Keigo Kiyokazu POV -
I opened the front door and stepped outside. I wished I could have stayed longer, but there were things that needed to be done.
The cold air swallowed me instantly, forcing me to shove my hands into the pockets of my work clothes. As I walked the path toward the Susago house, my thoughts kept drifting back to the bridge.
Why was access to the bridge forbidden by the Nivalis army? I asked myself.
The snow crunched beneath my boots, leaving a trail of footprints behind me. I passed the narrow metal street lamp on my right and continued straight to the Susago house. Black smoke curled from their brick chimney. Before I knew it, I was standing in front of their door.
I raised my right hand and knocked three times.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"Is somebody in there?" I called.
"Yes, yes, just a minute. Here I come," a woman's voice answered from inside.
The door opened, revealing Maria. Her long brown hair fell almost to her knees.
"Oh, Keigo. Hello. Need something?"
"Yeah. Is Marco at home?"
"Yes, he's in his workshop. You can find him there — he's working on something."
"Thanks," I said, stepping to my left.
After a few steps, I opened another wooden door and walked down the hallway. At the end of the hallway was a medium-sized room with tools hanging on the right wall. On the left, Marco was on his knees, grinding a large wooden wheel. The wheel was around seventy centimeters tall — bigger than Marco while he was kneeling.
He glanced my way for a second, then went straight back to grinding.
Huh? Did he not notice me?
He kept working for a couple of minutes, completely focused. I leaned against the wall, crossed my arms, and waited, wathching him grinding the wheel, a small smile formed on my lips.
Should I call him?No… let's see when he notices.
Finally, he looked up again, then back at the wheel, and then at me once more.
"AAAAAH!" he screamed, hiding behind the wheel.
"Oh… it's you, Keigo," he said, standing up. "You scared the living shit out of me."
„Aahahahaa" I burst out laughing. "Sorry about that, Marco."
"How did I not heard you? So, what is it? Do you need something?"
"Yeah. I'd like to borrow some tools from you if I can."
"Sure," he said, stepping closer.
We shook hands. Then he walked over to his desk full of tools.
"You're not working today?" he asked.
"I was supposed to, but the bridge is blocked by the army."
Marco stared at me for a few seconds.
"Blocked?" he asked, confused.
"Yeah. Some Nivalis soldiers told me the bridge will be closed for a few days until the situation calms down. Even the workers can't get the access to the bridge."
"That's very suspicious," Marco said, rubbing his chin. "The trolls must have something to do with it."
"I saw a corpse cart standing near the bridge in the distance. Whatever happened there wasn't good," I said, looking at the concrete floor.
"Are you worried?" he asked.
"Yeah, man. The Kinuki bridge isn't that far from our village."
"Ehh… you worry too much, Keigo. The army is involved. You know Nivalis and its army better than I do. Whatever happened, they'll handle it in a few days."
"I don't know, man," I muttered. Some feeling of unease slowly building inside me.
"Listen," Marco said. "Just forget about it for now. What tools do you need?"
"I need a hammer, a saw for wood, and some pliers. The roof is leaking. It needs to be fixed before moisture gets in."
"I got you covered," he said.
He grabbed the saw and pliers from the desk, then went to the other side of the room and took a hammer from a barrel. And handed them all to me.
"Here you go, Keigo. Everything you need. Just make sure to return them by tomorrow — I have to finish this wheel by tomorrow night."
I looked at the tools. The metal was beautifully crafted and solid — nothing like what we could usually get here in Nivalis.
"Thanks, Marco."
"By the way, where did you get all these tools? They look way better than anything around here."
„A few days ago, a merchant from Naxana had his carriage break down not far from the village. I helped him, and he was selling tools. So i bought some and agreed to fix one of his wheels. I've been working on this wheel for the last two days."
"A lot of merchants seem to be having the same problem lately," I said.
"What do you mean?"
"Early this morning, another merchant had his wheel broken on the way to the Kinuki Bridge. I helped him fix it and bring him to the other villages close to Liva village."
"Don't you think it's intentional?" Marco asked.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Just think of it Keigo, we lack supplies, we have become so poor that we cannot feed ourselves, but have to export food from Vallaria. Many merchants from Naxana Empire come here due to that reason, and now many of those same merchants have their chariots broken, that could create a problem for our country, don't you think?"
I looked at the floor for a few seconds, thinking.
"I don't think so. Naxana lost a lot in the last war. They wouldn't start new conflicts over something small like this. Its true that they dont like Nivalis, but those merchants are making good money here. Why would they complain?"
„Also beacuse of the war they Naxana have forbidden trading with Nivalis. Every trading with Nivalis is forbidden for them, what would happen to those merchants if they said they were trading with Nivalis people? Those merchants make good money this way, they would not tell to anybody that they are trading with Nivalis. Or better to say, they have no one that they can say that they are trading with us."
"Ehhh…" Marco sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "You know I left the world of politics since that day, Keigo. But from where I stand now… this doesn't look good for us."
