Chapter 22: A Lifelong Psychological TraumaLate night at the inn was originally bathed in peaceful moonlight, until two near-simultaneous, shrill screams like boars being slaughtered completely tore through the silence."Waaaaah!! Get away! Get away from me!! Don't wipe your snot on my soul!!"Haru bolted upright in bed, drenched in cold sweat as if he'd just been pulled from the water, his pajamas soaked through.His brain was still frantically replaying the final scene of that dream:Just as he was about to kiss Lady Eris's delicate cherry-blossom lips, that holy face suddenly distorted like a melting Slime. The next second, Aqua's face—with two streaks of crystal snot hanging from her nose and her mouth wide open in a moronic 'Wahahaha' laugh—shoved itself right in front of him with wild abandon.At that moment, Haru felt like his sexual preferences and his soul had been hit by a nuclear-level strike.At the same time, the sound of something heavy hitting the floor came from the next room, followed by Kazuma's wail of despair and self-doubt:"Why... why was there something weird there?! Lady Eris... no, that definitely wasn't Lady Eris! Haru!! You bastard!! What kind of weird settings did you add to my form?!"Five minutes later, in the inn's hallway.Haru and Kazuma met under the dim oil lamp, wearing messy pajamas.Both were as pale as corpses, with dark circles under their eyes so heavy it looked like they'd just climbed out of a mine.Haru was still death-gripping his staff, his eyes burning with a murderous rage to silence any witnesses.Kazuma, meanwhile, held his head in his hands, leaning against the wall and trembling, muttering, "She definitely poked me... that feeling was too real..."The kind of lines that could get him arrested."Satou Kazuma..." Haru gritted his teeth, his voice as cold as a polar glacier. "Aqua? You actually made Aqua appear at the last second? Are you trying to make me physically vomit every time I see something blue for the rest of my life? You psychopathic shut-in!""You have the nerve to blame me?!" Kazuma looked up, eyes bloodshot, pointing angrily at Haru. "I was holding Lady Eris! It was such a holy, blissful moment! And then! Then something I'm all too familiar with suddenly popped out from behind?! Did you add something weird to the Goddess in the dream?! You hopeless Futa-con! Give me back my innocence!!""That was to make you realize there's no such thing as a free lunch, only roses with thorns!" Haru shot back. "And I specifically told the succubus to use the highest-level Mimicry for that! Well? Was it a surprise? Was it unexpected? Did you feel a sense of 'men understand men best' resonance?""I'm going to kill you! I'm definitely going to kill you!!"Kazuma roared and lunged, getting into a scuffle with Haru.As Haru and Kazuma rolled around in the hallway, pulling hair and choking each other, a nearby door creaked open.Aqua walked out, rubbing her sleepy eyes, wearing a bubble-patterned nightgown and clutching a giant wine bottle."So noisy... what are you two doing in the middle of the night? Is this some weird ritual between men? Eh? Haru, why does your face look as disgusted as if you just ate a hundred Slimes?"Seeing Aqua's face, the shadows from the dream came rushing back like a tidal wave."Ugh... Blegh!"Haru's face turned green. He pushed Kazuma away and leaned against the wall, dry-heaving."Hey! What's with that reaction?! You see me and vomit? I'm a Goddess! I'm the beautiful girl Goddess Lady Aqua!" Aqua stomped her feet in anger and turned to Kazuma. "Kazuma! Teach him a lesson! He actually showed such a rude expression to a Goddess...""Don't touch me! Don't come near me!" Kazumascrambled back as if burned, staring in horror at Aqua's lower body (though there was nothing there). "Who knows if you're hiding some surprise too! This other world is too scary... Goddesses are too scary... I want to go back to Japan! I want to go home!!""Hah? You two are definitely crazy!"Aqua looked at them with disdain and went back into her room.It was then that Haru and Kazuma noticed a timid figure standing at the end of the hallway.It was the shop assistant they had seen at the Succubus Shop. She was wearing a large cloak and looking at them with a face full of guilt."Um... guests... I'm very sorry. Because your requests were so... so shocking, the sisters in charge of constructing the dream accidentally set the mana output to 'Realistic Sensation' mode while operating... So, um, if there's any psychological trauma, our shop offers a 20% discount on counseling services...""GET OUT!!"Haru and Kazuma roared in unison.That night, under the night sky of Axel, the dreams of two men were completely shattered, replaced by psychological trauma that would last a lifetime.Morning sunlight streamed through the restaurant windows onto the table. It should have been a day full of hope, but the atmosphere at the table was as heavy as if the Demon Kings Army was invading.Haru and Kazuma sat side-by-side on one side, yet it felt as if they were separated by an invisible Mariana Trench.Kazuma was curled up in his chair, staring blankly at the plate of fried eggs in front of him, poking the yolk mechanically with his fork, making one wonder if his soul had left his body.And Haru's situation was even worse."Hey, hey, Haru! Look, today's bread is so crispy! Wahahaha, I'm digging in!"Sitting opposite them, Aqua let out a bright (moronic) laugh. She opened her mouth, ready to take a big bite of jam-covered bread.The moment she opened her mouth, the image of 'eris instantly transforming into Aqua' in Haru's mind started playing on a loop.That crystal-clear snot, that distorted smile, and that moronic expression capable of destroying any male fantasy overlapped perfectly with the blue-haired woman in front of him attacking the bread."Ugh... Blegh!" Haru suddenly covered his mouth, his face turning from pale to a sickly green. A violent cramp in his stomach almost made him spray the undigested Red Frog Meat from last night onto the table."Hey! Not again!" Aqua slammed the bread onto the table and pointed at Haru's nose, screaming, "Ever since earlier, you vomit every time I speak! This is the fifth time! Even when facing the most disgusting Undead, I've never seen anyone make an expression like they're'seeing the end of the world'! You're blaspheming! You're targeting me, a beautiful Goddess!""Sor... Sorry... I just... when I see blue things, I just... Blegh..."Haru waved his hand weakly, burying his head deep in his arms, refusing to look up at her again."Hmph." Kazuma let out a cold snort from beside him, but he wasn't doing much better.He was sitting extremely stiffly, barely letting his butt touch the edge of the chair, as if some strange sensation still lingered there.He glared at Haru out of the corner of his eye and hissed through his teeth, "Serves you right. Compared to this visual pollution, I suffered a double critical hit—both physical and mental... Haru, you just wait. I'll settle this score with you sooner or later.""You two..." Megumin took an elegant sip of hot cocoa, her red eyes darting between the three of them before settling on the haggard faces of Haruand Kazuma. "Could it be that the tactical discussion you had behind my back last night was actually some kind of forbidden ritual that requires mutual harm? Looking at your dark circles, it's like your life force was sucked dry by a vampire. Especially you, Kazuma, why do you keep clutching your lower back?""Don't ask... Megumin. This is a man's secret, and a man's tragedy."Kazuma closed his eyes in pain, a single tear of regret falling from the corner of his eye."They've definitely been possessed!" Aqua slapped the table and stood up, radiating a holy (but annoying) light. "As the Goddess who guides you, I can't watch you fall like this! Come on, Haru, Kazuma! Accept Lady Aqua's holy Purification! I'll wash away all those dirty, disgusting thoughts in your heads that make me want to vomit just looking at them!""Stop! Don't come any closer!!"Haru and Kazuma screamed in terror at the same time.You've got to be kidding! If that moron Goddess's hand touched their heads, who knows what would be purified away!If even their IQ was purified down to her level, their lives would be completely over!Haru grabbed his staff, Kazuma grabbed a fork from the table, and the two of them jumped back in perfect sync, putting some combat distance between themselves and Aqua."Don't run! Stay right there! I'm doing this for your own good!"Aqua chased them wildly around the restaurant, holding up her nightgown and knocking over several tables and chairs.
