So you can suck my dick if you don't like, my shit
'Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick, ha ha!
Two pills I pop, 'til my pupils swell up like two pennies
I'm Clint Eastwood in his mid-twenties
A young ass man with a trash can strapped to the back of his ass
So the rats can't chew through his last pants
I'm like a mummy at night, fightin' with bright lightning
Frightened with five little white Vicadin pills bitin' him
I'm like a fuckin' wasp in the hospital lost
Stingin' the f*ck outta everything I come across in the halls
I light a candle and place it up on the mantle
Grab a knife at the blade and stab you with the fuckin' handle
So when you find yourself wrapped up in the blinds, hurtin'
Just it's too late
'Cause once you're hung from the drapes, it's curtains
I'm an instigator, .380 slug penetrator
Degradin', creatin' murders to kill haters
Accused for every crime known through the equator
They knew I did it (uh-huh) for havin' blood on my 'gators
My weed will hit yo' chest like a double barrel gauge an'
I'm a black grenade that will blow up in yo' face
With a fifth in me, when I guzzle Remi I do shit on purpose
You never hear me say, "Forgiv me"
I'm snatchin' every penny it gotta be that way nigga, face it
That weed I sold to you, Brigade laced it
You hidin', I make the president get a face lift
Niggas just afraid, handin' me they bracelets
Chillin' in the lab wasted
I'm the type that'll drink Kahlua and gin, throw up on the mic
Your life is ruined, you get socked right on site
And even at the Million Man March, we gon' fight
So you can suck my dick if you don't like, my shit
'Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick
'Cause I don't give a f*ck if you don't like, my shit
'Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick
I'm a compulsive liar, settin' my preacher on fire
Slashin' your tires, flyin' down Fenkel and Meyers
Plates expired, soon as I'm hired, I'm fired
Jackin' my dick off in a bed of barbed wire
(Hey, is Bizarre performing?)
Bitch didn't you read the flier?
Special invited guest will be, Richard Pryor
(Aren't you a male dancer?) Nah bitch, I'm retired
Fuckin' your bitch in the ass with a tire iron
I'm ripped, I'm on an acid trip
My D-J's in a coma for
Lettin' the record skip
Lettin' the record skip
Lettin' the record skip (Damn!)
I'm fuckin' anything when I'm snortin'
It's gonna cost three hundred dollars to get my pit bull an abortion
Some bitch asked for my autograph
I called her a whore, spit beer in her face and laughed
I drop bombs like I was in Vietnam
All bitches is hoes, even my stinkin' ass mom
Ah-yo flashback, two feats, two deep up in that ass crack
Weed laced with somethin' nigga pass that
In Amsterdam we only hang out with hash rats
At a 'Stop the Violence' rally, I blast gats
Be your mom on publishin', get your ASCAP-ped
The Kuniva, divide up your cash stack
Run your motherfuckin' pockets, asap
I don't need a platinum chain, bitch I snatch Shaq's
Born loser, half thief and half black
Bring your boys and your guns and get laughed at
Bitch smacker, rich rappers get they Jag jacked
And found chopped up in a trash bag
Stranglin' rappers until the point they can't yell
'Cause they crew is full of fags and sweeter than bake sales
Reckless, come from behind and snatch your necklace
Gruesome, and causin' more violence than nine hoodlums
I grapple your adam's apple until it crackle
Run right past you, turn around, grab you and stab you
Get executed, cause I'm a "Luni"
I got a "Yukmouth" and it's polluted
I cock it back then shoot it
I love snatchin' up players thugs and young ballers
Shoot up the household, even the young toddlers
Brigade barricade to bring the noise
While the bullets break your bones up like Christmas toys
If I go solo, I'm doin' a song with Bolo
A big Chinese nigga, screamin' "Kuniva yo yo"
I leave ya face leakin', run up in church
And smack the preacher while he's preachin'
Take a swing at the deacon
I used to tell cats I sold weed and weight
I was straight 'til I got caught sellin' 'em shake
I'm ignorant, with the intent to snatch your rent
I got kicked out of summer camp for havin' sex in my tent
With the superintendent's daughter, my brain's out of order
I've been a Kon Artis since I was swimmin' in water
In cahoots with this nigga named Carlisle Von
Who got fired from U-P-S for tryin' to send you a bomb
(Special delivery!)
