I walked back to my quarters like a little lost rat, doing my damned best not to shake or run or do the million and one thing that would guarantee an ocean stood between Abbott Raven and me.
There was no escape.
Looking at me told everyone the story I was desperately trying to hide —the ripped dress, his bogus shirt, the tear stained eyes and the thunderous pounding of my heart.
I felt the guards' eyes on me as I walked past, the way they all pretended not to notice that anything was amiss. It must take a great deal of fucked-upness to master the art of being a functional blind in his household.
Once a tyrant... always a tyrant, I guess.
I stared straight ahead, refusing to cower.
But then I heard them. Two maids, huddled by a doorway.
"...beneath him," one whispered. "The Lord Commander will break her. You'll see. She'll be running back to the mud in a week."
"A week? I give her a day. Madam Red has no business being wife to Lord Commander Raven. Far better women have tried and failed. Who the hell does she think she is?"
Madam Red? A little bit on the nose, isn't it?
I stopped and cleared my throat.
They jumped apart, their faces white as snow. They bowed low, ready to flee.
"Who do I think I am?" I looked from one frightened face to the other. "I am the Honorable Abigail Spencer. And do you see me running?"
"No, Your Highness!" one stammered.
I turned my back on them, opened my door, and stepped inside. The moment the door clicked shut, I went to stand by the mirror.
And I watched my reflection.
Three weeks. That was all the time it took for my life to go to hell.
Three weeks. I went from the beloved daughter of a Baron to the hated wife of Prince Abbott Raven, the Almighty Lord Commander.
Three fucking weeks.
I went to the window and picked up Charlie, my toad. His cool, bumpy skin was the only familiar thing in this horrible place. I sat on the bed, cradling him.
I brought him close to my lips and whispered
"He hates me, Charlie." I rocked back and forth, a tear falling onto his head. "My husband hates me."
He looked at me like he was yelling 'run'
I squeezed my eyes shut. "Oh Charlie"
---
(Three weeks ago)
Three weeks ago, I ran.
As soon as the king announced my Marriage to Prince Abbott. I ran.
I ran until I thought my lungs would burst. Untill my teeth chattered from the cold and the storm. The thunder was loud, but I didn't stop. Stopping meant a fate worse than death.
My cloak was soaked and heavy, pulling me down with every step. I clutched my little satchel so tight my fingers ached. It had everything I owned in the world. It was my whole life.
I could hear horses behind me. The King's men or the new Baron Winston, dear uncle or Prince Abbott, himself. It didn't matter.
Anyone of them would do me harm.
If they found me, it was over. If he knew I ran...it was over. Abbott might not want this marriage but a runaway bride was a black mark on his reputation. People have died for far less.
I thought of the awful flu portion Nanny Josie used to make. I would give anything to be that girl again. That girl smiled. She laughed. She was silly and naive. She didn't have to run for her life in a storm.
That girl was gone.
To escape, I had to lose my cloak. I tore at the laces and let it fall. The cold bit my skin. Lightning flashed, and I saw my dress—a bright yellow thing with rubies. A stupid dress for hiding. I stood out for all to see.
The horses were closer. I ran for the old tunnels. I didn't think I would make it.
Then a hand grabbed me and pulled me down into a pile of hay.
"Stay still!" a voice whispered.
My heart pounded like a wild drum.
Okay, Abigail. Breathe. What is the worst thing that could happen?
My mind filled with terrible ideas, it was pure horror. Who could possibly be holding me down? A bandit? A madman? The ghost of the scarecrow? I wasn't exactly a rational person.
I remembered what my mother once told me: remind them you are a person.
"I am the Honorable Abigail Spencer!" I blurted out.
Oh, you fool! I thought. Now he knows you have a title!
"Please, don't kill me!" I begged. "I have a title, but no money! I have nothing but Charlie, and he's just a toad. I'm not worth anything! I'm just a girl—"
"Your highness!" the voice said, sharp and clear.
"Yes?"
"Stop talking!" he snapped. "The horsemen are closer!"
The voice was familiar. It was sir Bastian, Abbott's second in command.
"You are going to take me back, aren't you?" I tried to stop myself from crying. Crying never solved anything, fighting did.
I was easily restrained. His hand went to my mouth to stop me from making a sound. It took a second but I realized he was hiding from the horsemen too.
"I think we are safe" He took his hand off. " I have to sneak you back into the palace and come up with a plausible excuse for your absence" he told me.
I let out a shaky breath and hugged him. I broke every rule and hugged this knight that I have never seen smile before. And then I broke.
"I can't find them!" I cried. "Where are my parents? They could stop the king! They can stop this marriage. They can stop everything!"
The pain I had been holding back hit me. They were gone. Just gone.
How can I survive without them? I'm Abigail! I'm awkward. I'm better with animals than people. I have no useful skills. How can I do this alone?
"I won't survive!" I yelled at him. "I need my parents!"
"Well, you have to!" he yelled back, shocking me into silence. "You have to! This is a dangerous place. Many risked their lives trying to stop you from getting entangled with the crown but you just refused to listen! You wanted to marry the prince"
"Prince Markle not Abbott! Markle. I wanted Markle!" I screamed at him.
"Yes. You've made that point very clear! Everyone in Derkal knows that including Abbott. Now, come"
For the first time since I arrived, the knight said more words to me in a second than in the entire three weeks I have been in the palace.
I followed behind him. "Is he going to hurt me because I ran?"
He stopped and looked at me.
"He is literally incapable of doing that. His father on the other end...very much so, if I don't sneak you back into the palace without getting caught" There was a little pause, then he added. "This is your fault. He has every right to be angry"
I looked away and trailed behind him as he led me back to the cold blooded prince.
---
(Now)
A knock on the door jolted me out of my head. I stood up, went to the door, dreading to see Abbott standing there but he wasn't the one.
It was Sir Bastian.
He looked at me. His eyes said everything his mouth didn't. You didn't run.
"I didn't run again, Sir Bastian" I told him. "And you lied to me"
"Your highness?"
"You told me he was incapable of hurting me. You said he literally couldn't" I blinked back tears.
"Abigail..."
"You lied" I wiped the tears off.
"Can I get you anything? Do you need a physician?" Bastian looked helpless.
I ignored his help.
"Tell the maids to move my things into his bed chamber, Bastian"
"Abigail..." He told a step closer.
"Just do it" I said and slammed the door.