Chapter 56: The Savior of Axel"Stop right there! You deadweight Intellectual Disabled Goddess!!"Haru lunged forward, and just before Wiz could vanish into a puff of blue smoke, he accurately locked onto Aqua's neck, snatching away her staff which was pulsing with holy light."Waaah! Haru, what are you doing! Let go of me! I'm carrying out justice! I'm purifying this evil, big-breasted Lich who's actually gentler than me for the sake of all humanity!" Aqua struggled wildly like a cat being held by the scruff of its neck, her legs kicking in the air, even trying to bite Haru's arm with her teeth.Kazuma also walked over with a gloomy face, staring at Aqua with eyes that looked like he was looking at trash, his tone filled with deep resentment: "Hey, Aqua. If you could show this kind of 'must-kill' determination when facing Beldia, would Big Brother Haru and I have had to perform that soul-crushing 'Dogeza' in front of the whole town? Do you know how much my face has cramped from smiling these past two days just to cover up that lie?""Those are two different things! That tin can was too scary, and his head flies around, it's super terrifying!" Aqua shouted righteously, "But this Lich is different! She looks easy to bully, and purifying her grants experience points, maybe she'll even drop some rare materials...""Shut up! Wiz is our business partner! She's a good person (even if she's dead)!" Haru knocked Aqua on the head hard, producing a crisp 'thwack' sound. "If you keep acting up, I'll lock you in the guild's wine cellar and let you stare at all that high-end liquor without letting you drink a single drop!"At the threat of "no alcohol," Aqua instantly behaved. She squatted in the corner piteously, drawing circles on the ground with her finger: "...I was doing it for everyone's sake, Haru and Kazumaare big idiots, perverts, creeps..."Wiz was currently slumped behind the counter, her body in a translucent, weakened state, white smoke still drifting from her mouth.She tremblingly held onto the counter to stand up, her eyes looking at Haru with gratitude, even carrying a hint of post-disaster admiration."Th-thank you... Mr. Lin Jin, Mr. Kazuma... Just a little more, and I really would have gone to see Lady Eris..." Wiz gasped weakly, tidying her messy long hair as her expression turned solemn. "Since you saved me... then I will tell you Beldia's greatest secret."Haru and Kazuma immediately leaned in, and even Aqua in the corner couldn't help but prick up her ears."Actually... Beldia, although he possesses extremely high physical defense and magic resistance, has a fatal, almost comical weakness." Wiz lowered her voice, her tone tinged with helplessness. "Because he was an extremely proud knight in life, when he became a Dullahan after death, an eternal drying curse was placed on his armor to maintain his dignity. Therefore, the thing he fears most... is actually water.""Water?" Haru was stunned for a moment."Yes, not just a simple splash, but a large amount of water that is either holy in nature or simply massive in volume." Wiz nodded. "Once drenched by a large amount of water, his armor becomes incredibly heavy, his movements slow down, and even his Undead magic will rapidly drain due to being'soaked.' If he is directly blasted with a large amount of holy water, he might even collapse entirely..."A brief silence fell over the room.Haru, Kazuma, and Wiz's gazes slowly shifted, finally landing in unison on Aqua, who was squatting in the corner crying constantly because she had been scolded (tears that turned into pure holy water the moment they hit the ground)."...Big Brother Haru, did you see that?" Kazumaadjusted his non-existent glasses, an extremely devious smile appearing at the corners of his mouth."Yeah, I saw it. That's not an Intellectual Disabled Goddess." Haru clenched his fist, his eyes sparkling with the light of a mob-grinding strategy. "That's a... human-shaped, self-propelled, infinite-ammo high-pressure fire extinguisher specifically made to counter Generals."In the musty air of the Magic Item Shop, a certain extremely evil and unscrupulous wave was currently surging.Haru and Satou Kazuma maintained a high level of unspoken understanding, simultaneously revealing that devious smile known as the 'Twin Heroes of Axel'."Big Brother Haru, were you just thinking...'Since we have an infinite supply of holy water, Beldia isn't some terrifying General, but a super fat sheep waiting to be slaughtered, full of materials and bounties'?" Kazuma lowered his voice, his tone betraying an uncontrollable fanaticism.Haru gave a 'hehe' laugh and patted his shoulder: "Kazuma, your vision is still a bit small. Killing him for the bounty is only the first level. We're going to use this fat sheep to completely solidify our reputation as the Saviors of Axel! We'll let the whole town see with their own eyes how we 'effortlessly' toy with a Demon Kings Army General!"The two turned their heads at the same time, looking at Aqua, who was still sobbing in the corner and incidentally purifying the floor until it sparkled."Hey, Aqua! Stop crying, your divine dignity is dropping all over the floor." Haru walked over, putting on a charlatan-like expression, his tone full of temptation. "Don't you want the whole town to kneel on the ground and shout 'Long live Lady Aqua'? Don't you want those Axis Order followers to frantically offer you the finest sparkling wine? Don't you want to... rub that Dullahan who scared you into the ground like a drowned rat?"Aqua's crying stopped abruptly. She raised her teary eyes, which instantly became clear (and filled with the confidence of an idiot):"Eh? Really? If I step in, will they buy me that 'God's Dew' that costs fifty thousand eris a bottle?""Fifty thousand? No, a hundred thousand! And it's infinite refills!" Kazuma added frantically from the side. "As long as you follow our commands then, you'll be the only true god of Axel!""Deal! Whether it's Beldia or Bel-Floor, this Goddess will let him know that the consequence of offending the Goddess of Water is turning into a pile of mud!!" Aqua stood up abruptly, the ribbons behind her moving without wind, emitting a light that, while imposing, felt like something was slightly off.Over the next two days, the streets and alleys of Axel were in an uproar.Haru and Kazuma hired a group of idle low-level Adventurers (giving each a cheap lollipop) to shout loudly in every corner of the city:"Have you heard! The hero Haru and the strategist Kazuma have already calculated the time when the Dullahan Beldia will appear again!""They're going to hold a General Subjugation Grand Prize at the city gate! All residents are invited to come and watch!""Lord Haru said that Beldia is nothing more than a rotting bone in a tomb. Within three moves, he'll make that Demon Kings Army General kneel and beg for mercy!!"Haru even had Megumin put up a banner at the guild entrance: [The Saviors of Axel (Haru, Kazuma) decide to suppress Beldia!]"...Haru, is this really okay?" Megumin pulled at a corner of the banner, so embarrassed she wanted to cover her entire face with her hat. "If that Dullahandoesn't follow the script then, we'll be torn to pieces by the angry crowd, right?""Don't worry, Megumin." Haru was wearing a magnificent cloak specially customized (though rented) for the occasion. He stood on a table in the guild, waving to the cheering crowd below while whispering to her, "The script is already written. The lead is that fountain Aqua, the directors are me and Kazuma. As for Beldia... he's just an extra responsible for getting beaten up."In Axel's central square, on the fountain platform originally used for major announcements, a temporary but exceptionally magnificent podium was currently being built.
