Lily's POV:
I slammed the door shut behind me and used it as support to lean on. My breathing came out in laboured gasps. I tried to look at my hands, but my vision was an unrecognizable blur from the tears. Even so, I could still feel my hands shaking uncontrollably.
Did she... really just try to kill me back there?
The face my Mom made when she grabbed those pills was like nothing I had ever seen before. The dark shade of red her face took, her veins bulging out of her head, the way her eyes glared at me… It wasn't the face of my Mom.
*HAHHH* *HAHHHHH* *HAHHHH*
My breathing became increasingly sporadic. I couldn't catch my breath no matter how hard I tried. The tears that had once been contained in my eyes fell down my face. My chest felt like it was getting crushed from the weight of my panic. I clutched my chest in hopes of alleviating the pressure.
"That person- Sh- She's not my Mom anymore!"
Suddenly, the taste of iron spread inside my mouth. I gagged and hurriedly spat on the ground. My saliva didn't look any different from usual, but the metallic tang wouldn't go away. My heart dropped to my stomach.
Is this… blood?
A cold wave of fear crashed into me.
Mom had just… made me bleed.
I frantically shook my head. Somewhere deep inside, I didn't actually think she would do anything. All that hope, gone in the next instance. My mouth throbbed- causing me to recall the way her fingernails dug into the insides of my mouth, as if tearing it open. It filled me with nauseating dread, forcing me to cover my mouth.
"She actually- tried to kill me…!"
I suddenly felt a sick feeling in my stomach. I shot over to the edge of the porch, bent over, and threw up onto the lawn. I could feel the burning sensation of the stomach acid making its way up my throat. It was like my body was trying to cleanse my insides. The vomiting left me completely drained. My hands and knees lost their strength, causing me to collapse onto the ground.
*Cough* *Cough* *Cough*
My chest hurts, my throat burns, the scent of my puke plagues my nose, and my body is numb from all the continuous shaking. I made a desperate attempt to push myself off the ground, but my body just couldn't muster the strength. I was left stuck to the ground, unable to do anything about it.
Is this… how it ends for me?
I clutched my head, and my thoughts slowly spiralled into despair.
I didn't want it to be like this!
What's wrong with just wanting to eat some cake!
I wanted a normal family, just like everyone else!
It's so hard living every day, it makes me want to give up… but I'm scared of dying.
I'm scared. I'm scarED I'M SCARED IMSCARED SCARED SCARED SCARED SCARED SCARED!
I don't wanna die! I DON'T WANNA DIE!
I WANT TO LIVE!
Is that really too much to ask for?!
I dug my nails into the concrete. The tips tore and burned, the sharp pain flooding my mind. I needed to grasp onto something – anything – to keep me going, but it was a hopeless endeavour.
Don't I… have the right to want to live too?
Why… Can't I be happy?
Someone… please.. Save me…
I don't want to be alone…
A tear slowly streaked down my face.
I don't wanna die alone…
I curled myself into a ball and started crying ugly sobs.
*WAHHHHHHHHH*
I let all of my fear, anxiety, and sadness in one loud wail. I sobbed to the point that a tingling sensation made its way through my body with every single sporadic breath I took. I didn't care if my parents could hear me; they wouldn't come save me anyway. I didn't care if the neighbours saw me; those strangers wouldn't be able to help me at all. No one in the world can.
I… am all alone.
All my strength began to drain away, seeping into the ground. My breathing became slow and steady. The remainder of my tears dried up on my face, making my cheeks stiff. But I didn't care anymore. My world slowly faded into darkness…
Then, the door opened. My body twitched, dragging me back to awareness again. I panicked and hastily went to cover my face. I didn't want anyone to see the mess I was in. I slowly looked up and saw that it was my brother. He calmly crouched down, and I quickly shut my eyes. I was afraid to look at him. I didn't want to get made fun of, I didn't want to see a look of pity on his face, and worst of all…
I don't want HIM of all people to look down on me.
I squeezed my eyes even tighter, shutting him out of my world.
I…don't need love.
I just want to be…left alone.
A tender touch suddenly rested on the top of my head. My body froze.
"Can't you open your eyes for me?"
The moment he spoke, my body froze. His tone was even and unhurried. He had never spoken to me that way before. I felt the sudden urge to reach out to him. Maybe – just maybe, I could be saved. But at the same time, I'm scared. Scared of letting anyone in. How can I trust anyone? My own Mother just tried to kill me… So how could I possibly trust him? Before I could even think of what to say, my mouth moved on its own.
"DON'T ACT LIKE YOU CARE ABOUT ME! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"
I tried pushing him away, but my arms didn't carry any force.
No… please don't leave…
Please just stay with me, big brother!
I just… I don't know what to do anymore…
I felt my once dried-up tears return. But before the tears could make their way down my face, my Brother gently put the hands that were covering them aside and wiped them away from me.
"Sometimes, you just have to take a leap of faith. So trust me. I'll wait here for as long as you need until you're ready."
My mouth slowly fell open. There were a lot of things that I wanted to say- words of protest, words of sadness, but they died out all the same. The only thing that remained was an inaudible gasp.
I clenched my teeth tightly, trying to push myself off the ground. My arms were shaking like they were going to collapse at any moment, but I kept trying. That was when my hands suddenly gave out, causing me to fall. I shut my eyes tighter as I braced myself, but the pain never came. Instead of the cold, hard ground, I felt a soft warmth on my hand. The warmth spread through my whole body, and I flinched in shock. I slowly turned towards my brother.
Did he just… save me from falling?
My mouth trembled as my emotions surged in my mind. I scrambled through my mind for something - anything- to say. Eventually, the only thing I could say was:
"Wh-why?"
My brother answered immediately.
"I told you, I will stay here and wait for as long as I need to. I don't expect you to believe me with just pretty words; I don't believe in that crap either. So allow me to show you instead."
"B-but… why are you doing this for me?"
The warmth on my hand suddenly became even tighter as he responded.
"That's a weird question. Do I need any other reason other than I'm your older brother? Even if your parents are against you, that doesn't mean your brother is. I am on your side, Lily. So, open your eyes for me, just this one time."
A gasp escaped my mouth, causing a heavy weight to lift off my chest. With it, a glimmer of hope formed inside of me. Maybe…I'll trust him this one time, as well as the warmth he gave me. Taking a deep breath, I hesitantly opened my eyes. What I saw made me forget everything that happened for a moment.
My brother had been holding my hand. He was looking at me with an expression so gentle that I almost couldn't believe it was actually him. I felt my breath catch in my chest, giving me trouble pushing the words out of my throat. He didn't say anything. He didn't doanything. He just sat there… and waited for me. The once fleeting sense of hope filled my entire body. It's been so long that I've forgotten, but… my brother has always been this way.
"Brother…?"
A tear streaked down my cheek.