Chapter 101: I Want to Recant My Confession!Late at night in Axel, the streets were filled with a subtle atmosphere known as 'a man's romance.'Haru and Kazuma, panting heavily, pushed open the wooden door adorned with a pink heart sign. Under the teasing gazes of several scantily clad Succubus sisters with heart-shaped tips on their tails, they filled out an utterly ridiculous [Prison Visitation - Supreme Luxury - Sweet Dream Application Form] with trembling hands."Th-that, please make sure to arrange for the top-tier Succubus lady to go to the Anti-Magic Cell in the Lord's Mansion dungeon," Kazuma said, wiping away cold sweat. "The target is that blonde delinquent named Dust. The theme of the dream... just go with what he requested: The King of Axel and his Harem of Prosecutors."Haru added from the side:"We'll cover all the costs! Please make sure he enjoys himself so much tonight that he forgets he's being executed tomorrow! Also... if possible, when Mr. Dust wakes up from his dream, could you ask him if he needs us to prepare any jailbreaking tools?"The elder Succubus sister chuckled, covering her mouth as her seductive eyes swept over the two of them."Oh my, what a touching brotherhood. To be willing to spend so much on such an expensive package just so a friend can have a good dream before dying. Don't worry, we're professionals. A place like the prison is just like a backyard to us; we come and go as we please~"Meanwhile, at the Lord's Mansion dungeon, in the Anti-Magic Cell.The atmosphere here was supposed to be solemn, oppressive, and filled with the scent of death.However, around Dust's cell, the situation had become extremely bizarre."Hehe... hehehe... Sena baby, don't run away... pour another cup of wine for your Emperor..."Dust lay on a pile of hay, a lecherous—one might even say unbearable to look at—smile of bliss plastered on his face.His body twitched from time to time, and he mumbled suggestive words that would make a pure maiden faint on the spot.The guards responsible for the overnight watch outside the cell were currently enduring the most painful ordeal of their lives."Hey, did you hear that?" Guard A turned pale, covering his ears tightly. "He just called out the Prosecutor's name... and said something about how this maid outfit suits her... Can I really listen to such blasphemy? Will I be silenced tomorrow?"Guard B was sweating profusely, his eyes wandering and his body as tense as a fully drawn bow."Dammit, why is there suddenly such a fragrant scent in the air... and why, looking at that death row prisoner's face, do I actually feel a bit envious? This attitude of 'even if I die tomorrow, I'm going to enjoy myself tonight'—is this the caliber of a Demon Kings Army General?!"To make matters worse, because Succubi emit a small amount of aphrodisiac pink mist when casting dream magic, the guards on this entire floor were now in an extremely delicate state of excitement.They had to endure Dust's maddening sleep-talk harassment while simultaneously fighting the primal urges stirring deep within them."I can't take it..." One of the young guards suddenly dropped his spear and crouched on the ground, clutching his head. "I want to go home... I miss my wife, who looks like an orc but has a gentle personality... This Demon Kings Army General's mental attack is just too strong!!"Meanwhile, Dust, who was in his dream being pampered by women on both sides and even having Sena massage his feet, had no idea how much mental pollution he was causing in the real world.Friday in Axel Plaza; the sunlight was so bright it felt almost ironic.What should have been a solemn occasion for the execution of a traitor was now crowded with Adventurers and townsfolk who loved to watch a good scene.Haru and Kazuma were mixed in the crowd, both sporting heavy dark circles under their eyes and walking with unsteady steps, looking exactly like dried husks that had their last bit of essence drained at the Succubus Shop.Looking at Dust on the execution platform, tied up securely but without even having his mouth gagged, the two felt as if their hearts were being clawed by cats."Hey, Haru," Kazuma whispered, his voice carrying a rare weight. "Look at Dust, that guy is still smiling even with death at his door... That smile, could it be because the aftereffects of last night's Supreme Luxury Sweet Dream haven't worn off yet?"Haru looked at Dust on the stage, whose mouth was lopsided, eyes glazed (actually, he hadn't fully woken up yet), and who wore an extremely perverse smile. He let out a deep sigh."Yeah, probably. Honestly, even though he's usually a piece of social trash who steals other people's quests, harasses female shop assistants, and even peeks at neighbors bathing... at the critical moment, he really is a good guy.""Yeah," Kazuma sniffled, as if truly moved. "To protect the two of us, to protect Wiz, he was actually willing to shoulder the death-sentence title of Demon Kings Army General. Dust, go in peace. Every year on this day, I'll go to the Succubus Shopand order the most expensive package... then, facing your memorial photo, I'll share that joy with you in my dreams.""That's right, Dust!" Haru couldn't help but shout toward the stage as well. Though his voice wasn't loud, it was filled with sincere emotion. "Your sacrifice won't be in vain! We will carry your share and continue to live perversely in this cruel world!"On the platform, Sena wore a jet-black prosecutor's uniform, her expression cold and solemn.She raised the enforcement staff that symbolized the law and announced loudly to the crowd:"The sinner Dust! For conspiring with the Demon Kings Army, attempting to overthrow the nation, and using this to control the innocent Adventurers Haru and Satou Kazuma, is hereby sentenced to—Death! To be executed immediately!"The executioner had already raised the massive decapitation axe. The cold gleam of metal flashed in the sunlight as the entire audience held their breath.Just a second before that giant axe was about to fall!Dust, who was still immersed in some indescribable afterglow with a perverse smile, suddenly snapped his eyes open as if pricked by a needle. A sharp and cunning light flashed in his golden eyes.He opened his throat and let out an earth-shattering roar loud enough to flip the roof off the plaza:"Wait a minute!! I want to recant my confession!! I want to recant my confession, ahhhhh!!"Clang!The executioner's axe, due to the shock, chopped directly into the wooden boards of the platform.Sena almost choked on her own saliva. She rushed to Dust in disbelief, grabbed his collar, and roared:"Are you crazy?! Didn't you confess to everything yesterday? The bell of truth... no, you turned yourself in yesterday without even needing the bell of truth! What do you mean by recanting now?!"Dust revealed a smile even more brilliant and punchable than before. He winked at the dumbfounded Haru and Kazuma below the stage, then turned to Sena and said loudly:"Oh, because I slept so well last night, my head was a bit foggy. I suddenly remembered that I'm actually not some Demon Kings Army General; I'm just a die-hard fan who admires those two heroes so much that I wanted to take the fall for them! Miss Sena, hurry up and bring out the bell of truth. I want to prove my innocence right now!"The air in the plaza seemed to be sucked dry in that instant.Haru and Kazuma stood below the stage, their previously heart-wrenching brotherhood instantly incinerated by the flames of rage.Their eyes widened, eyeballs nearly popping out from the bloodshot pressure, as they stared fixedly at that blonde bastard on the stage who was winking at them.PS:A quick survey: does everyone feel that Haru and Kazuma have been too miserable lately? Actually, sometimes when I'm constructing certain plots, I don't fully project into these two; I simply want to create some comedic effect.Today I saw a friend who felt their lives were too tragic, and I suddenly realized that from their perspective, it really has been a hard life since their reincarnation.So, do you want them to find joy in their suffering, or should they start to 'take off' just a little bit?Spoiler alert: I'm planning to buff Dust. I'm incredibly looking forward to what kind of scene it will be when Haru, Kazuma, Dust, and Zesta are all together.Uh, I really don't know if I can pull it off, hahaha
