JAEMIN'S POV
I wake up on Sunday morning feeling the same as I have all week...like shit. It's been a week since my breakup with (Y/N), and nothing seems to be getting any easier.
This is starting to get ridiculous. I have to stop acting like a lovesick teenager.
I force myself to head to the kitchen to make coffee, but as I move through the familiar rooms, they just seem cold and empty.
I won't pick up the phone and call her...no matter how much I long to hear the sound of her voice.
I distract myself with work until the sun sets. I'm finally interrupted when the front door slams open and Jaehee waltzes in.
"Bless your heart. How did you know I needed a little hair of the dog?"
She plucks up the glass of whiskey from my hand and takes a long sip before I can react.
"What're you doing here? Didn't I give you a place to stay that's not my home?"
"I'm here to check on you. That's what you do when you care about someone. Aren't you gonna ask who I was with last night?"
"...No."
"You're not curious? Not even a little bit?"
She pulls out her phone and begins scrolling through her camera roll. I try not to look, but I can't avoid the flash of (Y/N) with Jaehee.
"Give me that."
I yank the phone out of her hand only to find myself looking at pictures of (Y/N) taking body shots off a complete stranger.
This can't be real...
Between this and the pictures of her X-cross that she sent me, I'm not sure what to think. (Y/N) looks absolutely gorgeous...and like I'm the last thing on her mind. Jealousy surges through me as I toss the phone back to Jaehee.
"Uh oh. Don't like what you see?"
"I don't know what you're talking about. What you do in your private life is of no concern to me."
"Yeah, but it's not my private life you're worried about."
"(Y/N) is better off without me. I let her go for a reason...it's better for both of us this way."
"Sure. Keep telling yourself that."
"It's true. Some things just aren't meant to be. You're too young to understand."
"You know, that's what Dad always says when he can't win an argument any other way."
Even though I know Jaehee is only saying that to provoke me, it works.
"I know this is hard for you to understand, but I'm doing this for (Y/N). She'll thank me someday."
"It's not (Y/N) I'm worried about. Of course she's gonna be fine...she already ended a dead-end marriage and came our with her head held high. She's a lot tougher than she looks. You, however..."
I'm not sure how to answer this without sounding as pathetic as I feel, so I don't say anything as Jaehee leaves me to my thoughts. Once I'm alone, I pull out my own phone to see if I can find more photos of (Y/N)'s night online.
When did I miss a call from (Y/N)? Looks like she left a message.
A pang of deep, painful longing floods through me. (Y/N) was thinking of me while she was out last night.
I know it's a terrible idea, but the thought of hearing her voice is irresistible...
I don't let myself second guess my decision. As I hit the play button, I prepare myself for the soft, sweet lilt of (Y/N)'s voice.
"Jaemin..."
I jolt upright at the emotion in (Y/N)'s voice, at the fire I've always known burns brightly inside her.
She sounds upset...and drunk.
"I told off Emerson...and you're next. I'm on a mission now, did you know that? I'm gonna take down all the assholes who try to stand in my way. Emerson was easy. He's nothing. But you... It's gonna take some time to bring you down."
Given my current sorry state, I'm not so sure that's true.
"I'll do it, though... I'll make you feel exactly how you've made me feel. And not in the good way."
(Y/N) is a lot angrier than I realized. I had no idea my little kitten had such sharp claws. That would've been so fun to play with...
"Malorie and your sister took me out to celebrate my big success...that's what I'm doing now. Celebrating. Hard. You wouldn't believe how hot I look right now..."
My grip on the phone tightens so hard, I'm surprised it doesn't crack open.
This is a special kind of torture...
I bite back a groan at the image this pulls up in my mind. All those pictures of her having fun...without me...
"I haven't been to a club like this is a long time. People like me here. People want me here."
There's a short pause on the phone. At first, I'm afraid I've lost her, but she speaks again...so softly I have to strain to hear her.
"You used to want me too. Remember?"
I remember more than you'll ever know.
I force myself to breathe evenly and deep at the sound of (Y/N)'s pain.