Haru and Satou Kazuma stood side by side, wearing the (rented) hero capes that shimmered in the sunlight.Haru wore a solemn expression, his eyes filled with a melancholy that suggested he had "seen through life and death," while Kazuma expertly spread out a massive red cloth nearby. On it, placed neatly, were several large donation boxes, with bold red characters on them reading: [Battle for Axel: Special Fund for Heroic Equipment and Logistics]."Fathers, mothers, brothers, and sisters of Axel!" Haru took a sudden step forward, his voice amplified by magic and ringing across the square with a tragic tremor. "I know that the people you see before you now are shining, glamorous heroes! But do you know? Out on that quiet wilderness, the Demon Kings Army General Beldia is sharpening his Death Scythe! He has sworn to turn Axel into scorched earth and drag the soul of every living person into the endless abyss!"The residents in the square fell silent immediately, and many timid Adventurers began to tremble."That's right!" Kazuma jumped out at the perfect moment. Pointing to the non-existent tears at the corner of his eyes, he spoke with passionate intensity, "To protect everyone's smiles, Brother Haru hasn't closed his eyes for three days and three nights! He is currently developing an ultimate technique called 'End-Time Holy Light: Extinction Impact'! But... every time this technique is activated, it consumes rare materials worth tens of thousands of eris! Our savings have hit rock bottom, and even this morning's meal money... *sob*, was only scraped together because Brother Haru sold his family heirloom!"Haru took the opportunity to reveal a bleak yet determined smile, waving his hand at the crowd: "No, Kazuma, don't say any more. As long as Axelcan be protected, even if I, Haru, am shattered to pieces, even if I lose everything, I have no regrets! It's just... I worry about my companions. Look, that genius Archwizard of the Crimson Demon Clan, Megumin, is so hungry from preparing that one Explosion Magic capable of turning the tide that she can only chew on roadside weeds!"The gaze of the crowd followed Haru's finger to the stage below. Megumin was clutching her staff, her body stiff from extreme shame. To the onlookers, that crumbling appearance looked exactly like a tragic young girl exhausting her life for the sake of justice."Oh! My god! Miss Megumin is too pitiful!"Heart-wrenching cries came from the crowd."And this Miss Darkness!" Haru pointed to the Crusader, who was flushed and breathing rapidly. "In order to block Beldia's death charge, she is honing her body day and night, even voluntarily requesting to endure the cruelest blows, just to buy everyone one more second of time to escape at that critical moment!"Darkness was currently immersed in the fantasy of being publicly executed in front of the whole city. She clutched the armor on her chest tightly and let out a moan filled with pleasure: "Ah... that's right... no matter how rough... please, come at me..."The onlookers were filled with awe: "What a great spirit of self-sacrifice! Long live Lady Darkness!"Haru took a deep breath, his tone becoming low and infectious: "So, everyone! We don't need you to go to the battlefield; we will go through that hell! But if you want to contribute to protecting our home, please support our Hero Fund! Every copper coin is an arrow shot at Beldia! Every eris is a brick protecting Axel!""I'll give five thousand eris! Please make sure Miss Megumin gets a full meal!" A middle-aged man generously tossed in a stack of bills."I'll give ten thousand! Lord Haru, please make sure you come back safely!" Several young girls took out their wallets with tear-filled eyes.Kazuma collected the money rapidly while winking at Haru, his expression clearly saying: Brother Haru, we are going to make a fortune this time!Meanwhile, Aqua stood behind Haru, trying hard to maintain the smile of a holy Goddess, but her drool was almost dripping onto her feet: "(Hehehe... so much money... how many bottles of high-end sparkling wine can this buy... Long live Haru! Long live Kazuma! I, Lady Aqua, really am a Goddess of Wealth!)"Haru looked at the rapidly filling donation boxes and sneered in his heart: Beldia, thank you very much, you've already helped us earn our drink money for the next lifetime. In return, I'll have Aqua wash you thoroughly later.Looking at the eris bills stuffed so full in the donation boxes that they were about to overflow, Haru and Satou Kazuma exchanged a "plan succeeded" look.Haru closed the box elegantly, shoved the heavy box into his backpack, and bowed deeply to the still-agitated crowd in the square."Everyone! Feeling your passion, I, Haru, am filled with strength! Now, we are about to set off to end that source of Darkness! Please wait here for news of our triumph!"Amidst cheers of "Long live the heroes!" and "Lord Haru must come back safely!", the Haru party walked out of the city gate with righteous (but actually guilty) strides, looking imposing and heroic under the gaze of the whole city.As soon as they left the city gate and were out of sight, Haru and Kazuma immediately dropped the act, their previously straight backs instantly slumping."Phew, that was suffocating." Kazuma wiped the cold sweat from his forehead while quickly calculating the recent earnings. "Brother Haru, we must have made at least a million, right? After this battle, should we go and book out that Succubus Shop? I heard their new project...""Let's talk about that after we survive!" Haru cut off his delusion and pointed to the abandoned castle in the distance, which looked particularly eerie under the overcast clouds. "That guy Beldia is probably already sharpening his blade. Aqua, are you ready? You'll be our water tap later; you must spray accurately and hard, understand?"Aqua was happily fantasizing about high-end sparkling wine after the battle. Hearing Haru's words, she confidently patted her non-existent chest: "Don't worry, Haru! I am the Goddess of Water! A mere tin can afraid of water, watch me flush him into the sewer! But... you absolutely cannot go back on your word about the hundred-thousand-value wine after this!"Megumin kept her head down the whole way, her giant wizard hat covering her blushing cheeks.She clutched her staff tightly, her voice as thin as a mosquito: "...Haru, next time... next time, can you not use lines about me being so hungry I chew on grass? The pride of the Crimson Demon Clan... is about to shatter into pieces...""What's the problem with that, Megumin!" Darkness, not only failing to comfort her, revealed an extremely dangerous, intoxicated expression, "Being looked at by so many people with pity... being discussed like a tragic sacrifice... Ah, that feeling is actually surprisingly good... If Beldia could treat me even more roughly later...""Stop talking, you perverted Crusader!" Haru and Kazuma retorted in unison.As the group approached the abandoned castle, the surrounding temperature dropped sharply, and the air was filled with a mixture of rot and rust.On the wilderness in front of the abandoned castle, cold winds howled, and withered grass swayed.Beldia was riding his headless warhorse, preparing to deliver a long speech about the majesty of the Demon Kings Army and the stupidity of humans, to set off his status as a general.However, Haru and Satou Kazuma had no intention of giving him that chance.The two of them crossed their arms, their capes flapping in the cold wind, with identical, arrogant smiles full of superiority and a "you're dead" vibe on their faces."Hey, you headless tin can." Haru picked his ear, interrupting Beldia's about-to-be-roared speech with an impatient look. "Your opening line is too long, and our audience (referring to the residents watching with telescopes on the city walls) don't have the patience to listen to your nonsense. Since you like staying in this eerie broken house so much, we might as well help you demolish it."Kazuma sneered coldly on the side, pointing with his thumb at the girl behind them who had started to madly condense magic power: "That's right, Beldia. To thank you for helping us raise our living expenses for the rest of our lives, we've decided to give you a big gift. Megumin! Let this shut-in general see what an Axel-style opening salute is!""Wait, wait a minute! You bunch of rude..." Beldia's words were cut off by a terrifying magical fluctuation before he could finish.Megumin suddenly raised her head. Her cheeks, which had been flushed from shame, were now twisted with extreme excitement... no, glowing with a crazy light. At the tip of her staff, crimson magic circles overlapped and unfolded, and a sound like a mournful wail came from the air."Darker than black, darker than Darkness, I entrust my true red here. The moment of awakening has come, fall into the corrupted realm of the absurd church, and become invisible distortion!"Megumin's voice became high-pitched and piercing. She had clearly poured all the resentment from being slandered as a "grass-chewer" into this spell:"Let the world collapse! [Explosion Magic]!!"Boom—!!!!A massive pillar of light capable of piercing the sky exploded in front of the castle gate.The terrifying shockwave, accompanied by scorching fire waves, instantly swallowed Beldia and his Undead guards behind him. The entire abandoned castle shook violently under this blow, the city walls collapsed, and smoke and dust filled the sky.When the aftermath of the explosion gradually subsided, Megumin collapsed on the ground like a broken puppet in an extremely standard "Orz" pose, muttering: "...Phew... this Explosion Magic... is my... fire of revenge... to wash away the name of the grass-chewing girl..."The smoke dissipated, and Beldia's originally imposing black heavy armor had been charred black. He crawled out of the rubble in a sorry state. The head he was holding in his left hand was madly spewing black smoke, and even the feathers on his helmet had been burned bald."Cough, cough! Bastards... you bunch of lunatics! How can you use this kind of magic to say hello?!" Beldia roared angrily. His warhorse had been blown into pieces, and he could only walk and swing his huge two-handed sword towards the group, "I'm going to chop you into meat paste!!"Haru and Kazuma looked at each other, not only not afraid, but laughing even more wantonly.
