Unfortunately, I don't qualify for any coveted category of inclusivity — turns out, I'm just a regular human being, not an alien from another galaxy. No need to keep fooling you. I'm just like you.
Flesh and blood, trying to make sense of the mess.
You do care about diversity and inclusion, right? Of course you do! Let's not wander too far from the sacred theme of the Internet. Let's head over to the mighty YouTube, where lives a man with the last name Shapiro. No, not the one you're probably thinking of. I'm talking about an old classmate of mine. I'd rather not provoke that Shapiro — I'm in no shape to survive a lawsuit or a verbal takedown with the intensity of a holiday-themed 8 Mile battle.
Anyway, this Shapiro — mine, yours, someone's — dwells on YouTube and obliterates his debate opponents like it's his full-time job. That's his comfort food. While the rest of us eat muffins, he snacks on chaos.
Each existential skirmish of his unfolds in a brand-new arena. His opponents? Anyone and everyone: transgender folks, BLM supporters, fans of asparagus. He argues with them all, riding the algorithm like a punk from Salt Lake City who just discovered caffeine.
People try to challenge him, bless their hearts — but they always lose. Whether it's due to shaky arguments or the invincible power of video editing. You like that kind of content, don't you?
Then, dear reader, you scroll through another app, turns on cable news, and sees the same circus: someone has privilege, someone doesn't. This one's a victim, that one's an abuser. Round and round it goes.
Is it really that important?
Fighting for the right to live — truly live — yes. Absolutely.
Civil liberties are the backbone of any just society.
But shouting at each other online over whether a Netflix character is the right skin tone or orientation? Eh, maybe not.
Still, for many, this outrage is a form of armor. Like that geodesist lady with her titanium shell — these endless arguments and takes, they numb the ache. They soothe hearts that can't find peace elsewhere. It's not politics. It's therapy. Unfortunately, it often comes with side effects — namely, bullying. But hey, that's just the other side of the coin.
Here's the thing: in the West, boredom is the root of all depression. And instead of exploring the ocean or, I don't know, going back to the Moon just for the hell of it (humans haven't touched down since 1972, by the way), humanity discovered something better.
A new sage. A prophet with Wi-Fi.
And this prophet invented hobby-horsing.
So what happens next?
Here's the modern human cycle:
First, you go to work (or stay home in a bathrobe doing freelance gigs), then you have lunch — maybe tacos with chorizo and beans. After that, some medieval MMA class or disco football session. Then, when the kids are asleep, it's time for what really matters. You open the comment section and check what the good people of Gomel, Belarus think about cultural appropriation. After that, maybe take a quick nap.
Mission accomplished.
Oh wait — one last thing before bed. Hop on some obscure online marketplace and buy a pack of diapers with an alarm system for imminent diarrhea.
But don't forget to read the reviews — wouldn't want anything... leaking through the fabric.