HUUUUUUMMM-
A low-growing hum vibrated through the sky.
Luke's demon ears twitched, his eyebrow raised. "Huh? What's that noise? Calling an airplane to bail you out?"
"Five of them, actually," Lilith replied casually.
Luke squinted at the distant silhouettes approaching in formation. "And how is that supposed to make a difference? You're just wasting five planes!"
His aura flared—an explosive boom of hellish pressure—as he focused on the incoming aircraft. But after a few seconds, his glower softened into confusion.
"…What? I can't sense any pilots."
"Kukuku…" Lilith's lips curled into a wicked smile. "Your Majesty, allow me to introduce the newest addition to Murica's air force—the UAV Squadron."
Five MQ-9 Reaper drones sliced through the sky like steel vultures.
One of them fired an AIM-9 Sidewinder straight at Luke.
"Oh? Are these Bub's new toys?" Luke asked, sounding almost delighted as he bound one of his swords with magic and hurled it telekinetically forward—
BOOOOOM!
-and intercepted the missile, detonating the missile in a fireball. With a flick of his finger, Luke recalled the blade back toward him.
He raised his hand, demonic energy coalescing into a roaring sphere.
A beam shot out—
-but the UAV formation split instantly, leaving his attack to burn a hole through empty sky.
He roared, "DO YOU THINK THOSE TOYS ALONE CAN DEFEAT M—"
BZZZZT-BOOM!
A beam pierced him from behind, blasting him forward.
"Ugh—!" Luke staggered, teeth grinding.
Lilith's third eye crackled with energy as she smirked.
"I never said they'd fight you alone," she purred.
She fired again.
Luke twisted through the air, dodging spiraling beams and firing back. The drones swooped in and out, machine gun fire peppering him.
WHIIIZZ-BOOOOM!
A missile slammed into his spine.
"Rrrrgh—YOU BITCH! YOU'RE PLAYING DIRTY!"
"Aww, thank you," Lilith cooed.
Screech Air Force Base
Thousands of kilometers away from Hellicon Valley, inside a humming base, dozens of demon airmen sat before screens on each of their station pods, guiding the UAVs with intense focus. The main monitors on the command station showed the battle in real time.
Bub stood in the back, jotting notes with glee.
Beside him, stood General Fujin, a hulking, one-horned Oni with a chest full of stars.
"Remarkable," Fujin muttered. "Cheaper than the F-16, and the flight endurance is vastly superior."
"Fufufu, right?" Bub said smugly. "Plus, Luke can't sense them. No pilots, no demon presence—stealth by existential absence!"
"I'll admit," Fujin continued, "I doubted them because they're slower than jets. But the agility… and the endurance…" He watched two drones evade Luke's counter-beam while a third peppered him with gunfire. "Outstanding."
"And," Bub added brightly, "no pilot deaths! They can take shifts. Think of the salary savings!"
Fujin placed his hand on Bub's shoulder. "Minister… you truly understand the military soul."
He activated his headset.
"Attention, UAV pilots," Fujin announced. "This is General Fujin."
Every demon pilot—sitting in their virtual cockpits, eyes glued to their screens—listened.
"Most of you were born as lower-class demons. But today—today you will make history. You are about to be the first lower-class demon to kick His Majesty's ass." He roared. "Stay focused. Assist Lady Lilith. Give him a taste of royal pain!"
Every pilot grinned viciously.
Luke wasn't Demon King because he commanded armies—Luke would never do something that organized. He was Demon King because he was too strong to argue with.
While Lilith spent milllenias minding her own business, Luke spent it beating up tribes, embarrassing leaders, and generally being an omnidirectional nuisance. Lilith chilled at home. Luke terrorized everyone.
The Demons hated him.
When the request came to help Lilith?
The air force couldn't have been happier.
Helicon Valley
On the ground, Solo watched the sky like a man enjoying a fireworks show.
"Whoa! Our new drones are performing great for their first mission," Solo said, watching Luke get blasted around. "Hope the air force buys more."
"Hey! Focus!" Belphy snapped. "We're not done here!"
"Relax, dude." Solo scrolled through his Star Wars Episode VII script window. "Where were we…ah, yes. In what was supposed to be a dramatic father-and-son reunion… Kylo Ren activates his lightsaber, impaling Han Solo—who can only stare in shock and betrayal as he dies."
Belphy froze.
"WHAT!? WHY!? FOR WHAT REASON!? JUST BECAUSE KYLO IS A CRINGE EMO?? WHAT WAS THE WRITER THINKING!?"
Solo shrugged. "Not much, apparently."
Above
The battle raged on. The score so far: the away team is leading.
"AAARGH! THIS IS CHEATING!" Luke yelled, being battered and smoking.
"Awww, thank you again, Luke." Lilith's grin turned feral, her third eye burning. "You've been so sweet these past few minutes."
RATATATATATATATATA
A drone got too bold—closing in while unloading its machine gun.
Luke saw his chance.
He hurled his telekinetic sword—
WHOOOOSH-CLANK!
The blade pierced the drone's nose. Sparks erupted. The UAV spiraled down, trailing smoke.
"HAHAHA! GOT ONE OF YOUR ANNOYING PAWNS!"
