The morning of the Chunin Exam registration dawned bright and cheerful.
Roku was excited.
This was concerning to everyone who knew him.
"I've never taken the Chunin Exams before!" he said, practically bouncing as Team 7 walked toward the registration building. "This is going to be great!"
"You've never taken them because you spent eleven years failing the Academy exam," Sasuke pointed out flatly.
"Exactly! But now I get to try something new!"
Kakashi, walking behind them, had the expression of a man being led to his own execution. He had tried—desperately tried—to convince the Hokage that entering Roku in the Chunin Exams was a catastrophically bad idea.
The Hokage had agreed.
And then entered him anyway.
"Consider it a controlled experiment," Hiruzen had said, puffing on his pipe. "We need to understand the extent of his abilities. The Chunin Exams will provide... opportunities for observation."
"Opportunities for DESTRUCTION," Kakashi had countered.
"Tomato, tomahto."
So here they were.
Walking toward what would almost certainly become an international incident.
Sparky walked beside Roku in her human form.
She had refused to leave his side since the Wave Country mission. Refused absolutely. When Kakashi had suggested she might want to stay in Konoha during the exams, she had looked at him with eyes that crackled with enough electricity to power the village for a year.
"I will not leave him," she had said. "Ever. For any reason. Until the stars burn out and the universe collapses into nothing, I will be at his side."
"That's... intense."
"I am an intense being."
And so Sparky was here, walking through Konoha's streets in a form that drew stares from every direction.
It wasn't just her obvious beauty—though that was certainly part of it. It was the way lightning arced across her skin when she moved. The way her hair floated slightly, as if gravity was merely a suggestion. The way her eyes tracked every potential threat with the cold calculation of a predator.
Currently, she was glaring at a civilian woman who had looked at Roku for slightly too long.
"Sparky?" Roku asked. "Is something wrong?"
"That female was examining you."
"She was probably just being friendly!"
"She was examining you with INTENT."
"Intent to... be friendly?"
Sparky's eye twitched.
"You are impossible."
The registration building was crowded.
Genin from every major village had gathered—Konoha, Suna, Kumo, Kiri, and more. The air buzzed with tension and anticipation.
And the moment Roku walked in, something shifted.
It was subtle at first. A few heads turning. Some whispered conversations stopping mid-sentence. The general background noise of the crowd dipping ever so slightly.
Then someone recognized him.
"That's him," a Suna ninja whispered loudly. "That's the guy from the Wave Country reports. The one who—"
"I heard he turned into a GOD."
"I heard he caught PRIMORDIAL LIGHTNING."
"I heard he made Zabuza Momochi cry."
"HE MADE ZABUZA CRY?"
"Like a baby, apparently."
Roku waved cheerfully at the whispering crowd.
"Hi, everyone! Good luck on the exams!"
The crowd went silent.
Then, as one, they took a step backward.
"Why is everyone moving away?" Roku asked, genuinely confused.
"They fear you," Sparky said.
"But I haven't done anything!"
"You exist. That is enough."
A team from Kumogakure approached.
They were older than most Genin—probably in their late teens—and carried themselves with the confidence of experienced fighters. Their leader, a tall man with dark skin and white hair, stepped forward.
"You're Roku Tanaka," he said.
"That's me! Nice to meet you!"
"I am Darui. I've heard... stories about you."
"Good stories, I hope!"
Darui's eye twitched. "You caught lightning. REAL lightning. Our village has specialized in lightning techniques for generations. No one has ever done what you did."
"Oh, that wasn't really me. Sparky helped!"
He gestured at the lightning goddess beside him.
Darui looked at Sparky.
Sparky looked at Darui.
Lightning arced between them—a silent acknowledgment between beings of similar elemental affinity.
"You are skilled," Sparky observed. "For a mortal."
"That's... I'll take that as a compliment?"
"You may."
Darui returned his attention to Roku. "I came to warn you. Some of the other villages are... concerned about your presence. There are talks of forming an alliance to eliminate you during the exam."
"Eliminate me?"
"Kill you. Before you can become more of a threat."
Roku's face scrunched up in confusion. "But I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to take the exam and do my best!"
"I believe you. But not everyone will. Be careful."