The worst part of all this is that she'll never know how much she affected me...how hard it was to let her go.
I'm starting to feel sick to my stomach, regret and longing turning me inside out, but (Y/N) isn't done yet...
"Jaemin, you wouldn't know a good thing if it bit you on the ass. I'm smart. I'm attractive. I have lots to offer...but all you saw was what I'd take away from you."
How does she always see right through me?
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'll always be grateful for what you gave me. BDSM training...the courage to stand up for myself...more pleasure than I ever thought possible... You changed my life, Jaemin. I don't regret one minute of what we did."
Me neither, (Y/N). Even now, I can't bring myself to regret you.
As (Y/N) lets her feelings take over, I close my eyes. More than anything, I wish I could've been there with her...and for her.
Jaehee shouldn't have been supporting (Y/N) last night. That's my job.
Even though I promised myself I wouldn't let my desire run away with me ever again, I feel myself falling under the spell of (Y/N)'s voice.
If I'd been at that club last night, (Y/N) would be telling a different story right now...
I give myself over to the power of my imagination, transporting myself to the alley outside the club with (Y/N). I lean over her, arms pressed against the wall behind her to trap her against my body.
"Were you just dancing with another man?"
"Of course not, Daddy. I'd never do something like that... At least, not without your permission."
I lean in closer, allowing my chest to graze hers. Her breath catches.
"Is that a challenge, little lamb? Are you daring to defy me in public?"
(Y/N) gasps as I begin sliding my hands down her body. I don't stop until I reach the bare skin of her thighs.
"Jaemin! We're outside..."
I take her hand and lift it to my lips, allowing myself to indulge in the sweet taste of her skin.
"I'd rather tell you how much you mean to me..."
"Really?"
"You're mine, (Y/N). You were mine from the first touch of our fingers...the first clasp of the handcuffs around my wrists. I should've told you that every moment of every day we were together."
(Y/N) sighs and gives herself over to me, her eyes lighting up with each word.
"I belong to you, Daddy. Forever."
As I fall deeper into the fantasy, I can feel myself starting to react. My body throbs to feel (Y/N) underneath me. I transfer my grip to the back of (Y/N)'s neck, my fingers curling possessively around her nape. She reacts by wilting into complete submission...mine for the taking.
"If I wanted to take you right here in this alley, you'd open your legs and let me, wouldn't you?"
"Yes! God, yes..."
"That's right. And once I'm done with you, you'll never think about another man again..."
I slide my knee between her legs, coaxing her to grind against her thigh and find that sweet, sweet friction. As the fantasy continues, I can feel myself starting to hope again. My heart feels light, my body ready for the pleasure of having (Y/N) all to myself... Until her voice draws me back to the present.
"I'll be just fine without you."
At the sound of those words, the fantasy stops dead in its tracks. I know, without question, that they're absolutely true. (Y/N) will be just fine without me.
Too bad I can't say the same for myself...
Every nerve in my body strains to pick up the phone and call (Y/N) back, or at least to send her a text, but I don't give in.
This is what's best for (Y/N). It might kill me to stay away from her, but she'll thank me for letting her go...someday.
The next week, it's back to work as usual. As much as I wish I could push (Y/N) from my mind, it's impossible when her case files are piled on my desk.
"Mr. Na? You asked me to let you know when Park Jay arrived for the final pre-trial meeting. I put him in the conference room."
The court hearing is set for the end of the week, so this is my last chance to meet with him privately.
"I hope you didn't offer him anything to drink."
"Not a drop. Want me to crank the heat in there and really make him sweat?"
"Actually I'm feeling just that petty today. Please do. The more uncomfortable he is, the better my chances of getting the truth out of him."
"Consider it done."
I grab the files and head toward the conference room. Jay is standing on the opposite end of the room, his hands clasped smugly behind his back. He turns to greet me.
"I can't tell you how much I've been looking forward to this meeting."
"And I can't tell you how much I've been looking forward to finalizing your divorce."
"I'll bet you are..."
