the twins are eleven months old and they've discovered the lake
which means everything is now a fishing rod
including the royal scepter
that big shiny stick with moonstones that's literally the symbol of "touch this and die"
now it's got fishing line tied to it
this morning regulus decides we're having a "relaxing family fishing trip" at the palace lake
he's in dad mode hard
packs rods bait tiny life jackets picnic basket the works
even brings the scepter because "king vibes"
i'm thinking "this is gonna end badly"
we get to the lake
he sets up chairs
ties bait
hands the kids plastic rods
five minutes of peace
then aiden spots the scepter leaning against the tree
eyes light up like christmas
"BIG FISHING STICK!!"
before anyone can blink he grabs it
aurora ties her hair ribbon as line
damon baits it with a cookie
luna sits on the end like a captain
regulus "hey hey hey that's not a toy—"
too late
aiden casts
perfect cast
scepter flies
line unrolls
hook catches regulus's robe belt
splash
the scepter hits the water
line goes taut
regulus gets yanked forward
"WAIT—"
he tries to grab the rod
slips on mud
falls flat
gets dragged into the lake like a hooked marlin
robe flying open
crown falls off
he's flailing "HELP I'M THE KING!!!"
kids are cheering "DADDY BIG FISH!!!"
aurora reeling him in with the hair ribbon
damon and luna clapping
aiden yelling "REEL REEL!!"
regulus is half swimming half being dragged
finally grabs the scepter
but the kids won't let go
tug of war
four toddlers vs one very wet king
he loses
gets pulled under
comes up coughing with waterweed in his hair
robe completely gone
just boxers again
strawberry ones of course
global live stream drone was filming the "cute family outing"
billions watching their king get owned by babies and a fishing rod
chat dies
"KING GOT CATFISHED BY HIS OWN KIDS"
"strawberry boxers strike again"
"someone save the man"
regulus finally crawls ashore dripping
scepter in one hand
robe in the other
kids dogpile him
"DADDY SWIM GOOD!!"
he lies there in the mud looking at the sky
"i'm never fishing again"
aiden "AGAIN AGAIN!!"
he sighs
gets up
puts the scepter down
kids grab it and run
he chases them naked through the garden
i'm filming everything
the video got 2 billion views in a day
title "King vs Fishing Rod: the ultimate battle"
he still gets tagged in it daily
he doesn't even get mad anymore
just likes the video and comments "accurate"
i married a man who gets dragged into lakes by his own children
and i've never been prouder
Author's Note:
cat is eating my sock, luna is chewing my hair, damon is screaming because he wants the phone, my shirt is wet again, this is chaos and i'm living for it, muah wet king stans