Chapter 58: Hold for 30 SecondsLooking at Beldia rushing over with a grimy face and heavy steps after being blasted, Haru and Satou Kazuma didn't retreat; instead, they took a synchronized step forward.The smiles on their faces could no longer be described as merely arrogant; it was the look of extreme sadism, like watching prey fall into a trap."Kazuma, did you see that? The Dullahan who claims to be the King of Undead now looks like a charred soda can." Haru stood with his hands on his hips, his tone as relaxed as if he were on a picnic."I saw it, Big Brother Haru. And because his armor is so heavy, the way he runs is like a giant tin duck." Kazuma pulled a holy water spray he bought at half price from Wiz out of his pocket and provocatively sprayed the air. "Hey, you tin can over there, don't run so fast, be careful not to fall apart!""Roar! Damn humans! How dare you mock this great one!!" Beldia shook with rage, the head he held in his left hand turning bright red with anger, even emitting bursts of steam.Haru turned his head to look at Aqua, who was excitedly starting to stretch in place."Aqua, see that giant moving EXP bag? Whether we can drink top-tier sparkling wine worth a hundred thousand today, and whether you can clear your name as the Intellectual Disabled Goddess in front of the whole city, depends entirely on this one shot!""No problem! Leave it to me!!" Aqua suddenly stopped her movements, her expression instantly becoming solemn and holy (though it wouldn't last three seconds). She raised her staff embedded with a giant gemstone, the ribbons behind her dancing wildly under the holy light. "This Goddess is the Goddess of Water, Aqua! The only true god who governs all pure water and is worshipped by the Axis Order! Mere Demon Kings Army General, tremble before my rain of purification!!"Haru and Kazuma tacitly took two steps back and covered their ears."Sacred Create Water!!!"With Aqua's cry, the originally gloomy clouds in the sky were instantly pierced by a blue pillar of holy light.Next, it wasn't rain, but a terrifying torrent like a dam breaking, carrying pure energy enough to purify all Undead creatures, covering Beldia in a fan shape!"Wh-What?! This amount of mana... could you be..." Beldia's head, flying in mid-air, showed an expression of extreme terror.Splash—!!The massive torrent of holy water instantly submerged Beldia.The black heavy armor that could originally withstand physical impacts actually made "sizzling" corrosive sounds under the soaking of the holy water.Beldia's originally agile movements became extremely comical in an instant. He was like a sunken ship filled with lead, his legs sinking deep into the mud softened by the water, and the giant sword in his hand was so heavy he couldn't hold it, dropping it directly into the slush."Gurgle... Save... Gurgle... My curse... is disappearing..." Beldia struggled desperately in the flood of holy water like a drowning beetle.Haru watched this scene and snapped his fingers at Kazuma: "Kazuma, now's the time! That guy's head is about to be washed away. Go Steal it. We're going to perform a hero's decapitation for the whole city's audience!""Hehe, understood! Steal!!" A glint flashed in Kazuma's eyes, and his right hand suddenly gripped the air.At that moment, Satou Kazuma's right hand burst with an extremely dazzling strong white light.That was the "Sure Hit" effect of the Steal skill triggered under the boost of extremely high luck!"Come to me, you tin can!!" Kazuma let out a hysterical mad laugh.Under the gaze of the city residents through telescopes, Beldia's head, which was still spewing black smoke and roaring wildly in mid-air, actually disappeared into thin air and abruptly appeared in Kazuma's arms the next second.Kazuma held the charred head tightly like an American football player, sliding several meters on the muddy ground due to inertia, kicking up a magnificent layer of holy water spray.Thundering cheers came vaguely from the city wall: "—Ohhh! It appeared! It's Kazuma-sama's divine technique!""So cool! He actually plucked the General's head off directly!"Hearing the cheers from afar, Kazuma instantly felt like he was floating.His originally insidious and cautious expression was replaced by extreme vanity. He stood up holding the head, stepped on a piece of rubble nearby, and waved wildly toward the city wall. His other hand dangled Beldia's helmet plume, bouncing it up and down like a trophy."See that! This is the strength of our Lin Jin Party! A mere Demon Kings Army General is nothing more than a plaything in my hands... Wahahaha!""Hey! Kazuma! Let go! That guy isn't fully dead yet!" Haru's eyelids twitched as he watched from behind, hurriedly shouting a reminder.However, the accident happened at that moment.Beldia's head, which Kazuma was treating like a ball, actually triggered some biological instinct born of extreme anger due to the continuous violent jolting.The charred head suddenly snapped its eyes open, green nether-fire burning in its pupils, facing Kazuma's smug face."You brat... who do you think... this great one is?!!"Beldia's head let out a shrill shriek, then his mouth opened to an exaggerated angle, and a thick, black corrosive toxic mist spewed out along with the scream, hitting Kazuma right in the face."Waaaah! My eyes! My eyes! It stinks! It burns! Save me, Big Brother Haru!" Kazuma let out a scream, jumping up like a cat whose tail was stepped on. The head in his arms flew out, drawing an arc in the air, and landed with extreme precision into the arms of the dazed Aqua, who was watching with her mouth wide open.Worse yet, Beldia's massive headless body, sensing the location of the head, actually pushed through the holy water torrent like an out-of-control steamroller, swinging fists that were swordless but still heavy as iron, and charged toward Aqua and the head in her arms!"Eh? Eeeeeh? Don't come over here! This rotten head is so gross! Haru, save me!!" Aqua held the head that was trying to bite her nose, her face pale with fright, tears instantly bursting out. Her foot slipped, and she fell into the mire she had created with a splash.Seeing Aqua rolling around with the head and Beldia's tower-like body charging through the waves with a destructive aura, Haru realized this was the final highlight moment reserved for a "True Hero" in the script.Haru whipped his Hero's Cape behind him, exerted force with his feet, and sped across the muddy holy water marsh like an arrow from a bow.His movements were crisp and clean, his eyes showing a cold composure that suggested everything was under control."Aqua, pass me the ball!!"Haru let out a roar. As he approached Aqua, his body leaned back incredibly, cutting in with an extremely magnificent and physics-defying sliding tackle.Aqua was screaming wildly because Beldia's head was biting her collar. Haru precisely reached out with his left hand, forcibly pulled the grumbling charred head from her arms, and threw it into the air."It's over! Beldia! Axel doesn't need a brainless landlord like you!"Haru used the momentum of the slide to spin up, his right foot drawing a perfect arc in the air, the sole of his shoe even trailing a bit of holy blue light due to air friction.Thud—!!A dull but crisp impact sound echoed across the wilderness.Haru's foot precisely struck Beldia's cheek. The General's head let out a cry of terror, like a baseball hit with full force, turning into a black meteor and flying straight toward the end of the distant horizon."No... way... aaaaaah..." Beldia's voice disappeared into the sky along with his head.Losing the sensing of the head, the massive body that was originally rushing toward Aqua instantly froze in place.It comically held up its fists like a robot that had lost power, wobbled twice, and then fell flat on its back into the holy water mud with a crash, splashing mud a meter high.Silence.After a brief silence, a feverish cheer loud enough to blow off roofs erupted from the direction of Axel's city walls!"Haru-sama! Haru-sama!!!""Heavens! That Golden Right Foot! Is that a miracle?!""Did you see that! He didn't even look at the explosion... no, he didn't even look at where that head flew, so cool!!"Haru maintained his post-kick follow-through pose, one hand pressing down his cape, back turned to the sobbing Aqua in the mud and the blind Kazumastumbling around, leaving the city wall audience with a lonely and invincible silhouette."Phew... Kazuma, help me remember, this pose needs to be held for thirty seconds until those painters finish.""Big Brother Haru... ugh... I can't see anything... but from the sound of it, you're showing off again..." Kazuma crouched on the ground, washing his eyes with water while grumbling resentfully."Waaaaah! Haru! That kick almost hit my face! I want more money! Definitely more money!!" Aquacrawled out of the mud, her head covered in slush and holy water, and lunged forward without any dignity, trying to grab Haru's cape to wipe her face.
