I vividly remember the day my last top seed home closed.
It was a day like any other, where I drank, went up on stage, and had a spectacular dance break.
And it was my birthday.
[Shooting Rex @Shooting_REX
201x0710~202x0406: Close]
When I saw that word, I thought, "What the heck... this is finally coming."
But to pass it over with just that, there was a long letter written below and dressed to me.
[LShooting Rex @Shooting_REX
Rex, I've liked you for a really long time. Remember when you were chosen as the final member in 〈Targeting Star〉 and you cried and said you'd work really hard? You weren't working hard at all today.
Was that what it meant when each and every sentence hit the bone?
[LShooting Rex @Shooting_REX
You didn't seem like the person you were back then. What hardships have you had? Of course I know. That's why I don't intend to blame you. But I don't think I can support you anymore. That's the last bit of pride I, a fool, can maintain.
Even as I read that, I was still dazed, opening a beer can with my hand. Looking back, I think it was probably an act of self-defense, as I lacked the confidence to see things with a clear mind.
...there is no such thing as a crazy person.
[LShooting Rex @Shooting_REX
Honestly, even as I write this, I'm worried. What if there really is no one left by your side? What if no one understands your heart?
That long, long letter ended like this.
[ Shooting Rex @Shooting_REX
I hope that someday, we can start all over again. For me, for you.
From that day on, I thought I'd never be loved again. And I was more or less right.
The comments on the video titled 'The desperate pack-bombing and birthday celebration of the trashy top seed Homema', which has nearly 2 million views, were filled with mockery such as 'This is awesome lol, isn't that what you were aiming for?' or 'This is Karma'.
"Huh? Hey, are you okay?"
"Oh? Yes, yes! That's fine. Can I sign it for you?"
The two girls who had gone out came back.
I wiped away the gloom I had felt just a moment ago and smiled brightly as I signed the paper they had brought me.
A cute dragon spitting fire over the Chinese character for spring, that was my sign.
"Wow, you already made a signature? So cute... This is a dragon!"
"Oh, yes. That's because I'm an individual trainee. I'm going to be appearing on a survival show soon. It's called 〈Targeting Star〉...."
"Wow. That's an idol survival show run by AG Entertainment, right? I saw an article about it!"
"Oh, yes. If you see it, please support it."
This time, I will really, really work hard.
I made up my mind as I looked back and forth between the two people waving at me and leaving the practice room with the phrase "First fan" on my phone.
No matter what happens, I have to do better. I mustn't repeat that mistake again.
Not as a malicious member, but as Kim Chun-yong.
* * *
As evening fell, I headed home an hour early for my preliminary interview the next day.
Of course, I didn't forget to thank the part-time workers who had become my fans. My hands were full of my family's favorite snacks.
Because they disappeared once and then returned, I kept worrying about it. I wanted to do something more. I never knew the human heart could be so fickle.
These were days when I truly felt the meaning of the saying that you should do well when you have the chance.
Poof!
- X: No matter what, act naturally ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
- X: Kim Chun-yong, don't you know that your family thinks you're being weird right now? Be a little more aware;
What the hell is this? My family thinks I'm weird?
You're talking nonsense, aren't you?
I lightly ignored the vicious texts X had sent and cautiously opened the front door.
"I'm back---?"
The whole house was pitch black.
Our family usually gathered together on Saturday nights to watch a movie, but today, there was no sound in the living room.
Did they go to bed early? Or did they go out?
I walked cautiously, feeling a sense of needless nervousness, and soon I could see the backs of my family members chatting away in the darkness, with only a cat-shaped mood light on.
"What is everyone...."
"No matter how much I think about that guy, Kim Chun-yong, he's been acting strange lately."
I snapped my half-open mouth shut. Then I leaned against the hallway and began to listen.
...what are you talking about now?
"Why, yesterday when he came back from the practice room, I saw Kim Ch un-yong and told him to buy me ice cream."
"And?"
"He really bought it."
"...Our son, who only knew himself?"
"That's what I meant! And the points were even credited in my name. Was Kim Chun-yong always like that? No, he wasn't."
