Murica, Pale University
Ever since Solo passed the Building World Peace Act, the Murican government has been aggressively reshaping how demons perceive the world—and the other races living in it. Schools, universities, media outlets, and public events were now all part of a coordinated, nationwide re-education effort.
Inside the prestigious Pale University, a full classroom of demons sat attentively as their professor—a demon with purple horns and round spectacles—scribbled something on the chalkboard.
"All right, class," he announced, writing slowly and dramatically. "What… is… hu… ma… ne?" He stepped aside, revealing HUMANE in bold chalk.
"Tony?" he said, pointing at a burly orc with glasses in the front row.
"Uhh… a human subspecies?" Tony ventured
"Incorrect. Kaca?" The professor pointed to a siren lounging elegantly in her seat.
"Is it, like… being kind or nice?"
"Almost." The professor nodded. "But according to the new dictionary, humane means: 'a harmful act of compassion or benevolence projected toward humans or other humanoid races.' In simpler terms, it's how we demons kill humans—while making them feel less bad about it."
Every student immediately bent over their notebooks, scribbling intensely.
"Now," continued the professor, "give me an example. How do we kill humans in a humane way?"
Dozens of hands shot up as if he had asked a particularly fun question.
A House in Murica
"Bang bang bang bang—whoosh! Boom!"
Late at night, a five-year-old demon boy was still playing with his toy soldiers, staging his own imaginary war far past bedtime. The moment his bedroom door creaked open, he flung himself into bed and pretended to sleep.
"Johnny," came his mother's gentle voice, "why haven't you slept yet?"
The demon mother approached, tucking him lovingly under his blanket, and stroked his hair with demonic tenderness.
"Mommy…?"
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"When I grow up," the boy said with the purest sincerity, "I want to be Captain Murica and kill a looot of humans—and make them really happy!"
"Yes, you will, sweetheart," she said warmly. "But remember—they're shy creatures. They get scared easily. So you must be very kind and gentle before you kill them, okay?"
"Yes, Mommy."
"Good. Now sleep. You have school tomorrow. And don't forget—only demons who do well in school are allowed to kill humans."
Within moments, the child was snoring softly. His mother watched him with adoration, kissed his forehead, and whispered:
"Sweet dreams, my love. Those humans will be so very happy to be killed by you."
Murica Navy Boot Camp
At a Navy training ground, recruits thundered across the terrain in a brutal forced march, weighed down by full gear and bulging backpacks. A drill sergeant ran alongside them, bellowing with the fury of twenty megaphones.
"WHERE'S YOUR SPIRIT, YOU FUCKING MAGGOTS! DO YOU THINK THE HUMANS WILL BE HAPPY TO BE KILLED BY WIMPS LIKE YOU?"
"SIR! NO SIR!"
"DO YOU WANT TO MAKE THE HUMANS SAD WHEN YOU KILL THEM!?"
"SIR! NO SIR!"
"OR DO YOU WANT TO MAKE THEM SMILE AND BE PROUD WHEN YOU KILL THEM?
"SIR! YES SIR!"
"THEN SING!"
"HUMAN, HUMAN, CAN'T YOU SEE?
NAVY KILLS IS GOOD FOR YOU."
---
Nearly all demons in Murica now understood that casual, random murder was considered impolite. Killing humans—according to Solo's newly engineered ideology—was a privilege, a responsibility, and even an act of care.
Or at least, that was the bullshit Solo can think of to keep his people from indulging their natural bloodlust.
Rewriting the mindset of an entire nation had not been easy. Uniting hostile demon tribes in the past was already a miracle—telling demons to limit their murder urges was on an entirely different level.
11 months ago…
Bashington DC, The Black House
Belphy stormed through the hallway with such purpose that staff members scrambled aside like scattering pigeons. He slammed open a door marked Chief of Staff.
Lilith jolted at the sudden intrusion. "Belphy?"
Without speaking, he slapped an envelope onto her desk.
She picked it up, glanced at it, and raised an eyebrow. "What's this?"
"My resignation letter."
"Oh? Okay."
Lilith casually dropped it into the trash can and resumed typing.
"… …"
"You know," Belphy said stiffly, "you could at least wait until I leave before throwing it out."
"And you know exactly where it's going anyway," Lilith replied.
"UGH! You demon! How could you move the entire education department out of Bub's ministry and shove it into mine!?"
"Because it suits you better," she answered calmly. "You used to plant ideas in people's heads through movies and novels. Now you'll just plant them in textbooks."
"No-no-no-no-no! It's completely different!"
The office door opened again. Solo entered, holding documents.
"Honey, can I—oh? Hey, Belphy. Resigning again?" He asks, handing a stack of documents to Lilith.
Belphy threw his arms up. "Look, guys, I can't do it!"
"You always say that every time we assign you something," Lilith said.
"I mean sure, I can rewrite every textbook. I can make another brainwashing movie. But that's not the issue!"
"So what is it?" Solo asked.
"Knowing how to make the material is one thing. Knowing how to sell it is something else entirely! Without a master-level communicator pushing these peace ideas, it'll take decades to work!"
Solo groaned. "That's a problem… I don't know if we can stop our people from wiping out half the planet for that long."
"If you want fast results," Belphy said, "you need a demon who has world-class mass communication skills."
Lilith's face twisted with dread. "Oh no. No. I know where this is going."
Solo pinched the bridge of his nose. "Oh boy."
