Chapter 120: Even the Demon King's Army Might Not Be as Lewd as You Two"Then it's settled! Before Aqua finishes hitching up that broken carriage, we'll head to Wiz's shop to kidna— invite her over!" Haru waved his hand with high spirits.A moment later, the two of them rushed into Wiz's Magic Item Shop like a whirlwind.The bell above the door chimed crisply. Wiz, who was squatting behind a shelf diligently wiping a useless-looking magic stone that made water salty, was startled and scrambled to her feet."Ah! It's Mr. Lin Jin and Mr. Kazuma, welcome— waah!"Because she stood up too fast, the clumsy Lich predictably tripped over her own feet, pitching forward and about to fall flat on her face.Haru was quick. He lunged forward and steadily caught Wiz's shoulders (taking the opportunity to feel her surprising softness)."Careful now, Ms. Wiz. If you break, the Adventurers of Axel will weep," Haru said with a gentle smile."Th-thank you, Mr. Lin Jin... That was so unseemly of me." Wiz stood steady, her face flushed red as she nervously twiddled her fingers. "Are you two here today to buy that frying pan that makes cat noises? It's not very useful other than being noisy, but it's twenty percent off right now!""Who would want that junk!" Kazuma couldn't help but retort before switching to a smiling face. "Ms. Wiz, we're actually here to invite you to travel to Alcanretia with us! We're going to soak in the hot springs and enjoy life!""Eh? Go to Alcanretia?" Wiz's beautiful eyes widened in surprise, followed by a look of delight. "That's such a coincidence! I was actually planning to go there too. The shop's stock is running low, and I was thinking of going to the wholesale market there to get some new magic item materials, and maybe see if I can find some best-sellers like powder that turns bathwater into orange juice...""Then don't hesitate, let's head out together!" Harugrabbed Wiz's hand directly, his tone firm. "We'll protect you on the road, so you don't have to worry about monsters. And... the mixed-bath area of the hot springs will definitely need a mature and steady woman like Ms. Wiz to maintain order.""Since Mr. Lin Jin says so... th-then I'll gladly accept." Wiz smiled gently, completely unaware that she had stepped into the trap of these two degenerate men. "Please wait a moment, I'll go pack my bags and hang the 'Out for Stock' sign on the door!"Watching Wiz's figure happily run toward the back room, Haru and Kazuma exchanged another victorious glance."First target achieved!" Kazuma pumped his fist excitedly. "Next, we go fetch Yunyun, who is probably drawing circles in some corner!"Inside the Axel Adventurers Guild, the midday clamor was deafening.Haru and Satou Kazuma were aggressively slamming the counter, scaring Ms. Miss Luna so much that the forms she was organizing scattered all over the floor."What did you say?! Yunyun was taken away by that blonde delinquent?!" Satou Kazuma roared like a rabid dog whose bone had been stolen. His usually somewhat gloomy face was now twisted into an extremely distorted shape by jealousy and rage. "That bastard Dust! He must have targeted Yunyun's personality—the kind of idiot who gets moved to tears and follows anyone who talks to her—to trick her into a party!"Ms. Miss Luna hurriedly picked up the documents while awkwardly explaining, "Th-that... Mr. Dustsaid he received an emergency quest to slay Giant Toads, but his teammates were all hungover. He happened to see Ms. Yunyun talking to herself to the pigeons on a park bench, so...""That's kidnapping! It's blatant fraud!" Haru joined the condemnation with righteous indignation. He hammered the counter in distress as if Yunyun were his long-lost younger sister. "Don't we all know what kind of character Dust is? He'll definitely use Yunyun as bait for the toads while he slacks off in the back, and then shamelessly take most of the reward! Yunyun is so innocent and easy to trick. What if she gets covered in slime from being licked by a toad during the fight? How can we let a delinquent like Dust be the first to experience such a terrible thing?!""Exactly! That kind of terrible experience should clearly be... no! That kind of dangerous work isn't suitable for Yunyun at all!" Kazuma quickly corrected himself before turning to Haru to rant wildly. "Haru, look at that Dust. Usually, when he's not hitting on the receptionists, he's squandering money at the Succubus Shop. Even his equipment is rented! This man is a disgrace to Adventurers! If Yunyun learns bad habits from him and becomes a foul-mouthed violent woman who slams tables for booze, our Hot Spring Paradise plan will be completely ruined!""You're right. Aside from having a bit of luck and a face that's barely passable, Dust is utterly worthless!" Haru agreed