Chapter 47: Kazuma, You Are DangerousAfter returning to the stable, Aqua clearly still hadn't recovered from the gentleness of Mitsurugi Kyouya, who was basically a walking ATM.After her ropes were untied, not only did she fail to reflect on her unruly behavior over the past few days, but she instead plopped down on a pile of hay, crossed her arms, struck a haughty goddess pose, and squinted down at Haru and Kazuma with the kind of look one gives to commoners."Hey, you two!" Aqua lifted her chin, her tone extremely arrogant. "Although you forcibly brought me back, I'm telling you, my standards have already been raised and can't go back! That guy Mitsurugi might be useless, but at least he knows how to worship a goddess. From today on, my breakfast must be chilled top-tier sparkling wine, lunch must be the specialty red crab from that restaurant in the south of the city, and also, I can't stay in this crappy stable for even one more second. Hurry up and take that 500,000 and rent me a mansion with a big bathtub!"Haru and Satou Kazuma stood side by side, looking expressionlessly at this mentally challenged goddess acting crazy on the hay pile.Kazuma picked his ear and turned to look at Haru: "Haru, did you hear that? It sounded like an unwashed duck was quacking earlier, it gave me a headache."Haru snorted coldly, slapping the thick stack of erisbanknotes in his hand until it made a loud sound: "I heard it, and this duck seems to have developed the delusion that I'm rich. She probably forgot that those 500,000 were the emotional damages and recovery fees Mitsurugi paid us, which has absolutely nothing to do with her, the 'trash to be recovered'."Aqua's expression froze. She looked at the money in Haru's hand, then looked at Kazuma's face, which was practically written with the word'scum', and her voice instantly dropped an octave: "Eh? Wait, wait a minute... You guys aren't planning to keep all that money, right? That was what Mitsurugi paid to save me, so rounding it up, that's my ransom money, which means it's my money! Hurry up and give me half! No, give me 400,000, and the remaining 100,000 can be your service fee!""Keep dreaming, you blue-haired parasite who only increases our debt!" Kazuma finally exploded. He took a sharp step forward, pointing at the pile of dirty clothes in the corner of the stable that was emitting a suspicious odor: "See those clothes? Those are what Haru, Megumin, and I have accumulated while you were missing these past few days. Because a certain Archpriest wasn't here, we didn't even have clean socks to wear!"Haru took the opportunity to pull out a huge bar of soap and a stiff brush from behind his back, slamming them down in front of Aqua with a slap: "Lady Aqua, since you like playing with water so much, for the next three days, you are staying by the trough behind the stable and washing all these clothes! Don't even think about using any Purification Magic to slack off. I want to see the foam you scrub out with your own hands, otherwise, your dinner tonight will just be white bread and plain water!"Aqua looked at the soap, then at the mountain-high pile of dirty clothes, and was struck as if by lightning. Her eyes instantly turned red, and large tears began to well up in her eyes:"—Waaaaah! You two devils! Scum! Scumbags! Mitsurugi would never make me do this kind of work! I want to go back! I want to go find Mitsurugi! He would definitely be crying while begging me to eat red crab!"She made a move to rush out of the stable, but was grabbed by the back of her collar by Kazuma."Save it. That guy Mitsurugi has probably already moved away overnight or left the city to take refuge. Even if you searched all of Axel, you wouldn't find him." Kazuma revealed an extremely cruel smile: "Haru, get the ropes ready. If she dares to step one foot out of the stable, we'll hang her on the sign at the guild entrance and write 'Water-purifying Goddess for rent at a low price, just provide food'.""Good idea." Haru grinned menacingly as he approached Aqua: "Or we could sell her to those breweries that need a large water supply and let her soak there for the rest of her life."Aqua was so scared by their intimidation that she curled into a ball. While sobbing, she picked up the soap from the ground, muttering incessantly: "Wuwuwu... My red crab... My sparkling wine... Even though I went to bother Mitsurugi for the sake of this party, why do I have to wash socks when I get back... This world is so unfair. That flat-chested goddess eris must be laughing at me from the heavens... Waaaaah!"Watching Aqua's back as she cried and scrubbed the dirty clothes vigorously, Haru and Kazumaexchanged a glance and let out a long sigh of relief simultaneously.Under a crooked tree outside the stable, Haru and Satou Kazuma were squatting in the shadows without any dignity, each holding a cheap skewer in their hands, gazing distantly at Aqua, who was wiping away tears while scrubbing socks vigorously in the distance.This quiet moment of leisure in such a busy life seemed particularly precious in a world like Axel, which was filled with idiots and explosions.Kazuma took a fierce bite of the meat and spoke indistinctly: "Hey, Haru. Although our party is full of guys with holes in their brains, if you think about it carefully, the configuration is actually quite luxurious, right? An Archpriest, an Archwizard, and a Crusader. If you put aside their hopeless personalities and just look at their appearances, they are actually above-average beautiful girls."Haru eyed him sideways, saying nothing, signaling him to continue that dangerous divergent thinking.Kazuma sighed, his eyes suddenly becoming a bit soft, even carrying a hint of a smile that he himself hadn't noticed: "Come to think of it, lately I have to accompany that chuunibyou girl, Megumin, to the abandoned castle in the suburbs to cast Explosion Magic every day. Although I have to carry that kid, who becomes like mush after casting it, for several miles every time, but... how should I put it, watching her chant those super embarrassing lines with a straight face, and then seeing that satisfied and pure smile in the huge explosion of firelight, I actually find that girl... unexpectedly kind of cute."Speaking of this, Kazuma's old face flushed, and he quickly stuffed another piece of meat into his mouth to cover his embarrassment: "Of course! I just think that 'dedication to dreams' is cute! I absolutely do not have any improper thoughts about that washboard figure!"Haru slowly turned his head, put down the skewer in his hand, and stared fixedly at Kazuma with a look filled with disdain and vigilance, as if he were looking at some kind of wriggling pest.That gaze was so sharp it was as if it were about to carve the words 'Lolicon' onto his forehead."Kazuma." Haru lowered his voice, his tone revealing a coldness like legal sanction: "Although I know you're a pervert, I didn't expect you to have reached this level of perversion. No matter how you look at her, Megumin is just a young girl who hasn't fully developed yet, right? That flat chest, those slender limbs, and that brain circuit full of chuunibyou vibes... You actually developed the dangerous emotion of 'cute' towards such an existence?"Haru scooted his butt back, distancing himself from him, as if he were carrying some kind of contagious disease called pedophilia: "Listen, Kazuma. In my hometown, this kind of behavior of yours would get you invited for tea, and then locked in a dark room to reflect for three to five years. If you really crave the warmth of a woman, that mentally challenged goddess over there washing socks, although not bright, at least has an adult-sized body; or that M-masochist Crusader Darkness who is hiding behind the hay pile peeking at us, looking forward to being trampled, would also work. But Megumin... Kazuma, you are really dangerous. Your soul has already begun to emit the scent of crime."Kazuma was petrified by this series of roasts from Haru, and the skewer in his hand dropped to the ground with a plop.He flushed red, jumped up abruptly, and waved his hands wildly at Haru:"Hey! Haru! You cut it out! I just said cute! It's the kind of cute you feel when looking at a neighbor's little sister or a pet! Who would have desires for that kind of kid who doesn't even need to wear underwear! And what's with that look of contempt? Don't look at me with that look you'd give a perverted murderer! I, Satou Kazuma, am the man who advocates gender equality the most. I haven't fallen so low as to make a move on a kid from the Crimson Demon Clan!"Although he shouted very loudly, that guilty tone and shifty eyes looked like he was making a final, dying struggle.Haru sighed, picked up the skewer again, and added a knife to the wound gloomily: "Is that so? Then next time when Megumin collapses after exhausting her mana, I, this upright mage, will carry her back, so as to avoid you, this 'dangerous Lurker', doing something irreversible on the way.""Don't even think about it! That's my task! That's for training my physical strength!"Kazuma jumped up like a cat that had its tail stepped on.PS: After much thought, I still hope that Kazuma and Megumin are a pair. I hope everyone will go easy on the criticism. I personally really ship this pair, but don't worry, the protagonist will naturally have the protagonist's treatment!!!Also, to all the dear readers, if you know Fanqie, could you help me promote it in the book circle~-,- If you are willing to leave a book review, that would be even better.
