Haruki POV (Current.)
It was morning.
All I saw was brightness creaking in slightly into my eyes, and immediately I thought something was wrong.
...
I was comfortable, something that I shouldn't be feeling, I don't deserve to feel warmth.
I don't deserve comfort.
Why...am I comfortable right now...? Where am I?
Am I finally dead...?
...
Things would be less painful this way, if I was dead.
But I'm not. I'm...only just asleep, aren't I?
...
Then I rolled over and onto an unfamiliar carpet, off of the futon I was laying inside of.
...
I woke up, scared for a moment.
I saw tunnel vision, then nearly hyperventilated before I got myself under control.
I didn't know where I was. Was I home?
Please don't tell me that, I'd rather slit my wrists right now.
...
My feet kicked out the futon. I couldn't help but be on edge like this.
It was a scenery I wasn't used to; the pier wasn't there, the familiar smell of water, dirt, and grime was gone.
Then I remembered that girl gave her hand to me, and brought me into her living space.
It's coming back to me finally...
I was in her apartment, wasn't I? Hitomi's?
...
Shit...
I shouldn't have gotten involved with her. I can't trust her; she's going to abandon me once she finds out what I'm accused of.
I'm not allowed something like this; I can't take this...
...
Last night, I was grateful and I think overwhelmed, I was frozen in time.
She was too trusting for her own good, what if she did this to someone who was a real criminal?
...
She ended up buying me some clothes from the thrift store and helped me to grab a few belongings from my camp.
Then we went to her place, and I was scared.
What if she was just going to say something like.
"Just kidding!"
"Haha what a loser. You really thought I was going to let you stay with me?"
What if her friends were waiting there or something, preparing a bet that she could trick some local wretch into her home.
I don't know what I'd do if that happened, that might be my final breaking point.
...
I was so scared I remember but she opened the door...and it was just a small apartment.
One bedroom, a studio with a bathroom, really it wasn't much.
It was pretty empty, besides a few dishes and kitchen supplies along with basic furnishings.
...
I felt bad because of how gross I was, how my disgusting self was dirtying up her living space, so I prompted for the shower to at least show her some respect.
...
I wasn't able to look at myself in her mirror. I was scared to see what I had become.
I felt terrible impeding her life like this.
I wish she had left me alone to be honest.
But I didn't want to be disrespectful either, or maybe far enough down inside of me...somewhere deep down, I wanted a break.
Maybe I didn't want to die alone.
Maybe I wanted a future for myself.
...
Then I was brought back to reality, where I'd be back on the street soon enough.
I'll be by myself again eventually, I always am.
...
After I left the shower, everything was kind of blank, I don't remember much.
I was just brought into a futon next to her bed, and now I'm here, I think.
...
Who brings in some random person out of pity into their living space? Gives them food? And a shower?
She's insane, too trusting, she'll be taken advantage of one day.
...
Was that how I was at one point?
Too kind and accepting...? It kind of reminds me of how I used to be with Akami, the class president.
I don't know, but it's not my problem anymore. I'm alone and I'll stay like this.
She will be again soon as well, without my dirty self in her presence.
...
I got up from the futon and folded it nicely, stuffing it into the corner of her small studio in town.
I need to leave, I'm bad for her. I can't take this.
Her kindness isn't good for me.
...
I can't repay your kindness, I'm sorry.
I gathered what few things I brought with me, along with the clothes that she bought me yesterday.
"I'm sorry." I whispered as I made my way out through her front door.
...
Just then, out of nowhere before, I had a chance to open the door...
She walked in.
...
"Hey, did you sleep well? Sorry, I was out getting some breakfast for us."
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"Eh...?" I said stunned. I realized she wasn't home, and wanted to use this time to sneak off, but she caught me just in time.
"Wait, what are you doing with all that in your hands...?" She asked.
...
"I'm sorry."
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"Why are you sorry? Go put all that down." She said this, nudging me back inside.
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"Come help me set the kitchen so we can start cooking."
"...I-I'm...." I was able to whisper.
...
It still struggled to come out. I couldn't speak properly even to her.
"Don't talk, you don't need to struggle so early." She said firmly, yet soft.
"This is how you're going to pay me back for everything."
...
What...?
My hands were still full of the things I was about to walk away with still.
I didn't know what to do. My fingers twitched, and I couldn't bring myself to meet her eyes. I was frightened.
She set the bag down on the counter. Then she waved me back towards her...
Like I hadn't just been planning to disappear back into my tent or run away to a different city.
She tried to give me a reason to stay, for some odd reason.
Why...?
...
I'm a stranger.
Why would she do this...?
...
Then she started staring at me.
She...had the eyes of my mother. I was scared of them for a moment.
I was sure she'd scream at me just like she would.
I could take screaming or yelling.
...
But please, don't look at me like my family used to.
...
That distant, disappointed stare that said: of course you'd do this.
...
Or
"You're disgusting onii-chan." Like my sister would say.
But she didn't, she ended up just telling me to come help her cook.
...
"You alright...? You gonna put that stuff down, or should I cook by myself over here?"
My face twitched. I felt guilty.
...
... maybe I should pay her back at least somewhat.
My legs moved before my brain caught up.
...
I placed the bundle of clothes and items back down where I'd folded the futon.
