''Carmine's POV''
I was confused for a second before a flicker of blush start to form in my cheeks when she wiggle on my lap like soft little kitten, like my Pero , the cat that surprisingly show up in her balcony that day,and right now sleeping on her bed like a soft cotton ball,I didn't tell her that's my cat since she's so conviced that cat is homeless and needed a shelter,and the littel traitor didn't even purr when it saw me and haven't showed up in my study since that day.
Leila is looking at me her soft round eyes waiting for me to start the story of me and my moms relationship, this is the topic I don't ever want to about,but to her I'll make a exception since she's going to be my wife.
I compose myself with a sharp sigh exhaling the weight of the story i'm about to start.
''basically,she gave birth to me and handed me to babysitters.I barely remember spending time with her''I know this sound ridiculous, since the way she act affectionate infront of camera is so convicing.And that's why I'm the ungrateful brat in other's eyes.
''What do you mean?''her eyes do a frown that make my heart almost drop to my stomach.god how can she look this innocent,she look like a fairy that thrown into this cruel human world.I don't know why Victor neglected this little pricess making her feel worthless,she so perfect like a queen.
''well,apparently, she did act like a perfect mom infront of everyone and when behind the closed door she act like a witch'' oh my god what am I even talking? a witch? like the hell ?
I looked at her again her eyes are so wide, like her eyes balls are going to jump out any moment.
this girl doesn't have any idea about what is she doing to me by doing this eye thing,she's going to make me have a very cold shower today with this look,but I have to control myself since I haven't plan to scare her today buy letting her that big worm, ugh, I'm disgusted by my own.
''did she hate you?''oh my...the way she asked it, so small ,so vulnareble.
i looked at the way her hand fold in her lap.she picking on her nails. I know she's nervous.
''May be,I don't know, but I know she doesn't want to be my mother,she just like the idea of being a perfect mom infront of camera''well,that's bit harsh ,but is there any other way I can explain her?that lady completely abondon me the moment I was born,I barely saw her other than family events,may be that's why I like Leila this much,we both never felt the motherly love but I was lucky enough to have the greatest farther,and maybe that's why I want her to have the same so bad.
''she never talked to me if it's not about my grades,my repitation or my behavior,she's really obssessed with status she forgot she have son,who needed her,but everytime I try to bring that up to her....she always brushed it off,the only person ever care about me was my father,but when he died she change a lot even her public act crack since dad didn't left anything to her''
my voice is cracking, I can feel it,I carry this so long,yeah,I'm yearning for motherly love I never felt from my mom,I want her to love just a bit , to acknowledge me as her son not my father's heir,not the Smith family's emotionless son,just her son,
I want look her like a mom rather than strangers who happend to share same family legacy,but from the way she act, I don't know if I'll be able to have that
I was too busy in my own emotion that I almost didn't catch the way Leila try to touch my hair like she want to pat my head,when I looked at her she flinch,I think she though I might yelled at her,she try to pull away but this gasture mean lot to me
I caught her hand in mid air before she can pull away completely,''please''that's all I could say.My throat feel so dry like it doesn't want to make any sound,
she didn't pull away from my hand neither try to reach out ,her eyes are wide full with big tear balls,those big tears are one second away from spilling out
''please,just...just can you hold me?for once?''I can feel her go still like she couldn't figure out what did I say,then after few second her hands reached out ,encircling around my neck,her body is stiff yet comforting,I slowly lean onto her,she flinched but didn't jump out like she that day,I wonder what's the exact reason she did it that day,it can't be by me touching her,like hell, I even carried her out her room that day she didn't pull away or jumped out of me but yeah, she did flinched though
After fifteen painful minutes she start to relax and melt onto me,I don't know why the hell my heart trying jump out of my chest so badly it almost painful.I let my hands to hug her waist tightly.I want this moment to last longer this is this first ever affection I got from her
Usually she's like a stone, didn't even talk more than two words at a time, but now she's hugging me.like I'm the only one in this world,may be I am.
After she fully relaxed I looked at her, her eyes were closed and one of her hand on back of my neck while the other one on my shoulder,is she enjoying this? may be,but I want to know what happened that day,I pelled away a bit,just enough to look at her,I felt she stiffned but didn't protest
I composed myself for a serious talk,I think she get that too since she try to stand up from my lap,but I don't want her to get up this way is so comfortable to have conversation with my future wife anyway,so rather than letting her get up I held her in her place,making her stay still,she looked at me like she want to protests,but yeah, thanks to my stern face she didn't.
I cleared my throat ready to have a conversation of a serious matter with my future wife
''I have something to ask'' I hate my deep voice,I just want have a conversation but my voice won't help me a bit,she stiffned when the first word slip out of my ,when will this voice help me to have conversation with her without scaring her.
after few second of thinking she noded, a barely visible one, like she already know what I'm abot to ask
''I want to know what happened that day to you''for a moment she stilled,not even blinking,then sigh like she's defeated though I didn't command
''I....I almost got rapped when I was fifteen''