Chapter 23: The Rule-Breaking CrusaderIn the inn's corridor, two pathetic figures were moving with extremely flashy footwork, zig-zagging in crazy, snake-like maneuvers, attempting to evade the blue unidentified object behind them that was emitting a holy white light and screaming about purification."Stop right there! You two, whose souls have been polluted! Do not flee from the Goddess's love!" Aqua was holding up her nightgown, and because she was running so fast, one of her slippers had flown off, but she didn't care at all. Her face wore a spine-chilling smile filled with maternal (idiotic) radiance, and her hands were gathering a light of purification strong enough to reduce any evil creature to ash."Dammit! Don't come any closer! If that light hits my head, I'll definitely turn into an idiot! I'll definitely become an idiot!"Kazuma shrieked as he slammed on the brakes at a corner, pulling Haru along with him.He leaned against the wall, panting heavily, staring in terror at the bouncing Aqua as she chased them. Then, he suddenly turned to Haru, a look of desperate determination in his eyes."Hey, Haru! Listen!" Kazuma grabbed Haru by the collar and lowered his voice, speaking with the urgency of someone giving their final words. "About last night... about you messing with my dreams, I'll let it slide for now! We have to stop hurting each other, or that Padded Goddess and Snot Aqua will become our nightmares for the rest of our lives!"Haru was leaning against the wall, gagging. Hearing the words'Snot Aqua' made his stomach churn again: "Urgh... don't... don't mention that word... I agree... a truce! An absolute truce!""Good!" Kazuma nodded heavily, a flame of what could only be called class struggle igniting in his eyes. "The primary enemy right now is that Dream Prototype! If she purifies us, we'll really be stuck drooling over that idiot for the rest of our lives! We have to team up and take her down, or at least get her to calm down!""Take her down? How?" Haru looked at Aqua, who had already reached them. Her enlarged face triggered his dream-induced PTSD once again. "My legs feel like jelly just looking at her, I can barely gather any mana...""Use that!" Kazuma pointed at the coin purse at Haru's waist, then toward the inn's lobby. "This idiot Goddess has only two weaknesses: money and booze! I'll distract her, and you take the chance to go to the front desk and buy the most expensive bottle of dew of remembrance! Once you throw that thing on the ground, she'll definitely pounce on it like a stray dog seeing a bone, and we'll use that chance to escape to the Guild!""Great idea! As expected of Scum-zuma, you're always surprisingly reliable at times like this!"Haru suppressed his nausea and forced a psychological suggestion of mental fortitude upon himself."I've caught you! Wahahaha! Prepare yourselves, you two filthy men!"Aqua had already lunged forward, her smiling face—complete with illusory snot—right in front of them."Now! Go, Haru!" Kazuma roared, and for once, he didn't run. Instead, he spread his arms to block Aqua. "Hey! Aqua! Look at tha—"Before Kazuma could finish, Aqua's standard Sacred Flying Kick landed squarely on his face."Get out of the way! Haru's soul looks even darker, I'm purifying him first!!""Pffft-wah—!"Kazuma went spinning through the air, smashing a vase in the corridor.Haru took advantage of the opening, suppressed his churning stomach, and bolted down the stairs, shouting to the innkeeper behind the counter:"Innkeeper! Quick! Give me that bottle of dew of remembrance for 50,000 eris! Hurry! This is life-saving money!!"As Haru's trembling hands took the expensive bottle of wine emitting a charming aroma, Aqua had already slid down the stairs, moving as gracefully as a hunting lioness."Let's see where you can run... eh?"Aqua's movements suddenly froze. The moment she caught a whiff of that wine's aroma, her eyes, which had been filled with the desire to purify, instantly dilated, even sprouting shapes of money and bubbles."Is that... is that Axel's legendary most expensive... dew of remembrance?"Aqua stopped in her tracks, the drool from the corner of her mouth flowing even more smoothly than the snot in the dream.Haru and Kazuma, who had just scrambled down the stairs with half his face swollen high, locked eyes and simultaneously revealed an evil 'just as planned' smile.Haru and Kazuma practically scrambled out of the inn's entrance. It wasn't until the fresh air of the street filled their lungs that the suffocating 'Blue Terror' finally eased slightly."Huff... huff... I'm alive. Haru, we... we finally escaped that devil's den." Kazuma leaned against a utility pole by the road, his dignity gone. Half of his face was swollen like a steamed bun, looking particularly pathetic in the sunlight, but his eyes shone with the light of a survivor. "That bottle was worth it! Even if it cost 50,000 eris, as long as it keeps that idiot Goddess away from me, I'd even agree to move bricks for a month!"Haru was about to mock how perfect his flying kick pose had been, but his attention was drawn to two figures not far ahead."Yo! Isn't it the two from yesterday? Why do you look so pathetic? Did you go and 'have a wild time' somewhere last night?" A crisp, pleasant voice called out. The silver-haired Thief girl, Chris, was standing prettily on the street corner, one hand on her hip as she greeted them.Her energetic eyes swept over their disheveled pajamas (they hadn't even had time to change into proper gear) and Kazuma's swollen face, and she flashed a mischievous smile."Chris... it's you." Haru's eyelid twitched instinctively at the sight of that silver hair; after all, the scene in last night's dream where she transformed into the Padded Goddess and Snot Aqua had been far too impactful.But Chris's bright smile was like a clear spring, instantly washing away the lingering filth in their minds.As expected, normal girls are the salvation of the world!"Oh! It's Chris!"Kazuma also looked like he'd found a long-lost relative, but just as he was about to go over and get friendly, he suddenly froze in place.Because behind Chris stood a Crusader with a figure that was... how should one put it? Extremely rule-breaking.She was a blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauty clad in heavy silver-white armor, but the design of that armor clearly couldn't fully restrain her impressive curves.In particular, the breastplate was pushed out to a startling degree, rising and falling slightly with her breath as if it might burst under the pressure at any moment.Her long legs were wrapped in tight-fitting clothes, and she exuded a noble and holy aura, but for some reason, her cheeks were currently flushed with an unnatural redness."Let me introduce you. This is my friend, and she's also a Crusader." Chris patted the knight's armor, which made a crisp metallic sound. "She heard your party was recruiting members and that you heroically subjugated a One-Hit Bear last night, so she specifically asked me to bring her to meet you. Although she's a bit of a straight-laced person, her defensive power is second to none in the Royal Capital!"The Crusader took a step forward, her eyes filled with an inexplicable expectation (or rather, a certain fanaticism). She stared intently at Haru and Kazuma, her voice trembling slightly:"I... my name is Darkness. As Chris said, I am a Crusader. I have heard of your deeds... It is said that your party not only forces an Arch Priest to resurrect the dead but also lets companions fall into all sorts of miserable situations... and even engages in shameful chasing and beating in the restaurant at dawn..."The more she spoke, the more excited she became, her breathing growing rapid as her hands tightly gripped the hilt of her Greatsword."That kind of... that kind of life where one is loathed by companions, ravaged by monsters, and even thrown into dangerous places as a decoy... Please! Please let me join! No matter what kind of suffering it is, no matter how indecent the orders are, I will block it all with this body!!"Haru and Kazuma exchanged a look, their joy of having escaped death instantly replaced by an even deeper dread."Hey, Haru." Kazuma shrank toward Haru's side and lowered his voice. "This woman... is something wrong with her head too? Why do I feel like the way she's looking at us is like a pervert looking at a long-awaited torture session?"Haru looked at Darkness's face, which was practically screaming 'Please come and ruin me,' then looked at the helpless Chris next to her, who was desperately signaling for help. He couldn't help but let out a silent wail in his heart.He thought they'd gotten rid of an idiot, but they'd only ended up attracting a pervert.Is there not a single normal female Adventurer in this world?!"Uh... Miss Darkness." Haru spoke tentatively. "The atmosphere in our party is indeed a bit... wild, but are you sure this is the... er, the style of adventure you're looking for?""Yes! Exactly this!" Darkness suddenly leaned in close, the scent of a mature woman and the coldness of metal hitting him simultaneously. Her sapphire eyes sparkled with a heart-pounding M-soul. "Please, order me around to your heart's content! Even if you treat me as a Meat shield and throw me into an Orcs' nest, it's perfectly fine! Ah... just thinking about that scenario, I'm already...""Alright, alright! Darkness, you're being too rude!" Chris quickly pulled her friend back, as she was about to enter delusion mode, and smiled awkwardly at the two. "Sorry about that, she's usually a good person, just... a little bit over-enthusiastic. So, what do you think? After all, with a Meat shield in front to take the hits, it'll be much safer for you to cast magic, right?"Haru looked at Darkness's rule-breaking figure, then at her utterly incurable personality, and fell into deep thought.