As the two of us sit, he gestures to the stacks of papers that have been laid out neatly in front of him.
"I have all the evidence I need to prove (Y/N) is at fault for our divorce, and I don't owe her a damn thing."
I'm used to facing off against overly-confident attorneys, but the way Jay is acting sets off all my alarm bells.
"That's bullshit, and you know it."
"Tsk, tsk. That's no way to talk to opposing counsel."
I take a deep breath to settle my nerves. I've never been so far off my game before, and I don't like it.
He's been playing a sick, twisted game since this started. Thank God (Y/N) got away from him while she still could.
"I'll get things going. Did you want to start with my evidence that (Y/N) is a liar or the proof she only married me for my money?"
I cross my arms and lean back in my chair.
"I think you might be forgetting the part where you were caught cheating on her with a well-known dominatrix..."
"Forget it? Please. That's my opening argument."
He slides a folder toward me. Inside, I find a stack of photographs from the night of my yacht party. My heart sputters at the images of (Y/N) standing at the edge of the deck...next to Trishana.
"As you can see, (Y/N) conspired against me from the start. Here she is with the woman she hired to lure me into extramarital activity."
"Is this supposed to be a joke?"
I flip through the photos, which continue for the entire length of what looks like an intense conversation between the two women.
"You can't possibly believe that (Y/N) would stoop to something like that."
"It doesn't matter what I believe. Distinguishing fact from friction is the court's job. Imagine my shock to find that the love of my life is capable of such a thing. Entrapping me with another woman, making me out to be the enemy..."
"Stop stalling. What else do you have?"
"I might've cheated, but she's the one who's a sexual deviant. The thing's she's into, any judge would agree are immoral."
Jay takes the yacht photos back before handing me another, much thicker file this time. My fury mounts as I pull out the photos one by one. (Y/N) walking into a notorious S&M club... (Y/N) sandwiched between Fleur and Solange on the deck of my yacht... (Y/N) entering multiple sex shops on different occasions...
"All (Y/N)'s activities are legal and consensual. These aren't proof of anything except that (Y/N) has an active and healthy sex life."
"But just imagine what a shock it was to me, her poor, innocent husband."
I can't believe I didn't see this coming. Jay's a property lawyer, for crying out loud! He's not even a divorce attorney.
I take a deep breath, desperate not to let Jay see how much he's shaken me.
"Fine. So you have a couple photos of (Y/N) dipping her toe into BDSM. People have been doing it for centuries."
"Not people who want a future in politics. Just wait until the judge hears (Y/N) was fired from Luis Hernandez's campaign for breaking the morality clause in her contract."
"Just say what's really on your mind, Jay. There's no need to drag this out all day."
"If you insist."
Jay pushes the last of his files toward me.
"That's right. Park (Y/N), the sweet little housewife, has been sleeping with her divorce attorney, one of the most twisted doms in Chicago."
The photo in my hand shakes. The image shows me and (Y/N) together at the baseball game, my hands all over her.
"I think that picture speaks for itself, don't you? (Y/N) will be lucky to find another job in this town, much less another man willing to touch her."
My head is in a whirl as I absorb the full meaning of his words. Even if none of this makes it in front of the judge, there's more than enough to destroy (Y/N)'s career... And worst of all, everything Jay has on (Y/N) is my fault.
I'm the one who introduced her to BDSM. I'm the one who took advantage of her innocence.
"Jay, I can't believe you had her followed. How long as your private investigator been tailing (Y/N)?"
"Long enough to make you look like a fool."
I blink at Jay, stunned into silence. For the first time in my entire legal career, I have no idea how to respond...or how to fix the problem.
Jay holds all the cards, and he knows it. He's been using my feelings for (Y/N) against me from the start. And the worst part is, I let him.
"I think I've said everything I need to say... I'll see you in court, Jaemin."
I spend all afternoon working on (Y/N)'s case, desperate to find a way out of the hole I dug for myself.
"If I let Jay present before a judge, (Y/N)'s career will be ruined. But if we settle out of court, he'll demand everything..."
