I don't know if he ever realizes...
But, I never meant to make him sad.
That night, when I saw tears in his eyes—a defeated young man who failed to stand up for himself, right in front of a person whom he called family, my heart churned. That's when I felt like the world was too cruel.
"Is it hurt?" I asked Yi Chen while we were busy making the bun.
"This is nothing," he murmured; head still down low. Perhaps, he was trying to hide his sadness from me.
We continued working—less talking, more movements. From there, I finally managed to see what Yi Chen was like when he was diligent and serious. He looked strong despite his fragile appearance.
This man... the one that I admire the most. Wish I could hug him by now!
The dawn came just as I pulled out the last batch of steamed buns from the steamer. I looked behind me and saw Yi Chen fast asleep. He leaned his head against the counter, his hands coated with flour. I put down the tray safely and took a basin with warm water.
His fingers were long, slender, but there were traces of hard work behind them. When I touch his skin, I can feel the hardships that he went through. I softly entwined my fingers with his, silently promising that I would make the world a better place for him.
Just for Yi Chen.
"Is Ah Chen asleep?"
Oh God!
"Ah... he... he just take a break for a moment, Aunty Yi..."
"Ah, never mind! He hasn't slept for almost three days. The orders flood in and we are short-staffed..."
I saw a glimmer in Aunty Yi's eyes. She took a glance at me, as I tried to hide my dirty hands behind my back.
May she not notice that!
"I... I gotta go now. School..."
"Here. Take this with you," Aunty Yi handed me a hot steam bun in a clean white cloth. I took it slowly and politely from her.
"Thanks for the help, Ah Ming. I know our family is not on good terms. But, I'm glad to know that someone is taking care of my Ah Chen."
Aunty Yi... those words...
"Ah Ming, can you promise me one thing?"
"Anything, Aunty Yi!"
"Can you take care of my Yi Chen?"
***
No. It's not about those words, that promise.
My feelings for Yi Chen came even before that. It's just that the environment we grew up in changed almost everything; the coldness and distance between us affected us the most. Besides, the poor relationship between our families makes things even worse.
But, to be honest, my feelings for him never changed at all. Even through thunderstorm and drought, I am head over heels for Yi Chen.
Last night, I couldn't sleep. While hanging my chin on the hardwood bed frame, I watch this boy sleep soundly; just like that night. He went through a lot while growing up: poor treatment by his father, and bullying. Come to think of it, my then friends and I only made his life even more miserable.
It's not fair. He deserves better.
"Ah... my friend is growing up! Kudos to you!"
Yes. I want to grow up! I want to be a man for Yi Chen. The one who will protect him at all costs!
"Ah Chen, how's it? Are you ready to forgive Minghao?" Su Lin smiles at him.
I am waiting, Yi Chen. Please answer me...
"I have no reason to hold a grudge..." Yi Chen stands up before he faces me. "But, I hope you really meant it."
His finger pokes my chest, hinting at the facade behind those words.
"If it's about those girls, sorry but I'm not sorry."
"Ah... I see..." he tilts his head and gives me a look. While my eyes linger on his face, his pinkish lips seem so tasty, it almost spikes up my desire.
I swear to God, I won't guarantee your safety in the future, Sweet Bun!
"Fine. I'm holding this as our truce. Forgiving you doesn't mean we're cool. Nothing changes between us, only our past is erased."
So, that means, he won't change? He will keep chasing girls? Just like that?
What the—!
"Yeah. Feel free to do that! Since you told me nothing will change even after I apologized, that means, whatever I did before, I can still do it..."
"Yah! Why?"
I give him a snarky look. "You told me nothing has changed between us, right? So, if you're standing on your ground, am I."
There's no way I will let you slip away from me! Even if I have to push those girls away from you, I'll do it!
"Minghao, you—!"
"Ah... ah... enough, both of you! The truce has been made, so just move on!" Su Lin pours some drinks, parting us away from each other.
Yi Chen sits down, but I can sense a deep dissatisfaction in him. Ah, never mind! Soon, he will understand why I'm doing this for him.
Right now, my ultimate mission is to win his heart, no matter what!
***
I calmly lean against a wooden rack at the back of the shop with a cigarette in my hand. I'm not a hardcore smoker, I smoke when I feel like it. Watching the cloud of smoke gives me a feeling of living at a slow pace.
"Make sure to write a will before it's too late."
I turn around and there he is with a metal basin full of empty glasses. The wedding is still on even after the ceremony. The crowd is getting larger than before, so our friends excuse themselves before they get stuck with a large number of elderly people who usually go a bit overboard while partying.
I puff on my cigarette, ignoring his sarcastic tone. I am purposely doing that. I like how he pays attention to me.
"You care about me. How sweet!"
"Nope," he puts away the clean glasses. "I don't want you to bring a bad habit into our room."
"Our room? Sounds sexy!"
Yi Chen almost throw his hand at me. He looks funny and silly at this point. Adding the cuteness, he intrigues me to get closer to him.
This closeness always bring a hard time for my sanity!
"Will you attend the reunion?"
"I don't know. I'm busy. You?"
"If you're not attending, so am I."
"Yah, you should attend! You participate almost every year!"
"If you're not going, I won't coming, too..."
"Yah, don't follow me! I am my own decision!" Yi Chen steps out, facing me with a frown in his face. "You should come. Our friends are dying to meet you."
"If they ask, I'll put the blame on you."
"Why?"
"Because you're not coming, too! If you can skip, why can't I?"
Yes, why I need to be there when you're not even there??
"Don't be such an ass, Minghao! I am not as important as you are!"
"Who said you're not important?" I object his claim. Yi Chen goes silent. He's muting himself for quite a long time. I do mean it. He is important to me.
"I take the silent as yes. Be there at 9 am, dresscode: blue."
"I thought there's no dresscode!"
"They forgot to tell you. Don't forget, or I'll shake the gate of your house. I don't care if your Pa blow up my head. What matter the most is your presence at the reunion."
I put off my cigarettes before flick his nose and leave. From the corner of my eyes, I can see Yi Chen is blushing; or maybe he is frustrating... who cares anyway! As long as I can spend one more day with him, I'll do anything.
Even lift him up from bed.