Chapter 24: Blackmailing ChrisOn the early morning streets, a faint scent of fresh grass lingered in the air, but the aura around Haruand Kazuma was gradually becoming distorted and dark.Haru stared at Darkness's stunning curves, which almost threatened to burst through her Crusaderarmor, then looked at her pretty face, which had turned beet-red from her shameful delusions, even letting out slight puffs of hot breath.To be honest, as a normal reincarnator, his logic told him to stay away from perverts, but his physical instincts were screaming: "How is this a pervert? This is practically a gift from heaven—a training sandbag with a perfect body!"Kazuma was clearly thinking the same thing.The swollen half of his face twitched slightly with excitement. He quietly moved closer to Haru, nudged him with his shoulder, and lowered his voice:"Hey, Haru. Do you see that? That... that illegal scale. I just used my Adventurer's intuition to estimate—armor of that thickness plus... *cough cough*... anyway, her defense is definitely monster-level. And most importantly—"Kazuma paused, revealing an extremely depraved smile, his eyes becoming deep and despicable:"Did you hear? She said she'd accept any kind of hardship or lewd command. What does that mean? It means we won't just have a powerful meat shield; when we're in a bad mood, we can rightfully use her as an emotional trash can, or even have her do... hehehe, things that would definitely make a normal girl call the police. And not only will she not get angry, she'll thank us with tears of gratitude!"Haru took a deep breath, trying to suppress the urge to grin, and responded in an equally low voice:"Kazuma, your thoughts are truly scum-tier. However... I'm of the same mind. Think about it, Aqua the idiot only causes trouble, and Meguminthe chuunibyou can only fire one shot a day; our team really lacks someone who can tank damage. Besides, since she craves being ravaged so much, isn't it an act of kindness for us, as her virtuous companions, to fulfill her wishes? It's a win-win!"Haru and Kazuma stood with their backs to Chrisand Darkness, their shoulders shaking in unison as they let out the kind of 'kukuku' laughter that only appears when villains are plotting."Um... you two?" Chris watched their suspicious backs, a chill rising up her spine.As the avatar of the Goddess of Fortune, her intuition told her that these two guys were planning something extremely unfavorable for Darkness(though Darkness might actually enjoy it)."Ahem!"Haru and Kazuma turned around simultaneously, instantly donning serious, aloof, and slightly impatient expressions.Kazuma crossed his arms, squinting at Darknesswith an incredibly arrogant gaze, his tone as cold as if he were looking at roadside trash:"Miss Darkness, is it? Chris recommended you, but our party isn't a charity. Looking at you, besides being decent-looking and having a body that's a bit in the way, can you actually be useful? Let's get this straight: in our group, if you dare to hold us back, I won't hesitate to use you as bait and throw you to those tentacle-covered slime monsters."At the words 'tentacles' and'slime monsters,' Darkness's body gave a violent shudder. A layer of mist instantly covered her azure eyes, her breathing grew more rapid, and she clasped her hands tightly over her chest, even letting out a faint moan:"Ah... bait... tentacles... that slippery feeling, being wrapped all over and unable to escape... Ugh! Please! Please do that to me! No matter how rough the treatment, I... I can take it!"Looking at Darkness as she was about to collapse to the ground, Haru sneered inwardly: She's hooked. This woman is even easier to handle than I thought.Haru stepped forward, using his staff to lift Darkness's chin, deliberately putting on a look of disgust:"Furthermore, as a Mage, my magic doesn't have eyes. In battle, if I accidentally hit you with a Fireballor Freezing spell, tearing your fancy armor to shreds and making you show that shameful side of yourself in front of everyone... can you accept that too?""Ugh...!! That kind of... humiliation of having my armor stripped by magic in front of everyone... Ah! Wonderful! This is the adventuring life I've dreamed of!"Darkness finally couldn't support herself and sank to her knees, burying her face in her hands as she let out sobs of extreme excitement."...I regret this." Chris covered her face, taking several steps back in despair. "I shouldn't have brought these people together. Darkness, your integrity is completely gone, and you two... you two are simply the finest specimens of scum.""Thanks for the compliment, Chris." Kazumashamelessly gave a thumbs up, then hauled up the still-aroused Darkness from the ground. "In that case, welcome to our Party of Scum and Idiots. Let's go, Darkness, to the Guild! Before that, we need you to meet our equally 'unique' Archpriest. I think you'll get along famously."Haru watched Darkness's swaying back as she followed Kazuma somewhat submissively, then looked at her 'illegal physique' that trembled with every step, and couldn't help but give himself a mental pat on the back.Although last night's dream was terrifying, today's reality... seemed to be getting interesting.Haru looked at Darkness, who was immersed in her own shameful delusions, then at Chris, who looked relieved to have finally offloaded a hot potato, and a sudden spark of inspiration hit him.Something's not right. This is very wrong.As a Mage determined to live a comfortable life in another world, how could he make a losing deal?Darkness might have an illegal body, but her personality was practically a walking human weapon (on a mental level).As her best friend, Chris must have suffered for a long time.Now that he was taking this big trouble off her hands, it was no different from helping Chrisdispose of a pile of high-risk nuclear waste!Haru suddenly stopped, barring Chris's path with his staff, a merchant-like smile on his face that was three times more sinister than Kazuma's."Wait a second, Chris. I've been thinking. Our party does lack a meat shield, but Miss Darkness's situation... well, you saw it. We not only have to be responsible for her safety in battle, but we also have to constantly endure mental shocks powerful enough to break a normal person's sanity. We're practically risking our lives just to carry her!"Kazuma, truly Haru's soulmate, instantly grasped Haru's intention.He immediately wiped away his depraved smile, replacing it with a heavy expression of being troubled and pained, as if he had made a great sacrifice, and let out a long sigh:"That's right, Chris. Look at my face; it's still bruised from Aqua's kick. If you add Darkness's 'condition' that could flare up at any time, I really doubt I'll live to see the day we face the Demon King. As her best friend, can you really bear to watch two pure youths like us perish because of such a heavy burden?""Pu... Pure?" Chris's mouth twitched violently. She looked at the faces of Haru and Kazuma, which were practically screaming 'give us benefits,' and couldn't help but take half a step back. "You two... you were clearly laughing more happily than demons just now! Besides, Darkness is a very capable Crusader; you guys are the ones profiting by having her join your party!""Oh, you can't put it like that." Haru narrowed his eyes, his tone becoming earnest. "Strength is one thing, but mental damages are another. If you don't give us some compensation for her joining, we can't guarantee we won't 'accidentally' forget her in a pile of monsters during battle. After all... the pressure is just too much.""Ugh...!! Being treated as a burden by my companions, even being tossed away like trash... Ah! This premonition of betrayal! Please! Please increase the intensity!!" Hearing their conversation, Darknesslooked like she was about to ascend to heaven right there, the clanking of her armor growing more frequent.Chris looked at her friend, who was beyond saving, then at the two scum pressing her, and finally slumped her shoulders in despair.She knew that if she didn't give these two guys a little something sweet, they really would do it."Fine, fine! I get it already! You two greedy, depraved jerks!" Chris stamped her foot in frustration, then looked at Kazuma and Haru. "As compensation, I can teach you some practical Thief skills! Especially you, Kazuma—your Luck stat is ridiculously high. It would be a waste not to learn [Steal] and [Lurk]!""[Steal]?! Is that the skill that lets you randomly take an item from the target?!" Kazuma's eyes instantly bulged, and he radiated an extremely dangerous, perverted aura. "Deal! Chris—no, Master Chris! Please teach me right now! I feel my soul has found its true home!""Hey, Kazuma, wipe that disgusting drool off your face."Though Haru spoke with disgust, he was overjoyed inside.Haru turned to Chris and raised an eyebrow: "And what about mine? I'm a Mage; while Thief skills are useful, is there something more... special? Like a small item that increases Luck, or perhaps... intel on some hidden treasures in this town?"Chris looked at Haru's insatiable greed and puffed out her cheeks in anger, looking as cute as a little squirrel:"You... honestly! Fine, since you're a Mage... take this!"Chris pulled a shiny little coin from her bosom and tossed it to Haru; it was engraved with a relief of eris, the Goddess of Fortune:"This is a Blessed Coin of Eris. It doesn't directly increase stats, but it can slightly lessen the impact when you run into bad luck. This is a non-sale item; if you dare lose it, I'll definitely sneak into your room and Steal everything you own!""Oh? Everything? Including the underwear I haven't been in the mood to wash lately? That doesn't sound like a punishment; it sounds more like a reward, Master Chris."Haru caught the coin and teased her with a flippant tone."You... you pervert! Kazuma, let's go! I'll teach you the skills now. Ignore this hopeless guy!"Her face bright red, Chris pulled Kazuma toward a side alley, clearly heading for a secret lesson.Haru stood where he was, fiddling with the coin in his hand, feeling the faint divine aura upon it, then turned to look at Darkness, who was still squirming in place.