Chapter 59: The Eccentric IntervieweesWith a Sacred Purification from Aqua, the battle came to a complete end.The afterglow of the setting sun dyed the walls of Axel a magnificent gold; the city gates were wide open, and both sides were packed with residents waiting expectantly.As Haru walked at the very front, his (rented) hero's cape, though splattered with mud and holy water, radiated a tragic beauty after a bloody battle under the glow of the sunset.Haru tilted his chin up slightly, his deep gaze fixed straight ahead, his right hand resting on the staff at his waist. Every step he took resonated with the rhythmic sense of a world-saver who keeps his deeds and fame hidden."Look! It's Lord Haru! He's back!""The Golden Right Leg that kicked away the Demon Kings Army General! Hurrah!"The overwhelming cheers almost blew the city gates off.Although Satou Kazuma was still rubbing his red and swollen eyes, the moment he entered the gates, he straightened his back and put on a weak smile that said, 'I'm heavily injured, but it's all worth it for you,' even going so far as to stumble intentionally, drawing pained screams from several nearby young girls."Oh, everyone... don't worry, I was just a bit smoked by the general's final struggle... cough cough, as long as Axel is safe..." Kazuma's acting reached its peak at this moment.Aqua, on the other hand, had absolutely no self-awareness as a hero. Covered in mud, she hopped around, waving her staff—which she had almost used as a poker—at the crowd: "Hey! You over there! Hurry up and bring out the premium sparkling wine you prepared! This goddess is dying of thirst! And where's that uncle who said he'd donate ten thousand eris? Don't run! I see you!"Darkness followed closely behind Haru with a flushed face. She seemed extremely uncomfortable with the praises like 'great martyr' or'shield of justice' from the crowd, or rather... it was some kind of extreme shameful pleasure.She whispered softly, "To be stared at by so many people... with such worshipful eyes... it's like a public execution... Ah, Lord Haru, please walk faster, this feeling of being ravaged by their gazes..."The moment Haru stepped into the Adventurers Guild, confetti and streamers erupted into the air."Welcome back! Heroes of Axel!" The guild receptionist, Miss Miss Luna, rushed forward with a flushed face, handing Haru a thick stack of bounty checks. "This is the reward for subjugating Beldia, a total of thirty million eris! Also, every tavern in town has announced they'll be open for free for you tonight!"Haru calmly took the checks and raised his hand toward the boisterous tavern, signaling for everyone to be quiet."Everyone," Haru said in a magnetic, low voice. "Justice may be delayed, but the Haru party will never be absent. Tonight... all expenses are on that headless general! Everyone—cheer your hearts out!!""Oooooh!! Long live Haru!!"The tavern plunged into a wild victory celebration.Aqua had already jumped onto a table and started performing her specialty, Natures Beauty, controlling the liquor in the cups to splash around like fountains.Kazuma, meanwhile, was huddled in a corner, stuffing premium steak into his mouth while staring at the checks in Haru's arms with a world-weary gaze."Big brother Haru, stop acting, that's thirty million!" Kazuma lowered his voice, speaking urgently. "Combined with the million or so we collected from donations... can't we just retire and buy a big villa in the Royal Capital? Or... should we go buy out that Succubus Shop?"Haru looked at the cheering crowd outside the window, then at Megumin nearby, who was trying to stuff a whole roast chicken into her mouth, and the corners of his mouth curled up slightly.On the night of the celebration, Aqua completely redefined the lower limits of the word 'goddess' for the people of Axel.After chugging three whole bottles of premium sparkling wine called Ragnarok, she began frantically performing an enhanced version of Natures Beauty on the guild's long tables. She even lost control of her magic, turning the tavern ceiling into a miniature artificial fountain array, soaking all the Adventurers like drowned rats. Meanwhile, she clung to Haru's leg, crying with snot and tears:"Haru! From now on, you're my high priest! Hurry up and exchange that thirty-million check for gold coins; I want to spread them on my bed and sleep on them! Waaaah, this goddess finally doesn't have to sleep in a stable anymore..."As a result, early the next morning, when Haru and Satou Kazuma pushed open the door of the (still) stable with pounding hangovers, the sight before them snapped them awake instantly.In the open space outside the stable, a dense, long line had formed, a scene comparable to the knight selection in the Royal Capital."Big brother Haru, I have a bad feeling about this." Kazuma lowered his voice, tightly clutching the check that hadn't been cashed yet. "These people look like... none of them are normal."Haru took a deep breath, moved a worn-out wooden chair to sit at the stable entrance, picked up a piece of wood from the ground to write [HaruHero Party · Talent Interview Site], and began welcoming these 'elites' who had come for his fame.The first interviewee was a Paladin wearing extremely ornate armor that even reflected in the sun.He suddenly dropped to one knee, his voice so loud it shook the hay off the stable roof. "Oh! Great Lord Haru! I am the Sword of Justice from the neighboring city! I heard you shattered the Darknesswith your Golden Right Leg! Please, you must let me join! My special technique is Absolute Defense—as long as I close my eyes, I absolutely cannot feel the enemy's attacks!"Haru and Kazuma exchanged a glance and wordlessly drew a big 'X' on the logbook.The second was a gloomy-looking, small-statured Thief who crept up and lowered his voice. "Hehe, Lord Haru. I heard you're short on people. My Stealth is top-notch; I can steal the... underwear from someone's pocket in broad daylight without being noticed. How about it? This technique must be very useful for defeating the Demon King, right?"Kazuma's eyes lit up for a moment, but seeing Haru's cold gaze, he quickly coughed twice. "Ahem, I already have this divine skill; I don't need a competitor. Next!"The interviews that followed were a complete disaster:There was a Druid who claimed to talk to Slimes but was actually just talking to himself; a Mage who could only cast Flash once a day and would then be blind for half an hour; and even someone claiming to be an elite missionary of the Axis Order, who tried to force Haru to sign a membership application during the interview.Haru was rubbing his throbbing temples as the 148th interviewee in front of him tried to demonstrate how to play the Axis Order Anthemwith his nostrils. Satou Kazuma had already started rolling his eyes, his logbook filled with nothing but 'X' marks.Just as Haru was rubbing his temples, planning to kick away the burly man who was playing the Axis Order Anthem with his nostrils—and even trying to hit the high notes—a sudden commotion broke out in the crowd.The long line that had been (mostly) orderly, despite being full of weirdos, was rudely pushed aside. A guy with messy blonde hair, wearing light armor that looked anything but professional, and a longsword hanging at his waist, came swaggering over.He had an extremely punchable, frivolous smile on his face, as if he had seen through everything, and he was carrying a half-drunk bottle of cheap ale.This was the famous problem child of Axel, the delinquent-type Adventurer—Dust.He didn't show worshipful or fanatical eyes like the others; instead, as if watching a circus performance, he circled Haru and Kazuma twice before stopping in front of them with a loud sneer."Yo, so these are the two legendary heroes who saved Axel?" Dust intentionally emphasized the word 'heroes.' He squinted at the check in Kazuma's hand that hadn't even warmed up yet, then at Haru's cape, which, though ornate, was clearly rented. "Alright, alright, drop the act. That righteous expression might work on those normal people whose brains are full of water, but you can skip it with me."PS:Brothers, if anyone knows about the Fanqie book circle, could you help me share this? Love you guys!
Chapter 60: Not a Single CentKazuma's originally upright and formal posture instantly collapsed. He warily tucked the check into his chest, his eyes turning sharp and filled with the hostility of a kindred spirit:"Who the hell are you? Didn't you see we're conducting a serious Hero Party interview? If you're not in line, get to the back!""Pwahahaha! Interview? Serious?" Dust laughed so hard he slapped his thigh, as if he had heard the world's greatest joke. Then he leaned in close to the two of them, lowering his voice and speaking in a tone that only scumbags could understand, "Hey, this routine of using Beldia's name to rake in money while swindling free food, drinks, and fame... I got tired of playing that three years ago. Look at the eyes of you two... Tsk tsk, that gaze filled with lust for money, disdain for trouble, and the scummy aura of being ready to bolt at any moment—I can smell it from three streets away!"He turned to look at Haru and gave a sly grin: "Especially you, Haru. That kick sending the head flying was indeed pretty cool, but you actually just wanted to kick that troublesome ball as far away as possible so it wouldn't bite you again, right? It just happened to turn into a hero's strike by accident, and now you're happily calculating how to spend the bounty in your head, aren't you?"Haru looked at Dust's face, which was practically screaming 'I'm a scumbag and I'm proud,' and felt a slight shock in his heart.Is this the so-called Scumbag Radar?This guy actually saw through his glittering hero exterior at a glance, revealing the heart underneath that was filled with useless and scummy attributes."Tsk, been found out, have I?" Haru simply stopped pretending. He leaned back, crossed his legs, and revealed an equally scummy smile. "Since you've seen through us, are you here to sabotage us or to get a cut of the profits?"At this moment, Haru and Satou Kazuma achieved a kind of brainwave synchronization that only top-tier scumbags could manage.Without any verbal communication, with just a single exchange of glances, the two of them read four big characters from each other's pupils: Not a Single Cent.Facing Dust's shameless face that practically said 'everyone gets a share,' Kazuma was the first to speak up.His originally tense face instantly melted away, replaced by a bright smile even more frivolous and unscrupulous than Dust's, and he even affectionately put his arm around Dust's shoulder."Aya, brother! You really are an expert! Since you've seen through us, there's no need for us to hide anything." As Kazuma spoke, he extremely covertly signaled Haru to get ready with his other hand. "A cut of the profits? Of course you should get one! But as you can see, we're famous now. Although the bounty is quite a bit, our expenses are also staggeringly high. Just the alcohol Aqua drank yesterday was enough to buy half a stable..."Haru understood immediately. He instantly put on a miserable expression, let out a long sigh, and pulled a thick stack of... applicant resumes (scrap paper) from his chest, slapping them hard into Dust's hand."Brother Dust, since you know the ropes so well, we won't treat you like an outsider." Haru gripped Dust's hand earnestly, his eyes showing a sense of relief as if he had finally found a successor. "To tell you the truth, this