(Y/N) POV
My stomach plummets as Jaemin sits down across the table from me. Nothing good has never come from the phrase 'we need to talk'.
"Considering your...personal history with relationships, I know how much importance you put on traditional milestones."
" 'Traditional milestones'? What're you talking about?"
"Monogamy. Commitment. Love. I told you from day one that I can't give you those things."
All the confusion churning in my stomach turns to anger.
"And when have I ever asked you for them?" I ask him.
"You might not have asked for them in words, but they're what you want. I know they are."
"Jaemin, be honest with me. If you're gonna sit there and break up with me, at least have the decency to be upfront about it."
Jaemin looks as though he'd love nothing more than to run away, but he gets a handle on himself with his customary control.
"I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's better for both of us if we end our arrangement now."
Even though I knew that was where this conversation was headed, it still hurts to hear him say those words.
"Your divorce is about to come to a head, and I need to focus on the case."
"Then do that. I'm not stopping you."
"Yes, you are! Being with you is too distracting."
Jaemin pushes back from the table and starts pacing the kitchen like a caged tiger.
"Can't you see it, (Y/N)? I can't be the reason you lose this case. I can't be the reason Jay wins."
Frustration courses through me. Even after all this time, my ex is still controlling my life.
"Breaking my heart is just another way for Jay to win."
Anger ticks in Jaemin's jaw. I hold my breath, hoping I finally got through to him, but when he turns to me, it's with ice in his eyes.
"You're welcome to continue to live here for as long as you like. There are no strings attached to the apartment. It'll be better if we keep things strictly professional from here on out. If you need me, please go through my office."
"So that's really it?"
I can barely believe my eyes as Jaemin gathers his things, his coffee still untouched on the table. Finally, the door slams closed behind him, leaving me in empty, aching silence. I wait only until I'm sure he's gone before dropping my head on my hands and letting my emotions take over.
"Maybe Jaemin was right all along... I'm too emotionally attached. It feels like my whole world is ending."
Every part of me longs to run after Jaemin and beg for a second chance, but hurt pride holds me back.
Jaemin made his choice...and that choice isn't me.
For the next week, work feels like a slog. I go through the motions, answering emails and drafting speeches, but it's hard to concentrate for more than a few minutes at a time.
I don't know what's wrong with me...I didn't even feel this miserable after I caught Jay cheating.
I'm trying to focus on what Malorie's saying about her big TickClock campaign when Emerson walks by, his expression venom.
"Don't think I've forgotten what you did last week, (Y/N). You made me look bad in front of Luis on purpose!"
"Emerson, you made yourself look bad. You're the one who raised your voice and drew Luis's attention."
"Please. I know your type. Father is always saying to watch out for women like you.'
"Emerson, do yourself a favor and leave before you make an even bigger fool of yourself." Malorie fires back.
"You can't tell me what to do. And if (Y/N) wasn't dating the most powerful lawyer in the city, she wouldn't have the balls to pull that stunt on me."
The mention of Jaemin hits me like a blow to the stomach. I feel empty of all sensations except deep, breathless pain.
"Come again?" I growl.
"I bet he's the only reason your speech got picked anyway. Luis was hoping to open Na Jaemin's wallet as fast as you opened your legs. In fact, that's probably how you got this job in the first place..."
Anger vibrates so hard in me that it's impossible to keep it inside any longer.
I'm tired of everyone telling me what I can and can't do. I have a voice, and it's time Emerson hears it loud and clear.
"I can't believe you have the audacity to stand there and accuse me of nepotism. Actually, you know what? I can believe it. A man as selfish and pig-headed as you is capable of anything."
"You can't say that! I'm your boss."
"I've literally never reported to you."
Malorie gently clears her throat, a smile playing about her lips.
"Yeah, I looked it up last week, and the only person Emerson officially manages is the mailroom intern."
"That's not... You can't..."
"The only reason you're even here is because your daddy pulled strings and got you the job. For the record, I didn't even meet Jaemin until I'd already landed the position." I blurt out.
Mentioning Jaemin's name only adds fuel to the fire of my wrath. People like Emerson—and Jaemin—have been underestimating me for too long.
"I'm here on time every day. I work hard. I do my research. Why is it so difficult to believe I might be good at my job?"
