I fought down the urge to go back and change my world selection. There was no way I was wading through that sea of nonsense names again.
Finally, I turned the page to the next section.
Now that you have chosen your starting world, you can choose your starting powers/enhancements!
Depending on how "dangerous" the world you choose is, the more credits you will have to buy the things you need!
Please, look at each option carefully!
Alright, here we go. The good part. Now, my reckoning begins.
I looked at my current balance, helpfully displayed in the top right corner of the upgrades page.
Y$ 1500
…Huh? What the fuck kind of currency was that? How do you even pronounce it? Ye-wah-dollars?
For the sake of my sanity, I decided to simply call them "credits" and get on with the shopping.
There were many, many perks and powers available for purchase. The sheer volume of options was actually kind of disorienting. I read on regardless:
///// THE Y$
FOR PERKS, POWERS, AND MORE! /////
///// SINCE THIS IS THE STARTING BUYING PHASE, CREDITS THAT ARE LEFT OVER WILL BE LOST. /////
///// PLEASE SPEND THEM WISELY. /////
([X] = LOCKED)
Fun Fact - Y$ 50 // Looking at a building, huh? Did you know that three years ago, twenty homeless men masturbated there? Provides random trivia at random times. Can't be controlled.
Emotional Beeper - Y$ 50 // Like a landmine expert with a metal detector that works whenever it wants to. Provides emotional insight at random when chatting with someone. Can't be controlled.
Critical Hit - Y$ 50 // Make a slap tear someone's head off. Very, infinitesimally small chance of making a hit deal 100 times its own damage. Can't be controlled.
Lucky Fellow - Y$ 50 // What a normal day. Wait, is that 10 dollars? Neat! Occasionally blesses you with minor good fortune. Can't be controlled.
Perfect Grip - Y$ 100 // Want to grab something? Perhaps something slippery, aggressive, and/or murderous? Your grip is now completely flawless. Never let anything go again.
Sturdy Stance - Y$ 100 // Don't be a pushover! Stand your ground! Makes you more resilient against pushback. You shall not move from here.
1 Michelin Star - Y$ 100 // Mmm, fantastic! Make delicious food. Charm people, get to their heart through their stomach.
Extra-Health - Y$ 350 // Feel a bit out of blood? Well, carrying around some extra should do for now, maybe. Makes you less likely to die so easily. Can be bought up to five times.
Extra-Stamina - Y$ 350 // Get tired easily? Well, this isn't a permanent solution, but for now it'll do. Gives you more stamina to work with. Can be bought up to five times.
Melee Adept - Y$ 400 // Instantly become a seasoned melee fighter. Good enough to beat any normal warrior with ease. Punch your way through life.
Shooting Adept - Y$ 400 // Instantly become a seasoned ranged fighter. Good enough to win against any normal shooter with ease. Make a gun in your hand a strong argument.
Body Optimization - Y$ 400 // Optimizes your body. Erase extra kilos, add necessary muscles. Turn any body into a working machine.
Eyes Everywhere - Y$ 500 // Never be surprised again! Your vision now has awareness of everything happening within a certain radius. Having eyes on your back is an understatement.
Shadow Walker - Y$ 500 // They see a shadow? You see a door. Connects any and all shadows within a certain radius and allows you to travel through them at will. Mi casa es tu casa.
Morpheus' Embrace - Y$ 500 // Shhh. It's alright, don't question the stranger that just entered your home, just take a nap. Induces a deep sleep on a single target by touching them.
Powerful Stank - Y$ 500 // Can activate a cloud of toxic fumes that will follow you at will. Get everyone sick and/or dead with your disgusting odour!
Dandy Step - Y$ 500 // Flawless steps. Soundless, elegant, and effective. Gives everything you do a certain style not seen anywhere else. Deliver the greatest kicks.
Fate's Guiding Hand - Y$ 500 // Don't know where the plot is? Don't worry! Fate's guiding hand will ensure you stumble upon it one way... or another. Guarantees eventual encounter with plot relevant characters after a set period of time. Can't control how the meeting happens.
Roman Cancel - Y$ 500 // Overextended with a punch and about to get punished? Just Roman Cancel it. Allows you to cancel actions you performed, returning you to a neutral state.
The Sixth Sense - Y$ 500 // Something… something's wrong. Provides a sort of "feel" at certain moments. Avoid dangerous situations, choose the right options, trust in your jeevies. Can't be controlled.
Sharpest Shooter - Y$ 1000 // Allows you to shoot with absolutely perfect accuracy within a certain radius. Headshot every threat, win every piss-contest, kill someone with a coin.
Mightiest Puncher - Y$ 1000 // Allows you to hit with mighty and absolute precision up close. Make your punch hit anything, perfectly rip off a nail, perform the touch of death.
[X] Godly Physique - Y$ 1500 // You now possess a perfect, godly, natural physique that cannot be achieved by any normal means. Make your beauty and strength skyrocket!
Mental Shutdown - Y$ 1500 // Turn off the lights of anyone mentally weaker than you by a certain margin. Does not kill, merely "shutdown" their brains for a while. Lights out.
[X] Thick Skin - Y$ 2500 // Why don't I feel anything, you say? I was born with thick skin. Makes any and all mundane weapons completely useless against your skin. Break swords, stop bullets, tank missiles.
[X] Mentally Beefed - Y$ 2500 // Do you even think, bro? Beefs your brain up and makes any and all mental attacks useless against your brain muscles. Make any psychic shit themselves by existing.
Timeout! - Y$ 2500 // STOP!!! Stop time for a set period of time. Cannot interact with reality while this happens. Gives you all the time you need to come up with a plan while surrounded by loaded guns ready to fire.
1 MORE! - Y$ 4000 // Saves you from death once. Makes you reappear in your homebase. Can be bought multiple times.
The Regenerator - Y$ 5000 // Lost an arm? What are you talking about, it's right there! Capable of growing back any parts from your body once lost. Essential life insurance.
UNRELIABLE NARRATOR - Y$ 10000 // Everything going terrible? Well, maybe it didn't quite happen like that. Allows you to rewrite yourself out of a bad spot. Instantly used when bought.
THE WORLD - Y$ 15000 // The real time stop for big boys with even bigger pockets. Allows you to do as you please for a set period of time. Trivialise anything you encounter.
D E A T H L E S S - Y$ 20000 // Never fear from death ever again. Death is now your bitch and you're its master.
O M N I S C I E N C E - Y$ 1000000 // Grants omniscience. Know everything.
O M N I P R E S E N C E - Y$ 1000000 // Grants omnipresence. Be everything.
O M N I P O T E N C E - Y$ 1000000 // Grants omnipotence. Do everything.
Y H W H - Y$ 10000000000 // Invoke YHWH for a single favour.
///// THIS IS THE STARTING EMPORIUM /////
///// NEW, UNLISTED SKILLS AND POWERS MAY BE UNLOCKED WHILE YOU PROGRESS YOUR JOURNEY. CHECK REGULARLY /////
That… was a depressing amount of shit I couldn't afford.
I looked back up at YHWH, who I could apparently ask a favor of if I managed to gather a gazillion credits.
"Why are these ultra-expensive items listed if there's no way for me to buy them?"
After a few seconds of silence, I realized he had just completely ignored me. Fucker.
I looked back at the sprawling menu of perks and frowned.
Just… what the hell was I supposed to take?
I had a measly 1,500 credits to my name, and most of the truly good stuff was either way out of my budget or ate up half my funds in one go. If I chose wrong, I'd die very, very quickly—assuming this place was as dangerous as YHWH implied.
I thought about it. I weighed the options. And then I thought about it some more.
….
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