thirty million bounty is actually a hot potato. The Demon Kings Army has already set their sights on us. Look at those hundred-plus weirdos behind us—they're actually all assassins sent by the Demon Kings Army (bullshit)! We were just worrying about finding someone to help us share this risk."Dust froze for a moment, looking down at the stack of resumes in his hand filled with things like Nostril Flute Playing and stealthing in underwear: "Huh? Assassins? These guys?""Exactly! That's the most insidious part of the Demon Kings Army—using idiots to drain our mental energy!" Kazuma said decisively, shoving the wooden sign that originally belonged to Haru, which read [Hero Party · Talent Interview Point], into Dust's arms. "So, about the cut, that's easy to talk about, but first you have to help us deal with the remaining two hundred interviewees. For every interviewee, we'll give you... five eris in labor fees. How about it? This is a big business!""Hey! You can't even buy a bun with five eris! You two are even scummier than I imagined!"Dust finally realized that he was being counter-freeloaded by these two kindred spirits.Faced with this plucking hair from a stone style of counter-freeloading from Haru and Satou Kazuma, Dust was stunned for three seconds. Then, his hoodlum-like face twisted into an extremely complex expression of anger and admiration.He slammed the resumes in his hand onto the ground, though he was sensible enough not to throw the wooden sign."Enough! You two bastards! I thought I was shameless enough, but I didn't expect Axel to give birth to you two True Gods of Scumbags!" Dustgrowled through gritted teeth, his eyes showing the desperation of having met his match. "Five eris? Are you treating me like a beggar! Listen up, I can waive the hush money, but tonight you must take me to that Succubus Shop! And I want to order the highest-grade 'Pure Type Succubus · First Love's Memories' package! Haru, you two are paying, or else I'll go to the plaza right now and shout that the Great Heroes Haru and Kazuma are actually total frauds!"As soon as Kazuma heard the words Succubus Shop, his hand that was tightly clutching the check unconsciously loosened, and a look of extremely lewd and scheming intent appeared in his eyes.He leaned into Haru's ear and whispered in an extremely faint but eager voice:"Big Brother Haru... although this guy is a real jerk, his suggestion... is very constructive. Think about it, for us with tens of millions, this little expense is nothing. And making this guy owe us a favor will make it easier to do some bad things in Axel later..."After listening to Kazuma's whispering, the corner of Haru's mouth curled into an extremely dangerous and malicious arc. In his eyes, which usually looked somewhat decent, a dark light called scum was now flickering.Haru tilted his head slightly, covered his mouth with his hand, and let out a sinister low laugh in Kazuma's ear at a frequency only the two of them could hear."Hehehe, Kazuma, you're still too soft." Harulowered his voice, his tone carrying a calculation that made one's spine chill. "Treat him? Of course we'll treat him. Since Brother Dust has put it that way, how can we, as Great Heroes, refuse a colleague's small wish? However... have you forgotten the rules of the Succubus Shop? That Wish Application Formis filled out by the person paying the bill."Kazuma was stunned for a moment, and then his useless face erupted with unprecedented brilliance. He first gasped, then revealed a scummy smile even more sinister than Haru's by three degrees, slapping his thigh hard:"Oh oh oh! Big Brother Haru! You're practically an interviewer sent by the devil! I get it, I totally get it! This guy Dust wants 'Pure Type · First Love's Memories,' right? Then we'll help him polish it a bit. For example... at the critical moment of the first love's confession, the other party suddenly turns into a two-meter-tall, muscle-bound, bearded Anikitype first love?"
Chapter 61: The Nouveau RicheIn the dark corner of the stable, Haru and Satou Kazuma's laughter gradually grew low and rhythmic, sounding like the entrance of a villain.The two of them had now reached a complete consensus:In the land of Axel, there could be losers and weirdos, but the throne of the ultimate scumbag could only be shared by the two of them. Anyone who tried to butt in and take a slice of the pie would have to pay a painful price."Kazuma, while the 'Aniki's first love' idea is exciting, it's still too conventional." Haru lightly tapped the pocket containing the thirty-million-eris check with his fingernail, a light of what could be called destructive creativity flickering in his eyes. "Since Dust wants memories of his first love, let's give him the full combo meal. We'll write on that form: just as Dust is finally about to kiss that pure young girl in his dream, she'll suddenly open her mouth and let out a screech in Aqua's broken voice—'Haru! Buy me booze right now! I blew up the guild's toilet!' Then, the girl's face will rapidly swell, turning into a giant Slime with Beldia's mustache, and begin a full-scale Slime-mucus baptism on him."Kazuma shuddered as he listened, then showed a look of profound respect for such scumbaggery. His hand trembled as he gave a thumbs-up:"Brother Haru, you're the real Demon King, aren't you? This isn't a wet dream anymore; this is a Cthulhu Mythos-level mental pollution! But... I like it! Should we add one more thing? At the end of the dream, let him find out he's actually wearing a maid outfit and washing the feet of every Orc in town, and his pay is only one eris?""Deal."Haru and Kazuma gave each other a forceful high-five, the crisp sound echoing like the conclusion of some evil contract.The two turned their heads simultaneously, their faces instantly covered by hypocritical masks of brotherly affection, smiling with a radiance that was positively sunny.Haru stepped forward and even took the initiative to straighten Dust's crooked collar."Brother Dust! Kazuma and I just discussed it, and we think you're right! As fellow travelers, why should we be so distant?" Haru waved his hand grandly. "Tonight, the highest-grade luxury private room at the Succubus Shop! The two of us will personally handle the arrangements to ensure you experience the ultimate pleasure where your'soul is cleansed and your worldview is reshaped'!"Dust was a bit dazed by their sudden enthusiasm. He scratched his head; although he felt a chill down his spine, the thought of a pure-type first love made him drool uncontrollably."Oh, oh! Since you guys are being so supportive, I can't let you down!" Dust puffed out his chest and swung that interview wooden sign with a whistling wind. "I'll go buy some medicine first. It looks like today is my lucky day."In front of the Succubus Shop's reception, where the air was filled with pink, ambiguous lighting and a cloyingly sweet scent, Haru and Satou Kazuma sat side-by-side, their expressions as serious as if they were signing a secret protocol concerning the survival of humanity.Standing before them was a succubus lady with small horns, wearing a revealing uniform, and sporting a professional yet gentle smile.She held an exquisite wish application form, tilting her head and looking with some confusion at these two heroes who were gritting their teeth at the form and letting out occasional low chuckles."My lords, are you truly certain you want to customize such a dream for that Mr. Dust?" The succubus lady politely pointed to the dense revision marks on the application form, her voice trembling slightly. "While we are professionals, this setting of... being drenched in holy water the moment he confesses to his first love, then watching her grow Beldia's mustache and start performing a striptease... the mental pressure on the guest might be quite immense.""It's fine, please proceed exactly like this." Haruslapped the counter with a righteous face, sliding over several large-denomination bills. "Brother Dustis our closest comrade-in-arms. He's been under too much pressure lately; we need this extreme shock to help him completely release his true nature. Especially the Aqua-style broken-voice brainwashing part—please turn the volume to the maximum."Kazuma nodded frantically from the side. He held a special quill pen and was adding the final killing blow at the end of the application form:"And here! At the very end of the dream, please have Dust discover he is actually a Saintess of the Axis Order, surrounded by a group of sweaty Orcs demanding autographs, and the pen in his hand is actually a slippery octopus tentacle! Hehehe, Brother Haru, this way, his energy will definitely be completely filtered out when he wakes up tomorrow, right?"Looking at Kazuma, who had completely fallen into a scumbag-like frenzy, Haru felt deeply gratified.Sure enough, when it came to tormenting their own kind, Kazuma's talent was practically overflowing."Very good, that's it." Haru closed the application form with satisfaction and handed it to the dumbfounded succubus lady. "Money is no object; what we want is the effect. Please make sure he feels the despair of his first love shattering into pieces and then being trampled by the Demon Kings Army.""O-Okay... since it is the request of the hero lords..." The succubus lady wiped the cold sweat from her forehead and carefully tucked away the application form that was enough to make a grown man weep. "Then, tonight we will send the sisters most skilled in horror-style acting to serve Mr. Dust. May I ask... do you lords not need to customize some... real beautiful dreams for yourselves? We have a specially launched'Soft and Fluffy Big Sister' package today."When Kazuma heard words like'Soft and Fluffy Big Sister' and 'memories of first love,' his whole being seemed to flip a strange switch. His previously sinister expression instantly collapsed, replaced by a dazed look as if he were deeply poisoned.His breathing became heavy, his hands involuntarily twisted together, and even those dead-fish eyes began to sprout pink heart-shaped bubbles."Soft... fluffy... big sister... and a specially launched package..." Kazuma murmured as his trembling hand reached for the wallet at his waist, seemingly about to sink completely into the abyss of lust. "B-Brother Haru... I think, as men, we should be good to ourselves once in a while... Since we're already here, why don't I..."Haru snorted coldly and reached out mercilessly, grabbing Kazuma by the back collar like a little chick and forcefully dragging him back from the succubus lady's seductive gaze.Haru casually patted the heavy thirty-million-erischeck in his robe, producing a crisp sound that was particularly piercing in the quiet shop, instantly clearing half of Kazuma's lust-befuddled brain."Wake up, Kazuma!" Haru said in a tone of disappointment, his eyes flashing with the specific arrogance and depth of the nouveau riche. "Look at yourself now. Where is the air of a great hero who saved the town? You are now a millionaire! A millionaire, do you understand? That's a class that stands at the peak of Axel, where even the drunks in the guild have to watch your face!"Kazuma was stunned, staring blankly at Haru: "M-Millionaire?""That's right! For those bottom-tier Adventurers who only have a few copper coins in their pockets and have to rely on exterminating frogs to earn tomorrow's meal money (like we used to be), spending money to buy a beautiful dream is indeed the highest luxury." Haru glanced at the shop's ambiguous decor with a look of disdain, then leaned in