I signed to a local label for fun
Say I got cancer, get dropped, take the advancement and run
Drive-by you in the rain while you carry your son
Call your house and hang up on you for not givin' me none
Born straight up out a pussy but a son of a gun
Got a reputation for havin' niggas runnin' they funds
Used to be the type of nigga that was foldin' some one's
'Til I met your fat mama, now I'm rollin' in dough
So you can suck my dick if you don't like, my shit
'Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick
'Cause I don't give a f*ck if you don't like, my shit
'Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick
Ha ha, suck my motherfuckin' dick
D-12, Dirty motherfuckin' dozen
Nasty like a stank slut bitch with thirty fuckin' husbands
Bizarre kid
Swifty McVeigh
The Kon Artis
The Kuniva
Dirty Harry
Ha ha, and Slim Shady
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-__-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-__-_
I can almost taste it
This shit makes no sense to me
What is it all mean
I can almost taste it
I can almost tame it
This shit makes no sense to me
What is it all mean
I can almost taste it
Yeah, can't stop now
(I can almost taste it)
This maybe the last time I get,
(I want to be famous)
You dream of trading places
I have been changing faces
You can not fill these shoes
There is too much to lose
I wake up behind these trenches
You run around defenseless
There is too much to lose
You can not fill these shoes
I just wanna be famous, but
Be careful what you wish you for
I stuck my dick in this game like a rapist
They call me Slim Roethlisberger
I go bezerker than a fed-up post-office worker
A merk her with a Mossberg
I'm pissed off get murdered
Like someone took a ketchup squirter
Squirted a frankfurter
For a gangster you shoulda shit your pants
When you saw the chainsaw get to waving
Like a terrible towel
I faced her around
But his fangs come out
Get your brains blown out
That's what I call blowing your mind
When I come back
Like nut on your spine
I'm a thumb tack
That you slept on son
Now here I come screaming attack like I just stepped on one
Low on the totem till he showed 'em
Defiance, giant scrotum
He don't owe them bitches shit
His bridges, he out grow'd em
He's so out cold he's knocked out of the South Pole
And nobody fucks with him
Rigamortis and post-mortem
He's dying of boredom
Take your best rhymes, record 'em
Then try to flaunt 'em
He'll just take your punch lines and snort 'em
Shit stained drawers
You gon' f*ck with a guy who licks the blades of his chainsaws
While he dips 'em in P.F. Chang's sauce
Game's up, homie, hang it up like some prank calls
You think I'm backing down you must be out of your dang skulls
I'm almost famous
You dream of trading places
I have been changing faces
You can not fill these shoes
There is too much to lose
I wake up behind these trenches
You run around defenseless
There is too much to lose
You can not fill these shoes
I just wanna be famous, but
Be careful what you wish you for
I'm back for revenge
I lost a battle that ain't happening again
I'm at your throat like strep
I step, strapped with a pen
Metaphors wrote on my hand,
Someone distorted my mint
Read some I wrote on a napkin
I do what I have to to win
Pull at it all stops, any who touch a mic prior's
Not even Austin Powers, how the f*ck are they Mike Meyers
And tell that psycho to pass the torch
To the whack before I take a shit in his Jack-O-Lantern
And smash it on his porch
Now get off my dick
Dick's too short a word for my dick
Get off my antidisestablishmentarianism, you prick
You call me the champ, call me the space shuttle destroyer
I just blew up the challenger, matter fact I need a lawyer
I displaced my clause with enough plaster
To make a cast beat his ass naked and peed in his corner like Verne Troyer
You're the Eminem backwards, you're mini-me
See he's in a whole 'nother weight class
He smokes your BB's you beat back bullets
You're full of it, you were just in his C-D's
Laugh at infinite, now he's back like someone pissed in his Wheaties
No peace treaties, he's turned into a beast
His new Slim Shady E-P's got the attention of the mighty D-R-E
He is almost famous
You dream of trading places
I have been changing faces
You can not fill these shoes
There is too much to lose
I wake up behind these trenches
You run around defenseless
There is too much to lose
You can not fill these shoes
I just wanna be famous, but
Be careful what you wish you for
Now there he goes in Dre's studio cuppin' his balls
Screaming the wood off the panel
And cussing the pain off the walls
Spewing his hate to these haters, showing no love for these brauds
He ain't given them shit, he says he'll pinch a penny so hard
He'll leave a bruise on the LeBron so dark you can see the mark
With the scars, till Abraham Lincoln is screaming out ah
These metaphors and similes ain't similar to them, not at all
If they don't like it, they can all get fucked instead of sucking him off
They can get a belt or neck tie, to hang themselves by
Like David Carradine they can go f*ck themselves and just die
And eat shit while they at it
He's fucking had it, he's mad at the whole world
So go to hell and build a snowman girl
The bullies become bullied, the pussies get pushed
Then they better pull me, take me back to 9th grade to school me
Cause I ain't looking back, only forward, this whole spot blowing
Who coulda known he'd grow to be a poet and not know it
And while I'm being poetic let me get a stoic and raise the bar
Higher than my opinion of these winners and lords
So bare witness to some biblical shit
As a cold wind blowing this world ain't gonna know what hit it
He did it, he made it, he's finally famous
_-_-__--__-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Came to the world at a time when it was in need of a villain
An asshole, that role I think I succeeded fulfillin'
But don't think I ever stopped
To think that I was speaking to children
Everything was happening so fast
It was like I blinked, sold three million
Then it all went blank, all I remember is feelin' ridiculous
'Cause I was getting sick of this feelin'
Like I am always under attack, man
I could have stacked my shit list to the ceilin'
Women dishin' but really thinking
"If anyone ever talks to one of my little girls
Like this I would kill him"
Guess I'm a little bit of a hypocrite when I'm rippin' shit
But since when did this many people ever give a shit
What I had to say? It's just my opinion
If it contradicts how I'm livin', put a dick in your rear end
That's why every time you mentioned a lyric
I thanked you for it, for drawing more attention toward it
'Cause it gave me an enormous platform
I'm flattered you thought I was that important
But you can't ignore the fact that I fought for the respect
And battled for it, mad awards, had GLAAD annoyed
Atta-boy, they told me to slow down, and I just zoned out
Good luck tryin' to convince a blonde
It's like telling Gwen Stefani that she sold out
'Cause I was tryin' to leave, no doubt
In anyone's mind one day I'd go down in history
Think they know now, because everybody knows
Everybody knows that you're just an asshole
Everywhere that you go
People wanna go home, everyone knows
Everybody knows, so don't pretend to be nice
There's no place you can hide
You are just an asshole
Everyone knows, everyone knows
Thanks for the support, asshole!