Chapter 102: Dustiness"This guy... this guy planned to scam us out of our Succubus Shop package from the very beginning!!" Kazuma let out a wail like a defeated dog, clutching his hair tightly. "I'm so stupid! Why did I believe him! Dust, you animal! You're not a knight at all, you're a purebred con artist!!"Haru was also trembling with rage, his hand shaking as he pointed at the stage:"He actually... he actually exploited our conscience! This bastard slept with the Prosecutor in his dream, tricked his brothers in reality, and now he's turning on us?! Dust, I'm going to kill you! I'll personally send you back to the dungeon!!"However, the performance on stage was just reaching its climax. Dust shouted at Sena with an air of righteous indignation:"Prosecutor Sena! In your haste to close the case, you actually induced a confused delinquent like me to confess without using the bell of truth! This is a blatant forced confession! This is a desecration of the law! I, Dust, although just a delinquent, am also a citizen with dignity! I demand an immediate retrial to prove I am not a Demon Kings Army General, but just a simple, kind-hearted fan who is willing to die for the heroes I admire (referring to Haru and Kazuma)!"Sena was trembling with rage, her beautiful face distorted beyond recognition. She suddenly grabbed the bell of truth from the table and almost roared:"Fine! Very well! Dust, I ask you, are you or are you not a Demon Kings Army General?! Have you or have you not been colluding with the Demon Kings Army?!"(Ding—)The bell of truth emitted a crisp, melodious, and extremely steady sound.It was the ring representing the "truth."The entire venue fell into a deathly silence.Dust shrugged and spread his hands with an innocent look:"See, I told you I wasn't. I'm just an ordinary Adventurer who likes to visit the Succubus Shop. As for colluding... well, I'd certainly like to collude, but it's a pity the Demon Kings Army General wouldn't spare a glance for a small fry like me."Since Dust truly was not a General, the bell of truthdid not react at all.Under the watchful eyes of the crowd, Sena was actually forced to publicly announce Dust's acquittal and release due to procedural injustice and insufficient evidence.Watching Dust strut off the execution platform, even conveniently swiping a Whetstone from the executioner along the way, Haru and Kazuma's hearts were bleeding. But something even more terrifying happened—Sena's murderous gaze pierced through the crowd, accurately locking onto Haru and Kazuma, who were about to slip away."Haru. Satou Kazuma." Sena's voice was as cold as if it came from the underworld. "Since Dust isn't the one colluding, then... back to the previous question. You two, which Demon Kings Army General are you actually colluding with? Since you showed extreme knowledge and cooperation with Dust's performance on the execution ground just now, I have reason to suspect you are actually making a mockery of the court!""Clang!"A squad of fully armed guards directly blocked the two's path of retreat."W-Wait a minute! Miss Sena! This is a misunderstanding! We're victims too!!"Kazuma let out a desperate scream as he was dragged toward the center of the judgment platform like a dead dog by the guards.Haru looked at Dust, who was standing not far away, waving goodbye to them and even mouthing "see you in your dreams tonight," and felt his vision go dark.The atmosphere on the judgment platform was tense to the limit. Haru and Kazuma stood back to back; although their legs were still trembling, their eyes showed a resolution like a dead pig unafraid of boiling water.The law enforcement staff in Sena's hand thudded heavily on the ground, the crisp sound instantly silencing the noise below the platform."Last chance! Haru, Satou Kazuma! Did you or did you not reach any agreement or consensus with a Demon Kings Army General for some ulterior motive?!"Haru took a deep breath, his brain working at an unprecedented speed, precisely bypassing the specific individual Wiz as he roared:"The two of us, while indeed a bit lecherous, a bit greedy, and occasionally freeloading to save money, have human blood flowing through our veins! We absolutely have not, and will never, conspire with the Demon Kings Army to subvert this country!!"Kazuma immediately followed up, his voice solemn and stirring as if he were about to face execution:"That's right! Our mission, from the first day we arrived in this world, has been to defeat the Demon King and save the world! If this is also a crime, then where is justice? Where is the law? Where is the integrity of the Axis Order?!"(Ding—)The bell of truth emitted an extremely crisp, pure sound.The whole audience was in an uproar.The Adventurers below the platform began to whisper to each other:"See, I told you that although these two nuisances are annoying, they don't have the guts to be traitors.""True, if the Demon Kings Army recruited these two, they'd probably be close to bankruptcy."Sena gritted her teeth; although her face was full of resentment, she could not refute the judgment of the bell of truth.However, just as she was about to announce the adjournment, Lord Aldap, sitting on a magnificent chair on the high platform, suddenly sneered.This lord, as fat as a meatball, swept his sinister little eyes across the crowd, finally fixing them on Darkness, who was standing below the platform looking at the two with a face full of worry."Hmph, a wonderful defense. But..." Aldap's voice was hoarse and oily, carrying an uncomfortable greed, "While you may not have conspired, your actions indeed led to the destruction of the Lords Mansion; that is an indisputable fact. As compensation, if you cannot produce that astronomical sum of eris, then..."He paused intentionally, his gaze greedily wandering over the curves of Darkness's shapely armor:"I've heard that the young lady Lalatina in your party seems very willing to sacrifice herself for her companions' lives? If she is willing to come to my mansion to pay off the debt, I might consider dropping the charges against you."Darkness's body shuddered upon hearing this.Her face, which was originally full of worry, instantly turned bright red, her breathing became rapid, and a strange light, a mix of shame and excitement, actually flickered in her eyes."What... go to that fat pig lord's mansion... to be treated as a debt slave... to be humiliated and ravaged at will..." Darkness hugged her arms tightly, her voice trembling from over-excitement, "This... this kind of base and shameless request... is simply... simply wonderful!! Please... please let me go!!"Haru and Kazuma almost fell over right there on the platform."Hey!! What kind of nonsense is that perverted masochist knight spouting!!" Kazuma roared frantically at the crowd below. "Darkness! Get a grip on yourself at a time like this! This isn't some kind of shame-play; this old man really wants to take you home as a plaything!!"The noise below the judgment platform came to an abrupt halt at this moment, as if someone had pressed the mute button.Darkness took a deep breath, and her previous appearance of being lost in perverted fantasies and panting heavily instantly subsided by more than half.She suddenly pulled open her collar and yanked out a pure gold family crest hanging from her neck, which reflected a blinding light in the sun.It was the crest of the Dustiness Family, representing the kingdom's top nobility and the kingdom's Chief Strategist."Stop! Lord Aldap!" Darkness's voice no longer trembled, but instead took on a solemn and inviolable majesty. "My name is Lalatina Ford Dustiness! In the name of the eldest daughter of the Dustiness Family, I hereby guarantee for these two Adventurers! Although their characters are base, their actions are depraved, and they often do things that make people want to call the police, they are definitely not accomplices of the Demon Kings Army!"Dead silence filled the area.The guards looked at each other, and even Dust, who was about to slip away, stopped in his tracks, the Whetstone in his hand nearly falling to the ground.