close to Kazuma and lowered his voice. "But we have money now! Rich people going to dream? That's just low! Think about it, no matter how real the dream is, don't you still wake up lying in that drafty stable? That kind of emptiness—do you really want to experience it again?"Kazuma woke up as if from a dream. Recalling the horror of being woken every morning by the sound of Aqua vomiting, he couldn't help but shudder: "Brother Haru... you're right! How can rich people indulge in fake dreams!"Haru let go with satisfaction and turned to look at the completely petrified succubus lady, revealing an extremely scummy and aggressive smile:"Sorry, miss. Although your services are tempting, for the current us, dreams are no longer enough. Since this world has magic and demi-human races, there must be that kind of... you know, not a dream, but actual, real-person service at a high-end club where one can truly feel body heat and softness, right? For example, something like the 'Interspecies Reviewers' style. Even if the price is ten or a hundred times higher, it doesn't matter. After all, the one thing we aren't lacking right now is money."The succubus lady opened her mouth, her professional smile completely failing to hold. She twisted her fingers in confusion: "T-This... my lords, our shop's mission is to provide absolutely safe and legal spiritual comfort... As for the real-person service you mentioned... such places do exist in Axel, but they are the Ruby Salon, which specifically caters to nobles and wealthy merchants from the Royal Capital... Not only is the threshold extremely high, but...""Ruby Salon?" Haru and Kazuma repeated the name in unison, their eyes syncing up perfectly once again in that moment.A desire to explore unknown territories and a morbid craving to squander money burned fiercely in their pupils.Kazuma rubbed his hands vigorously, an excited flush appearing on his face that only showed up when he was up to no good: "Brother Haru! Did you hear that? High-end club! Noble treatment! This is the place that fits our status! Compared to dealing with a clump of mana in a dream, I'd much rather go see what'soft and fluffy' looks like in reality!"Haru strode out of the Succubus Shop, the setting sun stretching his shadow very long, making him look particularly "grand."Without looking back, he snapped his fingers at Kazuma behind him:"Let's go, Kazuma. First to the bank to cash the check, then to get some decent outfits. Tonight, we're going to let those nobles in Axel know what a real nouveau-riche-style hero looks like!"As for Dust?That poor bastard was probably in the stable, having his final beautiful dream about his first love.But it didn't matter. When he woke up tomorrow and found his soul had been thoroughly baptized by Aqua's broken voice and the 'Aniki first love,' he would surely thank the two of them for letting him experience the diversity of life.
Chapter 62: Aqua Sebastian VonWhen Haru and Kazuma swaggered through the heavy doors of the Adventurers Guild, the originally rowdy tavern instantly fell silent for a second.Every gaze—envious, jealous, and purely curious—was fixed on these two multi-millionaires.Haru and Kazuma exchanged a glance and, with perfect understanding, puffed out their chests and strode toward the senior Adventurer section at the back of the tavern with an arrogant, world-beating gait.Seated there were a group of old lechers who, despite their high levels, had pockets cleaner than their faces because they spent their bounties on alcohol and strange places year-round."Hey, seniors." Haru propped a foot up on a bench and grandly flicked the thirty-million-val worth check on the table, making a sound that caused everyone's heart to skip a beat. "I'm looking for some information. I heard there's a place in Axelcalled the Ruby Salon? Your boy here came into a bit of money today and wants to experience that 'real softness' that doesn't belong in dreams. Who can lead the way?"The air froze again, and then, a roar loud enough to lift the roof erupted."The Ruby Salon?! Haru, you bastard actually mentioned that holy land!!" A greatsword warrior with a face full of stubble suddenly stood up, tears of emotion actually shimmering in his eyes. "That is the ultimate utopia we can only glimpse in our dreams (and even then, only in dreams from the Succubus Shop) in this lifetime!"In an instant, Haru and Kazuma's table was surrounded so tightly not a drop of water could get through.These men, who usually argued for half a day over subjugating giant toads, now displayed an unprecedented level of academic rigor as a seminar titled 'On the Access Qualifications and Service Depth of the Ruby Salon' officially opened."As far as I know!" An elderly Thief adjusted his non-existent glasses with a solemn expression. "The Ruby Salon doesn't take cash. They only accept High-level Credit Points certified by the Guild, or you must possess a 'Friend of the Great Merchant' badge issued by the Royal Capital. Rough guys like us, covered in the smell of sweat, can't even step on the floor tiles outside the main gate!"Hearing this, Kazuma got anxious and slammed the table, shouting, "Credit points? Badges? We're the heroes who saved the town! Don't we even have that kind of privilege? Weren't you all cheering when Brother Haru kicked Beldia away?!""Even heroes won't do, Kazuma-kun." Another Mage sighed, his tone full of the weariness of one who had been through it. "The servers there are said to be specially trained in the Royal Capital, and there are even rumors that fallen noble ladies work there part-time... The way they look at people is colder than the sharpest ice arrow. If you don't have enough 'class,' even if you pull out a hundred million eris, they'll just treat you like an upstart and block you at the door.""Class?" Haru sneered, his eyes flashing with an arrogance that treated money like dirt (mostly because he hadn't cashed it yet). "That kind of thing—just put on the most expensive silk, spray on the finest perfume, and hire eight maids to scatter flower petals behind you, and you've got it, right? Kazuma, it looks like we don't just need to change our outfits; we need to get ourselves some noble titles to play with."The men in the Guild listened in stunned silence, then broke into a thunderous wave of applause and cheers."As expected of Lord Haru! Is this the spirit of the wealthy?!""Take me with you! I'm willing to be the maid who scatters petals for you... no, being the attendant who carries your bags is fine too!""For the dreams of men, please be sure to conquer that salon, then come back and tell us the details! Especially the part about the real body temperature—you must describe it in detail down to two decimal places!!"Looking at this group of fanatical men, Haru and Kazuma felt a heavy sense of mission.This was no longer a simple act of consumption; this was a lustful charge led on behalf of all the low-level males in Axel against the unattainable noble class!Just then, the Guild doors were pushed open again, and Aqua's signature voice, full of the scent of trouble, drifted over:"Hey! Haru! Kazuma! I can't believe you're hiding here having such a disgusting meeting! I just heard outside that you're going to some Ruby? Is that something to eat? Take me with you, I'm hungry!!"Haru looked at the drooling Aqua, who was trying to reach for the check in his arms, and a flash of inspiration hit him, as if he had seen the pinnacle of 'waste utilization.'Haru pressed a hand against Aqua's pretty face, which was slightly distorted by greed, pushed her away, and then sized her up with the eyes of someone inspecting a work of art (or perhaps a high-priced head of livestock)."Kazuma, look." Haru pointed at Aqua, who was puffing out her cheeks in a 'baozi face' and preparing to fly into a rage after being pushed. He said in a low voice, "Although this girl's intelligence is despairingly low and her luck is horrifyingly bad, you have to admit—just looking at this face, this outfit, and that arrogant 'I am the center of the world' attitude, doesn't she have that vibe of a haughty royal who remains supercilious even after her kingdom has fallen?"Kazuma froze for a moment. He first showed a look of extreme disgust, but as he followed Haru's train of thought and carefully observed Aqua's flowing water-blue hair and her raiment (which was a bit stained with wine but still of extraordinary quality), his eyes slowly lit up."Oh... Ohhh! Brother Haru, you're a genius! This aura of pure and refined stupidity... no, it's a sense of divinity! As long as she doesn't open her mouth—no, even if she does, as long as we package those ravings as an ancient dialect of a foreign royalty or intermittent mental derangement caused by the fall of her country, it's perfect!""Hey! What are you two whispering about over there! What do you mean 'aura of stupidity'? What do you mean 'mental derangement'!" Aqua stomped her feet in anger, waving her fists in protest. "I am the great Lady Aqua, the goddess worshipped by the Axis Order! My status is so noble it could scare those mortals in the Ruby Salon to death! Give me the money, I want to go buy that high-grade Holy Water that bubbles (champagne)!"Haru threw an arm around Aqua's shoulder and put on an unprecedentedly gentle (and thoroughly deceptive) smile:"Aqua, do you want to drink that 'high-grade Holy Water that bubbles'? Do you want to eat those snacks served on pure silver platters and hand-fed to you by handsome male servants?"Aqua's movements instantly froze. Her eyes turned into two giant eris symbols, and she nodded frantically. "I do! I really do! Haru, you've finally seen the light, waah!""Very good. Then from now on, you're no longer that useless goddess who's up to her neck in debt." Harupointed at her with a serious face. "You are the sole successor of the Axis Order Empire from the far east, which was destroyed by the Demon King's Army—Her Highness Aqua Sebastian Von Goddess of Water! And Kazuma and I are the last sword of the empire and Chief Financial Officer responsible for escorting you to reclaim your kingdom. We're going to the Ruby Salon tonight to raise funds for the restoration and, incidentally, to inspect the local customs. Remember, once we're there, you must maintain that look where you see everyone as if they're paramecia. Understand?"Although Aqua was completely confused, the mention of snacks and male servants made her immediately enter the role. She elegantly lifted her skirt and performed a curtsy (though the movement was a bit stiff), then said in an extremely punchable tone:"Hmph, since you all have begged this Queen so sincerely, I suppose I can deign to accompany you to such a commoner-filled salon. But it's a deal—half of the restoration funds must be mine... no, eighty percent!"Kazuma watched from the side, dumbfounded, then wiped his sweat frantically. "Brother Haru, she definitely has the 'class' now, but I can't help but feel this arrogance is too real. It's so real it makes me want to hit her..."Haru sneered and patted the check in his coat. "That realism is exactly what we need. Let's go. First to the most expensive beauty salon in the city to scrub this 'Imperial Treasure' clean, then to the clothing store to get her a high-grade gown that'll blind everyone!"And so, under the admiring gazes of all the old lechers in the Guild, Haru and Kazuma flanked Princess Aqua like two loyal (and scheme-filled) guards as she marched toward the commercial district with her head held high and an air of utter insufferability.