Darui nodded respectfully and walked away, his team following.
Sparky's eyes tracked them, calculating, assessing.
"Seventeen teams have marked you as a target," she reported. "I have marked them in return."
"Marked them?"
"If they attack you, I will know. And I will respond."
"Sparky, please don't hurt anyone."
"I will not hurt them." Her smile was not reassuring. "I will simply... discourage them."
"That sounds like hurting with extra steps."
"You are learning."
The first exam was held in a large classroom.
Rows of desks. Hundreds of Genin. One very nervous proctor named Ibiki Morino, who had been briefed on Roku's... unique abilities.
"Listen up!" Ibiki barked. "This is a written examination. You have one hour to answer ten questions. The tenth question will be revealed in the final ten minutes. If you're caught cheating five times, you and your entire team are disqualified. Any questions?"
Roku raised his hand.
Ibiki's eye twitched.
"Yes?"
"What if I finish early?"
"Then... then you wait."
"Okay! Thanks!"
Ibiki stared at the cheerful young man for a long moment.
He had been warned. He had been THOROUGHLY warned. His briefing documents had included phrases like "reality distortion," "accidental divine manifestation," and "for the love of all that is holy, do not let him use chakra."
"Begin," he said, his voice slightly strained.
The test was designed to be impossible.
The questions were graduate-level analysis of ninja theory, chakra mathematics, and tactical scenario planning. They required years of specialized study to answer correctly.
The POINT of the test was not to answer the questions.
The point was to cheat successfully—to gather information without being caught, demonstrating the intelligence-gathering skills essential to any ninja.
Roku did not know this.
Roku simply looked at the first question, thought very hard, and wrote down an answer.
Question 1: Calculate the optimal chakra ratio for a standard transformation jutsu, accounting for the subject's mass differential and the target's surface area.
Roku's answer: "I think you should use as much chakra as feels right! Every person is different, so there's no one 'optimal' ratio. Trust your instincts!"
The paper glowed briefly.
Ibiki, watching from the front of the room, felt a chill run down his spine.
The answer was wrong. Completely, fundamentally wrong. There WAS an optimal ratio—it was calculated using standard formulas taught in every ninja academy.
And yet, as he watched, the test paper's QUESTION changed.
The words shifted, rewrote themselves, until the question now read:
Question 1: Describe the philosophy behind intuitive chakra control and its advantages over formulaic approaches.
Roku's answer was now perfect.
"What the f—" Ibiki started.
It happened with every question.
Roku would write an answer. The answer would be wrong. And then reality would retroactively alter the question to match his response.
By the time he finished the ninth question, his test was a perfect philosophical treatise on the nature of ninja-hood, completely unrelated to what the exam was supposed to cover.
And somehow, all of it was correct.
Ibiki called for an emergency consultation during the break.
"His answers are changing the questions," he reported to the ANBU observer. "Not the other way around. The TEST is adapting to HIM."
"Is that... possible?"
"Apparently."
"Should we disqualify him?"
"On what grounds? He's not cheating. He's not even TRYING to manipulate the test. Reality is just... cooperating with him."
The ANBU observer was silent for a moment.
"The Hokage warned us this might happen."
"The Hokage should have warned the UNIVERSE."
The tenth question was revealed.
"Here's the deal," Ibiki announced. "The tenth question comes with special rules. If you choose to take it and answer incorrectly, you will be banned from the Chunin Exams forever. You will remain a Genin for the rest of your life. But if you choose not to take it, you and your team automatically fail—but you can try again next time."
The room erupted in anxious murmuring.
This was the true test—not knowledge, but courage. The willingness to risk everything for a chance at success.
Teams began raising their hands, choosing to quit rather than risk eternal Genin status.
And then Roku raised his hand.
Ibiki's heart sank. "You... you want to quit?"
"No! I have a question!"
"...Go ahead."
"What if I answer wrong but it's actually right? Like, what if my answer becomes right after I write it?"
Ibiki opened his mouth.
Closed it.
Opened it again.
"That's... that's not how tests work."
"But that's what happened with the other questions."
"I know. I watched. It was deeply disturbing."
"So... does the same rule apply?"
Ibiki looked at the assembled Genin, all of whom were staring at Roku with expressions ranging from confusion to existential dread.
