Master Illustrator, "Tsunade: I Am Coming!"
A thin trail of black smoke drifted from Shukaku's mouth.
Behind Tobika, Uchiha Mikoto stared at the smoldering kettle-beast in his hands, her eyelid twitching. That tiny bead Shukaku spat out moments ago had nearly blown half the street apart. If it had hit her directly…
She huffed, shot Tobika a lethal glare, and turned on her heel without a word.
Shukaku immediately exploded.
"You bastard! You used me to block a Tailed Beast Bomb!"
Tobika walked toward home, tone matter-of-fact.
"How was I supposed to know you'd fire it immediately? And I didn't have a real weapon on hand. Consider it… community service."
He shook the kettle.
"And don't spit those things at people. Cleaning up the mess is a nightmare."
Shukaku sniffed, eyes following Mikoto's retreating figure with smug disdain.
"When human women get angry, a well-placed blast solves everything. Equalizes the battlefield."
Tobika clicked his tongue.Shukaku's brain clearly hadn't rebooted after impact.
Fine. He had bigger problems.Like drawing these propaganda mangas.
Hinata… Sakura… Anko…He hurriedly scrubbed the thoughts away, cheeks warming, and rushed home like a guilty teenager.
Beautifying the clan was harder than he expected.
––––––
Three days later
Tobika stumbled out of his house, pale and hollow-eyed, dragging himself toward Konoha's largest bookstore. Three days straight of drawing had nearly broken his spine and dignity.
The shopkeeper perked up the moment he entered.
"Tobika-sama, you're early today! The next issue isn't out yet."
They knew each other well. As a steady customer and a friendly Uchiha jōnin, Tobika had always been easy to talk to. But today, his expression was… exhausted.
Tobika slapped two books on the counter and collapsed into a chair.
"Read."
The shopkeeper blinked, then carefully washed his hands before touching the books.
The titles read:
"Katon Dan's Ninja Tales – Uchiha Arc""Ninja Tales of the Uchiha – Catgirl Edition"
Two volumes.
He cracked open the first book.
Within minutes, his face flushed red.
The artwork was deadly.Every line was precise, flowing, alive.The character proportions… flawless.
Tobika hadn't lost his touch during the war; somehow he'd improved.
It was—Too much.
"Pff!"
The shopkeeper choked on his own nosebleed.
Tobika cracked an eye open.
"Exaggerate much?"
The shopkeeper wiped his face, reluctantly closed the book, and muttered:
"This is dangerous to the body. I shouldn't read too much…"
He lowered the store curtains, leaned in conspiratorially.
"Katon Dan… does he actually have those kinds of… techniques?"
Tobika dug his nose lazily.
"I made it up. How would I know his bedroom stats?"
The shopkeeper stared.Then raised a trembling thumbs-up.
Genius.Insane, depraved genius.
He coughed lightly, regained composure, and offered a fruit tray.
He replayed the story in his head—the flirtatious, hedonistic Kato Dan traveling Fire Country, meeting beauties, then eventually falling for a cold, tsundere Uchiha girl. Tobika's illustrations made her look heartbreakingly vivid.
What a character.What a story.
Shame it wasn't finished.
He ventured:
"Tobika-sama… does it end with Dan winning the Uchiha girl's heart and living happily ever after?"
"No."
Tobika's voice was flat.
"He dies on a mission. Gutted. And she becomes Hokage carrying his dream."
The shopkeeper choked back a sound.
The protagonist died?!What kind of emotional landmine was this?!
Tobika patted his shoulder.
"Print it."
"And credit it to…"
A mischievous glint passed through his eyes.
"Author: Tsunade: I Am Coming."
The shopkeeper froze.Then lit up like a starving man seeing gold.
Sure, the ending was tragic—but the art was exquisite. Exquisite art meant money. Lots of money.
He eagerly picked up the second book.
Minutes later—
"PFF!"
Another nosebleed geysered out.
This story had a happy ending.And a seductive "catgirl."
Unfortunately, Tobika's imaginary catgirl was glamorous, elegant, built like a kunoichi goddess.
Actual catgirls—real ninja cats—had round bellies, orange fur, and ate eight meals a day like an Akimichi with fur.
But the fantasy version?Sellable.
Very sellable.
"Um… Tobika-sama," the shopkeeper whispered, "if I publish this… won't the Uchiha come after me?"
"Publish it. The Grand Elder approved everything."
Tobika shrugged.
"These stories show what Uchiha personalities are like and how outsiders can interact with us. Helps soften our image."
And in a couple days, he'd draw another:"Ordinary girl conquers an Uchiha."
Perfect propaganda.
The shopkeeper swallowed.
"One last thing… that Kato Dan looks suspiciously like Tsunade-sama's boyfriend. The dead one. Are you sure—"
"Of course it's him."
Tobika stared at him like he was dense.
"You scared she'll flip your shop? She might."
The shopkeeper winced.
He held up five fingers.
"Fifty-fifty split. Printing, advertising, distribution—all risky under Tsunade-sama's wrath."
Tobika studied the man.Behind the greed was a man gambling his life.
He sighed.
"Sixty-forty. You take forty. Hire two subcontractors. Don't die over this."
The shopkeeper nearly burst into tears.
"You—Tobika-sama—you're too kind! Even if Tsunade kills me, I'll never reveal—"
"Nah," Tobika said, standing and patting his shoulder, "once she shows up, just give her my name. She can't do anything to me."
He walked out.
Tsunade: frightening, unstoppable…and also a walking malfunction thanks to her hemophobia.
Hard to fear someone who could faint at the sight of her own punch.