Chapter 48: Communication Between ScumbagsAfter being utterly roasted by Haru's accusations of being a lolicon, Satou Kazuma, following a brief moment of petrification, finally revealed his signature scumbag sneer, carrying a hint of malice and a "if I'm going to hell, you're coming with me" attitude.He tossed the remaining half of his skewer onto the ground, leaned forward, and locked his gaze onto Haru with that "if I'm going to hell, you aren't going to heaven either" look."Hey, Haru, stop putting on that holier-than-thou face and judging me." Kazuma lowered his voice, his tone filled with inducement. "Since you've excluded Megumin, let's lay our cards on the table.""In this party full of unique individuals, there are two left—that narcissistic goddess whose IQ is zero but whose face and figure are truly impeccable, and that Crusader who, despite having a broken brain, has extremely sturdy equipment.""Haru, as a man, hand on heart, tell me: which one do you actually prefer? Don't tell me you haven't had any crooked thoughts about either of them. We're all reincarnated people here, so don't act all high and mighty."Haru had been leisurely preparing to take a sip of water to moisten his throat, but upon hearing this, his movements paused slightly.Haru didn't blush or rush to deny it as Kazuma had expected; instead, he fell into a state of extremely serious and profound contemplation.He slowly turned his head, his gaze passing over Aqua, who was struggling with her socks, and landing on Darkness not far away, who was clutching her greatsword, her face flushed red from eavesdropping on the two discussing objects of desire, and even starting to pant slightly."Since you've asked so sincerely, I'll tell you with great mercy, Kazuma." Haru put down his water bottle, his eyes flashing with the fanatical glow of someone who had found a soulmate. "Although Aqua has a good appearance, as soon as I think of her crying, which can drag an IQ down to negative numbers, all my desires instantly purify into Sage Mode. But... Darkness, that's different."Haru swallowed, his tone becoming somewhat impassioned: "Haven't you noticed? Darkness's figure is practically criminal! Those curves outlined by her tight armor, that heaviness that feels like it could pop the buttons off her shirt at any moment, and those long legs that are full of power yet don't lose their feminine softness... This is simply a masterpiece of the Creator! And most importantly—"Haru slapped his thigh sharply, his voice involuntarily raising a few notches: "Her personality! That hopeless, completely hopeless perverted masochist personality! It hits my fetish perfectly! Just think, in this world full of hypocrisy and polite pleasantries, there exists such a superb woman who not only doesn't get angry at your sharp tongue and bullying, but instead shows that intoxicated expression of 'please, give me more,' and even trembles with excitement because you stole her lunch! Isn't this the ultimate dream of a man? This kind of interaction that requires absolutely no guilt and can even achieve a win-win situation is simply art, art!"The more Haru spoke, the more excited he became, even starting to gesture into the void: "That huge gap moe where she looks like a noble, high-minded knight on the outside, but inside longs to be trampled by monsters and humiliated by her companions... Kazuma, you don't understand, this is the romance of an adult! Compared to your protective instincts toward a young girl, my deep resonance with a perverted knight is the truly mature and healthy fetish!"Satou Kazuma listened, dumbfounded. He had originally just wanted to drag Haru into the water, but he hadn't expected Haru to start swimming freestyle in it, and even invite him to go diving together.He looked at Haru's righteous, even proud demeanor, and the corner of his mouth twitched uncontrollably."...Haru, I take back what I just said." Kazuma wiped the cold sweat from his face and silently scooted back two more spaces. "I think I'm just a little 'dangerous,' but you... you guy are simply hopeless. If Darkness had heard your whole speech just now, she would probably be so excited that she'd be performing 'The Self-Cultivation of a Knight (Masochistic Edition)' right here in the stables."Just as Kazuma expected, not far away, Darkness, having heard the keywords "ultimate dream," "huge gap moe," and "art," was already in a state of extreme agitation.Her hand, tightly gripping her greatsword, was trembling violently, her breathing had become abnormally heavy, and the flush on her face had spread to the base of her neck."Ah, ahh... Haru... you just now, you actually said... I'm a pervert? And said my personality is art? And even wanted to... do even more excessive things to me... Mmph, mmph!" Darkness bit her lip, looking at Haru with dazed eyes, and let out an extremely dangerous moan. "Please, please continue! Don't stop just because of Kazuma's words! That look of contempt from before... give me more!"Haru glanced sideways at Darkness, who was on the verge of crashing, face bright red and breathing rapidly, then turned to look at Satou Kazuma, who was full of disgust and wariness.An evil flame called mischief burned fiercely in his chest.Haru patted Kazuma on the shoulder and said in a deep tone, as if imparting some peerless secret manual:"Watch closely, Kazuma. As an older brother who has lived in this other world just a little bit longer than you, today I'll let you see what true masculine conquering power is. Dealing with this kind of high-spec but broken-brained woman, gentleness is useless; you have to strike precisely at her'soul pain point.'"Kazuma backed away a step, looking suspicious, and covered his chest with his hands: "Hey, Haru, what's with that scumbag expression? I'm warning you, although I really want to watch the show, if you go too far and get arrested by the guards, I will definitely pretend not to know you, and I might even actively provide testimony to send you to jail!"Haru snorted coldly, ignoring Kazuma's retort, and strode with an arrogant gait, step by step toward Darkness, who was clutching her greatsword, her delicate body trembling slightly.Haru walked up to her and didn't stop, but continued to press in until his nose was almost touching her golden bangs, which were damp with sweat.Darkness clearly hadn't expected Haru to be so proactive. Her already dazed eyes instantly lost focus, she froze in place, and a tiny, whimpering sound like a frightened fawn escaped her throat."Hey, you tank knight over there in heat." Harulowered his voice, his tone filled with that high-and-mighty contempt and coldness. "Do you think that just by panting a few times, I'll perform boring physical attacks on you like those useless monsters? Don't dream. A piece of trash like you who can't even hit a Slime doesn't deserve that kind of high-level treatment."Darkness's body jolted, her legs went weak and she knelt on the ground, hands propping herself up on the hay, the flush on her face almost dripping blood: "Ah, ahh... trash... don't deserve... Haru, you, you actually, in front of so many people... Mmph, mmph!"Haru didn't intend to let her off. Instead, he crouched down further, extended a finger, and extremely frivolously lifted her chin, forcing her sapphire eyes, filled with desire and shame, to meet his gaze:"Listen well, Darkness. From today on, you are no longer the noble Lady Lalatina, nor are you a respected Crusader. In my eyes, you are just a masochistic luggage rack who can't even wash clothes properly and can only indulge in self-intoxication in the stables while smelling horse manure. If you don't behave, I'll write your art theory from earlier on a big poster and stick it on the bulletin board at the Axel guild, letting all the Adventurers in the city see what kind of dirty and lewd fantasies this righteous knight lady hides in her heart...""Yaaaaaah!!!"Darkness let out an extremely shrill (yet filled with pleasure) scream, curled up in the pile of hay, writhing her body frantically, and even started rubbing her head against the pile of unwashed dirty clothes: "Too, too amazing! This kind of social annihilation... this sense of humiliation from being completely looked down upon by my companions! Haru! You, you are simply the Demon King reincarnated! Please, please write those posters even more excessively! It would be best to include the fact that I like being kidnapped by tentacle monsters! Ahhh, I'm about to... about to break!"Haru stood up, brushed the dust off his hands, turned to look at the dumbfounded Satou Kazuma, and revealed a smile that hid his merit and fame:"Do you see now, Kazuma? This is conquest. It doesn't require money, it doesn't require force, it only requires a little bit of 'deep understanding' of her soul. Now, as long as I crook my finger, this kingdom's premier defensive knight will willingly go and wash the rest of Aqua's socks for me, and will even thank me for giving her this opportunity to be humiliated."Kazuma's mouth hung open, the skewer in his hand dropping onto his foot without him even reacting, and it took a long while before he could squeeze out a sentence:"...Haru, you win. From today on, you are my scumbag mentor. But I'll say it again: stay away from me, I'm afraid I'll get dragged into it when you get struck by lightning."
