Cherreads

Being you

Sky_Airendile
14
chs / week
The average realized release rate over the past 30 days is 14 chs / week.
--
NOT RATINGS
23k
Views
VIEW MORE

Chapter 1 - The night the Story began

The night didn't end.

It just changed shape.

─── ∘◦ ❁ ◦∘ ───

The balcony was the same as it had always been — same chipped railing, same jasmine creeper making its slow conquest of the left wall, same view of the neighbourhood that had watched me grow up and would probably watch me grow old. Mom's wind chimes. Dad's forgotten coffee mug from three mornings ago. The particular smell of home that hits you differently when you've been away long enough to forget you missed it.

I'd come back after the competition the way injured things return to familiar places. Not because it fixes anything. Because at least the walls know your name.

Earphones in. Eyes closed. The rain-soaked night air moving through me like it was searching for something, and I let it, because I was searching for something too.

I danced.

Not for anyone. Not for a stage or a score or the particular satisfaction of a judge's nod. Just to breathe. Just to take what was sitting in my chest — that dense, shapeless weight that had moved in somewhere below my sternum since the night of the competition — and give it somewhere to go before it took up permanent residence.

The anger came out first. It always did. Clean and sharp and almost satisfying the way physical pain sometimes is — confirming, at least, that I was still here. Still feeling. Still a person who had things worth being angry about.

Then the betrayal. Slower. The kind that doesn't live in the mind — it takes up residence in the body, in the stomach and the shoulders and the hollow just beneath the ribs. The kind you can't dance out, only through.

And then Caleb.

I didn't want to think about him. The memory arrived anyway — uninvited, perfectly rendered, immune to being put away. The competition hall. The stage lights. The applause gathering like a tide while he stood at the centre of it, his face arranged in the expression of someone receiving something they deserved.

Every step of it had been mine.

My choreography. My months. My 2 AM sessions with taped ankles and cold coffee and the irreplaceable thing I had built from nothing — from the specific, personal, irreducible truth of what I felt when I moved. He had taken it. Wrapped a lie around it. Handed it back to me as someone else's victory.

And I had stood in the wings and understood, with the slow and total clarity of something irreversible, that I had trusted the wrong person.

I had walked out before the ceremony ended. Driven home in the rain. Not cried once — which probably meant something I wasn't ready to examine.

I danced until my legs stopped cooperating and the music dissolved from sound into texture, until the night turned that particular grey that sits right at the border of sleep without ever crossing it.

Sleep never came.

"You're going to end up with sore legs, cupcake."

One earbud. Then the other — removed with the comfortable authority of someone who had long ago decided that what I did with my ears fell under his jurisdiction.

I turned around.

Justin.

Standing in the balcony doorway in his ancient hoodie, hair still soft from sleep, wearing that expression he'd been wearing my entire life. Concerned. Certain. Warm in a way that had always felt like steadiness but was beginning, lately, to feel like something I couldn't quite settle into — like a chair that looks right but sits wrong. Not because he had done anything wrong. Because something about his attention had a direction I couldn't name, aimed at something just slightly past me, or beside me, or other than me. I filed it away. I had no words for it yet.

"I'm emotionally tired," I said. The honesty surprised me. I hadn't meant to give him that much.

"I know." Gentle. Certain. Both things simultaneously, the way he always was. "I saw everything. Don't worry — I've already sorted it. There's proof."

He reached over and tapped the top of my head.

I followed him inside.

"I heard you transferred to Maxford," he said, as we moved down the corridor. Something strange ran beneath the words — not sharp enough to be jealousy, not soft enough to be concern. "My cousin's there. Same department, actually."

I stopped at the top of the stairs.

"Which cousin?"

Justin smiled. Almost his usual smile. The kind that reached his eyes nine times out of ten and this was, I noticed, the tenth.

"Come down," he said. "He's here."

─── ∘◦ ❁ ◦∘ ───

He was standing in my living room.

