A Sudden Word on Children.
Children are the ultimate fiscal authority — they drain your income tax and offer zero benefits in financial terms. The costs are outrageous, and the return on investment? Minimal.
Joy from their happy little smile and cheerful giggle? That's got no place in our ruthless business handbook.
We're not here to indulge in sugary coochy-coo moments — everything here is measured in terms of tangible gain.
And since kids can't balance debits and credits, you'll have to handle that yourself, oh potential Daddies or Mommies™.
And since the chances of your child growing up to run a drug cartel — and then deciding to share their earnings from that decidedly un-kawaii profession purely out of love for you — are exceptionally low, let's move on to the go-to counterargument of every people and era:
"Children are the Flowers of Life and our Future."
In response to this postulate, I inevitably find myself questioning reincarnation or consciousness transfer.
So what — when you die, your child will let you borrow a corner of their mind, so you can chill in a cozy mental penthouse with stained-glass thought-windows?
Highly unlikely. Unlike those teen warlocks, your kid clearly doesn't have that kind of magic.
Which means — it's your kid who'll stroll down the road to the future while you get to chill in your grave just as peacefully.
And if you're hoping your spirit will float on a fluffy cloud and gaze lovingly at their carefree life — well, I hate to break it to you.
You'll get fined for parking your cloudy vehicle and sent off into the Void, where you'll cease to exist entirely.
Your kid will remain, sure. But you won't give a damn about that.
Just like you won't give a damn about anything else.
Ah yes, "Flowers of Life" — a figurative and poetic phrase meant to emphasize the importance of continuing the family line?
Well, unfortunately for you, my grimly specific vocabulary hits harder and stronger in joules than any haiku or sacred dogma ever could.
Whether or not you want to solve the equation of whether children belong in your life — that's your call alone.
As for the dimension we currently occupy here in this concert hall? It is purely material. And any sentimental or noble feelings of love and adoration are reserved exclusively for me — The One and Only!