The curtain call for a Big Brother is never glorious.
They either get processed by the government and thrown in jail, lose everything and live out a crippled life, or, just while going out to eat a bowl of noodles, get blasted by some punk wanting to make a name for himself.
The term "dying in bed" (a good end) usually has nothing to do with a Big Brother.
On the day Liuzi died, Chen Qiang took us to the county seat and booked two rooms near the station.
Xu Rang and I shared one; he and Mustache Yang shared the other.
Actually, in Chen Qiang's heart, he didn't really trust me and Xu Rang—or rather, we were too young, and there were many things he didn't dare let us know.
After leaving us at the hostel, Chen Qiang took Mustache Yang and left in a hurry, doing god knows what.
Liuzi was dead. I didn't know how to describe my mood. Was it relief? Or fear?
With no more triad boss thinking about taking me out, I should have felt relieved.
Liuzi's death was inextricably linked to Chen Qiang, and even to me. I should have felt fear.
But I felt neither. I only felt numb.
"Xu Rang, do you think we can be Big Brothers in the future?" I asked softly, half-lying on the bed, looking at Xu Rang lying on the opposite bed.
Xu Rang took a drag of his cigarette and said uncertainly, "Probably, right? Isn't becoming a Big Brother the reason we came out to hustle?"
I just found it dull and sighed. "What kind of Big Brother is truly 'Big'? Was Liuzi big enough? In the end, didn't he get handled by Chen Qiang and die like a stray dog in the roadside weeds?"
Xu Rang was tongue-tied. My question caught him off guard; he didn't know how to answer me.
After a moment of silence, Xu Rang suddenly said, "Number Two, we came out to mix in society so that people wouldn't look down on us anymore. Do you still want to be like before, getting your face slapped by some piece of trash like Chen Xiang?"
I looked up at Xu Rang. His eyes were bright and spirited, as if he had realized something.
"I, Xu Rang, started following Big Brother when I was sixteen. Until today, really holding a knife to handle business for Big Brother... it's been five years."
"From the day I started hustling, I made up my mind. I, Xu Rang, will either make something of myself and stand out, or my head will roll, and if I die on the street, I won't blame anyone."
Either stand out, or head falls.
Xu Rang got more excited as he spoke and sat straight up on the bed.
"Number Two, today you might think Liuzi was a Big Brother, some hot shit (yao bu qi tai). But in the future, we're going to be much bigger Brothers than him. Like that Xu Muye—we'll make other bosses hand over their guns for him to shoot."
"We have to become the kind of Big Brothers that no one dares to handle."
My mood was shaken. Indeed, Liuzi got handled simply because he wasn't strong enough.
As long as I hustled until I reached Xu Muye's level, no one would dare handle me; only I would handle others.
Having tasted the marrow, I didn't want my mother to sell vegetables forever, nor did I want to never be able to lift my head, where anyone could give me two slaps.
Xu Rang's words ignited my ambition.
That's right. Since I'm mixing in this society, then I, Chu Shanhe, will either stand out or leave a corpse.
Just as I was about to say some heroic words to express my feelings, the door was pushed open.
Mustache Yang barged in, breathing out cold air, and laughed. "What are you two talking about? So excited."
Xu Rang and I looked at each other, both seeing a trace of panic in each other's eyes.
No matter what kind of Big Brothers we wanted to be, right now, we were still Chen Qiang's little brothers.
There are some words you can't say to others even if they beat you to death.
Fortunately, Mustache Yang didn't press further. Instead, his face turned serious. "Put your clothes on. I'm taking you to meet someone."
Meet someone?
I thought Chen Qiang brought us to the county seat to hide from the wind, to let the storm of Liuzi's death blow over.
Judging by Mustache Yang's appearance, did Chen Qiang bring us here because there was more work to do?
Mustache Yang didn't say, and Xu Rang and I couldn't ask more. We could only get up, put on our coats, and head out into the biting wind.
My forehead felt cool. I reached up to touch it and realized it had started to snow today.
Mustache Yang blew into his palms. "It's almost the twelfth lunar month. Let's finish the business in these few days and go home for a peaceful New Year."
I was about to ask what business was left, but Mustache Yang was already walking briskly toward a small restaurant opposite the hostel.
We were currently next to the county train station. At the train station, except for the trains, everything is fake.
Few people dared to eat and spend money next to the station, so this small restaurant was particularly deserted.
Chen Qiang's bald head was conspicuous; I saw it as soon as I walked in.
He was sitting at a round table with a middle-aged man who had greying hair but was definitely not old, whispering something.
Behind this grey-haired middle-aged man stood a row of men in black clothes. They looked just like us—scum mixing in society.
Compared to Chen Qiang, this Big Brother had an aura. He faintly had the same vibe as Xu Muye.
He didn't look like a gangster; he looked more like a successful business owner.
Mustache Yang led Xu Rang and me behind Chen Qiang and whispered, "Big Brother, I brought Number Two and Xu Rang."
Xu Rang and I called out "Big Brother." Chen Qiang gave a soft "Mhm" and said nothing else.
The grey-haired middle-aged man sitting opposite Chen Qiang, however, stared at me and Xu Rang with interest.
"Brother Chen Qiang, these two little brothers are so young. Are they reliable for the job?"
Chen Qiang smiled faintly. "Brother Xu Feilin, don't worry. Although they are young, they've handled quite a few things for me these past few days. Their hands are quite ruthless."
Xu Feilin. I heard Mustache Yang mention this name when Chen Qiang stopped Xu Muye's car before. Now I was seeing the real person.
It seemed his relationship with Chen Qiang was good, but he wasn't doing as well as Xu Muye.
Chen Qiang was much more relaxed in front of him.
Reflecting on their conversation, I suddenly had a bad premonition. Were they going to make me and Xu Rang do something?
Xu Rang and I exchanged a glance; there was unease at the bottom of both our eyes.
But Chen Qiang and Xu Feilin sat there without speaking, so we didn't dare open our mouths to ask.
Xu Feilin raised his wrist, checked his watch, and said indifferently, "The train to Yangcheng leaves in half an hour."
Chen Qiang nodded slightly, reached under the table, pulled out a black cloth bag, and threw it out.
The bag hit the table with a clang; there was ironware inside.
Chen Qiang lowered his eyelids, not looking back at me and Xu Rang standing behind him.
"Number Two, Xu Rang. In a bit, two people from Liuxiang Town are going to take the train to Yangcheng from here. You two... finish them off for me (ban si ta men)."
A corner of the bag fell open. Inside were two axes, daggers, army spikes, and two woolen hats meant to cover the face, leaving only the mouth and nose.
My lips moved, but I didn't agree immediately.
Chen Qiang said finish them off (kill them), not just handle them.
He wanted me to kill someone!
And in broad daylight, under the bright sun and clear sky, inside a train station teeming with people!