I'm about to settle in to burn the midnight oil when Anderson catches me on my way back from the break room.
"Hey, boos. You told me to pry you out of the office at eight o'clock no matter what."
Rubbing my eyes, I glance at my watch to find that it's exactly eight.
"Have you been standing in the doorway counting down the seconds?"
"Something like that. But if you're gonna sit and broad, you might as well do it with a stiff drink in hand..."
"Alcohol won't fix this mess. I've dealt with a lot of asshole exes, but Park Jay is the literal worst."
"I agree. But staring at the same papers for hours on end isn't gonna change anything. You need air. Come on, Jaemin. You know this isn't helping anything... I'll even buy the first round."
I let Anderson lead me to the bar around the corner, but the change of scene does little to improve my mood...
"Here. Drink this."
"Eh, can't hurt."
I take the glass of whiskey from Anderson and throw it back.
"Better?"
"Ask me after another glass or five."
I barely taste the second drink that works down my throat. By the third, all I can do is feel the fiery burn.
"I wish I could stay and drink away all your woes, but I have to oversee the new security system being installed at (Y/N)'s."
"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I'm not the one who stands to lose everything."
Anderson stares at me for a long moment before shaking his head and leaving me to my thoughts. My mood doesn't improve as I work my way down the rest of the bottle. I've never faced a case like this before. Instead of fighting a legal battle, Jay is fighting a personal one.
Any legal action I take will just force Jay's hand. He'll ruin (Y/N)'s life for petty vengeance, and there's nothing I can do to stop him.
Even though I know it's a terrible idea, I pull out my phone and start scrolling through (Y/N)'s social media photos.
She won't be having fun for long. As soon as she hears what Jay has planned, she'll be as miserable as I am.
Before I even realize, I'm calling her. She was already blindsided by Jay once...at least I can save her from that pain this time around. I hold my breath and wait for her voicemail message to chime, unsure what to say but determined to say it anyway.
"Hello? Jaemin?"
In my sudden surprise at the sound of her voice, I almost drop the phone.
"(Y/N)...it's good to hear your voice."
The bar, which had been spinning dizzily around me, seems to stop all at once.
"Damn, (Y/N). You have no idea how much I've wanted to talk to you."
"Are you drunk right now?"
"A little bit..."
"I'm not sure this is a good idea..."
"No, wait! I'm so sorry, (Y/N). I let you down. I'm the worst lawyer you could've hired to oversee your divorce."
"That's what you're sorry for? For being a bad lawyer?"
I close my eyes and try to corral my thoughts into a semblance of order.
"I'm supposed to be the ruthless one who never lets personal feelings get in the way. The one who wins no matter what the cost. But I failed... I broke the rules, and now you'll be paying for it for the rest of your life."
I drop my head to my hands, my voice cracking as the words start to flow.
"Jaemin, I don't understand what's going on. Did Jay say something to you?"
"It's all my fault. I played right into his hand. Without me, you'd probably have everything settled by now. But not now... Jay made sure of that. You could lose everything...your job, your reputation."
"What do you mean?"
"He hired a P.I. to tail you. They've been stockpiling evidence against you for weeks, and I was too distracted to see it."
I kick back what's left in my glass, welcoming the way it burns.
"Can you ever forgive me?"
(Y/N) hesitates for so long that I'm afraid she hung up. When she speaks, her voice sounds small and far away.
"The only thing I can't forgive you for is running away from me the way you did."
Even now, after my confession, she still doesn't understand what I've done to her. What I've cost her.
"Can't you see, (Y/N)? What I should've done was run away the moment you walked into my office. If I'd just been strong enough to refuse your case, I couldn't saved you so much pain. I could've stopped you from being like my mom."
"Your mom? What does she have to do with anything?"
The panic in my chest is so tight by now that I can barely breathe, but I do it anyway. In and out. Deep and even.
It's time I told (Y/N) the truth...the whole truth...the thing I've never trusted to anyone.
"My father is the worst kind of man in the world. When he and my mom divorced, he didn't just break it off with her...he destroyed her."