Chapter 63: The Rude Loyal DogsThis beauty salon, named Royal Emerald, had an interior decorated like a miniature palace. The air was filled with the scent of expensive essential oils, and the carpets were thick enough for half a Slimeto sink into.Haru and Kazuma flanked Aqua like two door gods, escorting her as she stepped into the lobby.When Haru lightly slapped a thick stack of checks—enough to buy half the street—onto the counter, the store manager, a middle-aged woman dressed flashily who had been eyeing them critically, instantly broke into a smile brighter than a sunflower."Oh my! This young lady... no, Her Highness!" The manager covered her mouth exaggeratedly, her shrewd eyes scanning Aqua up and down as she let out a heartfelt gasp. "This Aqua-blue hair, as clear as polar glaciers; this delicate skin, as if kissed by a goddess; and this noble aura... though a bit arrogant, it's so divine it makes one want to kneel and repent... Could it be, are you the rumored exiled Pearl of the Empire?"Aqua had been pouting because she couldn't drink champagne immediately, but hearing this, her small ears twitched slightly, and she instantly puffed herself up like she'd been inflated."Hmph, at least you have some taste." Aqua stood with her hands on her hips, her chin tilted so high she could almost see the ceiling. The arrogance that was supposed to be a disguise perfectly merged with her innate narcissism, erupting with incredible destructive power. "That's right! My beauty can purify the world! This level of elegance is merely the result of me deliberately restraining myself to show consideration for the common people!"Several senior technicians gathered around, showering her with praise:"Heavens, this hair quality! It doesn't need any oil at all; it's like flowing moonlight!""Your Highness, please allow us to perform the highest-grade Starry Sky Treatment for you. Only the finest gemstone powder is worthy of your face!"Being surrounded by professionals blowing smoke up her dress, Aqua completely lost herself in the clouds.She had completely forgotten she was just acting, and she ignored Haru and Kazuma, who were frantically winking at her from behind."Ohohohoho! That's right! Praise me more! I permit you to gaze upon my radiance!" Aqua put one hand on her hip and waved the other elegantly (or so she thought). "Manager! Bring out your most expensive, most magnificent services that will make me shine like the sun! Don't worry about the money; my two loyal dog attendants will pay for everything!"Kazuma's eyes twitched as he listened. He leaned toward Haru's ear and hissed through gritted teeth:"Lin... Haru-aniki... this girl has completely lost control! Did she just call us loyal dogs? She definitely just blurted out what she really thinks! And that Starry Sky Treatment—I saw it on the price list earlier. They use real diamond dust for dermabrasion! That set alone will cost us fifty thousand eris!"Looking at Aqua, who looked ready to fly up and stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the sun, Haru also felt a strong sense of foreboding.This wasn't packaging a princess; this was worshipping a money-devouring ancestor."Calm down, Kazuma." Haru took a deep breath, trying to maintain his deep persona as the last sword of the empire. "You have to spend money to make money. As long as she can maintain this 'I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' momentum when she enters the Ruby Salon, the money won't be wasted. However..."Haru turned his head and shouted at Aqua, who was preparing to lie down in a bathtub filled with rose petals and holy water (which was actually just tap water):"Your Highness! Please mind your words and actions! As the heir to the Empire, how can you act like a loud-mouthed nouveau riche who's never seen the world? Please maintain that cold indifference, as if you'd only find it a bit noisy even if the world were ending!"Aqua turned her head in the bathtub, stuck her tongue out at Haru, and replied in an extremely obnoxious tone:"So noisy! My current behavior is showing 'the Imperial Family's closeness to the people'! Manager, quickly bring me some of that high-grade, chilled grape juice! Use the sparkly crystal glasses!"Watching Aqua having the time of her life, Haru and Kazuma slumped onto the sofa in the lounge area, feeling their souls slowly dissipate along with the numbers on the checks.Just as Aqua was about to command the two technicians to use solid gold spoons to apply the so-called Aurora Pearl Cream to her shoulders, Haruand Kazuma finally reached their limit.The feeling was like watching your own Husky frantically shredding stacks of large bills at a bank counter, while you, as the owner, spent half an hour oscillating between enduring it for the sake of the plan and strangling it on the spot. Finally, the string of sanity snapped."Enough! You plague god, give me a break already!!"Haru let out a roar and charged into the treatment room filled with steam and the smell of money like a blur.Kazuma followed close behind. His face, already distorted from the pain of losing money, looked particularly hideous in the mist, appearing exactly like a vengeful ghost crawled back from hell to collect a debt."Eh? Lin... Haru? What are you doing! I am enjoying my Starry Sky baptism! Let go! That's very expensive essential oil... Waaaaah!"Before Aqua could react, Haru grabbed her proud Aqua-blue hair (gently, avoiding the scalp, of course), while Kazuma skillfully grabbed her waist. Together, they dragged her out of the rose-petal-filled tub like a dead pig."Starry Sky my foot! That's diamond dust! Diamond dust that could buy hundreds of bottles of top-grade bubbly!" Kazuma wailed, nearly collapsing as he pulled with all his might. "You spendthrift goddess! We came here to build your image, not to let you grind our life savings into your skin! Get out of there!""Let me go! You two rude, loyal dogs! I will sentence you! Manager! Manager, help! Some peasants are kidnapping me!!"Aqua flailed her limbs in the air, her wet silk robe dragging a long trail of water across the carpet. Her previously elegant princess image completely collapsed into that of a naughty pet being dragged to a bath.The manager and technicians were terrified. Holding towels and gold spoons, they stared dumbfounded as these two 'Last Swords of the Empire' violently and ungracefully transported their 'Pearl of the Empire'."What are you looking at?! Haven't you seen a princess throw a tantrum before?!" Haru turned and gave the manager a fierce look, pulling a few small bills from his pocket and throwing them on the table. "This is for the water! Cancel the diamond dermabrasion, Starry Sky Treatment, and all that other crap! Her Highness just remembered she has a restoration meeting to attend; she has no time to waste here! Let's go!"Without another word, Haru and Kazuma hoisted up Aqua—who was still struggling and even trying to bite their arms—and charged straight out of the beauty salon's doors.Pedestrians on the street only saw two fierce-looking young men carrying a beautiful but tearful girl with Aqua-blue hair, who was screaming about her pearl cream, as they vanished around the corner of the commercial street like a bolt of lightning.They didn't stop until they reached a relatively quiet alley, where they threw Aqua onto the ground, panting for breath."Hah... hah... Haru-aniki, I... I think my heart is about to stop." Kazuma leaned against the wall, his face pale. "If we had been one minute later, fifty thousand eris would have literally been rubbed away as dead skin cells... This girl can't be given even an ounce of financial autonomy!"Aqua sat on the ground, her eyes red, looking at the two of them with a face full of grievance, looking like a kitten abandoned by the whole world."Wuu... wuuu... you two demons! Scum! Perverts! You said I could be a princess! What kind of princess gets treated so rudely! I don't care! I want compensation! I want to drink that sparkly holy water, and I want to eat those little cakes with gold leaf! Otherwise, I'll scream right here that you're perverts who are illegally detaining a goddess!!"Haru watched the princess, who was now throwing a full-blown tantrum on the ground, his temples throbbing.Elegance? Admission tickets? Right now, both of them just wanted to stuff her into the nearest trash can.