The more I listened, the more my face flushed. Even if I treat you well, it's still a mess? Huh?
No matter what I thought or said, their serious discussion showed no sign of ending.
"What should I do... It really seems like something is wrong. Should I give him something to help?"
"No, I'm just being a servile person, Dad. Don't worry. He bought you ice cream, too. He probably bribed me to promote him to my students."
"No, but still...."
"No, it's understandable that the child is like that! Why on earth would everyone act like that? Chun-yong shouldn't have his feelings distorted like that."
Mom, you are the only one who protects me.
"No matter how much the child looks in pain...."
No.
Swallowing back tears, I quickly turned on the living room light before even my mother could say something strange about me. The four of them blinked, searching for the source of the light.
I cleared my throat and spoke naturally.
"What are you all doing with the lights off? You're not ghosts."
"Oh!"
At my words, the family members who had been huddled together scatter ed and struck poses. Even so, they were merely leaning against the corners of the dark living room.
"Ah, is our son here?"
Mom greeted me with a smile, trying to pretend nothing was wrong. She awkwardly held the cat mood lamp Kim Na-ri had bought for her.
"You came a little early today? You always come at dawn."
"Uh, uh. The company said they're having a preliminary interview tomorrow afternoon...."
I strode across the living room with long, brisk strides, pretending not to hear anything, and placed a convenience store bag full of snacks among them.
"The four of you are going to watch a movie later, right? Have this while you do."
"...Did you buy it?"
"Oh. I bought it for myself, but I'm afraid I'll mess up during the interview tomorrow. You guys share it."
With those words, I quickly headed to my room. And in that brief moment, the voices of my shocked family members mercilessly pounded behind me.
"Why is he giving us what he bought to eat... Wait a minute? There's only things we like?!"
"There isn't even a single snack that I like...."
"Oh my, oh my. Oh my."
"What should I do? I think Kim Chun-yong has lost his mind."
After closing the door with Kim Na-ri's final, dejected declaration, I leaned against the door and slid down, covering my face.
Is this how I looked to my family?
And then I got a message from X, laughing at my state.
- X: That's why I told you to act naturally lol
- X: That's good for both you and them -3-
- X: Stop doing useless things and check your skills!
I paused my fingers just as I was about to start a bloody keyboard battle with X.
"...Skill?"
I frowned and tried to remember, but nothing came to mind. I knew I'd been told that I'd gained my first fan.
- X: You unlocked the Encyclopedia and got a skill as a reward! Did you forget already? You're even dumber than I thought??
Oh, that's what you're talking about.
I lightly ignored the constantly ringing chat window and went into the status screen. It was similar to before, but something called "Idol's Aura (F)" had appeared in the skill section.
[Idol's Aura (F): The aura or energy of someone who has become someone's idol. As the number of fans increases, the rank increases.
Effect: +1 charm on stage]
Looking at it this way, it felt like I'd truly become a game character. It also seemed to subtly create a sense of disconnect from reality.
"Phew..."
I sneaked a peek outside to check. The family was watching a movie about robots exploding and eating the snacks I'd bought. Their faces looked delighted.
Without being awkward, naturally, as if it'd always been like that.
"But how do you do that?"
It's already been 6 years since I lost my family!
I never dreamed that dealing with my family would be more difficult than struggling to make a comeback.
- X: Stop doing useless things and just focus on your debut, okay? That's what looks natural.
- Kim Chun-yong: Yeah, you should find a cheapskate and talk to him.
- X: ;;
- X: I won't say much, just go to sleep.
- Kim Chun-yong: Yeah
- X: _._.
Still, I followed X's advice and went to bed. It was much better to prepare for tomorrow than to keep whining.
Above all else.
[AG Entertainment Standard Contract for Popular Culture and Arts Trainees]
The new agency I signed with was overly sensitive to such things.
The agency I originally belonged to, QuinCE, was a pretty decent mid-sized idol entertainment agency.
I've been practicing after school since I was street-casted in my second year of middle school until I was twenty, so I've been with QuinCE for about five years.