"Oh."
"I was too young to understand what was happening. That came later, when I realized my dad took every last penny of my mom's meager savings. He left her with nothing...not a roof over her head, not a safety net to fall back on, not even a way to rebuild a life."
To my surprise, my eyes start filling with tears. It's been a long time since I let my guard down enough to relive my childhood memories.
"And once he stripped her of everything, eh told the courts that she wasn't capable of caring for me anymore either. He didn't even want me. He just wanted to win."
"Oh, Jaemin..."
"People assume that's why I became an attorney, because I like to win as much as he does, but it's the opposite. I became a lawyer so no other woman would have to go through that. All I wanted was a way to make sure it didn't happen to anyone else. No more families broken or hearts destroyed in the name of greed."
As I say the words aloud, I'm hit all over again with my grief at letting (Y/N) down. She was the most important client of all, and I failed her. Just like I failed my mom.
"I know words don't mean much right now, but I hope you can forgive me someday. I never meant for you to suffer like she suffered."
"Jaemin—"
"Goodbye, (Y/N)."
My hand shakes as I end the call, but I know my heart couldn't handle whatever she was about to say. Before I can even put my phone away, I'm distracted by the sudden ruckus of loud voices near the entrance of the bar.
"Hello, Chicago!"
"God, Jay, can you be any louder?" one of his buddies chuckles.
"Maybe after he buys us another three rounds." another one says.
"Get whatever you want. It's on my ex-wife." Jay laughs.
"I thought your divorce wasn't settled yet."
"It's as good as done. Her lawyer is a total chump." Jay says with a smirk.
I almost can't believe my luck as my hands ball into fists. There's no way I'm letting an opportunity like this go to waste.
Now that we're not in a professional setting, I can tell Jay exactly what I think of him.
I lose no time in making my way across the bar to where Jay and his friends are piling into a booth. My heart pounds and my blood is hot, but I've never felt so in control.
So far, Jay has only confronted me across a conference room table. He has no idea how dangerous I can be when I'm off my leash...
I stop in front of his table and clear my throat. That small sound is all it takes for everyone to stop talking and look up at me. As soon as Jay realizes who's interrupting, his lips curve in his customary smirk.
"You look like hell since I saw you this morning, Jaemin. Was it something I said?"
If I was on the fence about confronting this man before, I'm in full battle mode now. I cross my arms and plant my feet, refusing to let him goad me.
"I haven't heard anything out of your mouth that's worth a second thought. You're nothing but hot air and too much hair product."
"Is that supposed to hurt my feelings?"
"Do you have any to hurt?"
"That's rich coming from Na Jaemin, the man with ice in his veins and a black hole where his heart should be. The whole world knows about you...and soon they'll know about (Y/N) too."
"Don't you dare speak her name again. You aren't good enough to kiss her feet, let alone say her name. If I hear it out of your mouth again, I won't be held accountable for my actions." I growl, grinding my teeth.
Jay visibly gulps, his tongue darting out nervously to lick his lips.
"You don't get to tell me what to do."
"Why? Because you aren't paying me the way you paid Trishana? Don't worry, this one's on the house."
"Ooo, he's got you there..." Jay's buddies says scootching back in his seat.
"Shut up!"
Rising out of the booth, Jay steps forward and plants himself in front of me.
"I don't know what (Y/N) promised you to get you on her side, but she's not worth it."
"This doesn't concern (Y/N). If you want to insult someone, insult me."
"I'm not scared of you."
"Then prove it. Say what you really think... I dare you."
I barely recognize the sound of my own voice. It's harder and colder than ever before. My whole body is tensed and coiled like stone about to crack.
"You think you're so much better than me, don't you? Richer? More powerful? Better looking?"
I tilt my head in agreement. I am all those things.
"So what? It doesn't mean anything if you're alone."
"Excuse me?"
"Look at you. The great Na Jaemin sitting alone at a bar. You can't even get friends to come out drinking with you. It's only a matter of time before (Y/N) sees the real you...a cold-hearted bastard who only cares about himself."