Chapter 49: The LoserWatching the complex expression on Kazuma's face—a mix of admiration and disdain—the corner of Haru's mouth curled up even further.Haru brushed the dust off his hands as if he had just finished conducting a perfect symphony, then sauntered over to Kazuma's side with the arrogance and composure of someone who had been there before."What's wrong, Kazuma? Giving up already?" Harubumped into him with his shoulder, his tone filled with malicious provocation. "Look, even though you call me hopeless, at least I have the courage to face my own heart, and I have already succeeded in making this Kingdom's Crusader kneel on the ground and beg me to humiliate her. What do you call this? This is called initiative! This is called a man's spirit!"Haru reached out and pointed at Megumin, who was not far away, clutching her staff, blushing furiously, with eyes darting wildly between wanting to blow everyone up and being at a complete loss."And you, Kazuma?" Haru lowered his voice, each word like a barbed hook stabbing at his most sensitive pride. "Do you intend to hide behind the self-deceptive excuse of carrying her home for the rest of your life? To be a coward who only thinks she's cute in secret but needs an excuse just to talk to her? Or are you already prepared to be a loser who watches the girl he likes get taken by another man (though there aren't many normal men in this city anyway), and then can only hide in the stables and cry while drinking cheap booze?""Wh-who's a loser! Who has a crush on her!" Kazuma roared in a low voice like a wild cat whose tail had been stepped on, but his shifty eyes had completely betrayed him."Then prove it to me." Haru flashed a demonic smile and gave him a shove, the force just right to make him stumble a few steps toward Megumin. "Go, Kazuma. Show me the same energy you had when you were accusing me of being a lolicon earlier. If you don't even have the courage to have a normal conversation with that chunibyo girl, then you'll just end up growing old and lonely to the sound of Aqua's crying. Is that the future you want?"Kazuma steadied himself, took a deep breath, and a spark of something called unwillingness actually ignited in his previously decadent eyes. He glared fiercely at Haru and cursed under his breath, "Damn it... Haru, you really are a devil who plays with people's hearts! I'll settle the score with you when I get back!"With that, Kazuma walked toward Megumin with a stiff neck and heavy steps, like a warrior marching to the battlefield.Haru stood with his hands in his pockets, leaning leisurely against a crooked tree, watching Kazumawalk up to Megumin. He saw him scratch his head, then touch his nose, and finally blurt out something that almost made the distant Haru burst out laughing:"—Hey, hey! Megumin! Th-that... about tomorrow's Explosion Magic, if you beg me, I might consider carrying you back again! Also, your starting stance for casting Explosion Magic is too slow; it completely lacks the aura of the Crimson Demon Clan's number one genius!"Haru leaned against the crooked tree, originally prepared to enjoy an inspirational drama titled 'The Spring of a Good-for-nothing Boy,' but the plot development was like a carriage with failed brakes, crashing straight into the moat of Axel.Megumin froze.The moment Megumin heard Kazuma's comment about her starting stance being too slow, the blush on her cheeks instantly transformed into a glow of angry red.Her staff, inlaid with a huge magic stone, traced a sharp arc in the air, and with a crisp 'thud,' it landed squarely on the top of Kazuma's head."You vulgar mortal, with nothing but panties and eris on your mind! How dare you criticize the ritual of the ultimate magic!" Megumin stood with one hand on her hip, her staff pointing directly at Kazuma, who was crouching while holding his head. Her pose was so chuunibyou it was practically glowing. "That isn't slow! That is a resonance performed so that the magic power in the atmosphere may feel my majesty! Since you have so desecrated the art of Explosion Magic, from today on, you are fired! Satou Kazuma, you are no longer my follower, nor do you have the qualifications to bear my glory! You can just take your shallow theories and grow old alone in the stables!"Kazuma walked back to Haru, dejected and unsteady on his feet.The tiny bit of fighting spirit that had originally ignited in him was now extinguished, leaving not even ashes, and his whole person exuded an aura of 'let the world end already' decadence.Kazuma looked up at Haru, his eyes filled with resentment. "Is this what you called 'conquering,' Haru? I followed your advice to talk to her, and as a result, not only did I lose my job as a follower, but I was also almost given a concussion by that brat with her staff. Call me a loser? I think I'm even worse than a loser; I'm a total failure at life."Watching him look like he was about to cry, Harufought back the urge to burst into laughter and patted him on the shoulder. "Don't say that, Kazuma. At least you proved one thing—Megumin is indeed a tough character who doesn't hesitate to go for the kill, even when facing her crush (self-proclaimed). Isn't that a unique kind of charm?""Charm my foot! That staff is solid! Solid!" Kazumashouted in grief and indignation.Just then, Darkness, who was nearby, suddenly stopped running circles while carrying a large basket. She approached, panting, with an extremely twisted expression that was a mix of sympathy and excitement. "Um... Kazuma, although being publicly humiliated and relieved of your duties by a companion is indeed very... mmm, very enviable, if you really feel bad, I can share half of my luggage rack space with you. We can be written on the big-character poster by Lord Haru together...""Shut up! You hopeless perverted Crusader!" Kazuma finally found an outlet for his frustration and roared at Darkness.Meanwhile, taking advantage of the chaos, Aquahad already reached her hand into the pocket of Haru's coat hanging on a tree branch, muttering to herself, "Now's my chance... as soon as I get this stack of money, I can buy that bottle of fifty-year-aged 'Natures Beauty,' and then I can forgive these two beastly men..."Haru was quick to grab Aqua's wrist, flashing a smile that looked worse than crying. "Lady Aqua, if you want to buy wine, I have a better suggestion. I heard from Miss Luna that there is a mansion with miserable laughter, and I think that must be because the spirits there are lacking an entertainment talent goddess to perform Natures Beauty for them. As long as you go there and perform all night, I'll consider buying you wine. How about it?"Aqua's face turned pale instantly. "Eh? Gh-ghosts? Gross! I hate those disgusting things the most! I am a goddess, how can I perform magic for ghosts! Haru, you devil! Let me go! Waaaaah!"
Chapter 50: Potential RisksHaru watched the listless Kazuma, who looked as if he had lost his soul, squatting on the ground and drawing circles with a stick. He then glanced out of the corner of his eye at the tree not far away—Megumin's giant pointed hat was swaying as she peeked out uneasily.This genius girl of the Crimson Demon Clan was clearly caught in a self-inflicted dilemma of "Oh no, did I go too far?" Her red eyes were full of hesitation, yet she stubbornly refused to take a step forward because of that cursed Crimson Demon Clan pride.Haru sighed, thinking that as the only relationship counselor (the sadistic version) in this party, if he didn't help these two out, this farce would probably drag on until tomorrow morning.A mischievous smirk curled at the corner of Haru's mouth. He deliberately raised his voice and said to Kazuma in a tone full of regret and lamentation:"Sigh, Kazuma, don't be too sad. Although you've been fired by Megumin, look at it from another perspective—this is actually a good thing! Think about it, from now on you won't have to carry that heavy-as-lead, useless-after-firing-one-shot former follower for miles every day. Not only will your back be saved, but you'll also have plenty of time to hit on other beautiful girl Adventurers. I heard that a few assassins with amazing figures recently joined the guild. How about big brother takes you to check them out tonight?"Kazuma, who was squatting on the ground, was stunned for a moment. He hadn't yet processed Haru's assist and was just about to make a snarky comment following Haru's words when Harusuddenly changed the subject, his tone becoming somewhat deep:"But truthfully, that child Megumin has it pretty rough, too. With her personality, besides a man with good temper (and no integrity) like you, probably no one else can stand her quirk of exploding something every day, right? Now that you've been fired, when she runs out of mana and collapses in the wilderness, she'll probably just have to fend for herself, or wait to be picked up by passing Orcs. Tsk tsk, how pitiful. A genius mage, yet in the end, she'll become monster feed just because there's no one to carry her...""Who, who would become monster feed!!!"As expected, accompanied by a scream filled with shame and anger, Megumin could finally no longer hold back and rushed out from behind the tree like a red cannonball.Her face flushed red as she brandished her magic staff, running aggressively in front of the two, though her eyes were too guilty to look at Kazuma."Haru! Stop spouting nonsense! I am Megumin! The number one genius of the Crimson Demon Clan! How could I be defeated by such low-level monsters... Mmph, mph!"She snuck a glance at Kazuma and found him staring at her blankly, so she quickly coughed hard and forced a stern face. "That... Kazuma! Regarding that firing from earlier, I have thought about it carefully. As an elite of the Crimson Demon Clan, one should not easily give up just because of a follower's slight stupidity. So... so I have decided to give you a chance on probation! If you sincerely apologize to me now and promise not to criticize my incantations in the future, I will reluctantly allow you to continue to bear my glory!"Kazuma looked at Megumin's tsundere posture—clearly regretting it to death yet still acting as if she were bestowing a favor—and the bit of grievance in his heart instantly vanished.He stood up, brushed the dust off his backside, and revealed that punchable smile:"Huh? Apologize? You were the one who hit me with your staff first! But whatever, since you're begging me like this, I'll magnanimously continue to be your follower. After all, without me, a brat like you who can do nothing but Explosion Magic would really find it hard to survive in Axel.""Who are you calling a brat! You sadistic Kazuma! Apologize! Hurry and apologize to me!"Watching the two return to their familiar bickering mode, Haru stepped back in satisfaction, hiding his accomplishments and fame.At this moment, Darkness, who had been observing from the side, leaned in, her eyes flashing with a kind of strange worship:"Lord Haru... your method of manipulating their psychology just now was truly exquisite. This feeling of being played in the palm of your hand, if it were used on me... Ah, just thinking about it makes me...""Go over there and keep carrying your basket!" Harupointed