Chapter 103: The Strange Darkness"La-Lalatina-sama?!" Sena cried out in shock, her law enforcement staff nearly slipping from her hand. "That eldest daughter of Dustiness Family, who is rumored to be extremely averse to blind dates and has a bizarre personality... is actually this Crusaderwho shouts about being ravaged all day long?!"Haru and Kazuma exchanged a glance on the stage. Although they had known her identity for a long time, seeing her expose herself in public to save them still stirred a complex surge of emotions in their hearts."Hey, Haru." Kazuma lowered his voice, his tone full of conflict. "Even though she looks incredibly cool right now, why do I feel like her current expression is actually her enjoying this 'tragic heroine' script where she abandons her dignity for her companions and bows to an evil lord?"Haru watched Darkness. Although her gaze was firm, her fingers gripping the family crest were trembling slightly from over-excitement, and the corners of her mouth were twitching unnaturally. He couldn't help but press a hand to his forehead."It's probably half acting and half her true nature... but that Aldap definitely won't let this opportunity slip by."Sure enough, after a brief moment of shock, a flash of ecstasy from a successful conspiracy flickered in Aldap's eyes.His bloated body shifted on the chair, producing a harsh rubbing sound."Oh? I thought you looked familiar, I didn't expect it to really be the eldest daughter of Dustiness Family. Since you've put it that way, I naturally have to show some respect." Aldap licked his lips, his gaze looking as if he wanted to swallow Darkness alive. "However, the debt for destroying the Lords Mansion still exists. Since Lalatina-sama said she is willing to do anything... as a noble, you must be very observant of contracts. In that case, I shall withdraw all charges against these two heroes."In the living room of the mansion late at night, the firelight from the fireplace reflected four faces so gloomy they looked like they were about to drip water."Hey, Haru." Kazuma squatted on the sofa, mechanically sharpening his short sword, his eyes as sharp as a serial killer's. "Do you think that fat pig lord has already locked Darkness in one of those basements filled with whips and candles? After all, the way that guy looked at her on the execution ground earlier, it was like he couldn't wait to swallow Darkness like lunch meat."Haru suddenly slammed the table and stood up, his voice trembling with rage."It's highly likely! Not only that, according to the tropes of that kind of vulgar lord, he'll definitely force Darkness to wear clothes with pitifully little fabric and then make her kneel on the ground and call him Master! And that idiot masochist Crusader, for all we know, is probably drooling right now while shouting 'Please definitely be even more excessive' in her head!""This is too much! Such an act of desecrating a follower of the Goddess absolutely cannot be forgiven!" Aqua was clutching a bottle of fine wine she had just swiped from the cellar, crying her eyes out. "That meatball lord will definitely make Darkness wash floors covered in all sorts of viscous liquids! Or make her clean a toilet that hasn't been scrubbed in centuries! That's something only Axis Cultists can enjoy... no, that's something only a demon would do!"Megumin had already raised her staff above her head, the red light in her eyes flickering in the Darkness."My name is Megumin! The number one genius of the Crimson Demon Clan! I absolutely cannot tolerate a companion being toyed with by such vulgar power! Haru, give the order! Tonight, I'm going to blow even the newly repaired foundation of the Lords Mansion into dust! Let that fat pig repent for his sins in the light of an explosion!""Good! Everyone, get ready! Target: the Lords Mansion. Tonight, we're going to carry out a kidnapping for justice!"Haru announced loudly, grabbing a bundle of rope and a bag of tear gas powder.Just as the four of them, fully armed and radiating murderous intent, rushed toward the entrance, preparing to kick down the door and cause a scene—*Click.*The door opened by itself.Moonlight spilled into the hallway as a tall figure stumbled inside.It was Darkness. Her sturdy armor appeared somewhat disheveled, her helmet was nowhere to be found, and her long golden hair was scattered over her shoulders.What made their hearts race the most was that her cheeks were flushed red, her eyes were glazed, and a faint, extremely eerie smile played on the corners of her mouth.The entire room instantly fell into a dead silence.Haru and Kazuma exchanged a look, a terrible thought rising in their minds simultaneously: "Could it be... it's already over?!"Kazuma's hand trembled as he pointed at Darkness's slightly messy collar."Da-Darkness... you... just now at the Lords Mansion... what on earth did that fat pig do to you?! Did he force you to sign some lifelong slave contract? Or did he make you do something that even Aqua would find brain-dead?!"Hearing the voice, Darkness slowly raised her head.Seeing the four of them looking like they were facing a great enemy, she was stunned for a moment. Then, as if recalling something incredibly wonderful, her body suddenly shuddered, and she hugged her arms tightly, letting out a low, satisfied moan."I didn't expect that Aldap, who used to covet me so much, would have absolutely no thoughts about me now. He even wants his very excellent son to go on a blind date with me. Ah... can any of you understand the feeling of someone who used to desire you immensely suddenly having zero interest in you..."In the mansion's entrance, the atmosphere that had been tense and ready for a slaughter at the Lords Mansion instantly dissipated at Darkness's perverted confession.The tear gas powder Haru was clutching spilled all over the floor, and the polished short sword in Kazuma's hand fell with a clang onto his foot."W-Wait a minute! Darkness, stop that weird panting for a second!" Kazuma hopped around, rubbing his throbbing toe, and shouted in disbelief. "You're saying that fat pig lord called you over just to make you go on a blind date with his son? That's it? Nothing else? No developments like 'if you don't listen, I'll lock you in a dungeon full of tentacles' or anything?!"Darkness let out a somewhat regretful sigh, the flush on her face fading slightly as her tone became more serious."Actually, when I was very young, Aldap was always pestering my father, wanting to take the reputation and property of Dustiness Family for himself through marriage. But both my father and I were disgusted by his greedy and insidious personality, so we always sternly refused. This time, to save you all, I truly went there prepared to be wantonly humiliated by him..."As she reached this point, a hint of loneliness actually flashed in her eyes."But who knew? After he saw me, he just stared for a while and then showed an extremely disgusted expression, saying that just like the rumors, I'm a perverted woman whose brain is full of muscles and whose personality is irredeemably bad. He seems to have completely given up on my type, but he proposed a contract: if I agree to go on a blind date with his son—who is rumored to have a perverse personality and a very 'unique' appearance—and show the'submissiveness' befitting a noble, he will withdraw all charges against you and waive that astronomical debt.""A blind date?" Haru was stunned, then couldn't help but complain, "That guy couldn't possibly feel like he can't handle you, so he plans to let his son take over this hot potato, right? But, showing submissiveness... Darkness, are you really going to be okay? Your so-called submissiveness wouldn't happen to be shouting 'Please definitely use this failed blind date to humiliate me harshly' at him across the table, would it?""Ugh...! Y-You found out!" Darkness suddenly covered her face, the tips of her ears peeking through her golden hair glowing bright red. "Ah... being forced to meet a man I don't know at all and might even hate, and being judged on my appearance and personality in front of everyone... this feeling of being tossed around like a political pawn... it's just too, too wonderful!! Just thinking about it, I'm going to...""If you dare to finish that here, I'll throw you out the window!" Kazuma let out a desperate roar, then collapsed onto the sofa. "But... since a blind date can solve the problem, are we safe now? Haru, we don't have to go to our deaths!"Megumin silently put away her staff, the red light in her eyes extinguished, her tone full of reluctance."Tsk, what a boring ending. I thought I'd get to see the spectacular scene of the Lords Mansion turning to ash in an explosion tonight. Since there's nothing to blow up, I'm going to sleep. I'm definitely having a good meal tomorrow morning to calm my nerves."Aqua stared at Darkness for a long time, then suddenly patted her shoulder and said with a face full of pity:"Darkness, even though you're an irredeemable pervert, it wasn't easy for you to go on a blind date for these two pieces of trash. Don't worry, I'll pray to eris... no, I'll pray to myself, that you get insulted even worse by the other party on the day of the date!"Haru looked at this group of companions, each with their own thoughts, and let out a deep sigh.Although the crisis was temporarily averted, Harualways felt that Lord Aldap definitely wouldn't just be looking for a daughter-in-law.
