Hoshino's POV:
An uncomfortable silence filled the room, making every movement audible. My Dad's breathing carried traces of his disappointment—my Mom's subtle fidgeting, revealing her shock. But I just sat completely still, blending in with the background.
In the midst of that stillness, muffled crying sounds could be heard coming from the front door. The atmosphere grew heavier. My Dad put his hands in front of his face and let out a deep sigh. My Mom clenched her fists and stared in the direction of the front door.
Before she could do anything else, I quickly stood up, grabbed my bag, and walked in front of her.
How can my Mom still choose to fight after all this?
A slight sense of annoyance gnawed at my mind. Just how much pride did this woman have? I took a deep, quiet breath and erased all traces of feeling inside of me, leaving behind nothing but a blank face.
Then, I looked behind me and put on a gentle smile. It was the easiest thing in the world.
"Don't worry about it. I'll handle it. Just enjoy whatever's left of your morning."
This was nothing but a lie. "I'll handle it."? Who the hell am I to say that? "Enjoy whatever's left of your morning"? You people… don't have the right to feel enjoyment.
An overwhelming sense of resentment washed over me, but I refused to let it show on my body. From my mom's point of view, I knew I looked as kind as ever.
I headed towards the door, now just a single step away. There, my sister's once muffled cries were now loud and clear. My heart tightened, and I bit my lower lip.
I should do something.
That's what I thought, but who am I to do anything? Is a fight between mother and daughter really something I can interfere with?
No, that's just an excuse. In truth, I just didn't know if I was qualified to do anything at all. Who am I to help someone when I can't even help myself?
That's the kind of hypocrisy I despise the most.
But most of all, it was my sense of dignity. I don't know if I have it in me to keep a straight face as my sister cries in front of me.
Even through this door, I could feel her emotions vividly. Her raw sadness made my heart ache, and a certain heat slowly formed in my eyes. I don't want to be seen looking like this, especially in front of my sister.
That was when I heard a wail of agony.
*WAHHHHHHHHH*
I hung my head, ashamed. My breathing felt heavy, and guilt bubbled its way inside me.
Just… What am I doing?
Here I am, hiding behind this door, doing absolutely nothing while my sister is suffering on her own out there.
What a shitty older brother I am.
I let out a self-deprecating chuckle.
I hate this hypocritical part of myself. What kind of audacity would I need to have to think that I can go around saving everyone when I can't even help myself?
But, despite it all… There was a drive even stronger than that self-loathing.
Even after all these years, this feeling never escaped me…
I took a deep breath. It was time to do what needed to be done. I forced everything I was feeling into the depths of my heart, putting on a mask of a smile.
Enough of this.
Who cares if I'm not qualified?
Who cares if I can't even help myself?
Who cares about my worthless dignity?
I braced myself and took a step forward, leaving everything behind. My dignity, my guilt, my sadness, my loathing, my doubt, everything. I took hold of the handle to the front door, forced a gentle smile, and opened it. Prepared to confront my little sister with nothing left…
But my pride as an older brother.