Sandy was like a sister to him, and he appreciated that she was so eager to be on Rose's side, but she really didn't know anything. He was starting to feel judged, which fueled his own anger.
"What does it matter? There are things in our world that are not meant to be, and that's the end of it!" Okay, yes, I was hard with my words to Rose, but I wasn't doing it because I wanted to. There is a whole painful reason behind it! He wanted to shout but once more remained silent. He couldn't explain that to Sandy without revealing the truth behind their Angel existence. He was raised to keep all their rules a secret from the rest of the people they worked with, as if keeping an emotional distance, as if drawing clearly the line that divided their eternal existence and the rest of the people that were part of their world, setting them apart and not belonging anywhere more than among the others like them.
"I think you should just talk to her," Sandy said, getting up and placing a hand on his shoulder as if comforting him. Her eyes now were full of pity, as if she knew there was more to it than just something not meant to be, but she was keeping her knowledge to herself. He appreciated that because at least he could pretend to have the situation under control.
She turned to leave but he stopped her. He composed himself, his voice dropping into the steady, professional tone of the Society boss. "About the intel you gathered from your uncle Berlion. You gave me the high-risk club locations, but I know he didn't give that up easily. What do we owe him?"
"We don't owe him, we owe his boss and you know how that greedy bastard is. He wants a 'token of goodwill' from the Society—something small that proves we are acting in good faith. I told him we'd negotiate the terms after this raid." She resumed her walking, but when she was almost at the door, she turned and smiled—a slow, dangerous kind of grin. "You owe me one for this last piece of information. You are hell of a lucky bastard, y'a know? Rose doesn't remember anything after she blacked out at the bar, so just go and kiss it out or something." She left him alone dealing with the implications of her statement.
So, she doesn't remember anything? Their fight, her confession, his rejection, or his harsh words? It was like having a fresh start; she couldn't be angry with him or demand explanations for what he had said that night. It was a breather in his already chaotic situation. However, it also meant that he had been ignoring and hurting her and she had no idea the reason behind his attitude. What have I done to her?