Chapter 104: AlexeiOn Saturday morning at the Axel Adventurers Guild, the air was still thick with the smell of cheap ale and sweat.Haru and Kazuma, sporting dark circles under their eyes that hadn't quite faded, kicked open the guild doors aggressively.Their eyes swept across the tavern, accurately locking onto Dust, who was sitting in a corner gnawing on a fried chicken leg while bragging to several novice Adventurers about how he had laughed and joked on the execution grounds."DU!! S!! T!!"Kazuma let out a roar like an evil spirit, lunged forward, grabbed Dust by the throat, and shook him violently."You bastard! Give us back our conscience! Give back the vitality we lost last night just to get you that set meal!! How dare you lie to us! How dare you pull that reversal stunt on the execution grounds!!"Haru also walked over with a grim face, his knuckles cracking. "Oh, isn't this the great hero of Axel? To save us, you didn't hesitate to admit to being an executive, only to turn around and freeload a month's worth of the Supreme Luxury Set Meal. Dust, do you know that because of your 'heroic' actions, we almost went and tore down the Lords Mansion last night?!""Cough, cough! Let... let go! I'm going to suffocate!!" Dust struggled desperately, finally escaping Kazuma's clutches. While rubbing his neck, he wore that extremely punchable, smug grin. "Hey, hey, don't be so heartless, you two. I actually sat in prison for several days and almost had my head chopped off! That set meal is my hard-earned compensation for mental distress, okay? Besides, if I hadn't recanted at the end, would you two be standing here yelling at me? You should be thanking your wise and brave partner!""Thank you, my foot! You purebred fraud!!"Kazuma was so angry he wanted to throw a mug at him, but Haru stopped him.Haru took a deep breath, forced himself to calm down, and pulled out a chair to sit across from him."Fine, I'll settle the score for the set meal later. Now, for some serious business. That old fat pig Aldap, in order to waive our debt, demanded that Darknessgo on a blind date with his son. Dust, you're familiar with this area. What kind of person is the Lord's son exactly? Is he like his old man, a pervert full of fat and conspiracies?"Hearing the words 'blind date,' Dust froze for a moment, then dropped his cynical expression, his gaze turning a bit strange.He lowered his voice and looked at the two of them with a serious expression."Aldap's son? You mean Lord Alexei Barnes Balder? If it's him... then things have become very strange."Kazuma frowned. "Strange? How so? Is his son actually a higher-level pervert who likes to ride people like horses?""No, quite the opposite." Dust shook his head, a rare hint of respect in his tone. "Lord Alexei is recognized as a model noble in Axel. Not only is he handsome, but he's also gentle and charitable. He even personally helps townspeople repair farm tools or clears out small monsters harassing villages. In noble circles, his reputation is so good it's almost unreal—no bad habits at all, let alone greed like his old man. Honestly, everyone in Axel wonders how a fat pig like Aldap could produce such a perfect son."Haru and Kazuma were stunned."No character issues at all?" Haru repeated, the sense of unease in his heart growing stronger. "Why would a perfect model noble want to go on a blind date with a notorious, perverted, masochistic knight? It makes no logical sense at all."Kazuma stroked his chin, looking grim. "Haru, this is definitely a trap. That old fat pig must be cooking up something big. Maybe that perfect son is just a front, or some kind of illusion created by magic? Or... does that old fat pig plan to use some unspeakable brainwashing item on Darkness at the blind date banquet?!""Waiter! Pack ten barrels of Axel's specialty ale for me! And five bottles of the most expensive Aged Red Wine! Put it all on the tab of this great hero, Dust!!"Kazuma shouted while he and Haru coordinated to flank Dust from both sides.Kazuma's face, twisted into a ghoulish expression from staying up late and anger, was almost touching the tip of Dust's nose, while Haru cracked his knuckles nearby with a kind smile."Hey, hey, hey! Are you guys crazy?! That's six months' worth of my living expenses!!" Dust let out a squeal like a stuck pig, desperately trying to protect his wallet. "I only tricked you out of a month's worth of set meals; you guys are committing robbery!!""Shut up! You fraud who exploited your brothers' conscience!" Kazuma lowered his voice, his tone as cold as an ice witch. "Without this wine, how are we supposed to soothe our wounded souls from last night? How are we supposed to face that perverted meat shield who's about to go on a blind date? Either pay up, or I'll tie you up right now and send you back to Prosecutor Sena, saying you still haven't confessed to a crime involving hidden contraband from the Demon Kings Army. Take your pick."Under Haru's murderous gaze, Dust finally shed two streams of tears and tremblingly signed the bill that would leave him eating nothing but lettuce leaves for the next six months.The two of them walked out of the guild grandly, carrying the heavy barrels of wine, leaving Dustalone in the corner hugging his empty wallet and drawing circles on the floor.Walking back to the mansion, though the sun was bright, their moods remained clouded."Hey, Haru." Kazuma took a swig of the high-end wine they'd swiped, wiped his mouth, and looked as deep as a philosopher who had seen through the world. "Don't you think this is getting more and more ridiculous? That old fat pig Aldap, whose character is so bad even a Slime would shun him, produced a perfect model noble for a son? The probability of such a genetic mutation is lower than the probability of Aqua suddenly growing a brain, right?"Haru, carrying the rest of the wine, couldn't help but laugh. "You said it. Given how this world works, the more perfect something looks, the more disgusting the secret hidden behind it. Do you think... that old fat pig might have mastered some kind of forbidden magic? Like..."Haru stopped, lowered his voice, and made an extremely devious face. "Like possession. He trains his son to be the perfect vessel, and when the time is right, he takes over that young, handsome body. Then he can legitimately claim Darkness and inherit both families' fortunes. After all, in a world where even gods can descend to work part-time jobs, soul swapping should be a basic move, right?"Kazuma froze for three seconds, then slapped his thigh and let out an extremely despicable laugh. "Hahaha! Haru, your brain is definitely on the same wavelength as mine! Exactly, that's very likely! That old lecher must have been lusting after Darkness's body for a long time, but his own meatball appearance is just too unsightly, so he came up with this indirect approach! In this world with zero integrity, the possibility of this is at least eighty percent!!""If that's the case, then Darkness going on a blind date is like a sheep entering a tiger's den." Harustopped laughing, his eyes turning sharp. "Although that woman is a pervert, she's still our meat shield. If she gets ruined by that old fat pig, who's going to stand in front and take the hits when we grind monsters?""Exactly! For our grinding efficiency... no, for our companion's happiness! We must find out exactly what this Alexei guy is all about!" Kazuma pumped his fist righteously.The two of them hurried back to the mansion and pushed open the door, only to find Darkness sitting in the living room, practicing her'shameful yet excited' expression in front of a mirror after being rejected."Hey, Darkness! Stop being in heat for a second!" Haru slammed the wine barrel onto the table and stared at her seriously. "How much do you actually know about this Alexei, your blind date? Tell us everything in detail, starting from how many times he wet the bed as a kid!!"