Chapter 25: To Each Their Own GainsIn a secluded alley in Axel, the atmosphere was on an extremely delicate and dangerous edge.Chris was explaining the mana flow techniques for the [Steal] skill to Kazuma with a serious expression.As a veteran Thief, she clearly wanted Kazuma to use this move for righteous purposes—such as seizing an enemy's weapon in battle or reclaiming ill-gotten gains as a heroic Thief."Listen up, Kazuma. The core of [Steal] lies in the combination of intent and luck. You need to lock onto your target in your mind and then release your mana at that exact moment. Come on, practice on me first; I'll relax my defenses."Chris generously spread her arms. Although her expression was somewhat helpless, her manner of looking after her junior truly had the air of a goddess.However, Kazuma's current state clearly had absolutely nothing to do with righteous purposes.He was rubbing his hands together while winking at Haru, that perverted smile of his practically carving the word'scumbag' onto his forehead."Hehehe... Haru, did you see that? This is the divine skill of a Thief! Once I master this move, whether it's high-level materials or the wallets of those arrogant nobles, everything will be in my grasp! Wahaha, I feel like I'm just one step away from the life of a multi-millionaire in another world!"Looking at Kazuma's smug, villainous face, Harucouldn't help but scoff. He leaned against the wall with his arms crossed and pointed at him with his staff (which was currently being held by Darkness):"Enough, Kazuma. Talk is cheap. Chris is only taking it easy on you for the sake of friendship. If you've really got the skills, try practicing on me. I won't be as gentle as Chris; I'll resist with all my might. If you can't even Steal from me, you might as well change careers and become a manure hauler as soon as possible.""Oh? Haru, you asked for this!" Kazuma's gaze instantly became sharp, even carrying a hint of vengeful pleasure. "Don't think just because you're a Mage that I can't do anything to you. Watch me pull out the most valuable thing on you—like that gold coin you just got!"Darkness, who was watching from the side, was breathing exceptionally heavily now.She hugged Haru's staff tightly, her knuckles turning white from the force. Her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes darted frantically between the two men:"Ah... this scene of comrades plundering and bullying each other... it's so indecent, it's wonderful! Lord Haru, please do not resist; let him snatch away your treasure in front of everyone! That feeling of humiliation from being deprived... ooh, I want to experience it too!""Shut up, Darkness," Haru remarked expressionlessly, then beckoned Kazuma with a finger. "Come on, Perverted Kazuma, show me your luck.""Hey! You two, stop fooling around. Skill instruction is very serious..."Chris wanted to stop them, but it was already too late.Kazuma lunged forward a step, his right hand forming a claw in the air as he let out an extremely loud roar:"Take this! This is the strike I've staked my dignity on—Steal!!"A flash of white light flickered at Kazuma's fingertips.Haru felt a slight weightlessness somewhere at his waist as a pulse of mana forcibly penetrated his defenses."Success! Wahahahaha! I caught it!"Kazuma jumped up excitedly, holding his right hand high as if he were holding the whole world.However, when the light faded and he saw what was in his hand, Kazuma's smile froze.Chris's expression became one of extreme horror, Darkness's breathing stopped, and Haru... felt a sudden chilly breeze around his waist.What Kazuma was holding was not that shiny gold coin, nor was it Haru's wallet, but a pair of... pure white, still-warm, men's boxers."...Eh?"Kazuma looked down at the sturdy fabric of the underwear in his hand, then at Haru's body, which had instantly turned rigid."...Kazuma."Haru's face was dark. Since his pants had lost the support of their lining, he had to reach out and hold up his waistband. His tone was cold enough to freeze the entire street. "I knew you were a pervert, but I didn't expect you to not even spare a man's underwear. It seems last night's dream didn't wake you up.""No... No! This was an accident! This was an act of God!" Kazuma threw the underwear onto the ground like a hot potato and frantically wiped his hands on his clothes, letting out a tragic cry. "Why?! Didn't Chris say high luck would Steal good things?! Why did I Steal this bastard Haru's underwear?! My hands! My hands are dirty!!""Ah... Ahhh!!!" Darkness let out a scream loud enough to pierce the clouds. She covered her face, her body slumped against the wall like a noodle, and the gaze peeking through her fingers was full of ecstasy. "In the middle of the street... having one's underwear stolen by a comrade... such ultimate shame... Lord Haru, please use that move on me too! Please, I beg you!!""I knew it would turn out like this..." Chris covered her forehead, her entire being radiating a despondent aura of 'the world might as well end.' "Kazuma, your luck stat is indeed high, but your intent clearly skewed toward something strange at that moment. And you, Haru, why did you agree to such a ridiculous proposal?!"Holding up his pants, Haru walked silently up to Kazuma and revealed an extremely brilliant (cruel) smile:"Kazuma, since you like my underwear so much, you can wash it for me while we register at the guild. Wash it by hand, no magic allowed, otherwise I'll print that scene just now into flyers and distribute them all over the city.""Spare me—!!!"Kazuma's desperate wails echoed through the alley.On the streets of Axel, the group's composition appeared both conspicuous and bizarre.Walking at the very front was Haru, who was holding his waistband but whose pace was somehow inexplicably light and carefree. Closely following him was a dejected Kazuma, who was carrying a sturdy piece of white fabric in his hand as if his soul had left his body. And at the very back was the Crusader Darkness, clutching the staff, her face flushed as she stared at the back of the two men's heads with a gaze bordering on pilgrimage."Hey, Haru, slow down... Also, can you stop walking with that expression like you've discovered a new continent? You really look like a pervert!"Kazuma complained feebly. He now felt that the underwear in his hand weighed a thousand pounds; it was simply the biggest stain on his reincarnated life.Haru turned his head, feeling the unprecedented, unobstructed cool breeze on his lower body. The corners of his mouth couldn't help but curl up slightly:"You don't understand, Kazuma. This feeling of completely breaking free from constraints and becoming one with nature is simply a sublimation of a certain realm. I feel like my agility has increased by more than a little, and even my mana flow is smoother. Is this what they call 'Emptiness is form, and form is emptiness'?""What kind of sublimation is that?! You've just simply awakened as a pervert!"Kazuma growled frantically, then looked around guiltily, finding that passersby were all pointing and whispering."Ah... talking about such disrespectful topics in broad daylight, even being so open about such a shameful secret... Ooh! This party is indeed my final destination!"Darkness let out a sticky groan from the side. Because she was overly excited, she hugged the staff so hard that the poor piece of wood creaked.Pushing open the heavy doors of the Adventurers Guild, a wave of heat mixed with the scent of ale and sweat rushed over them.The originally noisy guild hall fell into a bizarre silence for three seconds the moment the three of them entered."Yo! Haru! Kazuma! You finally made it!"At the bar, Aqua was slumped there without any sense of decorum, still tightly clutching that bottle of dew of remembrance which was already half empty.Two suspicious red patches hung on her beautiful face. Seeing the two of them, she stood up wobbling and waved. "Look, look! This wine is really super delicious! Although it was very rude of you to throw up on my feet earlier, Haru, for the sake of this wine, this Goddess will magnanimously forgive you! Wahahahaha!"Beside her, Megumin, wearing an eyepatch and a pitch-black cloak, was staring deeply at the quest board. Hearing the commotion, she turned her head. Her gaze lingered on Darkness for a moment, and then she revealed a wise 'I understand' expression:"Oh? It seems while I was researching ultimate Explosion Magic this morning, you went and recruited some more strange fellows. This wavelength radiating an aura of depravity and longing... is it a Crusader? She looks like she has high defense; she should be able to withstand the aftershocks, right?""Megumin, forget about the wavelength." Kazumawalked over with a deathly pale face and slapped the underwear onto the table. "Quickly see if there are any quests to make money. I need the exhaustion of work to wash away the filth on my soul.""Eh? What's this? Haru's new handkerchief?"A drunken Aqua reached out, wanting to grab the underwear."Don't touch it! That's my underwear!" Harusnatched it back with quick eyes and hands, stuffing it into his shirt in one smooth motion. "Anyway, everyone's