MASON
I should have stopped her or I should have said something other than the words that left my mouth but I didn't. Instead, I watched her walk away with her clenched fists.
The moment she took a turn and disappeared from my sight, the pain in my chest became worse. It wasn't supposed to feel like this. It wasn't supposed to matter since I didn't have feelings for her but as much as I wanted to tell myself that this was for the best and that I had no right to care, I knew it was a lie.
I cared more than I should and more than I had any right to.
I clenched my fists and turned away, and I tried to shake off the frustration that was itching my skin. I forced myself to move in the opposite direction and to push away every thought of her but it felt impossible.
The look in her eyes haunted me. She looked so angry and so hurt, and it was all my fault. Yet, there was nothing I could do to make it better.
She had seen me with the blonde woman earlier. I didn't think she had and I thought she had gone back to the room, but she did. And to be honest, she was right to be angry, because my behavior was frustrating. I refused to reject her or accept her rejection and I told her that I didn't care but my actions were very different from my words.
To say the truth, the reason why I picked the blonde lady was because of her. Since the night Isobel and I shared, even before I knew that she was my step sister, I had not been able to get her out of my mind and worst of it all was that, no other woman could compare to her.
I chose the lady to see if I could forget about Isobel but when I got to the room, I felt irritated by the lady's presence and I left her untouched. She wasn't Isobel and she'd never be. No matter how much I tried to think of the lady in my presence, Isobel's face kept moving in my head.
Now, I left the lady to get some air and that was when I saw her with Francis. I didn't know what came over me but the moment I saw them, my whole body shook in anger.
I had no business being jealous, yet I couldn't bear the thought of her being with someone else, let alone Francis. I told her he didn't care about her but what about me?
I didn't even know what I felt for her. I hated her father, that was certain and she was my step sister. Worst of it all was that she was my mate. I wanted to put all the blame on the moon goddess for putting us in such a tight spot but deep down, I had a feeling that this was more than just the mate bond. There was something else.
I let out a deep breath and ran a hand through my hair and my fingers dug into my scalp in frustration. "Damn it." My voice was low, but the anger in it was obvious. I was angry at myself, at her, at this whole situation. I wanted to lash out on something.
I started walking forward. I didn't know where I was going to, I just knew that I needed to move. My wolf was restless and it was pacing around me inside, and growling in frustration. It wanted to go after her and be with her. It wanted me to do something.
But what was I supposed to do? Do I apologize and admit that I cared? That I was losing my mind at the thought of seeing her with someone else?
No. That wasn't an option. I couldn't do that. I couldn't afford to allow my emotions get the better of me. I had spent a long time learn how to control and push down my emotions so I could pretend that they didn't exist in order to achieve my goals.
A strong Alpha wasn't controlled by emotions and that was what I lived by until I met Isobel, and now, she made everything hard.
She made me feel things that I had no business with. She made me want things that I couldn't have, and worst of all, she made me want to break my own rules, the rules that led me this far.
I finally reached the training grounds without realizing it, it was like my legs knew that I had to let out some steam and that was why it led me there. A few warriors were still there, and they were sparring in the dim lights, but I barely paid attention to them.
I needed to hit something. I took off my shirt, and walked into the ring without a word. Francis' beta, Damon looked at me and raised his brow.
"Are you good?" he asked, looking concerned.
I didn't answer. I just rolled my shoulders and got into position. He quickly understood that I wasn't in the mood for talks and I wanted to get right into it so he nodded and then came at me.
He landed the first punch and it was harder than I expected, but I accepted it as the pain was better than thinking about her and feeling things that I wasn't supposed to feel.
I fought harder, and I tried to brush off my thoughts with every move but no matter how much I pushed myself, and no matter how many times I hit the ground and got back up, the frustration inside me was still there and it even became more.
Because the truth was that no matter how hard I fought to keep the thoughts at bay, the truth was still there and it was haunting me to the point that I didn't know what else to do.