Today has been rather quiet, I almost missed the occasional clatter and chatter, the cloudy, rainy weather means people would much rather cozy in bed than come out of their homes.
Robin isn't around, God knows where he is, He has been acting rather secretive lately, he always has something to do, a reason to be out of the shop, and never a comprehensive reason for what he is doing or where he is going. I should probably talk to him and find out what is going on, but that would be stepping over a line, we never get to crossing, a rather unspoken rule between us, he doesn't ask, I don't ask....Still....
Today, it's just me and Sri, it usually is this days, but to be more accurate, it's usually just me. Sri is likely somewhere on the phone, chattering with his girlfriend, telling her about all the possible positions they could have sex in. I don't mind that he is away, because the other option would be his voice constantly buzzing in my ear like a freaking fly.....and he never gets the message, that I am not interested in his small talk, even when I keep mute and refuse to indulge him, he manages to enjoy himself either ways, I unfortunately know what happened between his grandma and the neighbors grandad on Thanksgiving day, a year ago — So, when he is away like this, chattering on the phone to Lola, his girlfriend, I can't complain, so what if they are having R-rated conversations where we store all our food ingredients(●__●).
Pretty sure they've done the deed right on this counter, I just can't prove it. The difference between Sri and a sex starved animal is probably that he has two legs and speaks English. If anything is to be commended, it's that he keeps tightly to his girlfriend, her and her alone, maybe because she is as sex crazy as he is...who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The bell rings as someone finally walks in, it's the straw guy, his face looks a little less dull, clad in a cotton sweater and blue jeans he looks slightly healthier. He walks to a seat by the window and I approach him, as he looks over the menu.
" I'll have a cup of hot milk and coffee on the side" He says while looking directly at the menu, without lifting his head.
I bring his order and put a straw beside his glass, in memory of last time. He sees it and lifts his head up to look at me, I place it on the table and walk away without looking at him.
Sri walks in from the storage room,his curly hair bounces mid length on his head, even standing he appears short beside me, but that is only because I am on the taller side, Sri would be considered average normal height. His face structure fits the stereotype, a man who knows his face is socially loveable and has everyone fawning over him, it gets to his head and he becomes a walking peacock, his finesse being his entire personality, it's NORMAL, it's how you know he has lived quite a simple, usual life, never knowing the extremes or minorities, a simple, normal Life, with normal habits and normal worries.
"Gi....there aren't many people coming in, I have to go get some documents at home, I forgot to bring them earlier and I have to submit em before the day ends" He says, expectantly.
"Not your boss ...Srriii"
"Gi...you gotta help me out, I will be back before rush hour, I promise " He sends me a cheeky smile and a thumbs up, walking out of the door with excited bouncy steps.
He should be more creative when lying, I honestly don't know why robin hired him.
Milk straw guy walks up to me, he places his empty tray on the counter and a few notes to pay.
"You asked what I meant last time, and I didn't know then, but I know now. It's how you come across to me, someone who is a living contradiction, many people might only see your outer appearance and energy, but yet if they had the mind to look again, they would see that nothing about you makes normal sense, your reaction, your posture, you words and reflection, everything is a map that is set to mislead, it doesn't make any sense but even right then, on first look, all the answers are there, all at the same time, it's sad, it's pathetic, it's artistic, and even pitiful " He says all this in a single breathe, but along the lines, he struck gold and my fingers are shaking underneath the table.
We stare at each other for a while, his gaze carries knowing and pity, the best way to describe it would be that his face softened, No, No!... absolutely not, if my gaze was not contradicting my feelings then he would see utter rage and anger in them.
"What is my name?" I ask him
" I am assuming it's Giana, I have heard them refer to you as such"
"Great, you don't even know my name, while you observation interpretation might be subjectively true, it doesn't equate to any real facts. And I'd be damned if a stranger who doesn't even know what my name is, thinks they can give an epistle on who I am"
"All I am trying to say is, If someone carries compresses too many things inside, and keeps masking, eventually all that display will wear you out, if it hurts, own it, if it's heavy, drop it, or there won't be anything left of you after" his voice is firm, and steady, his features remain soft yet his eyes carry warning.
-This is why people hate 'know it alls, therapists and wannabe psychics-
"What is your name?" I ask him
"Reynold"
"Reynold, this is a Breakout coffee shop, we sell breakfast, and coffee meals and drinks, we sell fruit salad platters only on special holidays, only special holidays, but you know what we don't sell, cosplay, therapy OR psychic sessions , I'd give you recommendations to check out but I particularly hate mind games, therapists and know it alls" I manage to say all in one breathe.
He looks at me as if to say something, then his eyes drop to the floor and then he looks back at me, before turning to leave.
I catch the words he says under his breathe as he exits
" ...Atleast you said more than five words"
Long after he leaves,I remain seated in my position and thankfully no one walks in. My fingers are trembling and my eyes feel hot, I feel the tears right at bay, but I don't worry cause I know they won't drop, I never could get the tears out when it mattered, and for years now, I haven't been able to cry at all.
He struck gold, not because of all the nonsense he said but because his gaze softened, like he cared, like he saw through it all, his eyes softened in such a way .....just like hers....and any mention of her was enough to make me unravel all over again.
I tidy up the counter, and just like Robin, I wipe and wipe all the tables, till they are sparkling clean, and my hands are bruised red from force. A couple more customers come in, thankfully none as eventful or talkative as the earlier one, strictly their orders were given, and received , they paid and they left.
As soon as Sri returned, I hand him the keys and leave ignoring his chatter and pleasantries.
As I walk out the store, the cold air hits me face on, it's windy, cold and quiet. Perfect.
I wonder why? Why all of that talk? Who walks up to a waiter they've only met twice, and only to give a long talk on observations and things to avoid? I would have remembered his face, if nothing else the scar would strike out , but I have no recollection of ever knowing or meeting him.
I decide not to dwell on it, I couldn't do anything for years and years gone by, I didn't know where, how or what to even do, I only knew the rage, the anger and the denial, at last the clock ticked in my favor and I found him again. It's finally time for things to start playing out, Reynolds might have said a whole lot, but one thing was spot on, there won't be anything left, no more pain, no anger, no words left, all will be said and done, and when I am worn out, I will finally take his advice and rest , but before that, i must make sure that she can rest in peace, that her pain isn't imprinted amongst history of injustice. It's the only thing I can do, it's the only thing I can think about, the world can do without me, and I am not attached either but nothing can happen till I have settled this score.
My mind, my heart, my brain, they only understand this purpose, and until I am done - there is no After.