Next to Mom's good sofa. Beneath the ceiling fan Dad had installed slightly crooked in 2009 and declared close enough. Near the bookshelf with three generations of family photos and the ceramic elephant my aunt brought from Jaipur and the stack of my old competition programmes that Mom had kept and I'd been meaning to throw away.

Here. In this house. In this specific, deeply personal geography that had nothing to do with him and somehow didn't seem to know that.

Adithya.

The same presence I had been quietly, carefully constructing a perimeter around since orientation week at Maxford — though I hadn't yet understood why the instinct was so strong. He had appeared on campus and rearranged the atmosphere the way weather systems rearrange air. You didn't decide to notice him. You just did.

The one the entire department watched without meaning to.

The one who had, in the first month of term, positioned himself against Caleb without aggression, without drama, with the complete disinterest in consequences of someone who had done the math and found them irrelevant.

That one.

Among my mother's things.

Standing next to the ceramic elephant like he'd always been there.

"This," Justin said — and the energy beneath it was careful in a way that felt less like introduction and more like placement — "is my cousin. Adithya."

The silence had its own weight.

"We meet again," Adithya said.

Not quite a smile. The architecture of one — deliberate, structural, placed with the precision of someone who understood exactly what it did to the space between two people and had chosen, consciously, to do it anyway.

"Hi," I said.

Which was the complete output of a brain that had, without consulting me, stepped quietly away from the situation.

His expression shifted then — the amusement submerging below something sharper. More focused. That particular quality of attention that feels less like being seen and more like being read, at a pace and depth that has no interest in whether I find it comfortable.

My heart did something immediate and embarrassing. I chose not to acknowledge it. The heart, I had learned, was an unreliable narrator.

"I explained the situation," Justin said. He had drifted closer. Slightly more than the room required. "He helped recover your video."

The floor dropped out of my stomach.

"How much did you tell him."

It wasn't quite a question. It came out flat and careful, the way things do when you're managing the panic rather than feeling it.

"Relax," Justin murmured. Close to my ear. Closer than necessary. His hand found the top of my head. That familiar tap.

I stepped away from him.

Not dramatically. Not with any ceremony. Just — away. The way you move away from something your body has clocked before your mind has caught up.

"Thank you," I said to Adithya. Measured. Composed. "I appreciate it."

"'Thank you' isn't enough." Light words. The tone underneath them was not. "Join the dance collective. Then we're even."

"That's a condition."

"It's an invitation." That fractional, infuriating almost-smile again. "Call it whatever helps you accept it."

"She's not joining anything." Ishaan's voice came from the kitchen doorway — my cousin, leaning against the frame with his coffee and his absolute certainty. He had a specific gift for entering conversations already in progress and declaring them open.

Adithya didn't look at him.

Which was, I was understanding, more dismissive than anything he could have said. Ishaan's authority had always operated on acknowledgment — it needed to be received to function. Adithya simply declined to receive it.

"Not my concern," he said simply.

The air in the room contracted.

"Don't push her," Justin said. The concern in it was real. So was something else running underneath it — something that had always been there and was only now beginning to resolve into a recognisable form. Something that was not entirely about my wellbeing. "She needs to focus on her studies."

"And going against you," Adithya said, something almost warm threading through it, "has always been my favourite thing."

I looked away.

I had to.

Because something had moved in my chest — quick and involuntary and absolutely not available for examination — and I needed a moment before it reached my face.

Someone had pushed back. Had stood in the full weight of Ishaan's certainty and treated it like a suggestion. And even though that someone was complicated and filed firmly under inadvisable in every rational part of my brain, even though trusting people had recently revealed itself to be a hobby with a very poor return rate —

For one unguarded second, I had almost smiled.

"Breakfast!" Mom called.

─── ∘◦ ❁ ◦∘ ───

She was getting closer.

Not to understanding him.

But to the feeling of him.

And feelings, unlike logic, don't wait to be invited.