Emerson snorts angrily and waves a hand in my direction.
"Women like you always have it easy."
"Ha! as if." Malorie laughs.
"You wouldn't last one day in these heels. You have no idea what my life is like, the things I battle on a daily basis."
"Yeah, right. All you have to do is bat your eyes and show a little leg, and the whole world falls at your feet."
Next to me, Malorie sucks in a sharp breath, but I put up a hand to stop her from speaking. I've got this covered.
"I'm gonna show this leg to the inside of your ass if you're not careful. No matter how many times you try to take credit for my work, or how many people you stomp on trying to climb to the top, the truth will come out."
"I never—"
"You can't stand that I'm a better speechwriter than you, so you steal my speeches and say your wrote them. You know you have nothing to offer the team, so you belittle everyone else to make them feel as bad about themselves as you do. And worst of all, you're just gonna keep on doing it until someone finally calls you out on your bullshit."
"You tell him, (Y/N)."
To my surprise, a series of rallying cries rise up from behind me. I turn to find that several other office workers have gathered around to listen in and cheer you on. I take a deep breath and keep going, unwilling to stop now. I've already come this far...
"Clearly I'm not the only one who feels this way. You have some serious apologizing to do around here."
"You can't make me. I don't owe you anything!"
"A-hem."
I turn to find Luis Hernandez standing a few feet away.
"Luis!"
"You're just in time! (Y/N) is spreading lies about me!"
A hot, uneasy feeling climbs up my stomach, but Luis's stern gaze is fixed on Emerson.
"Is this true, Emerson? Do you really take credit for other people's work?"
"Of course not. (Y/N) is just trying to make herself look good."
Luis casts a slow and careful look around the rest of the office, where my colleagues are stepping forward.
"He took credit for everything I did to increase voter registration last month." a coworker blurts out
"And he's definitely tried to claim a bunch of my marketing copy." Malorie adds.
"It's a team effort! That's what you always say, right Luis?"
"Name one project you've seen through from start to finish." I challenge Emerson.
Emerson wracks his brain, searching for something he can say, but there are too many people watching him...people who know the truth. Emerson wracks his brain, searching for something he can say, but there are too many people watching him...people who know the truth.
"I'd, uh, have to look at my files first..."
"That is completely unacceptable. This campaign is built on collaboration. What were you thinking?"
"It's not my fault! Ever since (Y/N) showed up, the whole office culture has changed. Everyone's so...weak now."
"Emerson, the only weak person here is you. You're just dead weight holding the rest of us back, and we're tired of dragging you around."
"Thank you, (Y/N), for bringing this to my attention and standing up for the whole office. If we want to win, we can't have this kind of discord in the ranks. Effective immediately, you're no longer part of my campaign, Emerson."
Emerson looks so taken aback by this swift, concise punishment that he cries out.
"But...but...but...my father'll kill me!"
A part of me feels bad for Emerson. I can't stand the guy, but it might be handy to have him at my mercy.
If being with Jaemin has taught me anything, it's how much better it is to be the person holding the power...
"If it's all the same to you, Luis, I'd rather not be the cause of anyone losing their job."
"Wait, what?! "
Everyone in the office goes silent as they turn their heads to me in surprise.
"I'm listening..."
"You're always saying 'rehabilitation is more important than punishment'. It's our job to make sure we lift people up every chance we get."
"That's true..."
"Then shouldn't we practice what we preach? Give Emerson a chance to improve before we kick him to the curb?"
"I'm sure (Y/N) could use an assistant to help her with all her new speechwriting duties."
"Forgiveness. Rehabilitation. I like it."
Luis nods decisively and turns to Emerson.
"Emerson, you can keep your job...for now. But if I hear one more word against you..."
"No, sir. Of course not, sir. I won't let you down."
"See that you don't."
Luis straightens and casts a sharp look around the room.
"Now, that's enough drama for one day. Unless you have access to polling numbers that I don't, there's still a lot of work to be done!"
The whole office jumps to attention and scurries back to their desks. You're left standing with Malorie and Emerson.
"What just happened? Why did you do that?"
"I think what you mean to say is 'thank you'. "
Emerson opens his mouth and closes it again, his face turning red.
"I...thank you."
"I never thought I'd see the day..." Malorie smirks.
"Very funny."