"You know what?" he said. "Everyone passes. The tenth question was a test of courage, and you've all demonstrated adequate courage by staying. Congratulations."
"YAY!" Naruto shouted. "I KNEW I'D PASS!"
"You didn't answer a single question correctly."
"DOESN'T MATTER, STILL PASSED!"
Ibiki looked at Roku one last time.
"You," he said. "You're something else."
"Thanks! You seem nice too!"
Ibiki had never been called nice in his entire career.
He didn't know how to feel about it.
The second exam was held in Training Ground 44.
The Forest of Death.
Anko Mitarashi, the proctor for this section, appeared in a dramatic burst of speed and kunai.
"Alright, brats! Welcome to the Forest of Death! For the next five days, you'll be fighting for survival against the elements, the wildlife, and each other! Each team has been given either a Heaven or Earth scroll! To pass, you need to collect both scrolls and make it to the tower in the center! Any questions?"
Roku raised his hand.
Anko's expression shifted from manic to complicated.
"Roku-kun," she said, her voice suddenly much softer. "What is it?"
"Is it okay if Sparky comes with us? She's not on a team, but she doesn't want to leave me alone."
Anko looked at Sparky.
Sparky looked at Anko.
The two women had met before, at the various Roku Appreciation Society meetings. They were, technically, romantic rivals.
They were also both aware that Roku was completely oblivious to their feelings.
"I will accompany him regardless of your answer," Sparky said flatly. "I am simply allowing him to request permission as a courtesy."
"She can come," Anko said through gritted teeth. "But if she interferes with the exam—"
"I will not interfere. Unless he is in danger. Then I will destroy everything that threatens him."
"Fair enough."
The exam began.
Team 7 entered the Forest of Death with their Earth scroll, Sparky floating protectively above them in her dragon form.
For the first hour, nothing happened.
They walked. They observed their surroundings. They strategized about which teams to target.
It was almost peaceful.
And then everything went wrong.
Orochimaru had been watching.
The Legendary Sannin, one of the most powerful and twisted ninja to ever live, had infiltrated the Chunin Exams with a specific goal: to find Sasuke Uchiha and mark him with the Curse Seal.
Sasuke's body would be his next vessel. The Sharingan would be his.
But there was a complication.
There was Roku Tanaka.
Orochimaru had done his research. He had read the reports from Wave Country. He had consulted with his spy network. He had even, through complex divination jutsu, attempted to observe Roku's true nature.
The divination jutsu had exploded.
Not failed—EXPLODED.
As if reality itself refused to let Orochimaru see what Roku truly was.
Interesting, Orochimaru had thought. A mystery. I do love mysteries.
So he had modified his plan. Instead of confronting Team 7 directly, he would separate them. Draw out Sasuke. Leave Roku behind.
It was a good plan.
It was a careful plan.
It was a plan that completely underestimated what would happen when Roku's teammates were threatened.
The attack came without warning.
A massive snake—one of Orochimaru's summons—burst from the undergrowth and swallowed Naruto whole.
"NARUTO!" Sakura screamed.
Sasuke was already moving, but another snake blocked his path, its fangs dripping with venom.
And from the shadows, Orochimaru emerged.
He was disguised as a Grass ninja—a woman with an unnaturally long tongue and predatory eyes—but his killing intent was unmistakable.
"Sasuke-kun," he hissed. "I've been wanting to meet you."
"Who are you?!"
"Someone who can give you power. Real power. The kind you need to kill your brother."
Sasuke froze.
Orochimaru smiled. The boy was already caught.
And then he noticed something.
The forest had gone quiet.
Not just quiet—SILENT. The kind of silence that preceded natural disasters. The kind of silence that signaled the arrival of something beyond comprehension.
Orochimaru turned.
Roku was standing at the edge of the clearing.
He was not smiling.
In all his time knowing Roku—which, admittedly, was limited—no one had ever seen him angry.
He was cheerful. He was optimistic. He was aggressively friendly to a degree that sometimes bordered on concerning.
But this...
This was different.
His expression was flat. Empty. His eyes, normally warm and kind, were cold in a way that made Orochimaru's ancient instincts scream warnings.