Chapter 105: Darkness's RequestDarkness's hands were tightly interlaced, her heavy Crusader armor making faint scraping sounds with her heavy breathing. Her cheeks were so flushed they looked ready to drip blood, and her eyes shimmered with a nearly pathological excitement."Did you hear me? That guy named Alexei... he's simply the standard template of a noble! Dignified, elegant, and so upright it makes me nauseous! He even pulls out my chair when entering a room and asks about my preferences in a voice so gentle it's disgusting... Ugh, just thinking about spending the rest of my life with someone so extremely normal, being cared for every day like a fragile piece of glass, I feel like my whole self is going to break!"She suddenly leaned forward, her magnificent breasts pressing heavily against the edge of the wooden table, startling the nearby wine glass into jumping.She stared fixedly at Haru and Satou Kazuma, her eyes filled with a certain dangerous longing."By contrast, you two... you two are the true treasures! Haru, that cold sense of yours where you clearly see through everything but always have that 'Tsk, what a pain' expression; and Kazuma, your 'scum' nature where you'll do anything to survive, even using low-life moves like Steal on girls... Ahhh, that aura of trashiness you have, constantly testing the limits of human morality—it's more intoxicating than the strongest liquor!"Darkness's breathing became even more rapid, and she even began to let out a strange low moan:"Please... please use those eyes full of disdain, contempt, and the thought that 'this person is beyond saving' to ruthlessly ravage this noble lady who is being forced into marriage, who is incompetent, and who can only seek help from a scum Adventurer! Quick! Treat me like one of those stray dogs on the side of the road!"The fork in Satou Kazuma's hand fell to the ground with a clang. His face turned from white to green, then from green to purple, and finally settled on pure terror.He lowered his voice and said to Haru with a trembling tone, "...Haru, although we're usually called scum quite often, this girl... she's completely broken, hasn't she? This kind of love, heavy as a curse—I really can't handle it!"Haru watched Darkness, who had already fallen into a self-delusion and was even reaching out to grab their clothes. Alarm bells rang loudly in his mind."Run... run fast!" Haru decisively gave the order to retreat.The two of them bolted almost simultaneously. Amidst Darkness's impactful plea of "Don't go! It's not over yet! Please do even worse things to me—!", they turned into two blurs and rushed out of the mansion's gates.The two of them leaned on their knees in the street, gasping for breath. Their lungs burned from the intense exertion, but the mental shock was clearly far greater than the physical exhaustion.Just then, Aqua and Megumin, who were leisurely strolling back with two bags of steaming hot snacks, appeared at the end of their vision."Oh? Isn't that Haru and Kazuma? What's with those expressions, like you just barely escaped from a Goblin's nest? Did you get caught peeping? Honestly, as my followers, your behavior is too embarrassing. Hurry up and confess your sins to me, the Goddess!"Aqua mocked them with a mouthful of french fries, her words muffled."If you were running for such a boring reason, I'll have to look down on you."Megumin adjusted her eyepatch, her tone carrying a hint of disdain.Haru wiped the cold sweat from his forehead and explained hurriedly, "No... it's not that! It's Darkness! That girl has completely snapped! She actually said her marriage interview partner is too perfect so she can't stand it, and she's begging us to do even worse things to her!"Satou Kazuma also nodded frantically, looking terrified. "It's a curse! That's a perverted abyss that must never be touched! That man named Alexei is practically a saint, yet Darkness thinks it's hell!"After hearing their description, Megumin tilted her head with an incomprehensible expression. "...? Wait, did I hear that right? A noble male from a prestigious family, with a gentle personality, handsome looks, and a sense of responsibility—isn't that the top-tier marriage partner in this world? For that masochistic knight who knows nothing but defense and always causes trouble for the party, isn't this like finding a treasure?"Aqua also wore a rare serious expression and nodded in agreement. "Exactly! This is simply salvation bestowed by a goddess! If Darknessmarries a rich man like that, won't we be able to go to her house every day for high-end black tea and expensive snacks? This is definitely the greatest happiness of Darkness's life! She should accept this fate with heartfelt gratitude!"As the four of them stood on the street corner discussing loudly, a shadow quietly enveloped them."...Greatest happiness...? Heartfelt gratitude...?"A voice, trembling like a leaf in the wind, came from behind them.The four of them turned around stiffly to find Darkness standing less than three meters away.Her exquisite dress was slightly disheveled from the chase, and the flush on her face hadn't faded, but now there was an added layer of despair from being betrayed."Even you... even you all say that?!" Darknesssuddenly hugged her own shoulders, her long fingers digging deep into her flesh, her eyes shimmering with a broken light. "To say that a hellish life of drinking tea in a sun-drenched courtyard and being gently woken up by a considerate husband is happiness...! A married life with absolutely no humiliation, no violence, no mental torture, only pure beauty and respect... are you trying to kill me?! What kind of cruel punishment is this!"She let out a wail and accelerated once more toward the dumbfounded four:"Since you all think that's happiness, it just shows how pathetic and helpless my current situation is! Quick! Before I'm completely drowned by that kind of normal person's happiness, do something more lewd and scum-like to wake me up—!"The hustle and bustle of the street seemed to freeze at this moment, as the four of them looked at Darkness with expressions of total weariness.Darkness took a deep breath, and her flushed face, which had been distorted by delusion, actually began to calm down.She straightened her back, and her azure eyes no longer held murky desire, but a nearly tragic determination.She slowly walked up to Haru, Kazuma, Aqua, and Megumin. Before everyone's eyes, this high-ranking noble of the kingdom, the young lady of Dustiness Family, actually lowered her head deeply and bowed to this group of Axel's famous problem children."Haru, Kazuma, Aqua, and Megumin... please, this is the request of a lifetime!"Darkness's voice trembled, yet it carried an unquestionable sincerity:"I know that Lord Alexei is indeed a flawless and excellent man. If I marry him, I might be able to live the stable and respected life that all women in this world dream of. But... but I don't want that kind of future! I am a Crusader who follows the teachings of Goddess Eris. What I long for is to fight strong enemies in the wilderness, and to spend those days full of absurdity and poverty as an Adventurer with you... you irredeemable companions!"
Chapter 106: Dealing with the Blind DateDarkness looked up at Haru, her eyes slightly rimmed with red."If I just submit to the family's arrangements like this, I will no longer be the Crusader Darkness, but just a Puppet Lady locked in a magnificent cage who only knows how to smile and nod every day... If that's the case, I'd rather be locked in solitary confinement by my father, or be despised by all the Adventurers in the city... So, please help me! Help me completely ruin this blind date and make Lord Alexei give up on me once and for all!"Seeing the usually heavy-breathing perverted Crusader showing such a humble and sincere expression, Satou Kazuma, who had originally intended to slip away, stopped in his tracks. He scratched his hair and revealed that sort of 'I really can't do anything about you' scum-smile."Tch, although you really are disgusting normally, if you actually get married, our party will completely lose its front-line tank. When that happens, all the monsters will come straight for me, and I absolutely don't want that.""Exactly, exactly!" Aqua also tossed aside her half-eaten bag of snacks, put her hands on her hips, and shouted with a face full of righteous indignation, "Darkness is my precious ATM... cough, precious comrade! How can we let a mere perfect noble take her away? Don't worry, causing destruction is my specialty. I'll use a Goddess's wisdom to make you act like a hopeless loser at that blind date!"Megumin also adjusted her eyepatch, the corner of her mouth curling into a dangerous arc. "As the number one genius of the Crimson Demon Clan, I happen to know several types of magic that can make a scene instantly chaotic... of course, if you don't mind the blind date location being leveled to the ground."Haru looked at this group of teammates who had already begun enthusiastically discussing how to cause Darkness's Social Death and let out a helpless sigh.Although he also felt that Darkness's reasoning was filled with a certain subtle deviation, seeing her look of earnest plea, his sense of responsibility as the captain made it impossible for him to refuse."Alright, since we've decided to help, we need a thorough plan." Haru looked at Darkness. "First, we need to determine the time and location of the blind date, and then... we need to craft a terrible image for you that is absolutely unacceptable to noble society."Hearing this, Darkness's eyes suddenly lit up, and that familiar, morbid ecstasy surfaced on her face again."Ooh... an absolutely unacceptable, terrible image... do you mean the kind of fallen knight with a messy private life, deep in debt, and even involved with evil organizations? Ah... just thinking about it makes me...""Give it a rest already, you perverted knight!"Kazuma ruthlessly delivered a hand-chop to Darkness's head."Um, u-um... as for the location of the blind date, it's already been decided. It's at my house. And... my father will be present to supervise the whole time." Darkness wrung her fingers somewhat guiltily, her eyes wandering. "After all, Lord Alexei is of noble status, and my father takes this meeting very seriously. He said we must show the most dignified and proper side of the House Dustiness...""Wait a minute!!!" Satou Kazuma let out a scream loud enough to pierce through the entire street. He clutched his head, his whole body entering a greyish-white petrified state. "At—at your house? That mansion which is second to none in Axel? And your father, who is a noble of the kingdom and could crush us little Adventurers with a flick of his finger, is also present?! This isn't 'ruining a blind date,' this is a'suicide volunteer recruitment meeting'!""Kazuma, calm down. Your scum-aura is shrinking back from fear." Although Haru also felt a bit of a headache, he managed to stay calm. "Darkness, your father... has he seen us before?""Not yet... but I often mention you at home." Darkness's face reddened slightly, and her tone became a bit subtle. "I said I met a captain who always has a cold face but is very reliable, a Thiefwith a failed personality but extremely good luck, a Crimson Demon Clan member who only knows how to blow things up every day, and... a strange older sister who only knows how to perform water-spraying magic tricks.""Who are you calling a strange older sister who only knows how to spray water! You perverted meat shield who's useless for anything but taking hits!" Aqua instantly blew her top, jumping up and grabbing Darkness's collar to shake her frantically. "I am the Goddess worshipped by the Axis Order! The incarnation of beauty and