I turn on my heel and stalk away, satisfied I got the last word. As I go, Malorie hooks her arm with mine.
"That was, without a doubt, the highlight of my professional career."
"Don't speak too soon. Now that Emerson is out of the way, there's nothing we can't do."
As the workday comes to an end, my mood takes a considerable turn for the better.
"You look awfully happy with yourself. Are you still gloating over your Emerson takedown?"
"I've never done anything like that before..."
...Before Jaemin came into my life and taught me how to speak up for myself.
"Alright, that's enough thinking about the dom who got away."
"How'd you know what I was thinking?"
"Please. You're an open book. Now, we both know you don't need him to have a little BDSM fun. First stop, retail therapy!"
I follow Malorie back to the shop where Jaemin commanded me to pick out a toy of my choosing. As I step inside, I'm hit with a wave of longing, but I push it deep down.
If I'm gonna start a BDSM journey of my own, I have to learn to face it with my head held high.
"So, what're we in the market for today? A new vibrator? Edible underwear? Whatever that scary-looking thing with the spikes is?"
I laugh and shake my head. I make a beeline toward where the serious kink is displayed.
"Hey, you're back. What can I show you today?"
"I want something that will hurt. I'm ready to experience the darker side of BDSM..."
The saleswoman shows me a display wall where mannequins in various poses show off their wares.
"This dildo chair can be a fun way to spice up your dinner parties... These stockades add a real medieval flair to any dungeon... We can even have it made in purple. And if you want to go sweet and simple, you can't go wrong with a good, old-fashioned wooden paddle."
Malorie squeals excitedly at each new offering, but I only shake my head. Nothing feels right until I spot...
The perfect way to take things to the next level.
"I've seen an X-cross before. The sub gets bound by every limb and spread wide for their dom's pleasure."
"You've got good taste. That's part of our premier collection...the finest craftsmanship and the most delicious torture."
This X-cross will make the perfect final touch to my dungeon...with or without Jaemin.
I don't hesitate.
"I'll take it. To be honest, I've been dying to try it out...and it'll look amazing in my dungeon."
Malorie releases a low whistle, clearly impressed by my choice. Even the saleswoman allows her eyes to grow a little wider.
"We don't get a lot of subs picking out this kind of toy. You're obviously in this for real."
"Everyone seems to think I'm just playing around, but BDSM isn't a game for me. I like it makes me feel...powerful."
The saleswoman leads me up to the checkout counter, chatting about delivery options and setup fees. As soon as she pulls up my account, she lifts an eyebrow at me.
"Will you be putting this on Mr. Na's credit card again?"
"Jaemin?"
"He must've forgotten to take you off his account after the last time he sent you here."
"Until he calls and asks me to remove his information, you're free to pay however you want."
"I'll put it on my card.
I shake my head and slide my own credit card across the counter.
"Remove him from my account, please. From now on, my BDSM purchases have nothing to do with him."
"Are you sure I can't at least charge him for some fancy lingerie first?"
I smirk as I make arrangements for same-day delivery. Outside the shop, Malorie turns to me.
"I'll let you get home and enjoy your new purchase, but if you start thinking about You-Know-Who again, call me, okay?"
"Thanks, Mal. For everything."
She wraps me in a quick hug, then the two of us part ways. That evening, I enter my dungeon to admire my growing collection. As I glance around, taking in the toys I'd never even heard of a few short months ago, I can't help but feel proud.
"I've come a long way since my separation with Jay...and there's so much to discover. Malorie made me promise to send a picture of the X-cross once it was set up, so I pull out my phone and snap a quick picture. As soon as I hit the send button to her, a wicked thought occurs to me..."
Malorie isn't the only one who'd be interested in my new purchase. This is just like when Jaemin sent me that picture of a riding crop. He started this whole business, and now he can end it.
I feel a pang of longing at the thought of Jaemin pulling up the picture. I can imagine his stern, displeased expression...
And how much he'd enjoy punishing me for my insolence.
Before I can think twice, I pull out my phone and send the message.
(Y/N):
"Jaemin, I think I've been a bad girl... What do you think?"
I send a picture of the X-cross.
JAEMIN:
"What the HELL is that?"
(Y/N):
"Don't you know? Thought a dom like you would recognize an X-cross"
JAEMIN:
"You know what I mean. What is it doing in your dungeon?"