"Chunyong, you handled your gaze well today!"
Sweating in the basement practice room. I naturally thought that I would become the main dancer of QuinCE's fourth male idol group.
However.
"Huh? Saying something like that out of the blue... That's ridiculous, Director. I'm twenty years old now!"
"That's right, Chun-yong. That's how things turned out. I know you're good at what you do. But the final decision is up to the directors. Okay? I'm really sorry."
"Well, if you say so…"
I was cut from the final debut lineup for the absurd reason that my image didn't fit.
"...Haha."
Even now, thinking about it makes me laugh out loud.
My image doesn't match? Suddenly?
Well, that's true. In fact, it was impossible for me, who has experienced everything in the entertainment industry, to not infer that it was because they were trying to select another trainee who came in later.
"Chunyong. First of all, we're terminating your contract... There's a male idol survival show in AG right now, right? I think you should give it a try. I think you have every chance."
So, I decided to go on 〈Targeting Star〉 after being cut from the debut group, and signed a contract with a new entertainment agency.
August Entertainment, commonly known as AG Ent.
If you ask people what kind of agency AG Entertainment is, you will hear a uniform answer.
"Well, they have a ton of prestigious solo singers. Choi Ga-on, Kwak Tae-eun, Ryu Jeong-hyeok, Min Si-young. Aren't they all August?"
"The actors are also solid. I heard that Seo Jung-wook, who starred in 〈Voice of a Ghost〉, also transferred to AG."
"Compared to that, the groups feels a bit underwhelming. Well, Lady Swan was in AG, right? Judging by their recent solo activities, the members' talent is evident, but the planning at the time was a bit...."
"It definitely seems like the group is weak. Could it be a lack of understanding?"
A management company specializing in actors and solo singers who are upright, honest, and compete solely on their skills.
They don't deal with things they're not sure about, only pursuing perfection.
That was the motto of the entertainment agency, AG.
So when they launched their first girl idol group, 'Lady Swan', AG was very confident.
"Our swans are so good, there's no way they won't fly."
This is what the CEO of Lady Swan's agency, Do Jae-chan, actually said on the day of their debut showcase, and it became a curse.
Lady Swan had never won first place in the three years since their debut.
Rather, after they split up, they swept the awards as soloists.
That was a huge blow to Do Jae-chan, who dreamed of becoming the president of Korea's number one entertainment agency, and even more so, the president of a top-tier idol agency.
"...I'm absolutely not backing down like this. Who am I? I'm Do Jae-chan!"
He had no intention of labeling his career as a 'failure'.
That is how 〈Targeting Star〉 was prepared by Do Jae-chan for 6 years.
6 trainees who trained at their own agency, 6 trainees who transferred from other agencies, and 6 individual applicants through partner broadcasting stations.
A survival program of the agency where 6 out of 18 members debut.
When 〈Targeting Star〉 was first released, it was criticized for being too transparent.
There are 6 trainees under your agency, and the number of people who will debut will also be 6. Isn't that too obvious?
They say that the intention is to use trainees from other agencies or individual applicants for broadcasting and then debut only their own children.
However, Do Jae-chan directly refutes those suspicions on the day of the production press conference.
"When you hit two stones together, don't you end up with a stronger stone? It's possible that the stones in our yard are weaker. We will make an honest judgment. I, our carefully selected mentors, and all of you."
Of course, this statement also couldn't avoid criticisms like, "They treat desperate trainees like expendable items," and "Who gets to judge the strength of each individual?"
But the important thing is that Do Jae-chan kept his word.
Because even though I signed a preliminary contract with AG, I and one of the individual trainees from another agency, QuinCE, debuted together as Arrows.
The next morning. I stopped in front of the agency's building, which I hadn't seen in a long time.
You might wonder what I'm afraid of since it's a building I was called to because of an accident on a random day. But it's not because I'm afraid...
"What? Is that Kim Chun-yong?"
Because this kid is loitering in front of the revolving door.
I sighed deeply as I watched the shorter young man in front of me look me up and down with a disgusted expression that didn't match his cute face.
How is this the same as back then?