expressionlessly toward the stable.In the following days, the mornings in Axel always began with a rhythm so consistent it was terrifying.Not long after the sun rose every day, Haru would see Satou Kazuma, with a tragic expression, carrying that short girl who had a huge magic staff on her back and wore an exaggerated pointed hat, walking unsteadily toward the outskirts of the city.Megumin would lie on Kazuma's back, pointing out the landscape with great enthusiasm, as if she weren't going to cast a spell that would knock her out after one shot, but rather as a queen setting out to conquer the world."Hey, Kazuma! Today's wind direction is very favorable for the spread of my Explosion Magic! I can already feel it; above that abandoned castle, the mana is cheering like boiling lava!" Megumin waved her little fists excitedly on Kazuma's back."Yes, yes, yes, the mana is cheering, and my lumbar spine is also making its final wail." Kazuma rolled his eyes. Although he complained heavily, his steps were steadier than anyone's. Even when passing by Haru, he gave a look that carried a bit of showing off. "See, Brother Haru. This is the professional ethics of a follower. Although this brat wants to go blow up that desolate, dilapidated castle every day, seeing as she's so passionate, I'll reluctantly play along with her."Haru leaned against the city gate, holding a skewer of freshly bought roasted frogs in his hand, watching the backs of this explosion duo as they walked away leisurely."Go on, go on. Remember to bring back some wild vegetables on your way back; we need to save money to buy a mansion." Haru replied casually.Honestly, Haru didn't have much interest in that abandoned castle.In his understanding, it was nothing more than a background prop on the map used for Megumin to grind daily experience (though there was no experience).Who would live in that kind of gloomy, dilapidated place that didn't even have a toilet?Thus, over the next five days, the residents of Axelwould hear a deafening sound at a fixed time every afternoon—"Explosion!!!"Then the earth would shake, followed by a giant mushroom cloud slowly rising on the distant horizon.During these few days, Haru lived exceptionally comfortably.Without Megumin's noise and Kazuma's snark, Harubegan to take the remaining two "problem children" for targeted training."Lord Haru! Please look! I have run twenty laps around Axel while carrying Aqua!" Darkness rushed to Haru, panting. Although her armor was covered in mud, her heroic face was filled with a morbid sense of satisfaction. "This heavy burden... this humiliation of being treated like a beast of burden... Ah, I feel my defense has increased again!"Aqua, sitting in Darkness's basket, looked lifeless, listlessly waving a cat teaser in her hand. "Haru... when exactly will this project called 'Goddess Weight Training' end? I feel like I'm going to be shaken into hallucinations by Darkness. Why do I have to accommodate this perverted knight's kinks? I want to go blow up the castle too, I want to go cause destruction too!"Haru calmly took a sip of tea. "Don't rush, Aqua. This is so that in future battles, even when facing the worst environments, you can maintain... er, maintain the perseverance not to cry. By the way, if you complain again, I'll have Darkness carry you for two laps around the city's sewer."Aqua instantly shut her mouth, behaving as obediently as a quail.However, everyone did not know that deep inside the abandoned castle that had been bombed by Megumin for five consecutive days, a Demon Kings Army General who was originally in standby mode, had a rigorous personality, and was extremely unlucky—the Dullahan Beldia—was sitting on his throne, which was covered in cracks from the shaking, and had fallen into deep self-doubt.He just wanted to slack off here quietly and monitor the movements of the newbie town, so why was there a crazy woman setting off fireworks on his roof right on time every day?! And it was that kind of Explosion Magic with ridiculously high power, which almost shook his skull off?!
Chapter 51: The Most Terrifying Thing in AxelOriginally, this should have been an ordinary and peaceful day in Axel.Haru was sitting in the most prominent seat of the Adventurers Guild, counting the eris he had squeezed out of his teammates over the past few days, planning to take this group of troublemakers out for a good meal tonight—of course, provided that Aqua didn't order the most expensive sparkling wine and Darkness didn't make that flushed expression at the table that would make the neighbors call the police.However, just as Kazuma was rubbing his aching lower back and Megumin was high-spiritedly boasting about how yesterday's Explosion Magichad a sense of art, the long-dusty emergency alarm bell on the guild's roof suddenly let out a piercing and heavy roar!"What's going on?! Could it be that the Giant Cabbages migrated early? Or is it a riot of Slimes in the city's sewers?!" Aqua was so scared that the empty wine bottle in her hand dropped directly to the ground, and she shrunk behind Haru like a startled cat.The guild's main door was slammed open, and a Thief responsible for scouting rushed in crawling and rolling, his face as pale as if he had just been touched by Wiz: "S-something big happened! Outside the city gates... that rumored Demon Kings Army General, the Dullahan Beldia... h-he's charging over with a black aura! He's shouting at the city gates, demanding a duel to the death with that Crimson Demon Clan crazy woman who drops feces on his head every day!"The guild instantly fell into a dead silence, followed by an explosion of unprecedented chaos.Haru and Satou Kazuma looked at each other, and in that instant, a soul resonance transcending time and space was achieved between these two reincarnators.It was a survival instinct known as seeking profit and avoiding harm, but in reality, it was oiling the soles of their feet.A Demon Kings Army General? That kind of boss-level character who only appears in the later stages of a hot-blooded manga and destroys heaven and earth at every turn—why would he appear in a starter village like this for beginners to level up? And listen to that nickname, Dullahan; it sounds like a troublesome character with full physical immunity and curses."Hey, Big Brother Haru," Kazuma lowered his voice. Because his back injury hadn't fully healed, he spoke with a slight gasp, but his eyes were unusually clear. "Although I don't know which death-defying lunatic throws feces on someone's head every day, since the other party specifically named the Crimson Demon Clan crazy woman, and we happen to have one in our team..."He glanced at Megumin, who was trembling with rage and preparing to roll up her sleeves to go out and argue, then looked at Aqua, who was shrinking behind Haru, trying to rub her snot on Haru's cloak."...I feel like being a hero at a time like this is something that gets written into an epitaph." Kazuma patted the back of Haru's hand with a serious face. "While all the Adventurers in the city are rushing to the city gates, if we go back to the stables to pack our luggage and take the water route to the next town to avoid the trouble, it should still be in time, right?"Haru nodded heavily in deep agreement. As a mage pursuing a high-quality life in another world rather than a heroic death, Haru felt Kazuma's proposal was textbook-level correct."Great minds think alike, Kazuma." Haru grabbed the back of Aqua's collar and pulled her out from behind him like a little chick. "Although I really want to see which brave warrior actually dared to blow up a General's nest, for the sustainable development of our team, I think a strategic transfer is the best move."Haru turned his head and gave orders to Megumin, who was still stomping her feet, and Darkness, who had a face full of righteousness: "Megumin, put away your staff. Darkness, put away your greatsword. Listen up, there's a lunatic looking for trouble outside. To avoid being caught in the crossfire, we've decided to immediately execute the Axel Great Retreat Plan. Target: The luggage in the stables! Move out!""Eh?! Running away?!" Darkness let out an unbelievable cry, her tone even carrying a hint of heartache. "Lord Haru! As a noble, as a Crusader, facing the threat of the Demon Kings Army, how can we abandon the city and flee?! What if that Dullahan charges into the city and subjects the fragile civilians to all kinds of cruel, lewd, and unwatchable torture?! I-I must stay and stop him! Please, let me stand before his iron hooves!""Talk about that after he charges in! Right now he's just shouting insults at the gate!" Haru complained irritably, glancing at Megumin, who looked guilty but was trying to save face.Megumin was staring vacantly at the guild floor, muttering under her breath: "...Castle... feces... no, that was clearly the aftermath of art... how can that bag of bones be so petty..."Haru didn't hear clearly what Megumin was muttering, assuming she was just scared witless.He and Kazuma, one on each side, dragged Aqua, who was still wailing that her wine wasn't finished, and Darkness, whose head was full of how to pose after being captured, and crouched down, sticking to the guild's wall, trying to slip out the back door.However, fate often likes to play jokes at the most awkward moments.Just as they had slipped into the back alley of the guild and were about to sprint toward the stables, Miss Miss Luna's tearful broadcast came through the guild's loudspeaker:"A-Attention all Adventurers! According to witness reports, that Dullahan, Lord Beldia, is holding a portrait... The portrait depicts a young girl wearing a red and black robe, a flamboyant eyepatch, and appearing punctually at 2 PM every day on the north slope of the Abandoned Castle! Please, let this girl come forward, or Lord Beldia will begin to curse the entire town!"Haru and Kazuma's footsteps froze at the same time.Two o'clock... red and black robe... flamboyant eyepatch...The two slowly turned their heads to look at Megumin, who was currently lying on Kazuma's back and had buried her face in Kazuma's collar, trying to play dead."