My body moved slow and hesitant, it wasn't my house, I was just a stranger.
But I'd try my best to help her, at least for today. Then I'll leave.
...
"...Okay," I said softly outloud, not stuck in my own head anymore.
I moved toward the kitchen space, if you could call it that.
It was a compact little corner with one pan, two burners, and a fridge that hummed like it was on its last legs.
...
But it felt warmer than anywhere I'd been in months.
"Here," she said, handing me a pair of chopsticks and a cutting board.
"You can start with the green onions, how do you like your eggs?"
...
My hands shook a bit as I took the knife from her hands.
"Scrambled..." I muttered out. "Thank you."
"Hey, there's no reason to be so scared of me you know, I'm just a college freshman."
...
Surprisingly, I didn't have any abyss like thoughts while holding this knife, but what really surprised me was how she was only a few years older than me.
It looked like she got herself together, really well. I wish I was as smart as her.
...
I didn't have a nurturing environment though, but what am I saying, I don't know this girl or how she was raised.
...
That voice is speaking softer than normal, this is the quietest it has been in months.
That voice who takes the impression of Chisaki, or my family, or Fukashima, or Satomi isn't there as strongly.
I'm glad it is talking less and less.
The voice was starting to become convincing. I may have acted on it if I was left much longer.
...
She may have saved my life bringing me here.
...
Even if everything fell apart again, I could at least say I tried to repay her kindness by doing this.
For right now, just for this one quiet morning, I wasn't some street ghost waiting to die.
And for the first time in what felt like forever...
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I wanted to live long enough to see what breakfast tasted like, as a payment for her kindness and mine.
...
Hitomi POV.
...
...
I was so nervous.
I never brought home a man before, even though he was still underage, I think...?
...
I led him back all the way to my house.... I was scared that he would have ran away or something.
There was some intense darkness in his eyes.
Like he would do something irrational soon, he needed to be under supervision.
I can tell he isn't some criminal; I wouldn't just bring anyone into my apartment like this. He's just some kid down on his luck, I think.
...
I'm not qualified to deal with him, I know.
But I felt attached now, or at least more attached than I did before we talked.
I couldn't just leave him alone; he obviously needs some help.
...
I don't want him to die; I saw him every single day at work for the last few months.
Every single day, his eyes grew darker and darker. His weight and complexion grew worse and worse.
Maybe, after a shower and some food he'd feel better. I don't know what has been going on with him, but if he wants to tell me I'll listen.
I won't pry.
...
His hand feels so cold as I walked with him in stride back to my place.
He hadn't said a word since the park, so I think he was just stuck in his own head or something.
...
We finally made it, we went to his tent and gathered a few decrepit things, and stashed the others away.
We also stopped by my work, and I apologized to my supervisor and bought some clothes for him.
...
He was in the shower for a while.
Good. Take as long as you'd like.
...
But he took a while, and I started to get worried that he did something irrational. That thought scared me.
So I was contemplating going in to check on him.
...
Then I heard the faucet stop, and he was finished.
He walked out of the bathroom finally and...
"Wow..."
...
He was good looking underneath all of that dirt and grime.
His eyes, still looked dead though.
His hair was shaggy, and his face was marked with cuts, but he was good looking.
...
He was around my age, definitely younger but he had a mature look on his face. His eyes looked to be in so much pain.
Like he's seen the worst of the world.
...
He just stood there once he was done, looking downwards.
Luckily, I laid out the futon on the floor for him while he was showering, but I gave him some food and laid him in bed.
...
I was nervous, maybe I was in over my head, this was a stranger on my floor after all.
He was also a good looking boy, and I've never invited one into my room before, let alone sleep next to one.
But he was here...and I'd like to think I can trust him.
After a while of trying to fall asleep, and a slight buzz of the A/C going, I heard something small.
...
It's was sniffling.
Was he crying?
...
I bet it's been hard on you. I don't know how long it's been for you, but I'm here now.
I won't abandon him.
...
After a long night of rest, I saw he was dead sleep on the floor to the left of me. I woke up before he did, it was starting to become light outside.
Stepping out of bed, I switched clothes in the bathroom just in case he decided to wake up.
Then I came back into the main room, and he was still sleeping.
I bent down and looked at his face while he slept. Yes, it was a little weird, but I was curious.
I hadn't seen his face properly until now.
...
He really was quite handsome.
...
I don't have any food in the house, so I definitely needed to go grocery shopping. So, I decided to knock it out before he woke up.
I left him alone he seemed to be in a pretty deep sleep, I hoped he wouldn't wake up until I got back, getting breakfast for the two of us was pretty fast anyways.
Then I was able to bring it back to the apartment but as soon as I opened the door, I was kind of jolted.
I wasn't expecting to meet him face to face.
...
"Wait, what are you doing with all that in your hands...?"
He was preparing to leave, without saying anything.
...
I was upset, not at him but I was upset that he didn't know how to accept help when he needed it desperately.
Who...did this to you...?
...
He needed direction, a reason to stay maybe?
Or maybe he just felt guilty, staying at my place as a freeloader.
Who said I'm letting him be a freeloader then?
...
This is the first step of rehabilitation.
His first step, that I'm going to help him take.
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I'm going to make him cook for us.