wisdom! Listen up, since that old lord is present, I have even more reason to go! I'll show him what divine majesty looks like, and while I'm at it, I'll have him donate a large sum of money to the church, that way my debts...""You just want to scam him for money! You definitely just want to scam money!"Kazuma retorted while dragging Aqua away.Megumin, on the other hand, stroked her staff with a profound look, a dangerous red light glinting in her eyes."Setting off fireworks at the Lord's Mansion... while it's quite challenging, if it's for a comrade's freedom, I, the number one genius of the Crimson Demon Clan, wouldn't mind letting my Explosion Magicbloom in the garden of a mansion.""I beg you, please don't let it bloom. We'll be sentenced to death, definitely sentenced to death!" Haru quickly pressed down on Megumin's hand, then looked at Darkness. "Since your father is also there, direct destruction definitely won't work. We need a different approach—we'll be formally invited to that blind date dinner in the capacity of Darkness's most trusted comrades-in-arms."Darkness blinked. "Formally invited...?""Exactly." A mischievous smile curled on Haru's lips—the kind of arc unique to a certain wicked plan honed in this world full of ridiculousness. "We need to act very naturally. Let that Lord Alexei see what kind of people his future wife hangs out with every day. An arrogant, idiot Goddess; a Chuunibyou loli ready to blow up houses at any moment; a scum-Thief with a mind full of lewd thoughts; and...""And a cold-blooded captain who can always gather this group of trash together?" Kazuma chimed in with a side-eye."A charismatic leader," Haru corrected. "As long as we perform at our usual level during the dinner, I think that perfect Lord Alexei should reconsider this engagement... After all, who would want a group of people like this barging into their home every day after getting married?"Darkness listened as if entranced, her hands over her heart."Ooh... at a serious family dinner, to have my comrades show my most unsightly and chaotic side, and then be rejected by my blind date partner under my father's despairing gaze... this—this is simply the highest level of humiliation! Haru, you really are a genius! Please... please, on that night, be sure to trample my reputation ruthlessly!"Looking at Darkness, who had once again fallen into her own world, Haru and Kazuma looked at each other and let out a deep sigh simultaneously.The next day.The Dustiness Mansion, that grand building situated at the highest point of Axel, overlooking the entire city like a giant beast, exuded a chilling majesty under the afternoon sun.The four people, who had been clamoring on the way about showing that noble the harshness of society, felt the air seemingly freeze the moment they stepped through that heavy iron gate inlaid with gold and guarded by two fully armed sentries.The two rows of attendants bowing their heads in unison, and the imported carpet beneath their feet so thick their ankles could sink into it, instantly acted like a bucket of ice water, washing away the scum-plans in Haru and Satou Kazuma's heads."...Hey, Haru, did you see that? The spear in that guard's hand looks like the real deal, and it's polished brighter than my short sword." Satou Kazuma straightened his back, his hands pressed against the seams of his pants, looking straight ahead. His voice was so low it could barely be heard by Haru. "I think... our previous plan might have been a bit too aggressive. After all, the end result of offending the powerful in an isekai is usually being secretly executed or sent off to build a Great Wall, right?"
Chapter 107: Darkness's Assault"...I feel the same way." Haru had also retracted his usual indifferent expression, replacing it with a solemnity that felt like a job interview. Even his walking pace seemed measured by a ruler. "Staying alive is what matters. Sabotage and all that has to be done on the premise of not getting beheaded."Meanwhile, the usually most boisterous Aqua was currently displaying a surprising level of divinity.She nodded slightly, her steps elegant, with her hands folded over her lower abdomen. Her sapphire-blue hair draped over her shoulders, exuding a sense of unattainable holiness.If one didn't know she was rolling on the ground over a bag of fries yesterday, anyone would have mistaken her for a royal princess traveling incognito."(Whispering) Kazuma, Haru, don't move recklessly. Although I am a goddess, in a place like this filled with faith... cough, filled with the scent of money, maintaining an elegant posture is more beneficial for the subsequent donation negotiations."Aqua maintained a perfect smile, squeezing those words out from between her teeth.Even Megumin was hugging her flashy staff to her chest. The eye beneath her eye patch no longer flickered with red light; instead, she followed behind with her head down, like a well-behaved elementary school student.When the four walked into the drawing room and saw the patriarch of the Dustiness family—who sat in the main seat, looking full of majesty yet slightly sickly—alongside Alexei, who sat beside him looking as elegant as a textbook, the four bowed in unison."It is a pleasure to meet you, Lord. We are Darkness's... no, Lady Lalatina's Adventurercompanions. We are deeply honored by your invitation," Haru said in a respectful tone that even he found unfamiliar."Oh? You are the companions Lalatina often mentions?" Darkness's father—the Lord—showed a kind smile and turned to Alexei. "Alexei, look, Lalatina's friends are such well-mannered and reliable young people. It seems my previous worries were unnecessary."Alexei also stood up gracefully and bowed. "Indeed, these individuals exude an extraordinary aura. To be able to fight alongside Lady Lalatina, they must surely be elites among elites."Standing to the side, Darkness was completely dumbfounded.What she had expected was for this group to start eating and drinking like gluttons the moment they entered, swearing constantly, or even for Aqua to perform a water-spraying trick on the spot. Instead, these four were currently behaving more standard than court protocol officers?!"Hey! You—what are you guys doing!" Darknesslowered her voice, her tone filled with despair and accusation. "What happened to the promised 'scum'? What happened to tramping on my reputation? What's with this 'Imperial Model' act you're putting on! Do something to me quickly! Hurry up and expose my shameful nature in front of my father!"Haru looked straight ahead, maintaining a stiff smile on his lips as he responded in a low voice:"Stop joking... didn't you see the looks from the four bodyguards behind your dad? If I dare say a single wrong word now, I might not see tomorrow's sun. Just bear with it for now, Lady Lalatina."The atmosphere of the dinner reached a somewhat suffocating level of harmony.Alexei sat upright, using a magnetic and gentle voice to praise Darkness's heroic figure during the cabbage subjugation to the Lord (though he didn't know Darkness hadn't actually hit a single one). The Lord was grinning from ear to ear, looking as if he were about to set a wedding date on the spot.Haru was cutting the high-grade steak on his plate with an extremely elegant posture, even though his heart was frantically complaining that this meat was less chewy than the expired dry rations in Wiz's shop. Satou Kazuma acted like a true gentleman, lightly dabbing the corners of his mouth with a handkerchief, and even exchanged hypocritical topics with Alexei regarding territory management and Adventurer reciprocity. Aqua's divinity was in full bloom as she kindly performed a purification spell on a glass of plain water, demonstrating the holiness of the Axis Order to the Lord.For Darkness, who sought to be mistreated, humiliated, and treated like trash, this perfect scene was a public execution more painful than death."Enough... that's enough..."Darkness lowered her head, her thin bangs obscuring her eyes, but her violently trembling shoulders and increasingly heavy breathing were particularly conspicuous in the quiet dining room."Lalatina? What's wrong, child? Are you feeling unwell?" the Lord asked with concern."Lady Lalatina, if you are tired, we can..."Alexei was about to show his consideration, but he flinched back as Darkness suddenly slammed her hands on the table and stood up."Don't look at me with those gentle eyes! And don't call me by that disgusting nickname!"Darkness snapped her head up, her cheeks flushed bright red, her eyes shimmering with a near-manic light of excitement.She tore off the lace choker from her neck. The heavy dress, originally intended to make her look like a lady, was stretched tight by her frame."You four! Haru! Kazuma! What were you doing just now? That polite nonsense, that hypocritical etiquette... are you trying to kill me?!" She pointed at Haru and Kazuma, who were frozen mid-air with their wine glasses, and roared loudly. "What happened to exposing my unsightly private life? What happened to publicly humiliating this incompetent Meat shield? Since I can't count on you, I'll do it myself!"Under the dumbfounded gazes of the Lord and Alexei, Darkness jumped directly onto the dining table, letting out a tooth-aching thud."Listen up, Alexei! You think I'm some dignified noble lady? Wrong! I am actually... I'm a hopeless, perverted Crusader who trembles with excitement just by seeing a strong monster, and who would show a strange smile even if I were carried off by Goblins!"As she spoke, she revealed a flushed, sickly expression that made Haru and Kazuma feel extremely embarrassed:"What I seek isn't some warm family, but to be trampled upon by the cruel Demon King's Army! The husband I want isn't a gentleman like you who pulls out my chair, but the kind of scum man who would push me into a swarm of monsters while cursing me for being a useless Meat shield! Just like what Haruand Kazuma usually do to me!""Pfft—!" Satou Kazuma sprayed the top-grade black tea he had just sipped directly onto Alexei's face."N-No! Lord! Please let me explain! We definitely don't usually..." Haru stood up in terror, trying to salvage their completely collapsed image, but Darkness had clearly entered full-outburst mode."Come on! Alexei! If you really want to marry me, right now, in front of my father, use the most vicious language to curse me! Or try throwing this plate of steak at my face! Quick! Let me feel the pleasure of being utterly disgraced!"Darkness spread her arms wide and let out a wail filled with joy and despair that made the entire mansion tremble.A deathly silence fell over the dining room.Alexei wiped the black tea from his face, his entire being having crashed.The air in the dining room felt as heavy as lead; only Darkness's heavy panting echoed in the spacious room.Sitting in the main seat, Lord Dustiness, that father who had always been majestic and kind, was currently supporting his forehead with a trembling hand.His face turned from ashen to pale, and from pale to a sort of purplish-red triggered by extreme embarrassment.As a father, he had actually known about his daughter's little secret fetishes through various channels (and those tutors who were scared away by Darkness) for a long time, but he never imagined that his daughter, who usually blushed just from speaking loudly, would actually jump onto the table during such a formal matchmaking dinner, in front of the most outstanding young talent in all of Axel, and announce that she wanted to be ravaged by the Demon King's Army.PS:The plot has been a bit serious lately because it's approaching the main line.Don't worry, everyone, the scum is starting soon.Love you guys~The rating seems to be falling instead of rising, ah shiba!