But his triumph lasted half a second.
Lilith had already blinked behind him, eyes blazing.
"Pawn sacrificed to open the queen's path."
Her palm glowed.
"Checkmate, bitch!"
SMACK
Below
BOOOOOOMM
A meteor-like crash carved a massive crater into the earth. Dust billowed for seconds.
When it cleared:
At the epicenter lay Luke, sprawled in full Yamcha defeated pose, twitching.
Lilith stood over him, heel planted triumphantly on his torso.
Chin raised. Eyes gleaming.
She lifted her wrist slightly.
And unleashed the most villainous Ojou-sama laugh she had in her arsenal.
"O~HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"
Behind her, the four remaining UAVs performed a celebratory flyover, trailing smoke in victory formation.
"…O-hohoho… ho? What's happening here?"
Lilith blinked as she noticed Belphy passed out on the ground.
"Oh, nothing," Solo said, dusting his hands. "We just had a little fight."
Belphy lay unconscious from the crippling disappointment.
Lilith sighed. "You told him about Episode VII, didn't you?"
Demon King Castle
"Aaahahaha, being swarmed by those drones are really something else!" Luke said joyfully, studiously ignoring the part where he lost. "You and Bub never stop making fun toys."
The castle's great hall flickered with torchlight, monstrous sculptures and paintings glared from the walls. Their eyes following any movement—charm spells meant to terrorize visitors.
But the visitors today were demon elites.
They barely noticed.
Luke, bandaged and freshly dressed in a crisp suit, sat with Solo, Lilith, and barely-conscious Belphy at the breakfast table.
"So," Luke asked, "what brings you here?"
"Have you seen the news about Lich's latest discovery? About the goddess virus?" Solo asked.
"Oh, the goddess particles?"
"…particles?"
"Yes, the thing you and Lich named the goddess virus forty years ago. It's trending again because Lich figured out its function." Luke sipped tea. "Its real name is goddess particles."
Lilith stiffened. "You… knew the goddess created it? How?"
Luke blinked. "Because I still lived in the goddess realm at the time she made it."
The table fell silent.
"WHAT!? YOU'RE FROM THE GODDESS REALM!? AN ANGEL!?" Lilith shrieked.
Luke pointed at his halo. "Color changed, sure, but it's still a halo and angel wings. Isn't it obvious?"
Lilith was speechless.
Solo scratched his cheek. The trope was so cliché, so he assumed everyone knew.
"Anyway," Solo said slowly, "what else do you know about the virus?"
"Hm…"
Luke tapped his chin.
"…I don't feel like telling you, bro. Hahaha!"
"Tch"
Luke smirked. He was powerful, ancient, and annoying. After freeloading at his castle century ago, Solo knew this too well.
"Anyway, is that why you're here—"
TING-TING TING-TING
An iPhone alarm rang.
"Oh! Almost 9 AM. Let's continue this in my office." Luke stood. "You haven't been to the tower in eighty years, right? You'll like the changes."
Demon Tower, 1st floor
The moment they entered the tower, everyone's jaw dropped.
The once-hellish spire had become… corporate.
A grand lobby. Automatic doors. Reception counters. A wall directory. Security staff in suits. Demons rushing in with coffee cups stamped with a green Medusa logo.
"Welcome to Demon Tower," Luke announced proudly. "Home to Murica's biggest corporations!"
He whispered, "And also the most evil."
The demons' employees all looked exhausted, dead-eyed, and under-caffeinated. Their overpriced coffee didn't help.
So: corporate.
Luke led them to the VIP elevator. Several suit-wearing demon executives were already inside.
As Lilith stepped in last—
BEEP BEEP BEEP
A warning flashed:
A panel flashed a red silhouette of a horned female demon with an X over it, suspiciously resembling Lilith.
"What the hell?" Lilith snapped.
"Ah. You need to take the employee elevator," Luke said with way too much pleasure.
"LUKE! YOU ASSH-"
The doors closed on her scream.
Elevator
Relaxing jazz music filled the air.
"You finally changed everything like you always wanted to, didn't you?" Solo noted.
"Well, you've been teaching me a lot of things, bro."
TING
Floor 30.
"Excuse me, this is my stop," said a necromancer politely while passing through Solo and the others.
The necromancer stepped out to an office floor that was filled with undead workers that were working on their computers with messy shirts; some could be seen resting under their tables.
"That's my 30th-floor boss." Luke explained cheerfully. "He runs a Black company now. Very loyal employees—none of them have gone home since day one."
Solo and Belphy shivered.
TING
Floor 70.
A rat demon exited onto a floor marked Dismay Entertainment, logoed with three familiar circles.
"That's my 70th-floor boss," Luke whispered. "His entertainment company takes over beloved movie franchise and ruins it for profits and fun," Luke whispered.
Solo shuddered. Belphy whimpered.
TING
Floor 99
"Have a nice day," an elderly, gentle-looking demon says politely to everyone as he steps out.
His floor is a pristine, family-themed corporate floor with many pictures of happy demon families.
"And him?" Belphy asked.
"Oh, he runs insurance companies."
Belphy nodded.
Of course he did.