"You hurt Naruto," Roku said.
His voice was calm. Too calm.
"The loud one?" Orochimaru laughed. "He's fine. Just taking a nap inside my snake."
"You threatened Sasuke."
"Threatened? I'm OFFERING him something. Power beyond—"
"You scared Sakura."
Orochimaru paused.
There was something in Roku's voice. Something that made the Sannin's skin crawl.
"And you are?"
"I'm Roku Tanaka. I failed the Academy forty-seven times."
"Ah, yes. The anomaly. I've heard of you."
"I'm usually not very good at ninja stuff."
"So I've heard."
"I try really hard, but things always go wrong."
"How unfortunate."
Roku took a step forward.
The ground cracked beneath his foot.
Not from chakra. Not from force.
The earth simply... yielded. As if it was afraid to resist him.
"But when people hurt my friends," Roku continued, his voice dropping to something barely above a whisper, "I get upset."
Orochimaru felt fear.
Real fear.
For the first time in decades—perhaps for the first time in his entire twisted existence—he felt genuinely, viscerally afraid.
"What are you?" he asked, and his voice cracked on the last word.
Roku's eyes changed.
They didn't transform. They didn't spin or shift or glow with power. They simply... looked at Orochimaru.
And Orochimaru saw death.
Not metaphorical death. Not threatening death. ACTUAL death—his own death, in countless forms, across infinite timelines, every possible way his existence could end, all compressed into a single moment of terrible clarity.
"I'M UPSET," Roku said.
And black flames erupted from his eyes.
Amaterasu.
The highest fire release technique. The inextinguishable black flames of the sun goddess. A power available only to those with the Mangekyō Sharingan—and only to Uchiha who had awakened it through profound emotional trauma.
Roku did not have a Sharingan.
Roku was not an Uchiha.
Roku had no idea what Amaterasu was.
But his anger—his genuine, protective rage at seeing his friends threatened—had reached out and TAKEN the technique from somewhere. From some other timeline, some other reality, some dimension where this power existed.
And now it was his.
The black flames shot toward Orochimaru.
The Sannin dodged—barely. His left arm was caught, and the Amaterasu began consuming it immediately.
"IMPOSSIBLE!" Orochimaru screamed. "THAT TECHNIQUE—YOU CAN'T—"
He shed his arm. Literally SHED it, like a snake shedding skin, leaving behind a burning husk as a new arm grew in its place.
It didn't matter.
Roku's eyes were still producing flames.
And they were following Orochimaru.
Seeking him.
HUNTING him.
"Release my friend," Roku said. "Now."
Orochimaru made a split-second decision.
He dispelled the snake.
Naruto tumbled out, covered in gastric juices but alive and conscious.
"What the—ROKU?! YOUR EYES ARE ON FIRE!"
"Are you okay, Naruto?"
"I'M COVERED IN SNAKE SPIT BUT YEAH I GUESS—WAIT, YOUR EYES ARE STILL ON FIRE!"
The black flames extinguished.
Roku blinked, and his eyes were normal again—warm and brown and confused.
"Did... did I do something?"
"YOU SHOT BLACK FIRE FROM YOUR EYEBALLS!"
"Oh. Was that bad?"
"IT WAS AWESOME BUT ALSO TERRIFYING!"
Orochimaru watched this exchange from the branch where he had retreated.
His mind was racing.
The reports had mentioned reality distortion. Accidental divine manifestations. But THIS...
This was different.
When Roku was calm—when he was his usual cheerful self—his abilities manifested randomly. Chaotically. Powerfully but without direction.
But when he was angry...
When he was FOCUSED...
He had used Amaterasu. A technique that should have been impossible for him. A technique that belonged to a bloodline he didn't possess, awakened through trauma he'd never experienced.
He had simply WANTED to destroy Orochimaru, and reality had provided the means.
What happens, Orochimaru thought with growing horror, if he ever wants to destroy the world?
The answer came immediately: He could.
He absolutely could.
"This exam is no longer worth the risk," Orochimaru muttered.
He had come for Sasuke. For the Sharingan. For a new vessel to continue his immortality.
But Sasuke was a single prize.
Roku was a force of nature.
And forces of nature could not be controlled. Could not be contained. Could only be avoided.
