Haruki POV
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I sat across the table from Hitomi after helping to cook.
This is the first time in a long time I've eaten with another person.
It felt weird, almost like I was taking advantage of her. She was so kind, and it left me wondering what I could do to repay her.
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I knew she was doing this out of pity, but maybe my old self was somewhere lying dormant still, and it made me want to at least help her with whatever she needed.
I still had problems looking into the mirror, I knew I was disgusting. However, I knew I still have to thank her when possible.
Then we both finished our food.
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"T-Thank you, for everything I..mean." I was able to mutter out to her.
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"Well, what am I supposed to do...? Let you starve?" She replied, a smirk forming on her face.
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It was ironic.
The food was delicious, it was simple rice with eggs and miso, but it was a meal that felt royal to me after this last month.
I tried taking initiative to at least do the dishes for her, and she let me, but when I was done with them, I was surprised by her.
Because she came up right next to my face, looking me right in my eyes.
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Then...she moved her hand towards my head.
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I flinched heavily; I thought she was going to hit me.
Maybe it's just reflex from my stepfather and Chisaki hitting me at home and at school.
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"Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you or anything." She said slightly panicked, pulling her hand away.
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"N-No, I'm sorry, I know you wouldn't hurt me...I just have problems with..." I replied hesitantly.
Then she moved her hand back towards my head slowly.
She took her hand and brushed my hair behind my ears softly, unexpectedly.
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"You know, you look a lot better like this, your eyes aren't as dead."
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I immediately looked away from her; I didn't want her eyes to meet mine like this. I bet I looked pathetic, being coddled like a hurt puppy.
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It made me slightly emotional; I forgot that this feeling existed.
After everything that's happened recently it was starting to catch up mentally. I kept bottling it all up and pushing it down further and further every time.
But I knew it would burst one day.
One day soon.
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"You know, we should be heading to the stores."
"Eh...? I'm glad to help carry things. What do we need to get?" I was able to say, surprisingly fluently.
Then she looked at me, slightly bewildered.
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"No, I mean for YOU, if you're going to be staying here for a bit, you need a few things besides an old backpack and a water bottle—"
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"W-wait, I didn't say I was going to stay though..."
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Her initial statement threw me off guard. Did she really think I'd just stay with her being a freeloader?
Why would she ask a stranger this? We talked for the first time a few days ago.
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"You know, I'm not going to let you back out onto the streets like this." She replied to me, her face as serious as they come.
She was back to looking directly in my eyes, and for some reason I didn't want to look away this time.
I didn't know what face I had on, but I'm sure it was ugly.
She looked at me with worry, and I never thought anyone would look at me like this.
I expected to die in that ditch without knowing kindness, I prayed that I would. I never wanted to interact with another human again after the incident with my old family.
So, I don't really know what my heart wants to do when she says things like this. I don't know how to act.
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"....wh..." I tried to get out, but it was stuck in my throat again.
"Don't push yourself, come on. Throw on some of those clothes I bought you, and we can leave."
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She's right, I do have problems with my head to the point it's hard to talk.
But I'm willing to try for her, at least as a thank you.
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"For both college, and work today it's my day off. We need to get everything we need done." She said, still looking at me.
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"You've got kind eyes you know..." She added on out of no where.
It's almost like she's trying to flatter me at all times...I don't know how to react. Is she enjoying this?
(Author: She is enjoying seeing his facial expressions, his facial expressions are the best.
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"I can't pay you or anything...." I said to her as a last attempt to figure something out. "At least yet, let me work something out."
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Then she laughed at me.
"No, no don't worry about any of that, even though I work at a convenience store, I actually come from a wealthy family." She replied. "So, the money I get from my part time job is all mine to spend, rent and college is already paid for."
Well, that makes sense, but it still doesn't explain why she'd want to take me in.
"Look, everything is fine. This is just to get you on your feet, right?"
The way she talked was convincing, sure, but I really believe that I'm not worth anything.
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"...what if I was dangerous...?" I asked her softly.
"Well, you aren't, are you?" She immediately replied.
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No, I wasn't, I just wanted the best for her. She was so kind to me. My mannerisms, my habits, they all showed my own weakness. I wasn't someone to be loved, or trusted, or taken care of.
I need to be thrown to the dogs and left to rot, at least that's what I've been conditioned to believe by everyone who was supposed to love me back.
But...
Maybe it's time for something new.
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"I-is there anything I can do...to at least help you...?" I was able to whisper back, my head pointing towards the floor as she turned back around.
"Hmmm." She said, putting her index finger and thumb up to her chin for a moment. "Ah, yeah okay. I know something."
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I was waiting impatiently to hear what was next, I wanted to know...what I could do to help her.
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You need to walk me to and from class, and work, everyday.
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What...? That's it?
"Your face looks confused, that's allllll I want from you...so don't worry."
I can't believe that's all she's asking, it's almost hard to believe she's genuine.
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"Alongside all of that, let's work on getting you better." She said, unsurprisingly.
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It's impossible. I'm too far gone I thought, then I felt a tear go down my cheek.
I hated how kind she was.