The truth of Jay's words slice through to the bone, but I refuse to back down.
"I care more about (Y/N) than you ever did. I might not be up for any Citizen of the Year awards, but at least I wouldn't toss a helpless woman out on her ass."
"That's not what I'm doing!"
"Yes, it is. You want to rob an innocent woman of every penny she has, just to prove you can. And for what? Because she didn't beg you to come home after you cheated on her? Because she realized she can do so much better? ...Or because you know now that in eight whole years of marriage, you never once satisfied her in bed?"
"Damn..." Jay's buddies whispers as they both cringe.
Jay opens his mouth to retaliate, but I'm not having it. Lifting my hand in a silent warning, I let go of the last of my anger...and my restraint.
"I know men like you, Jay. I've been seated on the other side of the courtroom from you for years. Your biggest mistake was marrying a woman so much better than you. You woke up every day knowing you didn't deserve her."
"Now see here—"
"It hurt, didn't it? Seeing yourself through her eyes? Knowing that without her, you're nothing?"
"I don't have to stand around and listen to—"
"That's why you won't stop until she's ruined. You treated her like shit for years, doing your best to crush her, but it didn't work. She's only gotten stronger. That's what really gets you. You aren't worth the scum on the rim of her tub, and there's no one left to blame but yourself."
"You aren't good enough for her either!"
"I know I'm not. I've always known it."
Jay sputters at my response clearly expecting more resistance.
"You'll see...both of you! When I walk into that courtroom and take everything, you'll realize who the real winner is."
"I don't need a courtroom to tell me that you're a loser, Jay. You always have been and always will be."
My words hit Jay so hard that he visibly flinches. With a sneer etched deep in his face, he lunges at me, his fists raised.
"Graaaah!"
Instinct warns me to duck just as Jay takes a swing. He misses me by several inches, but that doesn't stop him from reeling back and trying again. I step neatly to the side as Jay comes at me again, this time with an uppercut that leaves him flailing.
"Whhhoooaaaaaa!"
"See what I mean? You're such a loser, you can't even throw a proper punch. Now, stop acting like a total ass. You're only embarrassing yourself."
"This is the craziest happy hour I've been to in years..." one buddies whispers to the other.
Jay squares off to come at me yet again, but before I have time to react, the bouncer from the front of the bar comes barreling up.
"What the hell is going on here?"
"This man attacked me out of nowhere!" Jay cries.
"Like hell. I didn't start it, but I'm sure as hell going to end it..."
"That's enough out of both of you. Are you coming willingly, or do I need to throw you out?"
"You can't make me leave. I'm a paying customer!"
"Not anymore, you aren't."
The bouncer looks at me with a questioning lift to his brow, but all I do is sigh and flex my hand.
"Don't worry. I was just getting ready to leave anyway."
Jay shows every sign of fighting back, so the bouncer grabs him by the upper arm and drags him toward the door.
"Hey, let go of me! This is assault!"
The rest of Jay's table is still sitting in shocked silence, unable to believe what they just witnessed.
"I don't know what the standard practice at your law firm is, but you might want to keep an eye on Park Jay."
"He's not normally like this..." one informs me.
"I mean, he kinda is..." the other points out.
"A man who can treat the woman he once loved like this is a man who's capable of anything. Watch your backs."
With one last nod, I turn away and follow Jay and the bouncer out the door. Jay is already stalking angrily down the sidewalk when I get outside. I turn to the bouncer.
"Sorry about that. I don't know what got into me."
"Are you kidding? That guy and his obnoxious friends come in here all the time. I've been dying for an excuse to kick him to the curb. I owe you one."
I offer my apologies again, but the bouncer waves me off. Pulling out my phone, I text Anderson for an emergency pickup. As I wait for Anderson to come back, my anger cools to a low, simmering burn.
"As good as it felt to tell Jay off, this is far from over."
I need that anger to carry me through the week ahead. There's no way in hell I'm letting Jay win.
"No matter what it takes, I'll find a way out of this. For (Y/N).