Thanks for the support, asshole!
Quit actin' salty! I was countin' on you to count me out
Ask Asher Roth when he round about
Dissed me to shout me out
Thought I was history, but Goddamn, honky
That compliment's like backhanding a donkey
Good way to get your ass socked in the mouth
Nah, I'm off him
But what the f*ck is all this trash-talkin' about?
The fight was fixed, I'm back and you can't stop me
You knocked me down, I went down for the count
I fell, but the fans caught me, and now
You're gonna have to beat the fuckin' pants off me
To take my belt, word to Pacquiao
Momma said there ain't nothin' else to talk about
Better go in that ring and knock 'em out
Or you better not come out
It's poetry in motion
Like Freddie Roach when he's quotin' Shakespeare
So what if the insults are revoltin'?
Even Helen Keller knows life stinks
You think it's a joke 'til you're bullet-riddled
But you should give little shit what I think
This whole world is a mess
Gotta have a Goddamn vest on your chest
And a Glock just to go watch Batman
Who needs to test a testicles? Not that man
Half of you don't got the guts and intestinal blockage
Rest of you got lap bands
Stuck to this motto before they put bath salts
And all those water bottles in Colorado
So get lost, Waldo! My soul's escapin'
Through this asshole that is gapin'
A black hole, and I'm swallowin' this track whole
Better pack toilet paper, but I'm taking no crap, ho
Here I go down the Bat Pole
And I'm changing back into that old maniac
In fact there they go tryin' to dip out the back-door, retreatin'
'Cause everybody knows
Everybody knows that you're just an asshole
Everywhere that you go
People wanna go home, everyone knows
Everybody knows, so don't pretend to be nice
There's no place you can hide
You are just an asshole
Everyone knows, everyone knows
Holy mackerel! I'm the biggest jerk on the planet Earth
I smacked a girl off the mechanical bull at a tractor pull
For thinkin' we had some magnetic pull
Then screamed "ICP in this bitch!
How do fuckin' magnets work?"
'Cause you're attractive, but we ain't attractable
Hate to be dramatical, but I'm not romantical
I'm making up words you can understandable, it's tragical
Thinkin' some magical shit's gonna happen, that ain't practical
You crackin' a joke, it's laughable
'Cause me and love's like a bad combination
I keep them feelings locked in a vault
So it's safe to say I'm uncrackable
My heart is truly guarded, full body armor
Bitch, you just need a helmet
'Cause if you think you're special, you're retarded
Thinkin' you're one of a kind
Like you got some platinum vagina
You're a train wreck, I got a one-track mind
Shorty, you're fine, but you sort of remind me of a 49er
'Cause you been a gold digger since you was a minor
Been tryna hunt me down like a dog
'Cause you're on my ass but you can't get a cent
'Cause all of my spare time is spent
On my nose in this binder, so don't bother tryin'
Only women that I love are my daughters
But sometimes I rhyme
And it sounds like I forget I'm a father, and I push it farther
So, Father, forgive me if I forget to draw the line
It's apparent I shouldn't have been a parent
I'll never grow up, so to hell with your parents
And motherfuckin' Father Time, it ain't never gonna stop
A pessimist who transformed to an optimist in his prime
So even if I'm half-dead, I'm half alive
Poured my half empty glass in a cup
So now my cup has runneth over
And I'm 'bout to set it on you like a mothafuckin' coaster
I'm going back to what got me here, yeah, cocky
And can't knock being rude off, so fear not, my dear
And dry up your teardrops, I'm here
White America's mirror, so don't feel awkward or weird
If you stare at me and see yourself, because you're one too
Shouldn't be a shock, because everybody knows
Everybody knows that you're just an asshole
Everywhere that you go
People wanna go home, everyone knows
Everybody knows, so don't pretend to be nice
There's no place you can hide
You are just an asshole
Everyone knows, everyone knows