Not because it made her weak, but because I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't know how to handle her, because part of me wanted to break down right there and tell her everything. Every horrible thing I'd done, everything that had been done to me.
But my throat tightened, and my mind shoved it back down again.
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Eventually, I nodded. "O-Okay. I'll help you the best I can."
Then she gave me a small smile, her face wasn't disgusted by me, unlike others. I enjoyed talking with her, but maybe it was too early for trust.
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"Okay. Finish up and let's head out. "
"I know a place nearby that sells all the essentials a boy would need, hehe."
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We left her apartment, and I hadn't realized until then how small it actually was.
Cozy but not cluttered, and it's nothing like my old home in Saitama.
Back there, I had no expectations, no one trusted me or gave me the time of day for much of anything.
I'm glad it's changed, I hate them. I think I will always hate them, everyone who's in that house.
I never want to see them again, I just want a clean slate.
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The sun was pretty bright out today, maybe we are leaving the rainy season now.
My first impressions of Kawasaki was how cloudy it all was. I was miserable living on the streets.
She didn't talk too much. I was thankful for that.
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I wasn't sure I could carry a real conversation, but her silence wasn't awkward or anything, I was actually fairly comfortable being next to her.
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I'm surprised, I expected her to ask me more questions, like who I am and why I was out there. Why am I not at home?
But she never asked, and I was grateful. I wouldn't be able to answer her let alone give an explanation.
My voice was weak; I haven't been able to talk properly the entire time I've been here. I know she's curious on what happened to me, and I'll tell her one day.
Unless she also abandons me, but only time can tell that. I didn't want to be betrayed again so at times I thought that leaving while she didn't notice was something I should do.
Then I realized, I'm in debt to her. Maybe this was her plan.
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It was quiet until we reached the crosswalk. The tune it played when it was ready for pedestrians to walk across played, and I hesitated to step out.
She nudged me gently with her elbow.
"Come on," she said. "One step at a time, yeah?"
I looked at her, unsure what she meant.
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The store wasn't anything special, just a second-hand shop tucked behind a row of chain restaurants and a 500 yen store. But it smelled clean, and it had A/C, to fend off the blazing heat.
She walked straight in like she knew exactly what she was looking for.
"Alright," she said, turning back toward me. "We're starting with the basics."
I nodded again. I'd gotten good at that.
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Nodding. It was more comfortable than talking, it was a decent way to get my point across while staying in my own head.
She grabbed a plastic basket and handed it to me.
"Carry this for me."
"Underwear, socks, shirts, a proper toothbrush..." she listed aloud. "Maybe something comfortable to wear around the apartment?"
"T-This is pretty cheap here." It was a soft hoodie, and it reminded me of something I had before I entered high school.
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She noticed. Pulled it off the rack and tossed it in.
"Good eye hehe, this will look good on you."
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We walked through the aisles, the basket slowly filling with small comforts I didn't think I deserved. A new bar of soap. A towel that wasn't stiff or crusted with ash, and deodorant.
Then, we finished out first shopping trip together, and I was even further in debt to her.
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It was around 4:00pm, and walking home felt nice. The smell of grass and heat, similar to what I had when I was a kid playing with Ayumi.
I could hear the cicadas chirping from the grass, and yet there was no one outside, no children playing or anything.
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It was just me and her, and I couldn't think of anyone else I'd rather be with right now.
We've only known each other for a few days, well longer than that but only have talked to each other for a few days.
But I felt safe with her, yet I still couldn't talk.
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"Hey, are you alright...?"
Shit, I was in my own head again, wasn't I? All zoned out.
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I nodded back to her, showing that I was fine.
I was so grateful for her.
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But I know good times don't last forever.
Then, I was met with an apartment door in front of me, I didn't even realize we walked up those cold concrete steps already, the sounds of cicadas fading into the distance.
Then she opened up her apartment, and we made our way inside.
I tried to be as respectful as possible with her, we were strangers after all.
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My eyes looked dead I think, after thinking about all of this, my debt to her, and how worthless I truly am. It made me depressed knowing I can't pay her back right now.
But I can try to make myself at least presentable enough to be seen next to her.
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Hitomi POV
Am I being too pushy?
I don't mean to be, I'm just trying to be as helpful as I can to such a fragile heart.
Ever since I heard his soft tears last night, I couldn't get them out of my head, I don't think he even realized he cried himself to sleep.
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He was split down the middle, I could tell he was trying yet sometimes he wouldn't be able to talk, only nod back to me.
I'm not sure if it's because he was emotional or something, but he's definitely been through some pain.
I just hope he doesn't think he has to pay me back for any of this, I want him to know that I'm here for him, even if we only met a few days ago.
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Yes, we only started talking a few days ago, but he's honestly the closest thing to a friend I have outside of college.
I oddly feel...comfortable with him. Like I can divulge my entire life and he'd listen to all of my problems.
So, I want to do the same for him, I want him to feel the same about me.
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I'm not in any clubs or anything, so I can come straight home after class tomorrow.
But I have to make sure, he won't run away or anything, that's why I gave him that stipulation that he has to walk me everywhere to pay me back.
Because I'm afraid he'll run, I don't want him to, and I want to get to know him better.
I'll show him happiness.