Murica, Hellicon Valley
A couple of days later, Solo, Lilith, and Belphy drive an SUV into the most cursed region in demon territory—Hellicon Valley. Volcanoes, lava rivers, and scorched wasteland for miles. Even demonic beasts avoid this place.
"WHY ME!?" Belphy screamed.
"Because it was your idea," Lilith replied, keeping her eyes on the road.
"That doesn't mean I have to come! Why not ask Stan or Levi!?"
"They're at Dawn inspecting our new bases," Solo said. "Besides, aren't you the only one still talking to him regularly?"
"Tch. Only by phone. I don't want to meet that psycho in person…"
"I see the tower," Lilith announces.
The Demon King Castle rose from the valley's center—an enormous, nightmarish fortress crowned by a towering spire of one hundred floors.
"Ugh… still as ugly as ever," Lilith muttered.
"Agreed," Belphy nodded.
Then he spotted a glow atop the tower. "Uh… what's that?"
BOOOOM!
A beam of light blasts down at their SUV, detonating it instantly. When the smoke cleared, Lilith—now in her true demon form—stood shielding Solo. Black demonic armor covered her boy, wings spread wide, claws extended, three eyes glowing. Still sexy according to Solo.
Belphy had calmly thrown up a magical shield for himself.
"Here he comes," Lilith warned.
A figure shot toward them at supersonic speed.
WHIIIIZZ-CLASH!
A sword slammed against Lilith's claws in a shockwave that blew away the lingering flames.
"SOLO, MY BRO! LONG TIME NO SEE!" The attacker laughs cheerfully.
It was a handsome man with black wings and a glowing halo.
Lucifer Morningstar.
The Demon King
"Uh… hey, Luke," Solo said.
"Wow, I'm sooo happy you visited! Oh—Lilith's here too?" Luke says casually while still trying to push a sword into her neck.
"Hi, asshole," Lilith growled, pushing back.
"And Belphy! What a party! Are you teaming up with Lilith?"
"Nah, man." Belphy replies, sitting on a chunk of SUV. "Just watching."
"Aww, shame. When was the last time we all hung out…?"
"When you crashed my wedding, you shithead!" Lilith roared. Energy surged in her third eye.
"Uh oh."
BZZZZZZT!
She fired a beam, but Luke blinked out of the way. The beam shot through a guard tower, slicing it clean in half and sending it toppling into ruins.
"You two wait here!" Lilith ordered.
"Aye, ma'am," Belphy said.
"Be careful, honey," Solo added.
Lilith vanished into the sky after Luke.
3,000 Meters Above Ground
Lilith and Luke hover in the air, glaring at each other.
"Oh, right!" Luke snaps his fingers. "The wedding! That was a fun party. We fought for how long? Two days?"
"Three, you asshole! You made us miss our honeymoon!"
"Ahaha! Can't blame me. I was upset!" He draws a second sword. "Watching my bro get deceived by some insolent wench!"
"Boohoo. A brat throwing a tantrum because his friend doesn't play with him anymore." She unsheathes her thorny whip. "He's mine now. Deal with it, birdbrain."
They dash.
BOOOOM-CLANK-WHIIZZ-BOOOM-SPARK-BZZT-BOOOM!
The sky fills with explosions and beams.
Meanwhile, Down Below
Belphy sat on the surviving SUV seat—a surprisingly intact makeshift sofa—while Solo approached carrying a cooler box.
"The cooler box survived," he says, opening it and handing Belphy a cold beer.
"Nice."
POP
"Cheers."
"Cheers."
They sip.
"Aaaah."
Debris and laser beams occasionally fly toward them but fizzle against Belphy's magic shield.
"How long do you think they'll be at it?" Belphy asks.
"Dunno. If it takes too long, we can call Secret Service. There's a nice hotel in nearby town."
Back Up There
Both Luke and Lilith are bruised and scarred in many places now, but they are still grinning like maniacs.
"You're getting slower, are you gaining weight?" Luke taunts. "Stress eating at the Black House?"
"My therapist said I should face my problems," Lilith replies sweetly. "And here you are."
"Hah! Did you tell your therapist that your problem is this BIG?" Luke channeled power.
He transformed—six wings unfurled, his halo turned crimson, demonic energy swirling like a storm.
Lilith scoffed. "Every big problem can be solved starting with the smallest one. So I'll start by removing your dick!"
Just like in every RPG game, sometimes there's a secret boss that somehow can be as strong or maybe stronger than the final boss. In this world, that was Lilith.
She transformed too-black scaled spiky armor, crowned with horns, blazing aura.
Demon Queen form.
They collide again.
Back Down Again
A second, unrelated war has begun.
"No, Belphy! Star Trek is better! The worldbuilding is richer, the philosophy deeper! Not as simplistic as Star Wars!"
"WHAT!? Star Wars isn't simple! It's eternal light vs. dark—just like us!"
"IT'S CHILDISH!"
"IT'S BORING!"
"Now you've done it! Let's see how you like it after I give you episode 7!"
All this time, Solo has been holding back sharing episode 7 script with Belphy out of pity.
Back Up There Again
Luke and Lilith hovered, panting.
"Not bad, bitch," Luke said. "Haven't had a workout like this in ages."
"You too, asshole… hehe…"
"hehe…"
"HAHAHAHAHA!"
They both laugh maniacally.
"But," Lilith says, pulling a satellite phone, "I can't play all day. I've got an orphanage opening tomorrow."
"Oh? And how will you stop me? Call the army? You remember no lower-class demon can withstand my aura."
"Kukuku…"
She presses a button, and grins.
"Send them in."