WTR-LABKonosuba: A Comedy for the World of Grotesque ParodiesCh. 108 / 38128.3%WebWeb+AI#108Chapter 108 The Adventurer's ShameChapter 108: The Shame of Adventurers"...That, cough cough! Cough cough cough!" The Lordlet out a series of world-shaking coughs; he didn't even dare look up at his daughter, who was standing in the middle of the dining table in a martyr's pose. "I—I suddenly remembered there are some very urgent official documents in the territory... regarding that, the Axel City Defense Tax reports... Yes, I must go deal with them right now. That, Alexei, and you young people... you can decide young people's matters among yourselves; I won't interfere, old man that I am."After saying that, this Lord, who was a formidable figure in the political arena, actually vanished toward the dining room door with an agility completely unbefitting his age—almost like teleporting—under the pitying gaze of the Old Butler, without even looking back.Haru and Satou Kazuma remained frozen in positions of extreme terror, watching helplessly as their only lifeline abandoned ship and fled."Hey, Haru... should we take this chance to run away with the Lord?" Kazuma lowered his voice, his tone filled with despair for the future. "With a scene like this, even if Alexei is a saint, he should be calling the guards to arrest us—the villains who corrupted the young lady—and hang us at the city gates for public display, right?"Before Haru could answer, he noticed that Alexei, sitting opposite them, had moved.This noble youth, who had been sprayed in the face with black tea, did not fly into a rage as expected, nor did he show a look of disgust.He slowly pulled a silk handkerchief as white as snow from his breast pocket, unhurriedly wiped the tea stains from his face, and then looked up, staring intently at Darkness standing on the table with a burning gaze that almost emitted light."...How, how beautiful," Alexei murmured in a low voice, his tone actually carrying a hint of trembling emotion."Huh?" Darkness, who was waiting for judgment, was stunned, her expression freezing on her face. "Wh-what are you saying? I said I'm a pervert who wants to be ravaged! You should be scolding me for being shameless and then dumping this dish over my head!""No, Miss Lalatina!" Alexei suddenly stood up, his dignified and elegant demeanor exploding with incredible passion at this moment. "In this noble social circle filled with hypocritical rhetoric where everyone lives behind a mask, this is the first time I've met a woman as candid, as real, and as unafraid of worldly eyes as you! Your courageous declaration just now was like a bolt of lightning, splitting open my dull and tedious life!"He even took a step forward, gazing affectionately into Darkness's eyes, which were wide with shock:"I originally thought you were just a beautiful noble daughter, but I didn't expect your soul to be so unique and profound! That desire to be trampled upon is exactly your most powerful rebellion against this hypocritical world! Miss Lalatina, I admire you even more now! No, I have been completely conquered by you!"The dining room fell into a dead silence once again, though this time the silence was filled with the sound of a worldview shattering into pieces.The fork in Haru's hand fell to the floor with a clatter.Satou Kazuma's mouth hung wide open, his jaw nearly dropping into his soup bowl.Aqua stopped her water purification movements, looking blankly at this noble youth who was even more of a pervert than the pervert herself."W-wait a minute..." Darkness let out a wail, taking a step back in extreme terror, nearly falling off the table. "What are you talking about! Being admired by a perfect person like you is the most terrifying torture in this world! Despise me! Give me that look like you're looking at trash! Please!""I will absolutely not do that!" Alexei declared with an air of righteous integrity. "Miss Lalatina, please rest assured. After we are married, I will use all the gentleness and consideration of my life to influence your wounded soul! I will prepare the finest afternoon tea for you every day, hire the best orchestra to play for you, and let you be forever immersed in an ocean of love and respect, completely bidding farewell to those absurd thoughts of being ravaged by monsters!""Noooooo—!" Darkness let out the most desperate scream of her life. She covered her ears and slumped down on the dining table, as if she could already see a future where she was buried alive by gentleness and happiness.Haru wiped away a cold sweat and turned to look at Kazuma. "Hey, Kazuma... what is this? A perfect saint's absolute counter to a masochistic knight?"Kazuma shook his head blankly. "No, this is called 'evil meets its match'... Although Alexei is a good person, to Darkness, he really is a demon more terrifying than the Demon King."Haru watched this scene of a Pure Love Overlord versus a Perverted Crusader, his lips twitching uncontrollably.Since Darkness had already gone all out, as the captain, there was no need for him to keep acting like a stifled, goody-two-shoes youth.Haru casually tossed the silver fork used for cutting steak onto the plate, letting out a crisp 'ding'.He leaned back against the chair, his originally upright and solemn sitting posture instantly collapsing into a lazy slouch filled with the air of a hoodlum.He squinted, looking up and down at Darknessslumped on the table with the kind of gaze one uses for a trash bag on the side of the road."Hey, Lalatina," Haru spoke, his voice no longer gentle and polite, but filled with naked disgust and mockery. "That's enough; stop acting like a martyr. You think jumping on the table to announce you're a pervert is impressive? At the end of the day, you're just a useless meat shield who gets slapped by Cabbages while trying to hunt them, and even shows a disgusting smile because of it."The air in the dining room cooled down again.Satou Kazuma was stunned for a second, then immediately realized—this guy is'saving the situation'!Thus, Axel's most famous scum Thief also instantly tore off his disguise, revealing that signature sinister smile."Exactly, Miss Lalatina." Kazuma crossed his legs and picked his teeth with a toothpick, his tone so flippant it made one want to punch him. "Stop acting in front of Lord Alexei. A severe delusional patient like you—who is useless except for taking hits, has an attack accuracy of zero, and even needs us to scrub your back in the bath (false information)—LordAlexei is an elite of the Kingdom; how could he possibly be interested in someone like you?""Wu, wu-ohhh...!" Darkness's body suddenly stiffened, her face instantly turning so red it almost dripped blood, and her breathing became ten times more rapid than before.She wasn't angry; instead, as if injected with some high-purity stimulant, she gripped the tablecloth tightly and let out a hair-raising groan:"This is it... Haru, Kazuma... are you finally willing to show your true faces? Trampling my useless combat abilities and twisted private life right in front of my blind date... Ahhh, this feeling of being betrayed and publicly executed by my comrades... is too wonderful!"Seeing this, Aqua also hurried to join the fray.Although she didn't quite understand what Haruwas doing, mockery was her instinct. "That's right, that's right! This perverted woman usually has to borrow money from me even to buy booze (actually, it's the other way around), and she grinds her teeth and drools in her sleep! Mr. Alexei, I advise you to run away quickly, or else the furniture in your house will be stained by her strange bodily fluids!""You... you guys!" Alexei had been immersed in the fantasy of redeeming the girl, but hearing these words now, he went completely Spartan.He looked at the 'we are scum' faces of Haru and Kazuma, then at Darkness, who looked entranced and was even starting to writhe on the table, and the veins on his forehead finally began to throb."How dare you treat Miss Lalatina like this!" Alexeislammed the table and stood up in anger, pointing at Haru's nose and shouting, "She is a hero who fought to protect Axel! Even if she has a few... a few special quirks, that is an expression of her pure nature! As her comrades, you actually humiliate her like this in public, and even fabricate lewd lies about scrubbing her back! You are simply the shame of Adventurers!"