...Kazuma, do you remember where you guys... have been going every day at 2 PM lately?"Haru asked in a stiff tone.Kazuma swallowed hard, cold sweat trickling down his temples: "...That uninhabited... Abandoned Castle... north slope..."Haru and Satou Kazuma had originally agreed on a retreat route—they had even prepared an excuse saying they were coerced by Megumin if they were caught.However, just as they were about to crouch down and completely disappear at the end of the alley, the Crusader, who usually had a head full of trash and couldn't wait to be crumpled by monsters, suddenly stopped.Darkness stood in the shadows of the narrow alley, her silver armor gleaming coldly under the gloomy sky.She slowly drew that two-handed greatsword that had almost never hit a target, and the flush on her face actually faded away completely, replaced by a strange solemnity known as noble dignity."Haru, Kazuma," she spoke softly, her voice steady, unlike that masochist. "Although my attack power as an Adventurer is not worth mentioning, the blood of the Dustiness Family flows within me. Protecting civilians and guarding the town is an oath engraved on a knight's medal. If that Demon Kings Army General really wants to vent his anger through a curse, then I will be the one to bear it all."She turned around and gave the stunned group a very gallant, yet faintly characteristic smile:"You guys take Megumin and Aqua and go. I'll try to buy as much time as possible. After all... being 'utterly ravaged' by an opponent of a Demon Kings Army General's level, or even having that kind of curse inflicted upon me where I can neither live nor die... this is the highest honor for a knight! Ah... just imagining that scene, I already...""Keep that sacred and inviolable expression until the end, you pervert!" Kazuma couldn't help but roar, his desire to flee and his conscience fighting frantically in his head. "Big Brother Haru! What should we do? This woman has completely entered self-sacrifice (self-satisfaction) mode! If we really leave, she'll probably be chopped into meat paste by that Dullahan with a look of pure bliss on her face!"Haru looked at Darkness, who looked serious but whose eyes were already starting to glaze over, then looked at Megumin, who was so ashamed she was about to shove her head into the dirt, and Aqua, who was grabbing his cloak and shaking like an electric toy.Running away was indeed the best move, but if they left this meat shield who was reliable despite being a pervert, who would take the hits for their team's high-quality life in the future?Haru took a deep breath and pulled back his foot that had already stepped toward the outside of the city.Haru walked to Darkness's side and slapped her thick shoulder guard, making a crisp sound."That's enough, Darkness. Although your starting point is great, your final destination is clearly some unhealthy doujinshi." Haru showed a smile even more 'demonic' than Beldia's. "Kazuma, the plan is canceled. Although that Dullahan is strong, I suddenly remembered, don't we happen to have a professionally relevant Goddess in our hands? Besides, since Megumin blew up his house, if we just run away like this and that General comes to Axel to block us every day, that would be the real nightmare."Haru turned his head and stared intently at Aqua: "Aqua, listen up. That Beldia is Undead, right? As the Goddess of Water, if you can't even handle a bag of bones on a horse, I'll really sell you to the Succubus Shop as a provider of Holy foot-washing water. Do you understand?""Waaaaah! Haru, you demon! I'll go! I'll just go, waaaah!" Aqua wailed while starting to condense Holy Power in her palms.Haru tilted his chin at the bewildered Kazuma: "Let's go, Kazuma. Let's meet that Demon Kings Army General. Since we can't run, let's show him that the most terrifying thing in Axel isn't Explosion Magic, but a bunch of lunatics like us with abnormal brains."PS:I swear I won't write any plot that destroys three views or is anti-human, but pulling stunts and scumantics are definitely indispensable.So I hope that if anyone feels some discomfort beyond psychological expectations for certain plots, you can tell me, and I will adjust in the future.For now, how is everyone's acceptance of the current plot and the degree of scum of Haru and Kazuma?I am a person who listens to suggestions. Rest assured, if you have suggestions, tell me, and I will consider them seriously.
Chapter 52: Aqua's Flying KickOutside the gates of Axel, the originally flat main road was now shrouded in an ominous black mist.Beldia—the Dullahan known within the Demon Kings Army for his rigorous nature—was straddling his Phantom Steed. The head he held in his hand emitted a faint red glow, his expression so ferocious it looked as if he wanted to swallow the town whole.Haru, enduring the pressure that would be enough to make an ordinary Adventurer's legs go weak, slowly walked to the front of the group.He didn't draw his sword, nor did he chant a spell; instead, he put his hands in his pockets and flashed an easygoing smile full of the aura of a businessman."Oh my, this must be the rumored Lord Beldia, right? Long have I heard of your fame. I am the captain of this party, Haru." Haru ignored the killing intent radiating from the other party, his tone as relaxed as if he had run into an old neighbor on the street. "Regarding the issue of your castle's roof being drafty, I express my deepest regrets. Actually, this Crimson Demon Clan brat of ours didn't target you on purpose; she's just a severe sufferer of the 'I'll die if I don't hear a loud bang once a day' syndrome. She mistook your castle for an abandoned ruin and intended to help you with some demolition and ventilation renovation. She really meant no harm."The head Beldia held in his hand froze. His eyes, burning with red light, widened, and his mouth opened and closed several times before emitting a furious roar:"Ventilation renovation?! You call blowing my throne into smithereens 'ventilation renovation'?! Do you have any idea how much effort I put into cleaning out those Slimes and spiderwebs just to make a home in that castle! And for five consecutive days! Five whole days! Every day at two in the afternoon! That red lunatic appeared over my head to set off explosions as punctually as an alarm clock! My warhorse has started shedding hair from the shock!!""Two o'clock is indeed a good time for a nap, and being disturbed is truly annoying. I understand, I understand completely." Haru nodded solemnly, then reached back and dragged Megumin, who was trying to play dead, to his side. "Come, Megumin, apologize to the landlord. Just say you'll avoid his bedroom next time you blow things up.""I-I am Megumin! The number one genius of the Crimson Demon Clan! My Explosion Magic shall never yield to any force!" Although Megumin's legs were trembling, her mouth remained as hard as granite. "Besides... besides, who told your castle to look so much like a target! That's a failure on its part as a building!""You brat, you still dare to talk back!!" Beldia was so angry his armor was clanking. He suddenly raised his greatsword and pointed it at the group. "Negotiations have failed! Humans! Since you are so arrogant, then use your souls to repay my renovation costs! I will inflict upon you the most painful curse, leaving you to wail in...""Wait a moment! Lord Beldia!" Haru suddenly shouted, interrupting his villainous declaration. "Since talking about money hurts feelings and talking about lives hurts harmony, why don't we compromise? Look, this Crusader in our party possesses the kingdom's top-tier defense and... uh, a very special kind of endurance. How about this: you apply any curse you want to her. If she can't take it, we are at your mercy; if she holds out, our grievances are wiped clean, and you'll even have to compensate us a little for mental distress. How does that sound?"Beside him, Darkness heard this and suddenly bounced up as if she had been electrocuted. Her heroic face was instantly covered in a highly suspicious blush, and her breathing became incredibly heavy."L-Lord Haru... You actually... you're actually going to use me as a test subject for a curse? And the full-power curse of a Demon Kings Army General at that... Ah! That fate of my body being eroded by cold magic, my consciousness gradually blurring, only to be toyed with by an evil knight... Please! Please start right now!!"Beldia looked at this female knight who was full of anticipation and even proactively unbuckled her collar armor. The head he held in his hand showed an extremely complex and disgusted expression."...Hey, humans. This party of yours... is everyone a bit sick in the head? Why do I see in this woman's eyes... a certain kind of appetite that makes my skin crawl?"While Beldia was shocked by Darkness's perverted behavior, Haru gave Aqua a very subtle and suggestive look—the meaning was clear: "While this bag of bones is intimidated by Darkness's perverted aura, hurry up and use your sacred magic to give him a chill through the heart!"Aqua received the signal.Her large water-blue eyes suddenly lit up. Her originally cowering expression vanished instantly, replaced by a mysterious confidence known as 'intelligence offline, blood rushing to the head'.She leaped high into the air, her gorgeous long blue hair fluttering in the wind. In that moment, she truly radiated a sense of a descending goddess."Take this! This is the price for defying a goddess's will! Eat this, you headless tin can!!"Haru and Satou Kazuma both held their breath, already visualizing the scene of Beldia screaming and dissipating in sacred radiance.However, in the next second, reality was like a resounding slap across both their faces.Aqua didn't chant any spells, nor did she mobilize any divine power.She simply twisted her waist clumsily in the mid-air and then delivered a—common flying kick—that lacked any technical skill and hadn't even found its balance.Clang—!!!A crisp sound of metal clashing rang out.Aqua's small foot, wrapped in a delicate sandal, kicked firmly against Beldia's breastplate, which was thick enough to withstand a siege crossbow.The eyes on the head Beldia held widened like copper bells. He didn't even move; his body only swayed slightly under the weak impact.As for Aqua, she was like a blue-skinned duck hitting a brick wall. She flew backward under the reaction force and finally landed in the mud with a splash in a very ungraceful posture."...Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! My bone... my toe is broken, ahhhh! Haru! Kazuma! Help! This monster definitely stuffed stones in his armor! Waaaaahhh!" Aquarolled around frantically on the ground clutching her foot, tears and snot flying instantly. That bit of goddess-like demeanor from before was shattered into pieces.The entire field was dead silent.Beldia looked down at the tiny, faint footprint on his breastplate that was almost invisible, then looked up at Haru. The head he held showed an unprecedented sense of confusion and insult."...Hey, human. That look you gave just now... was it to command this 'intellectually disabled person' to come over and polish my armor?"His dignified voice now actually carried a hint of trembling. It wasn't fear, but extreme anger from being treated so perfunctorily as a top-tier villain."To use a physical attack to provoke a Dullahan who possesses physical immunity?! And such a soft attack that wouldn't even kill a Slime?! You... you guys, just how much do you look down on a Demon Kings Army General!!!""I don't know her! Really! Kazuma, quick, is it too late for us to pretend to be passersby?!" Haru covered his face in agony, feeling as though his own IQ had flown off into the horizon along with Aqua's kick."It's already too late, Brother Haru! That guy has already drawn his sword! He's really going to kill someone!" Kazuma ranted frantically from the side, while habitually hiding behind Darkness.Meanwhile, Darkness showed an extremely regretful expression: "Aqua... how cunning. To actually get ahead of me and receive Lord Beldia's counterattack. Lord Haru! Please order me to endure the coming wrath! That greatsword... that greatsword radiating the aura of death, please let it fall upon my body!"