"We're leaving," Orochimaru announced to his hidden subordinates.
But Orochimaru-sama, a voice responded in his mind, the invasion—
"Is cancelled."
CANCELLED?! We've been planning for—
"I am aware of how long we've been planning. I am also aware of what I just witnessed. That boy... that THING wearing a boy's skin... he used Amaterasu without a Sharingan. He used it because he was ANNOYED."
Annoyed?
"Not even truly angry. Just... upset. Mildly protective. And he produced an S-rank jutsu that should be impossible for anyone outside the Uchiha bloodline."
What does that mean?
"It means that if we attack Konoha while he's there, he might get ACTUALLY angry. And if that happens..."
Orochimaru shuddered.
"If that happens, I don't think any of us survive."
He turned to flee.
A hand caught his shoulder.
He spun, kunai raised—
And found himself face-to-face with Sparky.
The lightning goddess had appeared behind him without any warning. No chakra signature. No sound. Just suddenly, terrifyingly THERE.
"You threatened my beloved," she said.
Her voice was calm. Pleasant, even.
Her eyes were not.
"I'm leaving," Orochimaru said quickly. "I'm leaving and never coming back. The invasion is cancelled. I'll tell everyone about what he is. No one will ever threaten him again."
"That is... acceptable."
"Can I go now?"
"No."
Orochimaru's blood ran cold.
"What do you want?"
Sparky smiled.
It was not a reassuring smile.
"A message. For anyone who might consider threatening Roku in the future."
"What kind of message?"
Lightning crackled around Sparky's hand.
"A memorable one."
When Orochimaru's subordinates found him an hour later, he was unconscious and twitching.
His hair had turned completely white.
His skin bore the marks of electrical burns in a very specific pattern—words, written in lightning across his flesh.
The words read: "PROPERTY OF SPARKY. TOUCH AND DIE."
"Should we... should we heal that?" one subordinate asked.
"I don't think we CAN," another replied. "That's divine lightning. It's not a wound—it's a STATEMENT."
Orochimaru would carry those scars for the rest of his life.
He would never speak of how he got them.
But he would also never, EVER threaten Roku Tanaka again.
Back in the clearing, Roku was fussing over his teammates.
"Naruto, are you sure you're okay? You were inside a snake!"
"I'm FINE, dude! A little slimy but fine!"
"Sasuke, did he hurt you?"
"I'm... no. He didn't touch me."
Sasuke was staring at Roku with an expression that Sakura had never seen before.
It wasn't fear. It wasn't anger. It was something closer to... awe.
"You used Amaterasu," Sasuke said quietly.
"I used what?"
"The black flames. That's an Uchiha technique. One of the most powerful. Only someone with the Mangekyō Sharingan can use it."
Roku looked confused. "I don't have a Sharingan, though."
"I KNOW. That's why I'm..." Sasuke trailed off, shaking his head. "How did you do it?"
"I'm not sure. I was just really upset that someone was hurting you guys, and then my eyes got really hot, and then there was fire."
"That's not how techniques work."
"I know! Things never work the way they're supposed to when I do them!"
Sasuke was silent for a long moment.
"You were trying to protect us," he said finally.
"Of course! You're my teammates! My friends!"
"Friends."
Sasuke had not had friends since his entire clan was murdered.
He had not wanted friends.
He had wanted only power, only revenge, only the cold satisfaction of watching Itachi die.
But this strange, overpowered, completely oblivious man had just manifested an impossible technique—HIS clan's technique—out of sheer protective instinct.
Because he saw Sasuke as a friend.
"Roku," Sasuke said slowly. "When we finish this exam... I want you to teach me."
"Teach you what? I'm really bad at—"
"Not techniques. Not jutsu. Just..." He struggled to find the words. "How to care. Like you do. How to want to protect people instead of just... destroy them."
Roku beamed.
"That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me! Of course I'll help!"
And somewhere, in the depths of Sasuke's frozen heart, something cracked.
Just a little.
Just enough to let some light in.
Sakura watched this exchange with complicated feelings.
Part of her was moved by Sasuke's vulnerability—the first real vulnerability he'd ever shown.
Part of her was terrified by what Roku had done—the casual display of impossible power.