(Y/N):
"I wanted to spice things up. I've been feelin' a little lonely. This should keep me plenty busy, don't you think?"
"All those restraints..."
"All that leather..."
JAEMIN:
"Take it back, (Y/N). I mean it."
(Y/N):
"I'm thinking about putting out an ad for a new dom. Is that how it's done? Or should I just go to another 'club' and start handing out my number?"
I watch as typing bubbles bobble up and down, waiting for his response.
JAEMIN:
"Do whatever you want. It's your life. Just... Be safe. That's an order."
(Y/N):
"Jaemin... I miss you."
JAEMIN:
"You'll get over it. And me."
My throat catches on a sob as I shove the phone deep in my pocket and head into my bedroom. All of a sudden, this game isn't fun anymore...
I spend the rest of the day trying not to think about Jaemin, but when night falls... I can think of little else.
"At least you'll never leave me, ice cream."
I'm about to take another bite of my favorite pint when there's a knock at the door.
"I'm not expecting anyone...am I?"
I throw open the door, half-hoping to find Jaemin, but instead...
"Oh geez. What'd my brother do this time?"
"He dumped me."
"He's an idiot. Been like that for as long as I can remember, unfortunately. Well, I'm definitely on Team (Y/N). Which means I'm taking you out tonight! You don't need my brother to have a good time. All you need is a short dress, high heels, and your favorite Na sibling...me!"
"I could use a night on the town..."
"Perfect. Give me your phone. I'll call that work friend of yours while you get changed into something hot."
Jaehee's right. If I'm gonna go out tonight, then I should go all out.
"Jaemin doesn't know what he's missing."
With a deep breath, I prepare to face the night ahead...and a life without Jaemin in it. After Jaehee and I get changed, we meet up with Malorie outside the club.
"Damn, (Y/N). You look amazing." Malorie says spinning me around.
"It's just a dress..."
"It's not just anything. With an ass like that, you'll find someone to get over your breakup in no time."
"Thank you! That's exactly what I've been telling her. I'm Jaehee, by the way. Nice to meet you in person." Jaehee agrees.
"I don't know what you said to get (Y/N) out tonight, but first round's on me."
I follow them into the club where a fully stocked bar and loud music promise plenty of chances to boost my spirits.
"We should start by hitting the dance floor."
We make our way to the dance floor, which is packed with hot, writhing bodies.
"I can't remember the last time I let go like this."
Actually, I can...it was in Jaemin's arms.
Malorie grabs me by the hips and starts moving her body in times to mine.
"Hey. You. Stop. That." Malorie demands me.
"Stop what?"
"Thinking about my brother. He's not worth it, remember?" Jaehee replies
I nod and try to focus on losing myself in the thrum of the music and the flow of cocktails, which seem to be coming at me from all sides. I'm just about to head toward the bathrooms for a breather when one of the bouncers from the VIP lounge waves his hand.
"Is he waving at us?" I ask
"Not us." Malorie looks at me with a knowing look.
"You. And I bet I know what he wants..." Jaehee giggles.
I hook arms with my friends and head toward the VIP lounge, where low lights and the twinkle of glasses promise even more fun.
"You ladies looking to take your evening to the next level?" the bouncer asks.
I put my hand on my hip and angle my body so that it hits the light.
"That depends...are you the one who's going to take us there?"
"If you'll let me. I could tell even from across the club you three know how to have fun. And all the fun you could possibly want is right inside this room."
I shot a smug smile over my shoulder at my friends as the bouncer lets us pass.
"Now the fun can really begin."
I find an open booth and slide into it. I'm already starting to feel hot and sweaty, my feet sore from dancing in heels this high.
"There's a reason why clubs are for the young..."
"You're not that old...yet." Jaehee laughs.
"You just need a second wind...and maybe another round of drinks." Malorie says looking for a waitress.
Suddenly, a waitress comes up with a bottle of champagne sent from another table across the room.
"Ask and ye shall receive, apparently.
I glance over to find a young, attractive man raising his glass to me in a one-sided toast.
"Looks like someone made an impression..." Jaehee says getting Malorie's attention.
"You should go thank the man, (Y/N)!"
"No way. Tonight's a girls' night, and no stranger is gonna get between us...no matter how hot he is."
