Lily's POV:
I slammed the door shut behind me and used it as support to lean on. My breathing came out in laboured gasps. I tried to look at my hands, but my vision was an unrecognizable blur from the tears. Even so, I could still feel my hands shaking uncontrollably.
Did she... really just try to kill me back there?
The face my Mom made when she grabbed those pills was like nothing I had ever seen before. The dark shade of red her face took, her veins bulging out of her head, the way her eyes glared at me… It wasn't the face of my Mom.
*HAHHH* *HAHHHHH* *HAHHHH*
My breathing became increasingly sporadic. I couldn't catch my breath no matter how hard I tried. The tears that had once been contained in my eyes finally streaked down my cheeks. My chest felt like it was getting crushed from the weight of my panic. I clutched my chest, hoping to alleviate the pressure at least a little bit.
"That person- Sh- She's not my Mom anymore!"
Suddenly, the taste of iron spread along the tip of my tongue. Disgusted, I gagged and hurriedly spat on the ground. My saliva didn't look any different from usual, but the metallic tang wouldn't go away.
After letting the taste linger for a little longer, a grim realization slowly dawned on me.
Is this… blood?
Did Mom just… make me bleed?
I frantically shook my head. Somewhere deep inside, I didn't actually think she would do anything. She was still my Mom after all. But those hopes disappeared in the next few moments.
My mouth throbbed- causing me to recall the way her fingernails dug into the insides of my mouth, as if tearing it open. It filled me with nauseating dread, forcing me to slap my hands over my mouth.
"She actually- tried to kill me…!"
Suddenly, a wave of sickness made its way up my stomach. Before I could even think, I shot over to the edge of the porch, bent over, and threw up onto the lawn. I could feel the burning sensation of the stomach acid burning my throat as it escaped through my mouth. It was like my body was trying to cleanse my insides.
By the time everything had come out, I was completely drained. My hands and knees lost their strength, causing me to collapse onto the ground.
*Cough* *Cough* *Cough*
My chest hurts...
My throat burns...
All I can smell is the disgusting scent of my own puke...
And I can't even feel my own body my own arms anymore...
I made a desperate attempt to push myself off the ground, but my body just couldn't muster the strength.
I was left stuck to the ground, unable to do anything about it.
Is this… how it ends for me?
I clutched my head, drowning in my own thoughts.
I didn't want it to be like this!
What's wrong with just wanting to eat some cake!
I wanted a normal family, just like everyone else!
It's so hard living every day, it makes me want to give up…
But... I'm scared of dying.
I'm scared. I'm scarED I'M SCARED IMSCARED SCARED SCARED SCARED SCARED SCARED!
I don't wanna die! I DON'T WANNA DIE!
I WANT TO LIVE!
Is that really too much to ask for?!
I dug my nails into the concrete. The tips tore and burned, the sharp pain flooding my mind. I needed to grasp onto something – anything – to keep me going, but it was a hopeless endeavour.
Don't I… have the right to want to live too?
Why… can't I be happy?
Someone… please.. save me…
I don't want to be alone…
A tear slowly streaked down my face.
I don't wanna die alone…
I curled myself into a ball, becoming as small as possible, and cried ugly sobs.
*WAHHHHHHHHH*
I let all of my fear, anxiety, and sadness in one loud wail. I sobbed to the point that a tingling sensation made its way through my body with every single sporadic breath I took. I didn't care if my parents could hear me; they wouldn't come save me anyway. I didn't care if the neighbours saw me; those strangers wouldn't be able to help me at all. No one in the world could.
I… am all alone.
The last remnants of my strength drained away, seeping into the ground. My breathing became slow and steady. The remainder of my tears dried up on my face, making my cheeks stiff. But I didn't care anymore.
My world slowly faded into darkness…
Then, the door opened. My body twitched, dragging me back to awareness again. I panicked and hastily went to cover my face. I didn't want anyone to see the mess I was in.
Through the cracks in my hands, I slowly looked up and saw that it was my Brother. He calmly crouched down, and I quickly shut my eyes. I was afraid to look at him. I didn't want to get made fun of, I didn't want to see a look of pity on his face, and worst of all…
I don't want HIM of all people to look down on me.
I squeezed my eyes even tighter, shutting him out of my world.
I… don't need love.
I just want to be… left alone.
A tender touch suddenly rested on the top of my head. My body froze.
"Wow. Can't even open your eyes for you Brother now?"
The moment he spoke, all my thoughts immediately stopped. He was still as irritatingly sarcastic as ever, but his tone... his tone was even and unhurried. I'd lived with him for my entire life, and never once had I ever heard him talk that way before.
I felt the sudden urge to reach out to him. Maybe – just maybe, I could be saved. But at the same time, I was scared. Scared of letting anyone in. How could I trust anyone? My own Mother just tried to kill me… So how could I possibly trust him? Again?
Before I could even think of what to say, my mouth moved on its own. "DON'T ACT LIKE YOU CARE ABOUT ME! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"
I tried pushing him away, but my arms didn't carry any force. He barely moved an inch.
No… please don't leave…
I shoved even harder, mustering up every ounce of strength I could.
Please, just stay with me, Big Brother!
I dug my nails into his arm, hoping that the pain would drive him away.
I just… I don't know what to do anymore…
I felt my once dried-up tears return. But before the tears could make their way down my face, my Brother gently wiped his hands across my cheek.
"Listen," he said, his voice resounding clearly in my head. "Sometimes, even if it's scary, you just have to go for it. So trust me. I'll wait here for as long as you need until you're ready."
My mouth slowly fell open. There were a lot of things that I wanted to say- words of protest, words of sadness, but they died out all the same. The only thing that remained was an inaudible gasp.
I clenched my teeth tightly, trying to push myself off the ground. My arms were shaking like they were going to collapse at any moment, but I still kept trying. At the very least, I wanted to sit up straight if I was going to talk to him.
That was when my hands suddenly gave out, causing me to fall. I shut my eyes tighter as I braced myself, but the pain never came. Instead of the cold, hard ground, I felt a soft warmth on my hand. The warmth spread through my whole body, and I flinched in shock.
Did he just… save me from falling?
My mouth trembled as my emotions surged in my mind. I scrambled through my mind for something - anything- to say. Eventually, the only thing I could say was:
"Wh-why?"
My Brother answered immediately. "That's a stupid question. I told you, I'll stay here and wait for as long as I need to. I don't expect you to believe me with just pretty words; I wouldn't either. So, I'll just sit here and wait instead."
I clenched his hand tightly, pushing the words out of my chest. "B-but… why are you doing this for me?"
Somehow, the warmth on my hand softened ever so slightly. "That's a weird question. Do I need any other reason other than I'm your Older Brother? Even if our parents are against you, that doesn't mean I am. I am my own person, and I also don't care what they think." He paused and let out a deep breath. "So stop being so stubborn, open your eyes already."
A gasp escaped my mouth, causing a heavy weight to lift off my chest. With it, a glimmer of hope formed inside of me.
Maybe… I'll trust him this one time, as well as the warmth he gave me.
Taking a deep breath, I hesitantly opened my eyes. What I saw made me forget everything that happened for a moment.
My Brother had been holding my hand. He was looking at me with an expression so gentle that I almost couldn't believe it was actually him. I felt my breath catch in my chest, giving me trouble pushing the words out of my throat. He didn't say anything. He didn't doanything. He just stood there… and waited for me.
The once fleeting sense of hope filled my entire body. It's been so long that I've forgotten, but… my Brother had always been this way.
"Brother…?"
A tear streaked down my cheek.