here. Aqua is an Archpriest, Megumin is an Archwizard, Kazuma is a Thief, this is our new member, the Crusader Darkness, and I'm a Mage. Looking at our stats, this party is simply ridiculously strong!""True." Kazuma rubbed his sore cheeks, his gaze gradually becoming sharp (lecherous) as he stared at the red commissions at the top of the quest board. "Since we have a tank, we can consider some quests we didn't dare take before. Miss Miss Luna! Is there a commission with extremely high pay, lots of monsters, and preferably where we can pick up expensive drops along the way?"Miss Miss Luna behind the guild counter gave a professional smile, pulled one out from the pile of commissions, and spoke with some hesitation:"Since you already have a Crusader, then you might want to try this emergency commission. It's an exorcism quest for an abandoned mansion on the outskirts of town. Because the number of evil spirits there is staggering, several previous parties have fled back due to mental breakdowns... but the reward is a full 300,000 eris!""300,000?!"Aqua and Kazuma's eyes simultaneously turned into the shape of money."Evil spirits? Mental breakdown?" Darkness's body began to tremble again. She clutched the collar of her armor tightly, her voice full of anticipation. "That kind of... terrifying place where one is entwined by countless ghosts, having their essence drained, or even having their body possessed to perform all sorts of shameful acts? Please, by all means! We must take this commission!!"Haru looked at this group of comrades, each harboring their own hidden motives (or rather, their own perverted psychologies), and felt the free breeze on his lower body again. He waved his hand grandly:"Good! Target: the abandoned mansion! Today, we'll let those evil spirits know what true terror is
Chapter 26: Megumin Needs to VentStepping out of the gates of Axel, the midday sun spilled across the plains, and a gentle breeze brushed past. Haru once again felt that exquisite, airy sensation.Haru even felt that his days of wearing underwear were a complete waste of time; the current him was a truly free man."Hey, Haru, can you stop walking around with that enlightened expression? If the hand holding up your pants slips, our team's reputation will be completely finished!"Kazuma whispered his critique from the side. He was currently carrying the drunken Aqua, who couldn't walk straight, looking as exhausted as an old dog."Don't worry about such trivial things." Haru waved his hand and looked at Megumin, who was puffing out her cheeks and staring intently at the distant horizon. "Megumin, what have you been muttering about? The mansion we're going to is on the other side of the forest."Megumin came to a sudden halt, her pitch-black cloak fluttering in the wind. She gazed passionately with her eye patch-covered eye (though it wasn't injured) at a massive, abandoned castle standing on the wasteland in the distance, her voice filled with frustration:"Haru! That exorcism quest is indoors, right? A place that narrow, dark, and where magic can't even fully expand is simply a desecration of Explosion Magic! If I don't get to fire a shot at that wide-open target today, I feel like my mana circuits are going to explode!"Haru looked in the direction she was pointing. Though the castle appeared aged, it still radiated a heart-pounding sense of majesty."Oh? That castle does look like a perfect punching bag." Haru rubbed his chin, completely unaware that it was actually the temporary residence of the Demon Kings Army General—the Dullahan, Beldia. "Since it's on the way, go ahead and vent, so you don't get cranky once we're inside the mansion.""Really?! Haru, you truly understand art!"Megumin's eyes instantly glowed red. She jumped up in excitement, then her expression turned solemn as she drew a complex arc in the air with her staff."Blacker than black, darker than dark..."That familiar, cringe-inducing incantation began."Ah... this powerful mana fluctuation... this overwhelming pressure that feels like it's about to destroy everything..." Darkness was already on her knees, hands clutching the turf, staring at the distant castle with a dazed look. "If that move were to hit me... Ooh! Just the aftershock alone makes me...""Beautiful! Megumin! Louder! *Hic!*"Aqua waved an empty wine bottle from Kazuma's back, cheering as if she were watching a fireworks display."[Explosion]!!!"With Megumin's final shout, a massive pillar of fire, powerful enough to pierce the sky, erupted directly above the abandoned castle!A terrifying shockwave swept across the entire plain. Even from several kilometers away, everyone could feel the scorching blast of air.A corner of the castle turned to dust in the firelight. The massive roar shook Kazuma so hard he nearly threw Aqua off.A giant mushroom cloud rose up. Megumincollapsed onto the ground like a puppet with its strings cut, but a look of intense satisfaction hung on her face."Huff... huff... that was amazing. Haru, did you see that? The point of impact was perfect." Megumin lay on the grass, her voice weak but her eyes sparkling. "It's decided! That will be my daily training ground from now on! One shot every day until that castle is completely leveled!""Haha, quite ambitious, Megumin."Haru looked at the smoking castle, completely failing to notice an extremely angry, metallic-sounding roar echoing from deep within its ruins.Haru simply thought the explosion was very stress-relieving; even the breeze on his lower half seemed to have become more rhythmic.Kazuma's eyelids twitched wildly as he looked at the half-collapsed castle:"Hey... Haru, even if that's an abandoned castle, is it really okay for us to just blow it up like that? What if some retired Demon King or a grumpy hermit powerhouse lives in there...""What's there to fear, Kazuma? We're an elite squad with a 300,000-eris commission." Haru picked up the drained Megumin, slinging her over his shoulder like a sack of flour. "Let's go! Before Aqua passes out from the booze and Darkness completely breaks, let's go to the mansion and get our money!"At the end of a gloomy, claustrophobic forest, the legendary abandoned mansion finally revealed its hideous face.Withered vines crawled over the gray-white stone walls, and broken windows looked like hollow eyes, staring intently at Haru and his group of unwanted guests."Huff... huff... finally here... Haru, I swear, you have to treat me to a feast when we get back. This girl Aquais at least three times heavier than usual when she's drunk!"Kazuma dumped the dead-drunk Aqua onto the stone steps at the mansion's entrance like a dead dog, then slumped down beside her, panting heavily without any regard for his image.Haru, on the other hand, appeared much more elegant.He supported the limp Megumin with one hand while the other still gripped his waistband tightly. Feeling the cold draft of the forest blowing through his lower half, he let out a satisfied sigh:"Kazuma, this is training. Look at me, I can still maintain such sharp senses while carrying Megumin. The Yin energy here is very heavy; the wind feels icy cold when it blows past, it's practically the highest-class cooling service.""That's not sharp senses, that's your pervert senses sounding an alarm!"Kazuma rolled his eyes and then looked ahead.The mansion's front doors swung open on their own, accompanied by a tooth-grinding creak.A thick stench of rot and the cold aura of death wafted out."Ah... it's here! This ominous premonition... this feeling of countless cold gazes peering all over my body!" Darkness had already entered a state of excitement. She drew her claymore, but her body was twisting incessantly, the blush on her face looking exceptionally eerie against the gloomy backdrop. "Come! Evil spirits! Whether it's possession or draining my essence, even if you make me a slave in this mansion for a lifetime... Ooh! Please, torment me to your heart's content!""...Someone save me, why did I join a party with these people?"Megumin, draped over Haru's shoulder, complained weakly; she didn't even have the strength to lift a finger right now.Just then, Aqua, who had been snoring on the ground, suddenly sat bolt upright.Her eyes, reddened by alcohol, stared deep into the mansion. Her originally beautiful face was now contorted with rage (or perhaps just the booze hitting her)."*Hic!* Who... who is disturbing this Goddess's sleep?!" Aqua stood up unsteadily, still clutching the empty wine bottle, and shouted at several white shadows floating in the Darkness. "You low-level Undead! How dare you radiate this stinking death aura in front of this Goddess?! Do you know how expensive this bottle of wine was?! Can you even afford to pay me back?!"The evil spirits in the mansion were clearly terrified by the divine aura Aqua emitted, which couldn't be hidden even in her drunken state. They shrieked and tried to flee, but Aqua clearly had no intention of letting them go."Don't run! Stand still! Take this... God Blow!! No, it's Sacred High Exorcism!!"Aqua vomited while wildly waving her hands, and a blue light so dazzling it was blinding instantly filled the entire hall.What should have been a solemn and holy exorcism ritual turned into a violent act resembling a high-pressure water cannon firing blindly in her hands."Waaaaah! Help! That blue-haired woman is crazy!""The stuff she's spitting out actually has purification properties! It's so hot! It hurts!"The evil spirits let out shrill screams. Their originally gloomy mansion was now being turned into something like a giant car wash by Aqua, with holy spring water (and vomit) mixed together everywhere.Haru watched Aqua's drunken rampage and couldn't help but remark:"While her form is hideous, her efficiency is indeed shockingly high. Kazuma, look, those spirits are being chased all over the house by her. This 300,000 eris is being earned way too easily, isn't it?"Kazuma looked at the wall Aqua had punched through, and then at Darkness, who was trying to rush forward to be possessed but got caught in Aqua's crossfire and was now rolling on the ground with a look of bliss. He let out a deep sigh:"Haru, have you noticed? Rather than evil spirits, our party looks more like a bunch of thugs here for a demolition..."Just then, a low and angry roar echoed from deep within the mansion, and a massive elite evil spirit wearing tattered formal wear slowly manifested.It looked at its home, which had been torn apart, and blood-red fury ignited in its eyes.