"You're thinking too much, Marco. A lot of time has passed since those days."
"I was always right Keigo, even back then…" he said, his voice growing quieter.
"Hey man," I said, "I didn't come here to talk about the past. I know it hurts you. It hurts me too. I lost a lot of friends in that bloody war."
„Huh?" he looked at me.
"I've already given up on those things, Keigo. Only memories remain. What's done is done, it can't be undone."
We stood in silence for a few seconds. The war… that hellish war… it had changed everything.
No one spoke a word for a few seconds, I thought about it, the war. The hellish war, that war that made us this way, that put us into this situation, I remembered it slowly. The memories of the war came to my mind, the soldiers, the uniforms, the battles, the pain and thousands of other things.
The memories just kept coming, passing through my thoughts, like shooting stars in a quietest night…
"Hey Keigo!" Marco's voice suddenly pulled me back.
"Are you with me?"
"Yeah… I am."
"It seems it hurts you more than me."
"Maybe."
"Ehhhh… You never changed. From the day I met you until now, you've always been the same guy."
"Is that bad?" I asked.
"Yeah, it is, Keigo. You still worry too much about everything — even the things you don't need to. You need to change that habit that you still carry with you."
"And why should I?"
"Because one day you'll carry that habit with you to the grave, and in such moment you'll feel guilty for everything you've done until now. That's why you have to change it, man. For yourself you have to."
"It's easier said than done, Marco. I've tried many times and it never worked."
"Change doesn't just require willpower, Keigo. things like that take time and the desire to leave them behind, so you can move on without thinking about it anymore, those memories will keep coming back, that's true, but in moments like that you have to move on. Because that way you'll be able to live your life without thinking about it anymore."
As he spoke, my breathing grew heavier. My chest tightened. I could feel that my lungs were not getting enough air. The images started coming again.
I saw it again...The battlefield, I could see it clearly in my mind. Fighting. The blood. The severed limbs. And the screams that never stopped. The red battlefield full with human blood. the flowers covered in blood. I saw the worst thing in my life again.
I saw, the cruelty of this world.
I could hear it. The endless crying of the people, their voices full of agony, curses and the desire to live, the pain that was constantly growing, and the mental health that was rapidly deteriorating, it was all coming, and I could see it. Hear it. And feel it all, again...
Stop!... stop talking!, please!... I screamed, unable to say it out loud.
"Take me for an example, have I forgot the war and all the friends that died on that day? No I haven't.
The friends… Talil, Sos, the big Dean, Danil… They all died during that war. Their faces appeared in front of me, they were all there, eating, drinking and smiling. Having fun in front of me, talking about how we passed our time all together. I could see them, all of them happy, they were looking at me waiting for me to come.
Dean rise his right arm towards me and waved, the others saw and turn their head as well toward me. They were all looking at me, I was about to rise my arm as well, but then, the picture changed. I could see their unalive corpses lying on the ground, red grass covering their faces, they were lying there, in the grass next to my boots. All of them dead, none showing any sign of life.
I could see it, I could feel it. Pain is a small word for the feeling I felt in that moment, pain, guilt, sadness, the feeling kept coming and I was about to puke. The feeling of insecurity grew to the point that my head started to hurt.
STOP IT! STOP IT STOP IT PLEASE!
"And I never will, but I have to, in order to keep walking forward I have to forget about them. Otherwise they will just drag me down like it used to Keigo."
"ENOUGH!" I shouted looking at the dusty concrete,
My legs were slowly giving out, and I couldn't bring myself to stand, I fell to my knees onto the dusty concrete floor.
Tears ran down my face. And I couldn't stop them, I couldn't bring to lift my arms onto my face, I was hopeless, exactly like on that day.
My vision began to blurry, my colors turned gray, my body hurted, and my head wanted to explode. My body started falling, and I couldn't stop it.
Talil, Sos, Dean, Danil. Just the mention of their names awakened that feeling, which I don't want to feel.
"HEY KEIGO!" Marco shouted, rushing toward me, grabbing my shoulders. "A-e --u ---y, --n? I—s---y, I di---- m--- t-—"
I couldn't hear him well. The faces of my friends were the only thing I could see. Their voices, their faces, their smiles were the only thing that I could see, before everything went black.
Suddenly I was outside, I was in a meadow looking at their backs, watching them as they walked forward.
"Hahaha! I can't believe you did that, Dean."
"I'm so hungry, guys…"
"You're too harsh, Dean…"
"I did the only thing I could at that moment. Hahahaha…"
"But still, you could've just ignored him?"
"What do you think, Keigo? Did I do the right thing?"
"HEY KEIGO! WAKE UP!" a certain voice called
"Come on! Why did I have to tell him all this… I knew about his past…"
"What's happening?" a female voice asked.
"Bring some water and sugar, Maria, fast!"
"Come on, dude! Wake up!"