Chapter 109: Long-term RequestThe atmosphere in the dining room reached a peak of weirdness at this moment.On one side was Alexei, the saintly noble bursting with justice and trying to save a fallen girl; on the other were his scummy companions with fierce expressions (faked) and malicious words; and at the center of the storm was Darkness, currently in a state of near-ascendant bliss."Stop! Lord Alexei, please take back your noble pity!" Darkness suddenly straightened up from the dining table, her originally heroic face now flushed crimson, her eyes reflecting a fervor that made people want to keep their distance. "Haru and Kazuma weren't lying! Every word they just said, every insulting term, is the highest form of praise to me! I just love being stared at by them with eyes that look at roadside trash, I just love being pushed into a swarm of monsters to fend for myself! That kind of gentle care of yours is the most cruel poison to me!"Alexei's outstretched hand froze in mid-air.He looked at Darkness, who appeared radiant because of the insults—even a hundred times more moving than when she was pretending to be a lady just now—and his entire world finally collapsed.His highly educated brain, filled with chivalry, let out a violent roar of overload at this moment."...So, is that how it is?" Alexei took a deep breath. His originally angry expression gradually faded, replaced by a serenity as if he had seen through the vanity of the world.He slowly sat back down, shaking his head with a bitter smile: "I always thought that loving someone meant giving them the best life and treating them with the utmost tenderness. But I never imagined that there truly existed in this world... souls that pursue pain and being trampled upon."He looked up at Darkness with eyes filled with complex emotions—admiration, sympathy, and mostly helplessness: "Miss Lalatina, although I completely fail to understand your values, as a noble, I respect every warrior's right to choose their way of life. If this is the happiness you seek, then forcing you into my gentle world was indeed too selfish of me."Alexei stood up and gave Darkness an elegant parting bow: "Please rest assured, I will go back and tell my father that because our personalities and pursuits are not on the same plane at all, this marriage is not suitable. I will take all the responsibility upon myself and will not let the Dustiness Family be shamed. I sincerely hope... that you find true satisfaction on that path filled with insults and monster swarms."Having said that, this perfect youth, who could be called a saint reincarnate, took one last look at Haruand Kazuma, his tone carrying a hint of indescribable heaviness: "Though I cannot approve of your actions, since Miss Lalatina needs... trash like you, please continue to play this role well. Until we meet again."As Alexei's tall and lonely figure disappeared outside the dining room doors, the entire mansion seemed to fall silent.Haru and Satou Kazuma glanced at each other, both seeing an emotion called a stinging conscience in the other's eyes."Hey, Haru..." Kazuma spat out his toothpick, his tone becoming extremely low, "Do you feel like, even though we succeeded, our current selves... really look like those super villains who bully honest people?""...Don't say it." Haru covered his face and sighed deeply, "That guy is practically a giant of character. In front of him, I feel like my sarcastic act just now was even more disgusting than a Slime in a sewer.""This is great! Haru! Kazuma! Did you hear that? That guy called us trash!" Darkness let out a happy cheer, jumped down from the table, and grabbed both of their arms, "This feeling of being despised by a noble person and treated like scum by my companions... Ah, I'll never forget today for the rest of my life!""Shut up! You're the culprit who's making our consciences suffer!"Haru and Kazuma roared in grief and indignation at the same time.Not long after Alexei's lonely figure had disappeared at the end of the hallway, the heavy oak doors of the dining room were pushed open again.The Lord of Dustiness, who had originally disappeared under the pretext of handling paperwork, now walked in slowly with his hands behind his back.He looked at the messy dining table—the tablecloth sprayed with tea, the silver forks on the floor, and his precious daughter sprawled happily on a chair like a corpse—and this old noble didn't show any of the expected fury. Instead, he let out a long sigh, his eyes reflecting a sense of world-weariness that said 'just as I expected'."It seems this farce has finally come to an end." The Lord walked to the head of the table and sat down, his gaze deep as he looked at Haru and Satou Kazuma, who were so embarrassed they wanted to crawl into a hole."Um... Lord, we were actually just..." Haru tried to explain. After all, if the sarcastic remarks he'd made about Darkness had been heard by this daughter-doting maniac, there might be an unidentified male corpse in the Axel moat tomorrow."No need to say more, Haru, and Satou Kazuma." The Lord raised his hand, stopping Haru, a faint, almost imperceptible smile even appearing at the corners of his mouth. "Actually, before you arrived at the mansion, I had already sent people to privately investigate your backgrounds. Although rumors say one of you is a weirdo captain who's always bringing trouble and the other is the most scummy Thief in Axel, I've also heard about your performance during the Cabbage harvest and while protecting the town."He paused, his tone becoming gentler: "Although your behavior was indeed... a bit exaggerated, even quite rude, I can see that you truly care for Lalatina. In this world where everyone is eyeing the prestige of the Dustiness Family, young people like you who don't hesitate to play the part of scumbags for your companion are rare. You... are both gentle, good people at heart.""Pfft-cough—!" Satou Kazuma choked as if something was stuck in his throat, coughing violently and looking at the Lord in disbelief, "G-Good people? Are you talking about me? Um... Lord, do you have some kind of misunderstanding about the term 'good person'?"Haru also felt his face flush. This feeling of being given a 'good person card' by the victim's parent right after playing the villain was even more unsettling than being pestered by Darkness."In that case, I won't stop Lalatina from continuing to party with you." The Lord stood up, walked to Haru, and patted his shoulder heavily, his tone carrying the weight of a solemn entrustment. "However, in exchange, I have a long-term request for you. As you can see, among the noble children I know, I'm afraid not a single one can stand Lalatina's... unique personality. Therefore, I'm leaving the task of finding a boyfriend who can satisfy Lalatina to you. No rush, as long as I can see her married before this old man kicks the bucket.""W-Wait a minute! Father!" Darkness, who was still in a state of bliss just a moment ago, suddenly jumped up, protesting with a bright red face, "What are you saying! How can you leave such a thing to scumbags like Haru and Kazuma... no, to these reliable companions!""It's settled then." The Lord completely ignored his daughter's protest and turned to give Haru a calculating smile, "Then, I'll leave my daughter in your care. Oh, by the way, Miss Aqua, I'd be even happier if you could put that 1.5 million eris bottle of Romanée-Conti back where it belongs.""Uwah! I've been caught!" Aqua, who was about to sneak away, let out a shriek and frantically stuffed the wine bottle back under the table.Haru looked at this family, then at the group of problem children beside him, and sighed deeply.Although the blind date crisis was resolved, he felt as if the burden on his shoulders had become even heavier.