Chapter 53: Apologizing at the Speed of LightAt that moment, Haru stood in the very center of the Axel city gates. The setting sun (or perhaps the dark aura emanating from Beldia) cast his shadow long across the ground.Haru turned his head slightly, scanning behind him with his peripheral vision—there, a dense crowd of Adventurers from the Axel guild stood.Though these people were usually either binge drinking or drowning in debt, at this very moment, they stood behind him with solemn expressions, clutching various weapons.Haru even spotted that punk Dust and his gang of bad influences.An unbidden sense of heroic pride rose in Haru's heart: Is this the power of bonds? Is this my charisma as a leader? Even if my teammates are total deadweights, as long as I have these hundreds of Axel elites backing me up, a mere Dullahan..."Kazuma, do you see? This is the will of the people. As long as we withstand the first wave, the brothers behind us will surely surge forward like a tide and drown this bag of bones!"Haru lowered his voice, his tone carrying a cool, 'prepared to die' vibe.Kazuma straightened his spine as well. Though his hands were still shaking, his gaze became sharp: "...Brother Haru, I feel it too. It's the weight of something called justice! Since everyone is watching, I, Satou Kazuma, am going to be a hero for once today!"Just then, the head Beldia was holding in his hand let out a disdainful cold snort. His right leg, encased in pitch-black armor, suddenly stomped forward.Thump—!!!The heavy armor struck the ground, triggering a visible ripple of black energy."Since you small fry want to die together, I shall grant your—"Before Beldia could finish his sentence, before he even swung his sword, an incredibly rhythmic, incredibly swift, and incredibly insane sound of footsteps suddenly erupted from behind Haru.Shua shua shua shua shua—!!!Haru and Kazuma instinctively looked back.They saw the hundreds of Adventurers who were 'united in spirit' just a moment ago now fleeing toward the rear at a speed that would make even the top-tier Thieves blush!In just three seconds, the once-crowded gate plaza was left with nothing but dropped wine bottles, a squashed cabbage, and Haru's party standing bewildered in the wind.Dust was running the fastest, even turning back to shout: "Haru! Kazuma! You guys hold him off for now! We're going to the guild to order your victory feast (and write your wills while we're at it)! Do your best, pride of Axel!!"In the blink of an eye, those so-called comrades-in-arms had retreated five hundred meters to the base of the city wall. Some had even pulled out binoculars and popcorn, looking for all the world like "we're just passing spectators."In the empty plaza, only Aqua's shrill crying echoed: "Waaaaah! They ran away! They all ran away! Haru, we're dead meat! Take me with you, I don't want to be turned into a chew toy for skeleton soldiers!"Haru and Kazuma's movements froze.Their once-cool poses now made them look like two slapstick comedians who had forgotten their lines on stage."...Brother Haru." Kazuma maintained his sword-drawing stance, his neck turning stiffly with a corner of his mouth twitching so hard it nearly flew off. "That weight of justice I mentioned earlier... it suddenly feels a lot lighter. Like, maybe a few grams. The kind that blows away the moment a breeze hits it.""...Me too, Kazuma." Haru looked at Beldia, who had already started laughing loudly, and felt his blood pressure break human limits. "I take back what I said. There are no elites in Axel. There's only a bunch of hopeless, unscrupulous—trash Adventurers who live in a gag manga!!"Beldia held his own head, laughing so hard his armor rattled: "Hahahaha! Humans! Is this the bond you're so proud of?! Truly magnificent! This ugly self-preservation instinct is almost more evil than our Demon King's Army! Well then, now that no one's bothering us... are you ready to face death?"At this moment, time seemed to stand still in Axel's gate plaza.Haru and Satou Kazuma, these two reincarnators from the civilized world, displayed an astonishing synchronization in the face of the dual crisis of their teammates' desertion and a Demon King's Army General's rampage.Without a word of communication or even a confirming glance, with just a slight shift in their center of gravity, their souls merged as one."One, two!"Following Kazuma's signal, the two of them, under Beldia's murderous gaze, moved with a unity as precise as a well-drilled honor guard.Knees bent slightly, waists folded at a ninety-degree angle, hands pressed tightly against their trouser seams, and heads bowed so low they almost hit the dirt."WE ARE TERRIBLY SORRY!! LORD Beldia!! It was our lack of discipline that allowed the crazy woman in our house to blow up your mansion and the idiot in our house to kick your precious armor!! Please, you must forgive our insolence!!"Haru and Kazuma's voices echoed in the empty plaza, filled with sincerity, humility, and the kind of extreme survival instinct that said, 'As long as you don't kill me, I'll even be your dog.'Beldia's loud laughter came to a screeching halt.The mouth on the head he was holding hung wide open. His expression shifted from anger to bewilderment, and then from bewilderment to a deep sense of absurdity.He had traversed battlefields for years and seen heroes who would rather die than surrender, as well as deserters who pissed their pants, but this was the first time he had ever seen—in the middle of a battlefield—humans performing such a standard, professional 'Dogeza' style apology to an enemy general."...Hey, you two." Beldia's voice was a bit raspy. He brought the head in his hand a little closer, trying to confirm if he was under some kind of illusion. "Where is your dignity? Where is your spirit as Adventurers? I've already drawn my sword, I was already prepared to give you a glorious death, and now you're actually... apologizing to me?""Dignity can't be exchanged for eris! And it certainly can't block your curse!" Kazuma maintained his bowed position, his voice coming from between his legs with a hint of self-righteous brazenness. "Brother Haru is right, we're here to solve the problem, not to throw our lives away! If you still feel unsatisfied, we can hand this Crimson Demon girl over to you as five years of free labor, specifically to move bricks for your castle!""Hey! Kazuma! Haru! What are you spineless cowards talking about!" Megumin's face turned beet red with rage, her staff whistling through the air as she swung it. "I am Megumin! I will never accept such a humiliating agreement! Besides, I only know Explosion Magic, I don't know how to move bricks at all!""Shut up! You don't have a say here!" Haru barked without lifting his head, then immediately spoke to Beldia in an even more humble tone. "My Lord, look, if you kill us, not only will you get no compensation, you'll also gain a reputation for bullying the weak. How about this? Although this blue-haired one in our party isn't bright, she's actually a very powerful water purifier. We can have her go to your castle every day to perform a comprehensive, corner-to-corner Holy Water purifi—no, air purification. What do you think?"Beldia fell silent. He looked at the two men bowing deeply before him, then at the perverted knight nearby who looked disappointed (because she wasn't being cut), and then at the blue-haired girl who was still clutching her feet and crying.He suddenly felt that, as a Demon King's Army General, standing here arguing with this group of freaks was practically an insult to his professional career."...Enough. I've had enough of you weirdos." Beldiaresentfully placed his head back onto his neck (though it was a bit crooked). He swung his greatsword violently, pointing it at Darkness. "Since you want to apologize so badly, then let this woman take my curse! If she can survive for a week, I will acknowledge your sincerity. Otherwise, I will turn you all into skeleton laborers!!"A streak of pitch-black light instantly erupted from his fingertip, shooting straight toward Darkness's chest!PS:I don't know if you guys have a habit of using text-to-speech, but I tried it out and it's really fun, hahaha!But I suddenly realized I'm not very friendly to listeners; I use too many modal particles, which makes it sound a bit abstract when listening, hahaha~Though it's unexpectedly comical, just like how the art style shifts in Konosuba Season 2 added a lot of humor, hehe.
