Today was already Friday. If I wanted that entire checkered practice book filled by 10 p.m. on Saturday night, I needed a substitute writer—and fast.
Preferably someone from our class, with neat handwriting, and resilient enough to keep writing until we got caught.
There were plenty of boys whose handwriting was cleaner than mine, but if Amy's mother could recognize the difference between male and female handwriting, that'd be a disaster.
So ideally, I needed a female classmate with good penmanship and the ability to stick with it for the long haul.
Xiao Qin would be perfect.
But I really, really didn't want to create any long-term connection with her.
Better to find someone else.
But who?
Since I washed my school uniform, today I wore dark gray casual clothes and sneakers. I always wore dark colors—I genuinely felt like my combat stat went up whenever I did.
After running three laps around Dongshan Lake, I grabbed breakfast at a street vendor. The old man who always trained by the lake was there again, wearing his dark reddish-purple kung fu shirt. His hair and beard were pure white—he looked at least eighty—but his movements were powerful and precise.
What time did he get up every day? I suddenly felt like I wasn't working nearly hard enough.
He nodded faintly as I ran past. Probably proud that there were still young people who didn't just waste away online all day.
I didn't run into Xiao Qin. Maybe she hadn't figured out my new route yet.
So you're not omnipotent after all? Or maybe something delayed you.
But when I entered the classroom, I saw Xiao Qin already at her desk, head down, arranging her books.
Did she come early to avoid standing in the cold like yesterday?
Well, that's how you should live your life—study hard when you're young, build the nation when you grow up. Why spend all your time pestering me?
I sat down, and she suddenly looked up, startled, like she'd only just noticed me. Her expression immediately collapsed into a look like the world was ending.
"H-Haruya…?"
Her tone and face were so alarming I thought maybe mine had mutated again. I instinctively touched my cheeks.
"W-why… why aren't you wearing the school uniform!?" she shouted.
"What? Why do you care? You're not the class rep."
"But—but if Haruya isn't wearing the school uniform, then… then we're not wearing matching outfits anymore!!"
Matching outfits my ass. If you want matching outfits, take your pick from the other four hundred students! Why are you acting like I just abandoned you at the altar?
Xiao Qin fell silent, looking devastated.
Then I noticed her eyes—they were red.
"Hey, what's wrong with your eyes?"
Did she cry last night? I don't remember bullying her yesterday.
My tone must've sounded a bit concerned, because she immediately blushed, feeling flattered. She pressed her index fingers together and murmured:
"I'm sorry they're as red as apples… Haruya must be laughing at me. If I'd known, I wouldn't have left home today… I should've just stayed under the covers where no one could see…"
"Hiding under the covers will only make it worse. Just tell me what happened."
Her shoulders trembled, like she expected me to slap her like some abusive husband in a TV drama.
"I… I just wanted to make Haruya happy…"
"Huh? How does trying to make me happy turn your eyes red?"
"Well… since you wouldn't lend me that manga to study yesterday… I thought it must be because you were embarrassed. So it was my fault for embarrassing you."
She lowered her head, apologizing.
"Well… good that you know you were wrong. Just don't do it again."
"Mm… I won't bother Haruya in the future. I'll learn all kinds of knowledge myself."
What the hell does she mean by all kinds of knowledge? And what kind of knowledge makes your eyes this red?
"I thought… since Haruya likes that kind of manga… you'd want your future girlfriend to be like the girls in it. So I wanted to learn. But you refused to lend it to me, so I had to find something similar online…"
Online? Similar? Meaning what, exactly? Adult sites? Why is a girl like you going on porn sites!? Browsing porn sites all night and then admitting it to a male classmate—aren't you ashamed!?
She didn't notice the horror on my face and continued:
"I thought that kind of manga would be easy to find, but I couldn't find any."
Thankfully, she wasn't very skilled at using computers. Otherwise… no, I don't want to imagine it. If porn was this easy to find, half the guys in the QQ group wouldn't be begging for links.