Chapter 27: ResolvedThat Elite Wraith own has made its move!It let out a shrill shriek, and the surrounding air seemed to freeze instantly. Then, a visible wave of pitch-black resentment centered on it swept toward everyone like a tsunami!"Waaaaah! Help! This damn thing is playing dirty; it's using its ultimate move!"Kazuma let out a miserable scream as he was sent flying by the shockwave, not forgetting to clutch his coin pouch tightly even while in mid-air.Haru also felt as if his chest had been struck by a heavy hammer, and his body slid backward uncontrollably.Because he wasn't wearing underwear, Haru felt the intense friction between his inner thighs and the fabric of his trousers. That burning sensation instantly made his mind incredibly sharp.Haru stumbled but steadied himself, not forgetting to quickly tighten his grip on Megumin, who was on his back like a backpack, to prevent her from being blown away."Ugh... this heavy pressure! This humiliation of being forcibly pushed away by cold mana... Ah! Again! Please, use more force!"Although Darkness was pushed back several meters, she didn't defend herself. Instead, she spread her arms to welcome the impact, falling into a state of near-broken ecstasy while her armor made a piercing scraping sound against the floor.However, the most somber atmosphere on the scene came from Aqua, who was sitting slumped on the ground.In the chaos just now, Aqua had subconsciously let go of the treasure in her arms to dodge the impact—that expensive bottle of dew of remembrance that Haru had used to lure her.With a crisp shattering sound, dark green glass shards scattered everywhere, and the mellow aroma of wine instantly filled the eerie hall. The crystal-clear liquid flowed away through the cracks in the floor, as if mocking Aqua's incompetence.A deathly silence.Aqua stared blankly at the shards on the ground. Her originally rosy face instantly turned pale, then turned a deep purple with rage at a visible speed.Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes like a fountain, but this time, it wasn't her usual spoiled whining; it was the prelude to true, divine wrath."The wine... My... My dew of remembrance..."Aqua's voice trembled as she slowly stood up. Her previous drunken stupor was completely evaporated by the fury that had been ignited.The blue divine light radiating from her had never been so dazzling, even forcibly dispelling the surrounding Darkness."You... You mere Undead! Do you know how much that bottle of wine cost?! Do you know how hard Haru worked to buy that bottle?! You actually... You actually broke it!!!"Aqua suddenly looked up, exuding an aura of awe-inspiring goddess-like majesty, even though she was roaring while blowing her nose the next second:"Pay me back! Pay with your life! You low-level evil spirit who hasn't even tasted the scent of wine! I'm going to purify you into pure water without even a speck of ash left, then use it to water the flowers! Waaaaah—!!!"The Elite Wraith own was clearly intimidated by Aqua's sudden outburst, and a hint of something called regret flashed in its blood-red eyes.It might be regretting why it didn't directly attack the man holding up his pants earlier instead of provoking this wine-obsessed crazy woman."Haru! Now's the chance!" Kazuma scrambled up from the ground and shouted at Aqua, who was frantically gathering power. "Aqua has entered berserk mode! Her intelligence hasn't changed, but her current output is absolutely off the charts! We'll cover her and take this ghost down in one go!"Feeling the warm airflow around his lower body due to Aqua's divine power explosion, Haru's lips curled into a wicked smile:"No problem! Since Aqua has spoken, I'll reluctantly send it on its way. Darkness, stop being in heat over there and get up to tie it down! Kazuma, get ready for the finishing blow! I'm going to give this mansion owner an electric surprise!"The air in the mansion's hall was nearly sucked into a vacuum by the violent mana.The blue divine light bursting from Aqua's body not only illuminated every dark corner but even instantly vaporized the low-level evil spirits hiding in the shadows."Disappear! Along with your wretched soul and this house that reeks of poverty, go as a funerary offering for my dew of remembrance—!!"With a shrill sob in her roar, Aqua pushed her hands forward, and a mountain-toppling wave of Purification Magic surged toward the Elite Wraith own like a tide.Haru took a deep breath and closed his eyes slightly.At this moment, he felt an unprecedented sense of "transparency."Without the restriction of underwear, Haru felt the electric ions in the air seemingly penetrate his trousers directly, creating a wonderful resonance with his skin.Haru raised his right hand high, mana gathering frantically at his fingertips as blue-white lightning instantly intertwined with Aqua's light of purification."If we're going to make a scene, let's make it a big one! Feel the thunder brought by the wind of freedom! Combination Skill—[Sacred Thunderstorm: Dance of Freedom]!!"Haru forcibly injected nearly half of the mana in his body into the spell.Since he had eliminated the mana obstruction caused by underwear (or so he believed), the conduction speed of the lightning was incredibly fast.The blue purification waves and golden wild thunder intertwined, forming a massive, spinning vortex of electric light that locked the attempting-to-flee Elite Wraith own firmly in the center.At this critical moment of the decisive battle, Megumin, who had been lying at Haru's feet, suddenly struggled to lift her head.Although she couldn't even move a finger, her red eyes burned with a flame called the refusal to be left out.She took a deep breath and began her mental attack with a loud voice that pierced through the entire scene:"Red of the abyss! I am the greatest genius of the Crimson Demon Clan, the wielder of Explosion Magic, Megumin! Though my mana has turned to dust at this moment, my will shall become the fuse of destruction! Blacker than black, darker than dark, I entrust my ultimate curse here... Perish! Turn to nothingness in the symphony of the sacred and the wild thunder! This is... (voice cracks) the prelude to the Ultimate Explosion—!!""Hey! That's enough, Megumin! Don't add extra drama at a time like this; I almost lost my mana flow from the second-hand embarrassment of your lines!"Kazuma frantically complained while clumsily dodging the splashing sparks of lightning."Ah... Aaaah! This ultimate destruction that gathers divine power, wild thunder, and the forbidden chant of the Crimson Demon Clan... Ooh! This is simply the most magnificent execution rack in the world! Please... please let me be swallowed by this light as well—!!"Darkness had completely given up on resisting. Her curvaceous body trembled in the lightning, and due to extreme excitement, she even tried to crawl toward the center of the explosion.BOOM—!!The sacred purification water underwent a violent energy collapse under the catalysis of the lightning.The Elite Wraith own didn't even have time to scream before it was completely purified into nothingness in this combination skill filled with absurdities.Immediately after, the violent aftershocks swept through the entire hall. The already shaky main beam of the mansion let out a heavy groan and then began to snap inch by inch."We did it... *hic*! My wine... Waaaaah..."After releasing her last bit of divine power, Aquaplopped down on the ground again and wailed, looking at her empty hands.Haru felt his lower body go a bit numb from the aftershocks of the thunderstorm just now, but that sense of transparency reached a new level.Haru scooped up Megumin, who was still chanting embarrassing lines, and shouted at the dazed Kazuma:"Don't just stand there! The house is collapsing! Take the goddess who's crying like a giant baby and that knight in heat, and retreat!!"
