Ren didn't sleep.
He lay on his back staring at the ceiling, counting the seconds between his own breaths.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
What if it stands in front of me again?
The thought didn't feel dramatic.
It felt practical.
What if it doesn't threaten?
What if it simply says it again—
Choose.
His mind built the scene without permission.
A corridor.
Smoke.
A blade extended toward him.
Behind him—
Ayla.
Akira.
The twins.
Kaito.
Alive. Within reach.
"If you kill one," the imagined voice said, layered and soft, "you may continue."
Ren swallowed.
I don't want to die.
The answer came immediately.
It didn't even hesitate.
That was what terrified him.
He rolled onto his side.
I would choose myself again.
Not because I hate them.
Not because I don't care.
Because when death stands close enough to breathe on your skin—
Your body decides first.
And his body had already proven what it would decide.
He sat up.
If it forces me again…
If it stands there and waits…
I will kill one of them.
The thought didn't feel impossible.
It felt likely.
That was enough.
He stood.
The gates opened for early patrol rotations.
No alarms.
No suspicion.
Ren walked out of the IDHA compound without leaving a message.
If I leave now—
If I disappear—
It can't force me to choose.
It can't turn me into that person again.
The city was half-awake.
Delivery trucks idled. A newspaper cart rattled across the pavement. A stray dog nosed through a trash bag.
Ren ended up at a metropolitan bus stand.
Concrete pillars. Plastic seating. Departure boards flickering between routes.
He sat at the far end.
Watching nothing.
A bus engine started nearby.
For a second—
Another engine coughed in his memory.
Failed.
Haruto's hand gripping his sleeve.
"Don't look."
He looked.
He always looked.
He hadn't joined the IDHA to be heroic.
He joined because they were stronger.
Because they would handle things he couldn't.
Because they would protect him.
But somewhere along the way—
He had laughed.
Argued.
Trained.
Protected.
The first time he pulled someone out of a collapsing manifestation—
The child had grabbed his jacket and sobbed.
"Thank you."
That had felt different.
Like something had shifted.
Like the weight had lightened by a fraction.
He liked the team.
He liked not being alone.
And that was the problem.
Because if it came again—
He would choose himself again.
And this time—
He would remember their faces clearly.
"Ren."
He didn't turn.
Three sets of footsteps approached.
Akira stopped a few feet away.
The Misokke twins flanked him quietly.
"We figured you wouldn't take a vehicle," Akira said.
Ren stood slowly.
"You shouldn't have followed me."
Akira didn't answer.
The twins didn't move.
A bus engine roared somewhere behind them.
Ren's throat tightened tears started to come out of his eyes.
"Please go away".
No one moved.
Ren's voice went flat.
"I'm a murderer."
The words didn't echo.
They just sat there.
"I killed my friend to survive."
The taller twin's jaw flexed.
Akira didn't look away.
"He stood in front of me. He knew what I'd do."
His hands began to shake.
The city noise faded in his ears.
Smoke filled his lungs again.
"If you kill him, I will permit your continuation."
Haruto's back in front of him.
"Ren—don't."
The blade heavy in his hand.
His pulse screaming.
I don't want to die.
The cut effortless.
Too effortless.
Blood warm on his face.
Haruto's mouth forming his name—
Then nothing.
Ren's voice broke.
"I chose myself."
He looked at them.
"No possession. No control. No excuse."
His chest rose sharply.
"If that thing stands in front of me again—"
His eyes hardened.
"—I will choose myself again."
Silence.
Not shocked.
Not dramatic.
Heavy.
"I won't risk killing you," Ren said. "So I'm leaving."
Ren shook his head.
"You don't understand. When death is that close—your body decides."
Akira nodded once.
"Maybe."
That surprised Ren.
"Maybe it does," Akira continued. "But you're not that sixteen-year-old anymore."
He stepped closer.
"You've stood in front of nightmares since then."
"You've pulled people out."
"You've chosen to protect."
Akira's eyes were steady.
"That matters."
Ren's breathing faltered.
The twins moved to his sides.
Akira's eyes didn't waver.
"You call yourself a murderer because you survived."
His voice was low.
"I call you someone who was forced into a corner."
He took another step closer.
"If that thing appears again and demands a choice—"
His jaw tightened.
"—then it won't be between your life and ours."
"It will be between its and ours."
No hesitation.
"We will fight."
Silence.
Heavy.
Ren's breath trembled.
"I don't trust myself."
Akira answered immediately.
"Then trust the fact that we're still here."
No smile.
No softness.
"Monsters stand alone."
"We don't."
The bus engine roared.
Ren didn't move.
And this time—
He stayed.
As they walked back toward the base—
Akira kept his gaze forward.
He didn't speak.
But inside—
A colder thought lingered.
Unlike you…
I didn't hesitate.
Unlike you…
I wasn't cornered.
Unlike you…
I am a monster.
Thousands.
Faces blurred together.
Screams swallowed by time.
I wasn't manipulated.
And if something stood in front of me—
Would I choose differently?
He didn't know.
That uncertainty felt heavier than any blade.
End of Chapter 9.