And part of her—a growing part—was falling deeper in love with the oblivious, kind, reality-breaking man who had just terrified a Legendary Sannin because he didn't like seeing his friends scared.
"Roku," she said quietly.
"Yeah, Sakura-chan?"
"Thank you. For protecting us."
Roku smiled at her—that warm, genuine smile that made her heart skip.
"Of course! That's what friends do!"
Friends, Sakura thought. He always says friends.
But maybe... maybe someday...
She didn't finish the thought.
She didn't need to.
Sparky reappeared a few minutes later.
"The threat has been neutralized," she reported.
"What happened to the creepy snake guy?" Naruto asked.
"He has learned an important lesson about threatening those under my protection."
"Did you kill him?"
"No. Death would have been a mercy. I gave him a warning instead."
"What kind of warning?"
"The kind that leaves permanent scars."
Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura all took an unconscious step back from the lightning goddess.
Roku just nodded. "Thanks, Sparky! You're always looking out for us!"
"I am looking out for YOU. Your teammates are merely... adjacent beneficiaries."
"That's not—"
"It is exactly what I said. But I will protect them as well, because their deaths would make you sad."
"Sparky, that's kind of—"
"I am aware of how it sounds. I do not care. Your happiness is my primary concern. All other considerations are secondary."
She moved to stand beside Roku, her hand finding his with practiced ease.
"Now. We should continue to the tower. You have an exam to complete."
The rest of the Forest of Death exam was anticlimactic.
Teams that had planned to ambush Team 7 took one look at Sparky—still crackling with residual fury—and decided that discretion was the better part of valor.
They reached the tower in record time.
The proctor stared at them.
"You're... you're early. Very early. The exam is supposed to last five days."
"We walked fast!" Roku said cheerfully.
"You didn't encounter any opposition?"
"Some people looked at us funny, but they didn't attack."
The proctor looked at Sparky.
Sparky looked back.
Lightning arced between her fingers.
"I see," the proctor said. "Well. Congratulations. You pass."
Over the next four days, other teams trickled in.
The tower became increasingly crowded as successful Genin gathered, waiting for the exam to conclude.
And every single team gave Roku a wide berth.
Word had spread.
Not just about what he had done to Orochimaru—though that story was making the rounds in increasingly exaggerated forms. But about what he WAS.
A walking catastrophe. A friendly apocalypse. A man who could manifest impossible techniques through sheer emotional sincerity.
"I heard he killed twenty ninja with a SNEEZE," one Genin whispered.
"I heard he made a Tailed Beast apologize for EXISTING," another added.
"I heard his dragon girlfriend branded Orochimaru like CATTLE."
"That one's actually true. Someone saw the marks."
Roku, completely unaware of his growing legend, spent the waiting period making friends.
He talked to the Suna team—including a terrifying boy named Gaara who seemed to have a demon inside him and a concerning relationship with violence.
"Your sand is really cool!" Roku said cheerfully. "It moves on its own! That must be really helpful!"
Gaara stared at him.
No one had ever called his sand "cool."
No one had ever talked to him like he was a normal person.
"You're not afraid," Gaara observed.
"Why would I be afraid? You seem nice!"
"I have killed people. Many people. The sand... thirsts for blood."
"That sounds hard. It must be lonely, having something like that inside you."
Gaara went very still.
"Lonely?"
"Yeah! Not being able to connect with people because they're scared of what you can do. I know how that feels."
"You... you know how that feels?"
"Sure! People run away from me all the time. I accidentally scare them without meaning to. It's frustrating because I just want to be friends!"
Inside Gaara, Shukaku—the One-Tailed Beast—stirred.
This human, the demon said. He's the one. The one who made us all feel fear.
He doesn't seem scary, Gaara thought back.
THAT'S WHAT MAKES HIM TERRIFYING. He's stronger than all of us combined, and he's trying to befriend you because he thinks your sand is "cool."
What should I do?
DON'T MAKE HIM ANGRY. Beyond that, I have no advice. This is unprecedented.
Roku spent thirty minutes talking to Gaara.
By the end, the homicidal jinchūriki had promised to "try being nicer" and was actively considering whether he might want friends.