Chapter 54: You are My True IdolAs Beldia's back, filled with resentment and confusion, vanished into the mist of the wilderness, a strange silence fell over the gates of Axel.Darkness was kneeling on the ground, hands folded over her chest, her face flushed with a near-exhausted, extremely rosy sense of satisfaction. She murmured softly, "Ah... this heavy feeling of death entwining deep within my body, this shame of being personally marked by a Demon Kings Army General... For the next week, I probably won't even be able to bring myself to sleep...""Sacred High Dispel."Aqua expressionlessly extended a finger and casually drew a circle in the air.A beam of pure white light, devoid of any impurities, instantly enveloped Darkness. The pitch-black curses clinging to her body sizzled like grease meeting detergent, then evaporated without a trace in an instant."...Eh?" Darkness's previously dazed eyes instantly went blank. She looked down at her restored chest, then up at Aqua's disgusted expression, and let out a scream of despair: "—No!! My curse! My rare, top-tier curse that would have let me legally take a leave of absence to enjoy the pleasure of being tortured by death at home!! Aqua! Why are you meddling in other people's business?!!""Huh? What kind of crazy talk is that? As the Goddess of Water, isn't it common sense to wipe away such filthy things when I see them?" Aquapicked her nose with a matter-of-fact look. "More importantly, Haru, my feet really hurt. Hurry up and carry me back. I want to drink the most expensive sparkling wine to calm my nerves!"Haru and Satou Kazuma exchanged a look.The two looked back to see the Adventurers, who had fled five hundred meters away, peeking over with their heads tucked in.Because they were too far away, they couldn't see what had happened at all; they only saw Beldiaswinging his sword and releasing light, before finally retreating "with his tail between his legs."In that instant, the gears in Haru and Kazuma's minds whirred frantically, emitting a roar known as scummy deviousness."Kazuma, do you see it? That's the light of opportunity." Haru lowered his voice, his lips curling into an arc that would make even a villain feel afraid."Ah, Big Brother Haru, I see it too. That's the treasure called fame, money, and free drinks." Kazuma quickly stowed his humble expression, puffed out his chest, and casually wiped away the mud from his earlier kowtow. "Since they didn't see it, we'll be the ones to write the truth."Haru took a deep breath, suddenly putting on the face of an awe-inspiring hero. He waved vigorously at the distant Adventurers, his voice booming as if he had just slain a dragon:"Everyone! The crisis is over!! Although that Beldia is known as a Demon Kings Army General, in the face of Kazuma's and my 'Aura of Overlordship,' he was nothing more than a hollow bag of bones!!"Kazuma cooperated seamlessly, coolly sheathing his short sword (though it took three tries to align it) and following up with a cold, arrogant expression: "Hmph, it did take a bit of effort. If Big Brother Haruhadn't used his gaze to block his retreat, and if my world-shaking 'Ultimate Technique' hadn't made him feel the terror of death, that guy probably would have lasted three more seconds. Tsk, a boring opponent."The distant Adventurers froze for a moment, then erupted into earth-shattering cheers!"Ohhh! As expected of Haru and Kazuma!""They actually scared off a Demon Kings Army General?! Is this the legendary aura of the strong?!""I knew it! Those two are clearly not ordinary! That kowtow... wait, that move just now must have been some ancient, forbidden posture capable of reflecting damage, right?!"Watching the crowd of intellectually-challenged Adventurers rush over to throw them into the air, Haru quietly pulled Megumin and the still-throwing-a-tantrum Darkness aside, threatening them in a low voice:"Listen up. If a single word of that embarrassing history leaks out, Megumin, you can forget about using Explosion Magic for the rest of your life, and Darkness, I'll lock you in a cave full of Slimes for solitary confinement!"Megumin shrank back, frightened by Haru's gaze. "Th-though this kind of public deception goes against the glory of the Crimson Demon Clan... since you put it that way, Haru, I'll just treat it as some profound illusion strategy."Haru nodded in satisfaction, put on a compassionate expression, and said to the guild clerk, Miss Miss Luna, who had already rushed up to them:"Miss Miss Luna, although we protected the town, the mental exhaustion is simply too great... Don't you think you should apply for a special mental distress and city defense bonus for our party? Also, tonight's expenses at the guild... should be covered by everyone... hehe."Inside the Axel Adventurers Guild, a near-frenzied atmosphere of celebration reigned.The aroma of cheap ale and the smoky scent of grilled meat filled the hall. At the center of it all were Haru and Satou Kazuma, who had been pushed onto a long wooden table and were being worshipped by the crowd.Haru held a full, bubbling mug of rye beer, one foot on a bench, looking as solemn as if he had just returned from the battlefield of Ragnarok.Haru looked around at the wide-eyed, admiring Adventurers, then let out a long sigh filled with a sense of world-weariness:"Everyone, you only saw Beldia's retreat, but you didn't see how many life-and-death battles Kazumaand I fought with him in that 'Mental Realm' during those few short minutes!" Haru took a huge gulp of beer, wiped his mouth, and his tone suddenly became passionate. "When that Dullahan took his first step, his pressure of death had already frozen the surrounding air. But who am I, Haru? I looked straight at that head he was carrying in his hand and locked onto his soul with the Aura of OverlordshipI've accumulated over decades! At that moment, he didn't see a human, but a black hole capable of swallowing the abyss!!""That's right! Exactly like that!" Kazuma cut in precisely from the side, striking an incredibly flashy pose while holding a leftover chicken bone like a conductor's baton. "Big Brother Haru was responsible for frontal suppression, while I, Satou Kazuma, utilized my ultimate Lurk technique known as Fate Severance. I circled behind him, and in that one-ten-thousandth of a second, I unleashed the 'Kowtow Mark II: Divine Reflection' which is capable of distorting causality! You thought that was an apology? No! That was a top-tier psychological tactic of using extreme humility to induce arrogance in the opponent, thereby reducing his defense to zero in that instant!!"The surrounding Adventurers let out a collective gasp."Ohhh! 'Kowtow Mark II'! As expected of Mr. Kazuma, to actually develop such a move into a tactic!""Big Brother Haru's 'Aura of Overlordship' is way too cool! No wonder I felt a chill down my spine when I was running away; it turns out you two were having a mystical battle with the General!""Someone! Bring three more barrels of the best wine for the two heroes! Everything tonight is on the guild... no, on me!"Haru felt a secret thrill as he watched the group of Adventurers, who had been completely hoodwinked.Haru casually pushed back Aqua, who was trying to crowd into the spotlight while muttering that she was the one who did the purification, and stuffed a whole piece of honey-glazed grilled meat into her mouth."Mmph mmph (Haru, what are you doing)!" Aquastruggled angrily, but for the sake of the honey-glazed meat, she decided to deal with the food in front of her first.Meanwhile, Megumin huddled in a corner, covering most of her face with her cloak, her shoulders trembling uncontrollably. "...So embarrassing. The thickness of these two's skin has definitely surpassed the Demon King's defensive walls. Why do I, the number one genius of the Crimson Demon Clan, have to cooperate with such a dishonorable lie here... But, those fried shrimp over there look really delicious..."Darkness sat to the side, staring blankly at Haru, her face flushed with a highly suspicious redness. "Lord Haru... that evil gaze he had while playing with the world in the palm of his hand while making up that story... Ah, if it's to cover up the truth by locking me in a dark room as a sacrificial lamb to keep me quiet... P-please, hurry..."Haru completely ignored these two troublemakers and continued to give Miss Miss Luna a heroic smile:"Miss Miss Luna, although Beldia has temporarily retreated, the shadow he left behind still looms over Axel. To prepare for the next possible attack, Kazuma and I plan to establish an Axel Special Countermeasures Committee, specifically responsible for researching psychological strike techniques against Demon Kings Army Generals. Do you think the funding for this could be..."Miss Miss Luna's eyes reddened slightly, moved by Haru's awe-inspiring righteousness. She nodded vigorously. "I understand! Mr. Lin Jin, your sense of responsibility is truly admirable! I will apply to headquarters immediately. Although the amount might not be large, it will definitely reflect the guild's respect for our heroes!"Kazuma quietly gave Haru a thumbs-up from the side, his eyes clearly saying: Big Brother Haru, in terms of being a scumbag and having thick skin, you are my true idol.