Chapter 28: Is It a Punishment, or a Reward?Boom!!With a final, deafening roar, the abandoned mansion that once stood deep in the forest, shrouded in mystery, crumbled before the eyes of the five of us, completely reduced to a pile of rubble emitting blue smoke, the smell of alcohol, and the acrid scent of burnt electricity.Holy Purification water mixed with broken masonry to form a muddy ruin, with a few stray sparks still dancing among the rubble, as if cutting the ribbon for this magnificent demolition.Silence.Except for Aqua's intermittent sobbing, it was so quiet that even the wind could be heard.Haru steadily adjusted his waistband, carrying a satisfied Megumin on his shoulder, feeling the heat in his lower body from the intense exertion being quickly carried away by the breeze, and let out a long sigh:"Whew, perfect. The evil spirit has been purified, and the gloomy aura of the mansion has completely dissipated. Kazuma, look, now the sunlight can hit the foundation directly. The lighting is so good.""Good my foot!!!" Kazuma finally exploded. He jumped up, pointing at the pile of rubble, his eyes nearly popping out of his sockets. "Haru! Look closely! That was an abandoned mansion, not a demolition site! The request was for exorcism, to have us clean out the nasty things inside so the client could renovate and move back in!"He tremblingly pulled the sweat-soaked request form from his pocket, pointed at the fine print, and roared: "Look here! If the main structure of the building is damaged, we must pay compensation according to its value! Although this mansion is a bit old, a building of this scale is worth at least tens of millions of eris! Our 300,000 reward isn't even enough to cover the shipping costs for this pile of rubble!""Waaaaah! My alcohol! My reputation! My 300,000!" Hearing the word compensation, Aqua cried even harder. She collapsed on the ground, kicking her legs wildly and splashing mud everywhere. "It's all Haru's fault! Why did you use lightning magic? Why did you cooperate with me? If you hadn't cooperated, I would have at most demolished half a wall!""Oh? Compensation based on value?" Darkness had somehow crept up to Haru's side. She clutched her collar tightly, her breathing becoming rapid and heavy, her eyes revealing an unsettling anticipation. "Because of owing a huge debt, being forced to be caught by the client, locked in a dark dungeon, and performing all sorts of shameful labor every day to pay off the debt... perhaps even being sold to those fat, gluttonous nobles as a plaything... Mmph! This kind of development... is simply the highest form of reward!""Shut up! Don't add fuel to the fire at a time like this!" Kazuma covered his face in pain and crouched on the ground, drawing circles. "It's over, it's all over. I haven't even gotten my first big sum of money after reincarnation, and now I have to shoulder a debt of tens of millions? What is the point of this life..."Haru, who had been immersed in the pleasure of free-casting magic, felt his high spirits doused like a bucket of ice water after hearing Kazuma's desperate mention of tens of millions of eris.Haru looked down at his hands, which were still holding up his waistband, and then at the pile of smoldering rubble, cold sweat finally trickling down his spine."Um... Kazuma, if I say that all of this was to completely eradicate the gloomy aura and for the sake of the client's safety, do you think he'll believe it?"Haru asked tentatively, his voice tinged with a hint of guilt."Believe you, my foot! If it were you, and you hired someone to clean your house, and they turned around and blew your house flat, would you pay them or call the police?!" Kazuma was on the verge of tears. He grabbed Haru by the collar. "Let's go! Back to the guild! While the client hasn't found out yet, let's see if we can find an excuse to muddle through... although I think that's almost impossible!"Thus, this elite party, which should have been returning in triumph, now looked like a group of defeated soldiers.Haru was still carrying Megumin on his back, who was sleepy from exhaustion with a satisfied smile on her face; Kazuma was dragging Aqua like a dead dog, who was still wailing about that bottle of alcohol; while Darkness followed behind with a flushed face, walking with an eerily light step, muttering dangerous words like dungeon, debt, and collateralizing her body from time to time.When Haru pushed open the heavy doors of the Axel Adventurers Guild, the bustling tavern instantly fell silent for a second.All the Adventurers turned their heads to look at the disheveled and miserable appearance of the group."Yo, isn't that Haru? What's up, did the exorcism mission fail?"A familiar Adventurer whistled and teased.Haru ignored him and walked straight to the counter. The receptionist, Miss Luna, showed a professional, sweet smile:"Welcome back, Mr. Lin Jin. Regarding the exorcism request for that abandoned mansion, how is the progress? The client just sent a letter asking about it, saying he can't wait to go back and see his ancestral property."Haru swallowed hard, turned his head to look at Kazuma, and found that the guy had already buried his head in his scarf, playing dead.Haru had no choice but to cough awkwardly, trying to make his tone sound as natural as possible:"Um, Miss Miss Luna. The mission was indeed completed; the evil spirit was purified until not even a scrap was left. However... because that evil spirit was just too tenacious, we were a little, really just a little, loud during the battle.""A little?"Miss Miss Luna keenly caught the keyword, and her smile gradually stiffened."It's just... the house now has excellent lighting. You can basically see the sun from any angle, and the ventilation is excellent; even the barriers between the walls and the roof have disappeared."As Haru spoke, he observed Miss Miss Luna's expression."Mr. Lin Jin, please be sure to tell me the result directly."Miss Miss Luna's smile completely disappeared."The house collapsed. It collapsed very thoroughly; it has probably become a pile of stone powder of this height."Haru gestured with his hand to a height at his waist.Bang! Miss Miss Luna slammed her head onto the counter, then tremblingly picked up an abacus and a thick stack of legal documents:"According to Article 127 of the 'Axel Adventurers Management Regulations', due to the Adventurer's improper operation causing devastating damage to the client's property... Mr. Lin Jin, the valuation of that mansion is... 34 million eris. After deducting your 300,000 reward, the debt you currently owe is... 33.7 million eris.""Pfft—!!"Kazuma spat out a mouthful of blood on the spot, collapsed on the ground in a spread-eagled position, and lost his soul."Waaaaah! I don't want to pay off the debt! I want to go back to the Divine Realm! Haru, you menace, give me back my 30 million!"Aqua pounced and started gnawing wildly on Haru's thigh."Over 30 million in debt..." Darkness covered her face, her body trembling violently, letting out a chilling, low laugh. "Does this mean... we have to do hard labor in this town for the rest of our lives to pay off the debt? Maybe even be taken by the creditor to perform all sorts of inhumane...""Shut up! Now is not the time for you to get off!" Haru pushed Aqua's head away. Although he was panicking inside, as the core (self-proclaimed) of this party, Haru decided to muster his last bit of dignity. "Miss Miss Luna, can we negotiate? For example... installment payments? Or we can go blow up another Demon Kings Army General and use their head to pay off the debt?"Miss Miss Luna looked up, her eyes full of pity:"Mr. Lin Jin, installment payments are possible. But before the debt is paid off, all of your party's income will be prioritized to pay off the interest. In other words... for the days to come, you might not even have money to buy underwear."Haru shuddered.No money for underwear? For me, is this a punishment, or a reward?