deeply. The two of them were displaying an unprecedented sense of justice. "A man like him doesn't know how to cherish female companions; he'll only push girls out to take the hit in dangerous moments! We have to go save her immediately. We can't let Yunyun stay in that scumbag's hands for another second!"The other Adventurers in the guild looked at these two scumbags who were righteously criticizing someone else with complex expressions."Hey, did you hear that? Those two guys are actually worried about someone being dangerous..." Adventurer A whispered."Yeah, aren't the two of them the recognized enemies of women in Axel?" Adventurer B wiped his sweat, feeling the irony.However, Haru and Kazuma were completely immersed in the self-satisfaction of saving a wayward girl, entirely forgetting that their original plan was to trick Yunyun into the mixed-bath hot springs for so-called 'adult socializing.'In a sense, Yunyun going with Dust to fight toads might actually be much safer than going to a hot spring with these two guys whose heads were filled with perverted thoughts.Just as Haru and Satou Kazuma, those partners of justice, were spitting and shouting their condemnation of Dust's crimes at the guild entrance, a youthful voice filled with disdain drifted from behind them."I say, doesn't your conscience hurt even a little bit while you two are over there passionately slandering someone else?"The two turned their heads stiffly to see Meguminholding her large staff, looking at them as if they were trash.Her crimson eye held a depth that seemed to see through everything. "While Dust is indeed an irredeemable scumbag, if you say Yunyun is in danger with him, then following you two walking sexual harassment machines to a mixed-bath hot spring is basically jumping straight into a trap set by the Demon King's Army, isn't it? No, even the Demon King's Army might not be as lewd as you two.""...Ahem, Megumin, what are you saying? We're worried about our companion's safety!" Satou Kazuma's face turned red, his eyes wandering toward the sky. "Yunyun is a Crimson Demon, you're a Crimson Demon, so Yunyun is my sister... no, she's my comrade! How can I stand by and watch my comrade be corrupted by that blonde delinquent?"Haru also straightened his collar solemnly, trying to salvage his crumbling image. "That's right, Megumin. We were just discussing how to use hot spring therapy to heal the psychological trauma Yunyun has suffered from her long-term inability to make friends. This is a very serious and high-end psychological consultation. How could a crude man like Dust understand?""...The two of you are truly beyond saving."Megumin sighed, and just as she was about to continue her sharp-tongued remarks, the guild doors were slammed open again.
Chapter 121: Journey to the Water City"Everyone!! Look! This Goddess has brought back salvation!!"Aqua ran over drenched in sweat, tightly clutching a caravan leader who looked like he was about to be strangled to death by her.She slapped a gaudy flyer onto the guild table, her face brimming with the ecstasy of 'I'm finally not a useless person.'"Listen up! Thanks to this Goddess's star-like wisdom and peerless negotiation skills, I've contacted a large caravan heading to Alcanretia!" Aqua stood with hands on hips, her chest heaving with her heavy breathing. "They just happen to be short on high-level Adventurer guards! As long as we agree to escort them through that monster-infested wilderness, not only will we not have to pay the expensive carriage fare, we'll even receive a handsome reward upon arrival! How about that?! Praise me! Worship me! Say that I am the smartest Goddess in Axel!"Haru and Satou Kazuma exchanged a look, their expressions shifting from skepticism to shock."...Hey, Haru, did I hear that right?" Kazuma rubbed his ears and whispered, "Is this really that Intellectual Disabled Goddess who only spends money on Bubbly Wine and party tricks? Not only saving on travel costs but making money too? This is a textbook-perfect operation!"Haru also wore an expression of disbelief. Looking at the smug Aqua waiting for praise, he felt for the first time that her blue divine halo seemed to shine a bit brighter. "Aqua... you, did you withdraw next month's IQ quota in advance? This is indeed the smartest decision! With this money, we can stay in the most luxurious presidential suite with a mixed bath in the Hot Spring City!""Hehehe! No travel fees and we get paid, long live Lady Aqua!" Kazuma jumped up in excitement, completely forgetting his previous worries about Yunyun."In that case, let's head out immediately!" Harumade the final call. "Wiz has already gone back to pack. Let's head to the caravan meeting point now! As for Yunyun... since she followed Dust to hunt toads, we'll