Clank—CLANK!
Chains whipped through the air like lightning. Thick shackles wrapped Kakashi in an instant, yanked hard by two masked shinobi in silver armor.
Kakashi burst into chunks of blood.
Same moment, same scene—yet not exactly the same.
Before the two could even say their classic "Kill one of them," Sakura flung a kunai wrapped in explosive tags behind her, and the moment it ignited, she tackled Tazuna to the ground.
BOOOOM!!
Shattered stones and debris blasted outward. The gust from the explosion tore the forming mist apart, sending dust swirling.
Visibility cleared dramatically.
Sasuke froze for just a second, then drew a kunai, kicked off the ground, and charged the three enemies behind Sakura—instinctively launching Uchiha-style shuriken throws!
Another three enemies—plus the two from before. At least five attackers.
Clink! Clink! Clink! Kunai and shuriken ricocheted into a web, sealing off every angle.
One enemy couldn't react in time—two kunai punched into his arm and abdomen, sinking deep. He went down immediately.
"Watch out!" Sakura shouted, slapping away the chain behind Sasuke with her kunai, sliding back from the impact.
Her whole body trembled.
Not from exertion—she was shaking with fear.
For a woman from Earth, how easy was it to stay calm in front of killers who lived by blood?
A shuriken sliced past her, carving a line across her cheek. Sakura swung her kunai to bat away the rest.
Sasuke kicked another enemy off his feet and moved in front of Sakura. "Protect Tazuna. I'll protect you!"
Sakura stared at him.
A memory surged up from Earth.
Back in college, she'd once streamed a no-hit Sekiro speedrun in her dorm.
Her view count was basically dead—single digits.
She'd just no-hit Genichiro, then accidentally got herself wedged to death while pathing through an exploit.
She sighed, "Dang, that was my fastest run."
Her voice over the mic caught a viewer's attention.
"Wait—you're a girl?"
The irritation had exploded instantly.
So what if I'm a girl? Girls can't speedrun Sekiro?
Later, during Elden Ring co-op, she got the same comments—plus endless DMs:
"5000 a night, ok?" "Sell used stockings?" "Can you step on me?" "Looking for a bitch." …
She muted her mic, switched to an alt account, and streamed a level-one no-hit Elden Ring all-boss run.
It took her half a year.
She cleared it.
Those memories crashed through Sakura's mind. Sasuke's careless line dragged her back to that restless summer.
Not that Sasuke was arrogant.
Just that Sakura was pissed.
Her eyes sharpened.
She tucked her kunai away and signaled Sasuke to cover her.
Before Sasuke could process it, Sakura launched forward—straight at the three enemies.
Whoosh! Whoosh! One kunai she kicked away; the other Sasuke blocked. Then Sakura wrapped chakra around her fist, lowered her stance—
—and smashed forward.
That punch fell like a mountain, roaring like a tiger.
CRUNCH!
"AAAAAAH!!" The enemy shrieked.
Sakura had punched him square in the groin.
On Earth, meeting a "Dingdang cat" might just mean a sleaze.
In the ninja world, it meant you were unlucky.
Sakura knew her best chance to win right now was to maximize her brute force and buy time for Naruto to return.
Like a Sekiro finisher—except she skipped straight to the weak point.
THUD! THUD! THUD!
Sasuke covered her with shuriken while feeling a cold wave crawl up his spine.
Jesus…
Sakura and Sasuke flowed together perfectly, hammering the enemies back.
The remaining attackers looked at Sakura with fear; their rhythm collapsed.
Sasuke started cutting loose too. In canon he'd handled two of these guys easily. After weeks of training, his reactions were hotter than ever.
Meanwhile—
Naruto opened his eyes and exhaled.
Man, that fox is stubborn… but I should make it in time.
Kakashi's probably watching from somewhere anyway.
After grinding his jaw nearly numb, Naruto had finally tricked the Nine-Tails into giving him a big lump of crimson chakra.
He tore off a tiny piece—like pulling cotton candy—and stuffed it into his chest.
Instantly, murderous anger surged through him, but he could still control it.
Naruto sprinted forward and quickly spotted Sakura and Sasuke pushing the enemies into retreat.
"I'm here!" Naruto leapt in and smashed the nearest attacker with a punch, caving his chest.
He rushed forward—
then realized the enemies were already a mess.
He stared at Sakura, radiating killing intent stronger than his own, and Sasuke, sweating but unstoppable.
He went blank.
Uh… wait.
Why do I feel like I'm not needed here?
This isn't the script I pictured.
So… who's the main character, exactly?!
A sharp frustration rose in Naruto's chest.
He'd thought the enemies would be monstrously strong and Team Seven would be outmatched—so he'd popped the Nine-Tails buff immediately.
But the attackers...? Kind of mid?
No. I practically shagged my tongue off in the mental space. There's no way I'm letting those two steal the credit!
"Move!" Naruto roared at Sakura and Sasuke, charging into the fight.
At first he copied Sakura—one punch per child, flattening everyone nearby.
Then he froze again. Why the hell am I copying Sakura?!
So he shifted gears, threw up a swarm of shadow clones, and started a full group beatdown.
Plain, brutal taijutsu—now in Nine-Tails-boosted flavor.
"Leave a few alive—we need answers!" Sakura shouted.
"Got it!" Naruto grabbed one guy and beat him while barking, "Talk or not?! I'm asking you, talk or not?! Talk or not?!"
The guy was about to cry. You haven't even asked a question yet!
Naruto punched him unconscious, grabbed another, and continued "interrogating."
His questions included: the Third Hokage's bank password, how many kunai the guy used, what color nail polish the Akatsuki wear, whether his aunt was married, and so on.
Eventually, Sasuke and Sakura dragged Naruto back before he went totally feral.
Naruto declared it wasn't his fault—it was the evil Nine-Tails messing with his head.
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