His siblings, Temari and Kankuro, watched in stunned silence.
"Did... did that just happen?" Kankuro asked.
"I think Gaara just had a breakthrough," Temari replied, equally shocked.
"He was supposed to be our weapon!"
"Maybe... maybe he can be something better?"
Temari looked at Roku, who was now cheerfully waving goodbye to Gaara.
She felt her heart do something unexpected.
Oh no, she thought. Not me too.
The preliminary matches were announced.
Too many teams had passed, so one-on-one fights would determine who advanced to the finals.
The matchups were random.
And of course—OF COURSE—Roku's first opponent was a ninja who had spent the last four days loudly proclaiming that he would "expose the fraud" and "prove that Roku Tanaka is just a lucky idiot."
His name was Kabuto Yakushi.
He was smiling.
It was not a friendly smile.
"This should be interesting," Kakashi muttered from the observation deck.
"Interesting is one word for it," Asuma replied, lighting a cigarette.
"What's the over-under on reality-breaking incidents?"
"At this point? I've stopped betting. The bookmakers have all given up."
Roku stepped into the arena.
Kabuto stepped in across from him.
"Roku Tanaka," Kabuto said pleasantly. "I've heard so much about you."
"Thanks! I've heard a little about you too! You've taken the exam a lot of times, right?"
"Seven times, yes."
"Wow! That's dedication! I took the Academy exam forty-seven times before I passed!"
Kabuto's smile flickered.
He had expected arrogance. Intimidation. Some display of the legendary power he'd heard about.
He had not expected earnest friendliness.
"Yes, well," he said, recovering. "I'm afraid this will be your last exam. I have orders to neutralize you."
"Orders? From who?"
"Someone who is very, very interested in what you are."
Kabuto's hands began to glow with chakra scalpels.
"Let me show you what a REAL ninja can do."
He lunged forward.
Roku didn't want to fight.
He really, genuinely didn't.
Fighting meant someone might get hurt. Fighting meant conflict and pain and all the things he'd rather avoid.
But Kabuto was attacking him.
And his teammates were watching.
And Sparky was watching.
So he did the only thing he could think of.
He tried to block.
Roku's idea of "blocking" was to put his hands up and hope for the best.
What actually happened was significantly more dramatic.
His hands came up. Chakra—uncontrolled, undirected, impossibly vast—surged through them.
And reality... stuttered.
Everyone watching saw something different.
Kakashi saw a brief flash of the Sharingan's ultimate technique—Kamui—space folding around Roku like a protective shell.
Gai saw the Eight Gates opening—all of them, simultaneously, for just a fraction of a second.
Kurenai saw a genjutsu of such complexity that her mind couldn't even begin to unravel it.
And Kabuto...
Kabuto saw himself.
Not his current self—his true self. The self he hid behind masks and pleasant smiles. The spy. The traitor. The person who had sold his soul to Orochimaru for power.
He saw every terrible thing he had ever done.
Every lie he had ever told.
Every person he had ever betrayed.
And he saw what he could have been—who he could have become if he had chosen differently.
The vision lasted less than a second.
But when it ended, Kabuto was on his knees, tears streaming down his face.
"What... what did you DO to me?!"
Roku lowered his hands, looking confused.
"I just tried to block your attack. Did it not work?"
"YOU SHOWED ME—I SAW—"
Kabuto couldn't finish the sentence.
He was too busy having a complete psychological breakdown.
The proctor looked at the scene.
Looked at the weeping, emotionally devastated Kabuto.
Looked at the confused, apologetic Roku.
"Winner: Roku Tanaka."
"But I didn't even hit him!"
"You didn't need to. He's clearly in no condition to continue."
"Oh." Roku's face fell. "I hope he's okay. I didn't mean to hurt him."
"You didn't hurt him. You... I don't know what you did. But he's not hurt."
"Oh, good!"
Kabuto was carried out of the arena on a stretcher.
He was still crying.
He would continue crying for three days.
At the end of those three days, he would turn himself in to the Konoha authorities, confessing every crime he had ever committed and requesting imprisonment as penance.
His decades of service to Orochimaru would end not with violence, but with a single accidental technique that had forced him to confront his own soul.
