The fog outside the Black Keep was thick enough to chew. It swirled around the ankles of the undead procession as they marched toward the broken wagon.
Si-Yoon led the way, his cape billowing dramatically in the windless air (thanks to a small fan skeleton walking behind him). Flanking him were Mortem, whose armor clanked like a walking junkyard, and Lady Lyra, who held a parasol to block the faint sunlight.
Grix, the Kobold, scuttled alongside them, spinning a wrench on his finger.
Ahead, the merchant was visible. He was a round man with a red face and a very fine velvet coat that was slightly too tight. He was currently kicking the wheel of his wagon.
"Stupid wood!" the merchant yelled. "Cheap goblin craftsmanship! I knew I shouldn't have bought the discount axle!"
His donkey, who looked equally tired of life, just chewed on a patch of dead grass.
Si-Yoon stopped ten paces away. He cleared his throat—a sound like two stones grinding together.
"Greetings, traveler," Si-Yoon boomed.
The merchant froze. He slowly turned around. His eyes went wide as he saw the seven-foot skeleton, the death knight, and the vampire lady.
"Mercy!" the merchant shrieked. He dove behind his donkey. "Take the donkey! He's tender! I'm all gristle and cholesterol! Don't eat me!"
Mortem stepped forward, hand on his hilt. "Shall I silence him, My Lord? He is loud."
"No," Si-Yoon hissed. "We are customer service."
Si-Yoon stepped closer, trying to look benevolent. It was hard when you had no facial muscles.
"We do not eat people," Si-Yoon lied (mostly). "We are the... local administration. I am Lord Kallian. You seem to be having vehicle trouble."
The merchant peeked over the donkey's back. He saw that he wasn't currently being stabbed. The panic in his eyes was slowly replaced by confusion, and then, a calculating squint.
"Trouble? Yes," the merchant stammered, standing up and brushing dust off his coat. "Axle snapped. I'm stuck here. I'm Barnaby. Barnaby's Bazaars and Curiosities."
"Barnaby," Lyra said, stepping forward. Her red eyes scanned his wagon. "You are trespassing on private property. The toll for parking here is steep."
Barnaby swallowed hard. "I... I have gold! I can pay!"
"We don't want your gold," Si-Yoon interrupted. He realized that sounded wrong. "I mean, we do. But we prefer... trade."
He gestured to Grix.
"My associate here is an expert engineer," Si-Yoon said. "He can fix your wagon in five minutes. In exchange, we want first pick of your inventory."
Barnaby looked at the Kobold. Grix spat on the ground and adjusted his goggles.
"I can fix it," Grix grunted. "But I'm gonna judge your maintenance history while I do it."
Barnaby looked at the surrounding fog. He looked at the looming castle. He realized he had no choice.
"Deal," Barnaby said.
Grix was a miracle worker. He didn't just fix the wheel; he reinforced the axle with spare bone shards and greased the joints with slime.
"Better than new," Grix declared, wiping his hands on a rag. "Don't take corners at more than twenty miles per hour, or the donkey will explode."
"Thank you!" Barnaby gasped, inspecting the work. "Truly, a master craftsman!"
"Now," Lyra said, tapping her ledger. "Payment."
Barnaby opened the back of his wagon. It was filled with crates.
"I have spices from the East," Barnaby offered. "Silks from the South. And... uh... this."
He pulled out a crate marked 'Clearance Items'.
Si-Yoon peered inside. It was junk. Bent swords, dented helmets, and strange potions with labels that had peeled off.
"Garbage," Mortem scoffed.
"Potential," Si-Yoon corrected.
He reached in and pulled out a stack of papers. They were flyers.
[Adventurer's Weekly]
News, Quests, and Coupon Codes for the Modern Hero.
"You distribute these?" Si-Yoon asked.
"I do," Barnaby nodded. "I drop them off at every guild hall from here to the capital. Everyone reads them."
Si-Yoon looked at Lyra. A silent understanding passed between them.
"We will take two crates of lamp oil," Lyra negotiated. "One crate of coffee beans for the Kobold. And..."
She pointed to the flyers.
"We want an ad slot."
Barnaby blinked. "An ad? For... a dungeon?"
"Not a dungeon," Si-Yoon corrected. "An experience."
He grabbed a quill from Lyra and flipped a flyer over. He scribbled quickly.
THE BLACK KEEP
Are you tired of goblins? Bored of slimes? Come face the challenge of a lifetime!
- Unique puzzles!
- Competitive loot drops!
- No entry fee (for the first month)!
Rated 1 Star by the Milk Squad: "Too much running."
COME AND DIE TODAY!
Si-Yoon handed it back. "Print this. In bold. On the front page."
Barnaby read it. A slow smile spread across his face. He was a merchant. He understood marketing.
"This... this is good," Barnaby admitted. "Heroes love a challenge. If I tell them there's a new 'unbeatable' dungeon, they'll flock here like moths to a flame."
"Exactly," Si-Yoon said. "And when they come, you can set up your wagon outside the gate. Sell them potions. Sell them bandages. We generate the demand. You supply the recovery items."
Barnaby's eyes turned into gold coins.
"Synergy," Barnaby breathed. "It's a vertical monopoly."
"Do we have an accord?" Si-Yoon extended a skeletal hand.
Barnaby hesitated for only a second before shaking it. His warm, fleshy hand grasped the cold bone.
"Pleasure doing business with you, Lord Kallian," Barnaby grinned. "I'll have these flyers in the capital by tomorrow morning."
As the wagon rolled away, the donkey moving with newfound speed thanks to Grix's modifications, the group stood watching it disappear into the fog.
"We let him go," Mortem grumbled. "He had a lot of meat on him."
"We planted a seed," Si-Yoon corrected. "He is not food, Mortem. He is a hype man."
"And he left the coffee," Grix added, clutching a bag of beans like it was a baby. "So I'm happy."
Lyra was checking the crate of lamp oil.
"This will save us fifty gold in lighting costs," she noted. "A profitable morning."
Si-Yoon turned back to his castle. The "Basement of Mild Inconvenience" was ready. The marketing campaign was launched. The staff was caffeinated.
He felt a vibration in his pocket (or where his pocket would be). He pulled out the System Interface.
[Quest Update]
[Quest: Reputation Management]
[Objective: Spread the word of your terror.]
[Status: Outsourced.]
[Reward: +50 Infamy Points]
[New Quest Available: The First Wave]
[Description: The flyers will work. A real party is coming. Not rookies. Not the Milk Squad. Prepare for Bronze Rank Adventurers.]
[Time remaining: 24 Hours.]
Si-Yoon stopped.
Bronze Rank. That was a significant step up. They would have actual skills. They would have strategy. They might even have a rogue who knew how to disarm tripwires.
"Grix," Si-Yoon called out.
"Yeah, Boss?"
"How much of that slime do we have left?"
"About three buckets."
"And the rats?"
"They're napping. They're tired."
Si-Yoon looked at the crumbling walls of his keep.
"Wake them up," Si-Yoon ordered. "And tape second knives to their other tails. We have company coming."
"Rats don't have two tails, Boss," Grix pointed out.
"Then tape them to their heads!" Si-Yoon shouted, walking back inside. "We need unicorns of death! Go! Go! Go!"