Chapter 55: Wiz's VisitOver the past few days, the air in Axel had been filled with a joyful atmosphere.Mr. Lin Jin and Satou Kazuma had practically become the living mascots of the guild.Every morning they woke up, enthusiastic Adventurers would deliver fresh fruit juice; even the auntie selling cabbage on the street would stuff two extra into their arms.Haru and Kazuma, wearing brand-new cloaks (bought with their advanced reward money), idled away their time in the guild's most prominent booth, enjoying this fragile yet exceptionally sweet hero life built upon lies."Ah, Big Brother Haru, living a life where we can drink high-end liquor without having to go out and exterminate Slimes is simply paradise." Kazumaslumped in his chair, swirling a glass of juice with ice, a look of decadent happiness on his face. "If only this misunderstanding could last a lifetime."Haru was just about to reply that this was the power of intelligence when the guild doors were suddenly pushed open gently.A beautiful woman wearing a long purple dress walked in; she had a graceful figure but radiated an aura that practically screamed, 'I'm weak, please bully me.'It was Wiz.Her gentle brown eyes scanned the hall anxiously before finally locking onto Haru's table."Ah! Mr. Lin Jin! Mr. Kazuma! Thank goodness, you're both here!" Wiz jogged over. Because she was running so fast, her ample chest bounced wildly, drawing stares from the surrounding Adventurers.Haru and Kazuma glanced at each other, their hearts sinking simultaneously.Wiz was a former Demon Kings Army General; she definitely knew what kind of person Beldia was, and more importantly, she knew that these two couldn't possibly have scared him off with some sort of overbearing aura."Shh! Wiz! Keep it down!" Haru lunged forward, and before anyone could react, he threw an arm around Wiz's shoulder, forced her into the booth, and whispered, "Are you here to cause trouble? Or to expose us?"Wiz turned bright red at Haru's sudden closeness, her small hands twisting together nervously. "N-N-No! I heard about what happened the other day... Lord Beldia... no, Beldia really did go back. However, I heard that Miss Darkness was hit by that Death Curse! That's Beldia's proudest technique. If it's not handled quickly, in one week, Miss Darkness will really..."She was so anxious that tears were about to fall, and she leaned in close to Haru's ear while lowering her voice: "Although my current status makes it inconvenient for me to act, I brought some powerful Dispelling Potions from my shop's private collection, and... if all else fails, I can try to contact Beldia to see if he'll lift the curse for my sake. So, where is Miss Darkness now? Is she already in so much pain that she can't move?"Haru and Kazuma fell silent.The two of them turned their heads toward the other side of the booth.Darkness was currently stuffing large chunks of Fried Pork Cutlet into her mouth while wearing an expression of extreme regret and dissatisfaction, staring at Aqua, who was playing Rock-Paper-Scissors-Strip (with Aqua losing, of course) with the Adventurers."...Wiz, look at her. Does she look like she's 'in so much pain she can't move'?" Haru pointed at Darkness, who was wearing a victorious smile after snatching the last piece of rib, and asked with a complicated tone.Wiz was stunned. She stared blankly at the lively Darkness, who seemed even more hyper than usual. "Eh? Ehhh?! How is that possible? That's a Death Curse! Even a high-level priest couldn't possibly do it without a complex ritual...""Sacred Create Water!!"Aqua's clear voice rang out from the other end of the hall. Having lost the game, she was flying into a rage and spraying water at the group of Adventurers, turning all the alcohol on the surrounding tables into pure water in the process."...Wiz, although this blue-haired girl definitely has a screw loose, she is, after all, an out-of-spec priest who can treat a Death Curse like a smudge to be wiped away," Kazuma explained with a sigh, rubbing his forehead. "So, Darkness's only pain right now is probably that the curse disappeared too quickly, meaning she didn't get to enjoy that feeling of 'being ravaged by death' for a bit longer."Wiz listened, dumbfounded. Her Lich brain seemed unable to process this. "...A curse that insta-killed... was negated just like that? Is that Miss Aqua... actually some sort of incredible personage?"Looking at Wiz's simple and gullible appearance, Haru's devious thoughts surfaced once again.Haru gently patted the back of Wiz's hand and flashed an extremely righteous smile:"Wiz, since you're so worried, how about this... let's find a quiet place to talk. Like your shop? As it happens, I've been very interested in the internal contact methods of the Demon Kings Army Generals lately. If you could introduce us to Beldia, maybe we could solve this trouble once and for all, and... make a profit on the side?"Wiz shrank back, feeling that Mr. Lin Jin's smile was scarier than the Demon King himself. "...Mr. Lin Jin, your eyes... why does it feel like you're planning to sell Lord Beldia for cash?"Like two foxes who had caught the scent of gold coins, Haru and Satou Kazuma flanked the weak and helpless Wiz. Using the excuse that heroes needed a private space to recuperate, they quickly fled the noisy guild."Hehe, Wiz, don't be nervous. We're just going to your shop to give some management advice and discuss intel regarding Beldia... We definitely don't want to extort those junk items of yours with the ridiculously high wholesale prices." Haru gave a kind and friendly (but extremely suspicious in Wiz's eyes) smile as they walked.Kazuma nodded vigorously beside him, his eyes flashing with the light of moneymaking. "Exactly, Miss Wiz. As heroes, we have an obligation to help you clear out your backlogged inventory. For example, that potion that lets you see your life flash before your eyes, or that armor that makes you dance automatically—we can reluctantly help you dispose of those."Sandwiched between the two, Wiz was as terrified as a startled rabbit, pleading with teary eyes, "Uuu... Mr. Lin Jin, Mr. Kazuma, please show mercy! The shop's deficit is so bad I can barely afford tomorrow's bread... I'll tell you everything about Lord Beldia's intel, just please don't take my counter away again!"As the three of them entered the Magic Item Shopthat radiated an aura of poverty, each with their own designs (Wiz was just scared), no one noticed a blue figure lurking suspiciously around the corner, clutching a bottle of high-end red wine she had just swiped."Heh heh heh, those two, Haru and Kazuma, actually trying to sneak off to eat something delicious (or split the loot) behind my back! This Goddess's intuition is very sharp!" Aqua muttered under her breath as she followed them to the entrance of Wiz's shop using an extremely clumsy stealth posture—which was basically walking sideways down the street with her butt sticking out.The shop door closed with a click.Haru and Kazuma sat casually on Wiz's rickety sofa, while Wiz busied herself pouring them some welcome tea of a bizarre color."Alright, Wiz." Haru set down his teacup, his expression turning serious (though it looked more like he was suppressing a laugh). "Business time. Where does that Beldia guy usually hide? Besides that Death Curse, does he have any valuable weaknesses? For example, if his head were stolen, would he pay a high price to get it back?"Wiz was about to speak: "Well... Lord Beldiaactually..."CLANG!!The shop door was slammed open by brute force, accompanied by a familiar burst of holy light filled with idiocy and Aqua's energetic (and annoying) shout:"Caught you! You two traitorous brutes! To think you'd sneak off to have a tryst with this evil Lich behind my back! Take this—Purification: Undead!!""Kyaaaaa!! I'm disappearing! I'm going to disappear!! Mr. Lin Jin, save me!!"Wiz let out a blood-curdling scream as her body instantly became semi-transparent, and plumes of white smoke began to rise from her.She flopped around wildly on the floor like a dehydrated salted fish, while Aqua, bursting with a sense of justice, raised her staff to deliver a second blow.Haru and Kazuma both covered their faces in agony."...Big Brother Haru, I take back what I said." Kazumastood up, gritting his teeth, and grabbed a hard-looking magic item from the counter. "This blue-haired girl isn't some out-of-spec priest; she's simply a disaster sent by the heavens to punish our hero careers!!"