When asked about it later, he would say only: "He showed me what I was. And I couldn't live with it anymore."
The remaining matches proceeded without incident.
Sasuke won his fight.
Naruto won his fight (barely, and with a lot of shouting).
Sakura won her fight (to everyone's surprise, including her own).
And through it all, Roku sat in the stands, cheerfully cheering for his teammates, completely unaware of the profound effect he was having on everyone around him.
That evening, the Hokage summoned Roku to his office.
It was not a pleasant meeting.
"Roku," Hiruzen said, his voice tired. "Do you have any idea what you've done?"
"I passed the preliminary matches?"
"You made Orochimaru flee. You terrified every Tailed Beast in existence. You caused a enemy spy to have a complete psychological breakdown and turn himself in."
"Oh." Roku's face scrunched up with worry. "Was that bad?"
"No. It was... it was genuinely good. Orochimaru was planning an invasion. Kabuto was leaking information to our enemies. You've single-handedly prevented catastrophes that would have cost hundreds of lives."
"Really? That's great!"
"But Roku... you don't have any control over these abilities. You don't even know what you're doing half the time."
"I know. I'm sorry. I really try to be careful."
"I believe you." Hiruzen sighed. "That's what makes this so difficult. You're not malicious. You're not even reckless, not really. You're just... you."
"Is being me bad?"
"Being you is terrifying. But it's also, somehow, exactly what this village needs."
Hiruzen looked at the young man—the failed Academy student, the accidental god, the genuinely kindest person he had ever met.
"The finals are in one month," he said. "During that time, I want you to train with Jiraiya—one of the Legendary Sannin. He's the only person I trust to even begin understanding what you are."
"Oh, cool! I've heard of him!"
"He's also a pervert and will try to use you as bait to meet women."
"That's... less cool."
"Welcome to my world."
Outside the Hokage's office, Sparky was waiting.
She had been listening—her hearing was far beyond human limits—and she had heard every word.
"The old man is wise," she observed. "He recognizes your value."
"I don't feel valuable. I just feel like I mess things up a lot."
"You mess things up in ways that save lives and change hearts. That is not failure, Roku. That is grace."
"Grace?"
"The universe works through you. Not because you try to control it, but because you do not. You are a channel for something greater than yourself."
Roku considered this.
"I just want to help people," he said finally. "That's all I've ever wanted."
"I know. That is why the universe chose you."
She took his hand—her lightning form solid and warm in his grip.
"And that is why I chose you, as well."
They walked home through the quiet streets of Konoha.
Above them, stars glittered in the night sky.
Around them, a village slept peacefully, unaware of the threats that had been neutralized, the invasions that had been prevented, the lives that had been saved by a cheerful young man who couldn't do anything right.
And in seventeen different locations throughout the village, women who were all in love with the same oblivious man looked up at those same stars and dreamed.
Dreamed of a future where he finally noticed them.
Dreamed of a moment where that warm smile was directed only at them.
Dreamed of love.
None of them knew about the others—not the full extent, anyway. None of them knew about Sparky's confession, or her claim on Roku's heart.
But they would find out.
Oh, they would definitely find out.
And when they did...
Well, that was a story for another chapter.
END CHAPTER 4
Next Chapter: "Training with a Pervert Sage, Befriending Another Tailed Beast, and the Harem Finally Compares Notes"
Preview:
"Roku, my boy! Let's use your natural charm to help me with my research!"
"What kind of research?"
"The kind that involves watching beautiful women in their natural habitat!"
"That sounds like spying."
"It's RESEARCH!"
Meanwhile, at the first official meeting of the Roku Appreciation Society:
"So we all agree—he's oblivious."
"Completely."
"Utterly."
"I literally confessed and he said 'that's nice, Sparky, you're a good friend.'"
"...You CONFESSED?!"
"I am a primordial goddess. I do not do subtle."
"AND HE STILL CALLED YOU A FRIEND?!"
"He is... special."
"That's one word for it."
"I have another word: INFURIATING."
"Agreed."
"So what do we do?"
"We team up. Pool our resources. Launch a coordinated romantic offensive."
"...Did you just describe our love lives in military terms?"
"I am a kunoichi. This is how I process emotions."
"Fair enough. Let's do it."