Chapter 64: Domain of the GodsAfter a chaotic session of "violent aesthetics" packaging, the three of them finally stood before Axel's most mysterious and luxurious building—the Ruby Salon.Haru and Kazuma had now changed into Imperial Guard uniforms, custom-made in a rush from the most expensive tailor shop in the city.Haru wore a deep red velvet cloak, with a gorgeously decorated ceremonial sword hanging at his waist that was actually unsharpened. His expression was as cold and stern as an Asura who had just crawled out of a pile of corpses;Kazuma, on the other hand, was dressed in a jet-black butler's suit, wearing a monocle and clutching a thick ledger at all times. His eyes held a sinister glint that suggested he would annihilate the family of anyone who dared overcharge him by even a single eris.In the center of the two was Aqua, who had been forcibly squeezed into a layered exile princess dress encrusted with diamond fragments and lace.To prevent her from opening her mouth and ruining the atmosphere, Haru and Kazuma had used both carrots and sticks on the way there, even threatening to replace all her alcohol with plain water. Only then did she manage to maintain that aloof (actually dazed) expression of deep melancholy over a fallen kingdom and disdain for all things mortal.The doors of the Ruby Salon were carved from solid mahogany, and two guards in silver heavy armor, appearing to be at least Level 40, stood on either side like iron towers.They stared intently at this bizarrely styled trio with suspicious eyes that seemed to be scrutinizing lambs for the slaughter... no, scrutinizing uninvited guests."Halt." The guard on the left leveled his spear, his voice heavy as thunder. "This is the Ruby Salon. No entry for anyone other than invited nobles and high-ranking members. Looking at your attire... though it's magnificent, I can't help but smell the lingering sweat of novice Adventurers and... some sort of unsettling stupidity?"Kazuma adjusted his monocle and let out a cold snort, his expression of class-based superiority and disgust being incredibly vivid:"Impudence! Open your dog eyes and look closely. Standing before you is the last bloodline of the Axis Order Empire, Her Highness Aqua Sebastian von Goddess of Water! Because the Imperial Capital was captured by the Demon Kings Army, Her Highness has been forced to condescend to seek refuge in this border town."Haru stepped forward, hand on his sword hilt. The killing intent born from long-term combat with monsters (though mostly directed at Aqua) erupted instantly, his tone icy and devoid of warmth:"Is Axel's hospitality to subject a member of the royal family to such rude questioning under the scorching sun? If this is the standard of your salon, then it seems the 30 million eris in national restoration funds we brought along needn't be squandered here."Haru elegantly pulled out a stack of checks from his breast pocket and fanned them with his fingertips. The crisp sound of paper rubbing together was more effective than any magic at that moment.The guards' eyes darted back and forth between the stack of checks and Aqua's face, which was indeed stunningly beautiful (as long as she didn't speak).At this moment, Aqua also cooperated perfectly by letting out a faint sigh. She tilted her head slightly to look at the sky, a hint of something glistening in the corner of her eye (actually tear stains from wanting to drink champagne earlier). Her divine and melancholy aura was instantly dialed to the max."This... this presence..." The guard on the right swallowed hard, his attitude turning respectful instantly. "Deepest apologies! Due to many nouveau riche attempting to sneak in lately, we've had to be cautious. Since you are an exiled royal highness, you are naturally our honored guest! Please wait a moment, I will fetch the manager immediately!"The two guards exchanged glances, quickly retracted their spears, and bowed deeply to Aqua."Welcome to the Ruby Salon. May Your Highness's sorrows be soothed by fine wine and service."Haru and Kazuma exchanged a secret, devious look. It worked! They had passed the first hurdle!The manager approached with elegant, almost comical mincing steps. His hair, slicked with an excessive amount of pomade, shimmered under the crystal chandeliers. He exuded an aura that was a mix of premium tobacco and shrewd calculation.He first gave a deep bow. Upon rising, his narrow, fox-like eyes lingered on Aqua's expensive gown for less than half a second before quickly shifting to her eyes."My sincerest apologies, Your Highness. Our establishment has hosted countless guests claiming to be exiled nobles, but one with such a... pure aura as yours is truly rare." The manager smiled slightly and clapped his hands. A waiter immediately brought over three glasses of red wine with a strange purple tint. "To express my apologies, please allow me to offer this bottle of Tears of Elnora. It is said to be a masterpiece from the Southern Archipelago, fermented from the first press of grapes trodden by virgins. I wonder if Your Highness's homeland has estates comparable to the origin of this wine—that famous Golden Coast?"Haru's heart skipped a beat.This old fox was digging a pit! There was no Golden Coast south of Axel; there was only a bunch of giant crabs that loved to rob passersby!Aqua looked at the wine, her throat visibly bobbing. The melancholy in her eyes was instantly replaced by a feverish craving for alcohol.She reached out, her fingertips trembling slightly. Just a second before she could snatch the glass and perform a Goddess-style chug, Haru suddenly stepped forward and firmly pinned her wrist with his white-gloved hand."Mr. Manager, please take back your meager fare," Haru said coldly, his voice low and filled with pressure. "In the Axis Order Empire, this so-called famous wine, produced in saline-alkali soil with a fishy smell of crabs, is usually only used to wash the hooves of Her Highness's warhorses. The Golden Coast you mentioned was burned to ashes by the hellfire of the Demon Kings Army three years ago. Are you intentionally bringing up Her Highness's painful memories, trying to humiliate a royal who has lost her homeland with such base methods?"Kazuma quickly followed the script. He adjusted his monocle, flipped open the ledger, and let out an extremely piercing sneer:"Hmph, how uncouth. Mr. Manager, do you know what the crime is in the Imperial Capital for offering a royal wine that is less than fifty years old? It is the Crime of Desecrating Aesthetics, punishable by being confined in a water dungeon and drinking plain water for a month! The reason Her Highness is silent is that she has completely lost hope in the standards of this world!"Aqua, whose wrist was being held by Haru, was about to snap, but upon hearing about drinking plain water for a month, she shuddered. She immediately withdrew her hand, adopted a compassionate expression, and spoke in an ethereal (actually weak from hunger) voice:"Enough, Haru. The ignorance of mortals is not a sin. This wine... reminds me of the moat dyed red with blood on the day the Imperial Capital fell. Take it away. Until this princess has completely forgiven your offense, do not let this liquid reeking of poverty appear before me."The manager's face froze.He clearly hadn't expected these three, who looked like nouveau riche, to spin such a seamless web of lies, even turning the tables by pinning a "humiliating the royalty" label on him.More importantly, Aqua's heartfelt contempt for low-grade alcohol (actually just thinking it wasn't expensive enough) displayed a level of top-tier arrogance that even the most discerning noble couldn't imitate."Oh! Please forgive my recklessness!" The manager wiped the cold sweat from his forehead and bowed deeply again, his attitude now clearly terrified. "It was my rudeness! I didn't realize Her Highness's taste had already reached the domain of the gods. To compensate you all, please allow me to open the salon's top-tier 'Ruby Private Box.' There are professional musicians from the Royal Capital there, and... a true collection that can absolutely match Her Highness's status."He bent down and made a gesture of invitation.Haru and Kazuma exchanged a look, the weight in their hearts finally lifting."In that case, lead the way." Haru straightened his cloak and bowed slightly to Aqua. "Your Highness, please. Though this place is a bit crude, it will suffice as a temporary palace."Aqua held her head high and walked into the hall with arrogant steps, while Haru and Kazumafollowed closely behind like the most competent of demonic attendants.The three of them walked through a corridor inlaid with real gold, drawing the attention of numerous noble men and women who were conversing.At this moment, the three of them seemed to truly become the masters of this luxurious world—until Aqua almost started drooling at the sight of a Gold-leaf Cake on a table.