"I searched forever and found nothing… I felt so stupid. How can I ever win Haruya's favor if I'm this stupid?"
You don't need to win my favor. I'm already grateful you're not trying to kill me.
"So I asked on Baidu if someone could help."
You… asked on Baidu? And someone would actually answer that?
"This is what I wrote: Hello everyone, my boyfriend is very pervy. Where can I learn H-knowledge to make him happy?"
WHO'S your boyfriend!? Who's pervy!? Who would be happy you learned H-knowledge!?
"I didn't expect people to reply immediately. But everyone was very enthusiastic."
I could only imagine how fast that exploded.
"At first, a few 'friendly' netizens left their QQ numbers and told me to add them so they could teach me personally…"
Reject them! They're predators trying to lure you into a video chat! Director Cao might've even been one of them!
"I thought their tone was weird, so I ignored them."
Thank god for your last shred of common sense.
"Then a few decent netizens left some URLs…"
Decent my ass! Giving porn links to a girl—are they trying to corrupt the youth!?
"And then… I pasted the URL into the browser and hit Enter. I thought I'd finally become self-taught and not bother Haruya…"
Self-taught genius YOUR MOM. What kind of genius are you trying to become!?
"But the page didn't load for a long time."
Dead link? Happens. The government cracks down hard, so porn sites don't live long.
"And then… and then…"
Xiao Qin's face twisted like she was recalling a horror movie.
"Then my mom's laptop suddenly started making a strange noise!"
You used your MOM'S laptop for this!? If Auntie Ren finds out, she'll cry tears of blood!
"What… kind of noise?"
I was morbidly curious.
"Well… like a female ghost came out of the laptop…"
WHAT!? You turned a porn site virus into a Chinese ghost story!?
"I felt like the ghost was suffering…"
"What… kind of suffering?"
"She screamed miserably… really loud… like someone was beating her…"
Oh no. I knew exactly where this was headed.
"She screamed and begged, saying: 'Master… Master…'"
STOP. That's not a ghost. That's a pop-up ad. A vulgar flash animation with moaning audio used to lure people into clicking the link for some trashy online game!
"She wouldn't stop screaming… I was terrified… I tried to close the page, but nothing responded. I thought Mom's laptop was broken…"
Virus. 100% virus. Her legendary MMA-champion mother's laptop—destroyed by porn pop-ups. Incredible.
"I tried fixing it all night until my eyes turned red. Even after removing the battery, it wasn't fixed. Now when I turn it on, naked women pop up everywhere and the ghost keeps screaming…"
Serves you right! Auntie Ren is going to DESTROY you.
Xiao Qin looked at me, eyes watery and helpless.
"What should I do, Haruya? My mom comes home Sunday… if she sees that stuff, she'll definitely scold me…"
Scolding? That's it!? She should at least… no, I'm not saying it.
"I said I wouldn't bother Haruya anymore… but I'm desperate. Tomorrow is Saturday… can you come to my house and help me exorcise the ghost from the laptop?"
WHO is going to your house!? And I'm not a priest! I don't know how to exorcise anything! And I have to deal with Amy's stuff on Saturday—there's no time!
"I don't have time! Isn't it a big-brand laptop? Just call customer service—they'll fix it!"
Xiao Qin looked at me like I'd just abandoned her and our imaginary unborn children.
"Wh-why would you make me bring such a shameful laptop to the repair staff!? How can I face society!? And what if the repair guy realizes I'm home alone and… and since the laptop has that virus, he takes advantage of me!?"
What kind of repairman do you think exists in the real world!? This isn't a Japanese AV plot! And with your martial arts skills, regardless of whether it's ASUS or Lenovo, you'd snap his neck!
"Anyway—I'M NOT GOING."
I hardened my heart. No way was I stepping into Xiao Qin's house. It was definitely a trap.
"But… but if Haruya helps me fix the laptop… I'll give you back Brother Optimus Prime!"
…