I was lying on the ground. Slowly, I opened my eyes. Marco was leaning over me, he was shouting at someone, then he turn his look at me.
"You're awake!"
"What happened?" I asked, trying to sit up.
"I don't know… we were talking and then you started breathing heavily and just collapsed."
"I'm sorry, Keigo. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"I should be going now, Marco."
"Hey man, I'm really sorry."
"Relax. I'm not mad. It's just… when I talk about those things, especially the war and my friends… it doesn't feel good." I said as I walked toward the door.
"It brings me some bad memories."
Before I could open the door, someone opened them from outside and Maria stepped in.
"Keigo, here — drink this!" she said, handing me a glass of water.
"Thanks." I took a few sips. The cold, sweet water felt good going down my throat.
"Are you feeling any better?"
"Yes, I am, Maria. Thanks." I said stepping outside the workshop.
"Thanks for lending me the tools, Marco. I'll return them tomorrow for sure."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever man. Just be safe."
"I will, don't worry."
I turned around and started walking down the path toward home.
The cool wind blew against my face. It felt pleasant, almost calming. But the memories were already stirring again. I couldn't forget them, no matter how hard I tried. As I walked, the crunching of snow under my boots seemed to fade, and my mind drifted back to those cold nights on the bridge…
Flashback -
"Ehhhh…" Talil gasped, sitting on the boulder and smoking that cheap cigarette we all hated. "What the hell man… Why do we have to guard this crappy bridge? It's not like the trolls are going to come tonight."
Dean laughed a bit, rubbing his hands together. "It's because we're the lucky ones, Talil. The others are sitting in warm barracks, and enjoying while we are freezing our asses out here."
"Fuck this luck," Dean muttered, nibbling on a piece of hard bread. "Last night I dreamed I was eating real soup. Real, hot, with meat. I woke up in the middle of the night crying like a baby."
I laughed. "I cannot eat these bricks anymore, man. I want some soft, warm bread, not these stones. All my teeth hurt from them."
Talil and I broke out laughing while Dean just stared at us.
"When I come back from this shift, I will sleep for 3 days straight," I said. "Without any warnings. I will just sleep."
"And I'm going to eat until I burst," Dean added.
"When will you quit smoking that crap?" Sos asked Talil.
"Until I die," Talil replied, taking another drag.
"When did you even get those? Aren't they forbidden in the military?"
"Forbidden? For who? Me?" Talil laughed. "Nothing can stop me from getting these boys."
"Yo Dean," Sos called.
Dean turned his head. "What is it?"
"I've never been able to ask you before, but how do you manage to stay in such shape? You're built like a fucking troll dude. Just look at you — a living machine. What secrets do you keep?"
"Eh, it's not such a secret honestly, Sos. I just eat tons of food daily. I eat around 4-5 times a day, and when I say eat, I mean eat like a bear. That's the secret."
„Heh?"
"The more calories, the better."
"I know I said this to you before, but you are not a human."
The voices of my friends slowly disappeared alongside with the vision of them.
I blinked.
I was back on the path, snow crunching beneath my boots as I walked toward my house. My house was not far away now, probably around thirty meters. I didn't think about anything else on my way home after those memories. I walked in total silence, the only sound being was the snow crunching under my feet.
After a couple more seconds, I was already at the front door. I opened it and stepped inside. I took off my boots and went to the living room. There was no one there.
Everyone seemed to have gone somewhere.
From the kitchen, Maya appeared.
"Oh, you came back."
"Where is everyone?"
"You mean Lazar and Sarah? They went to his room not so long ago after you left."
Hmph!?. Sarah and my son… alone in the room?
"Hey, don't you think what I'm thinking,"
"Hm? What?"
"Them being alone in the room, dummy. You know a lot of stuff can happen."
"Dear Akira, Keigo, have you gone crazy?" Maya laughed. "Lazar is still sixteen years old. He's not stupid enough to do such things here."
"In Naxana you become an adult at sixteen, Maya. Who knows… a lot of things can happen very quickly. Their law on that could reach Nivalis. I've already heard that this rule applies to some villages close to their border."
"Keigo, stop being so stupid. This is Nivalis, not Naxana. And stop thinking of Lazar like that kind of person."
"Ehhh… Anyway, I need to borrow him to help me with the roof. Let me call him."
I slowly walked up the wooden stairs and stopped in front of Lazar's room. I could hear quiet voices coming from inside. I stepped closer to the door and waited, listening.
"Ehhh… I don't know honestly. What about you?"
"I would like to…"
UHHH?!?! What is happening in there?
I swallowed hard and knocked on the wooden door.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"Come in," Lazar answered.
I opened the door and stepped inside.
Lazar was lying on his bed. Sarah was sitting on the other side, looking at me.
"Sorry to interrupt you two."
"You weren't interrupting us at all, father."
"I will need your help to fix the roof, Lazar. Would you like to help me?"
"Yeah, let's do it." He said, getting up from the bed.