Malorie and Jaehee high-five as I pop the champagne. Malorie pulls out her phone and starts snapping selfies.
"What're you doing?"
"Documenting our historic night out! You're not gonna believe any of this in the morning.
"Not unless you post'em. Gotta have proof." Jaehee states.
I'm feeling tipsy enough for this to sound like a great idea...
"Fine. But I want to pick the pose. Let's take photos of us doing body shots! Where did that sexy stranger go?"
"See? I knew a night out would do you good." Malorie laughs.
I wave the stranger over to my booth.
"Care to help a girl out?"
"Is this a trick question?"
The stranger slips out of his shirt, revealing the hard planes of a body just waiting to be appreciated.
"Here goes nothing..."
As Malorie pours the shot of tequila over the stranger's bare abdomen, I lean over and tongue my way down his body, licking up the alcohol as I go.
"Oh damn..."
The night continues, and I let Jaehee and Malorie tag me all over social media before I head outside for a breath of air... As I step out into the cool night, I can feel my head starting to clear...giving way to the aching desire to hear Jaemin's voice.
"One little phone call can't hurt. I'm sure I won't regret this in the morning."
I giggle to myself as I pull out my cell and dial...
"You've reached Na Jaemin. I can't come to the phone right now. If this is a legal emergency, please contact my assistant—"
As much as I wanted to give Jaemin a piece of my mind, I realize this is my chance to say all the things Jaemin never wanted to hear.
"Jaemin, I told off Emerson...and you're next. I'm on a mission now, did you know that? I'm gonna take down all the assholes who try to stand in my way. Emerson was easy. He's nothing. But you... It's gonna take some time to bring you down. I'll do it, though... I'll make you feel exactly how you've made me feel. And not in the good way."
It feels so good to get this out...to say all the things I've been bottling up for the past week.
"Malorie and your sister took me out to celebrate my big success...that's what I'm doing now. Celebrating. Hard. You wouldn't believe how hot I look right now... I haven't been to a club like this in a long time. People like me here. People want me here."
But I don't really want them back, and that realization causes a pang deep in my chest.
"You used to want me too. Remember? Jaemin... You wouldn't know a good thing if it bit you on the ass. I'm smart. I'm attractive. I have lots to offer...but all you saw was what I'd take away from you."
In the back of my alcohol-fogged mind, I know I'm running out of time, so I take a deep breath and try to focus my thoughts.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'll always be grateful for what you gave me. BDS training...the courage to stand up for myself...more pleasure than I ever thought possible..."
My throat starts to grow thick, but I don't stop. At this point, I don't think I can.
"You changed my life, Jaemin. I don't regret one minute of what we did. But as much as I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone in my whole life... I don't need you."
I straighten my shoulders, feeling more confident than ever.
"That's the best thing you gave me. The strength to know that I'm worth fighting for...that I'm worth meeting halfway. If you want me, you know where to find me...and if you don't, I'll be just fine without you. And that's a promise I don't need a contract to stick to."
I hang up with a flourish and head back inside.
After partying long into the night and crashing at Malorie's place, I have a raging headache the next morning. I make my way blearily to the elevator, but before I make it halfway across the lobby, I spot a familiar face...
"Do my eyes deceive me? Or is the high and mighty Park (Y/N) taking her very first walk of shame?"
"Jay?! How did you get inside this building?!"
"I have my ways."
"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm worried about."
Jay takes a step toward me and I step back.
"Don't come any closer. I don't know what you're doing here or how you found me, but I don't want to talk to you."
"You think you're too good for me now?"
"That's not what I said."
"You always thought that, didn't you? For eight years, I gave you everything, took care of all your needs, and this is how you repay me? Did you think I wouldn't find out? I know everything. Extracurricular activities like yours don't go unnoticed for long."
He shouldn't know anything about my 'extracurricular' activities...unless he's been following me.
"Do you actually have something to say? 'Cause if not, I'm going upstairs. The best thing about divorcing you is that I don't have to stand around and take your bullshit anymore."
"Not so fast. You'll give me everything I want in the divorce, or I'll tell your boss everything you've been up to since we separated."
"You wouldn't dare."
"I'm sure Luis Hernandez would be very interested to know all about his speechwriter's dark, twisted BDSM lifestyle.