Chapter 29: A Call Smelling of MoneyIn the cramped, dilapidated room of that cheap inn in Axel, a sense of despair more heavy and suffocating than the ruins of the mansion now permeated the air.The dim, flickering oil lamp illuminated five dejected figures."Waaaaah—! Over thirty million! That's over thirty million! As a goddess who presides over water, I came to this world to enjoy the offerings of believers and high-class liquor. Why have I become a laborer burdened with massive debt! Haru! It's all your fault! You definitely aimed that lightning magic at the main beam on purpose, didn't you! You pervert without underwear, are you trying to take revenge on society, aren't you?!"Aqua rolled around on the floor with absolutely no goddess-like dignity, tears and snot smearing the ground. Her originally sacred blue eyes were now filled with accusations against reality, and her slender fingers pointed rigidly at Haru."Ha?! Aqua, you still have the nerve to blame Haru?" Kazuma lifted his head abruptly, his eyes bloodshot, looking like a precision instrument on the verge of breaking down. "If it weren't for you getting dead drunk and smashing that damn bottle of liquor, would it have triggered that tsunami-like purification rampage? That kind of power—forget a mansion, it could even wash away the Demon Kings Castle! And Haru, you guy, when you cast spells, just cast them. Why do you have to twist and turn and strike poses? What kind of ridiculous magic theory is that 'Wind of Freedom' anyway! Because you aren't wearing underwear, mana conduction is faster? Even a Slime next door wouldn't believe that!"Haru calmly pulled up his waistband, feeling the cool sensation between his thighs, his tone imbued with a detached, philosophical air:"Kazuma, you are too narrow-minded. The essence of magic is the extension of one's will, while underwear is a shackle imposed on humans by civilization. I merely cast off the shackles and returned to the most primitive state of spellcasting. As for the house collapsing… that only proves that the structure of that mansion had issues to begin with; it was a shoddy job. We were just helping the client identify safety hazards.""Identifying hazards to the point where the foundation is exposed?! That's demolition, that's violent demolition!"Kazuma frantically grabbed his own hair, letting out a whimper like a defeated dog."Since it was already destroyed, it should have been destroyed more thoroughly and more magnificently." Megumin, who had been leaning in the corner with her mana not yet fully recovered, spoke up quietly. Her red eyes flickered with a dangerous light in the Darkness. "If I had been the one to cast Explosion Magic at the time, at least the particle size of the ruins would have been more uniform, and it would have been accompanied by brilliant firelight, instead of being like this—everywhere smelling of fermented liquor and burnt odors. This is simply an insult to the art of destruction.""You bunch of people… are truly beyond saving."Kazuma collapsed onto the bed in despair.Just then, Darkness, who had been silent and even trembling slightly, suddenly spoke up.She gripped her hem tightly, her breathing as rapid as if she had just finished a marathon, the sickly flush on her face particularly glaring under the light:"Thirty… thirty-three million seven hundred thousand… If we work to pay off the debt at one hundred eris a day, we would need to pay for over nine hundred years… During this time, we would be kicked out for not being able to pay the rent and could only sleep in a damp, cold stable… We might even be taken to a dark basement by the creditor because we can't pay the debt, forced to wear shameful clothes, and subjected to all sorts of things in front of everyone…""Hey! What are you fantasizing about! Your drool is dripping onto the floor!"Kazuma recoiled in disgust.Haru looked at this room full of problem children. Although he felt his liver tremble at that astronomical figure, he also felt that now was the time to demonstrate his leadership (or perhaps his ability to bullshit):"Alright, stop arguing. Since the debt has already been incurred, shirking responsibility is useless. The most urgent task now is—we must take on a mission that can earn big money."Haru slammed his hand onto the rickety wooden table. The loud noise made Aqua, who was preparing for a second "sacred roll" on the floor, hiccup in fright.Haru puffed out his chest, his eyes filled with a desperate determination."Listen to me! Instead of hurting each other here, why not use that energy to make money! Just now, in the corner of the guild's bulletin board, I discovered a legendary high-reward quest that everyone has ignored!"After saying this, Haru pulled a crumpled quest sheet from his bosom. He had dug it out from the gap at the very bottom of the quest board on his way back, while Miss Luna was busy calculating accounts."Look closely! [Subjugate the King of the AxelSewers—Golden Sewer Crocodile]! Bounty: Forty million eris!"The room instantly fell into a dead silence. Forty million—this number was enough to cover that damn debt and even leave a few million left over for Aqua to buy the top-tier liquor that could make her drink until she blacked out."Forty million?!" Kazuma's eyes instantly turned into the shape of eris gold coins. He snatched the quest sheet, but his face immediately turned ashen. "Hey, Haru, are you blind? This says 'Extremely Dangerous,' 'Foul Odor Warning,' and that many veteran Adventurers have retired due to psychological trauma! That's the sewer! It's the gathering place for all of Axel's excrement! Fighting in there—what if you slip…""That kind of thing is not important at all!" Aqualunged forward, hugging Haru's thigh tightly. The previous resentment instantly vanished, replaced by a fawning smile. "Haru! You are truly great! You are a genius! You are a god (though I am a goddess)! What's a sewer? I am the goddess who presides over water; as soon as those filthy things get close to me, they will instantly be purified into pure mineral water! Fighting in there, I am invincible!""The sewer… dark, damp, filled with indescribable viscous liquids… and having to engage in hand-to-hand combat with a giant crocodile on the edge of a cesspool…"Darkness's breathing instantly became incredibly heavy. She hugged her shoulders with both hands, her body trembling like a sieve, her eyes unfocused as she stared into the void. "If I were accidentally bitten by the crocodile and dragged into the depths, my whole body would be covered in that foul-smelling stuff, and then I would have to return to the guild in that state, receiving the bounty under everyone's scornful gaze… Nng! This, this is simply… too wonderful! I apply to be the vanguard!""As long as it allows me to cast Explosion Magic, I'll blow up a cesspool for you to see."Megumin remained calmly leaning in the corner, but her slightly trembling staff exposed her current desire to vent her suppressed mood through destruction.Haru looked at this group of teammates, each harboring their own ulterior motives (and perverted desires), and revealed a twisted smile:"Very well, passed unanimously! Kazuma, don't get hung up on the smell; think about that thirty million debt! Besides, my current state is the most suitable for sewer combat. Without the restriction of underwear, my movements will be more agile, and even if I accidentally get something on me, there's one less piece of clothing that needs cleaning. This is called strategic weight reduction!""You just purely want to be a hooligan! It's definitely that!" Kazuma roared, but in the end, he helplessly lowered his shoulders. "Forget it, compared to being caught and sold by creditors, the sewer is the sewer… I'll state this beforehand: if Aqua's purification doesn't keep up, I will definitely abandon you all and run away at the first opportunity!"Thus, in the dead of night in Axel, a deodorizing strike team—burdened with massive debt and composed of a mage without underwear, a useless goddess, a hardcore masochistic knight, a chuunibyou Explosion loli, and an incredibly unlucky shut-in—officially set off toward the darkest corner of the city.When Haru stood at the entrance of the sewer, which emitted a complex odor, the moonlight shone on his staff, which was gleaming due to its freedom.Haru took a deep breath of the air carrying a mysterious fragrance and shouted into the bottomless Darkness:"Golden Crocodile! Wash your neck clean and wait for me! My lower half has already felt that call of yours that smells of money!"