just pick her up when the caravan passes that meadow!""Oh—! Let's go! Objective: Water City and Mixed Bath Heaven!!"Amidst the cheers of Haru and Kazuma, this strange party consisting of a Goddess, a Lich, a chuunibyou Archwizard, a masochistic knight, and two sadistic men finally began their journey to Alcanretia.Of course, they didn't know that waiting for them along the way, besides hot springs, was the passion of the Axis Order members, which was hotter than lava.The carriage leaving the city slowly passed through the lush grasslands on the outskirts of Axel, the air filled with the scent of green grass and... the fishy smell of some slimy creature.Sure enough, in a nearby depression, two familiar figures were caught in an extremely traditional struggle.Several Giant Toads were letting out dull croaks, while Yunyun, dressed in her Crimson Demon Clanrobes, was blushing and frantically chanting Intermediate Magic, trying to repel the monsters that lusted after her curvaceous body... no, lusted after her value as food.Not far behind her, the blond delinquent Dust was listlessly swinging a rented longsword that looked like it was about to break, shouting, "Hey! Yunyun! Hurry up and use that 'boom' magic! My sword is about to get notched, and I'll have to pay for that!""Stop— the— carriage—!!" Haru and Satou Kazumaleaned out of the carriage window almost simultaneously and shouted in unison.The caravan stopped, and Haru jumped down, walking toward the muddy battlefield with the look of justice personified.He casually picked up a stone and threw it at the toad trying to sneak up on Yunyun's back, then revealed an extremely brilliant (and seductive) smile:"Yo! Yunyun! What's the fun in fighting toads with an unreliable delinquent like this in a place like this? Look, we're going on a trip to Alcanretia! There are top-tier hot springs and an artistic atmosphere that can cleanse the soul. Since you happen to be alone right now (ignoring Dust), why not come with us?""Eh? Ehhh?!" Yunyun was so startled by the sudden invitation that she almost interrupted her spell. Her large purple eyes instantly filled with tears of emotion. "Mr... Mr. Lin Jin... are you inviting me? Not to use me as a meat shield, and not to make me pay the carriage fee, but really inviting me to travel together? Wuwu... I-I'm willing! Please definitely take me along!""Hey! You two bastards, are you pretending I don't exist?!" Dust ran over in a huff, wiped the mud off his face, and pointed at Haru and Kazuma's noses. "I brought her out for a quest! You're kidnapping her in broad daylight! And Alcanretia? Besides the crazy cultists, the only good thing about that place is..."Just then, Satou Kazuma leaned in and whispered in a low voice only a man could understand, "Dust, listen up. The inns there... have mixed baths. And in our party this time, we have Wiz, Yunyun, Darkness... you get it, right?"Dust's expression froze instantly. His originally angry eyes transformed into saint-like devotion within a tenth of a second."...Mixed bath?" Dust swallowed hard, then suddenly slapped Haru's shoulder and roared righteously, "As Yunyun's nominal temporary captain, how can I feel safe letting her go to such a dangerous place alone with a bunch of suspicious guys like you?! To protect Yunyun's chastity... no, to protect a companion's safety, I, Dust, must also join this expedition!""Who wants you to join! You just want a free carriage ride!" Kazuma pushed him away with a look of disgust, but then revealed a wicked grin. "But having an extra porter to carry bags isn't bad. Haru, what do you think?"Haru looked at the growing party with its rising proportion of scumbags and gave a sadistic smile. "No problem, the more the merrier. Dust, you can come, but you have to charge at the front when we encounter monsters. Otherwise, I'll photocopy your debt list from the Succubus Shop a thousand times and scatter them across every street in Alcanretia!""You win! Deal!" Dust agreed through gritted teeth.And so, amidst Yunyun's tearful gratitude and Aqua's shouting from the roof about not adding more free-loaders, the carriage filled with an aura of chaos officially began its journey to the Water City.
Chapter 122: Fan ServiceThe high-end merchant caravan carriage, originally designed to seat four or five people, was now forcibly packed with eight.Inside the cramped carriage, the air had not only grown thin but was also filled with various subtle scents—the moisture from Aqua, the smell of gunpowder on Megumin's robes, the metallic tang of Darkness's armor, and... a certain extremely sweet and soft feminine fragrance.To maximize his benefits (fan service), Harudisplayed a tactical prowess comparable to a Demon Kings Army General when boarding the carriage.He kicked Dust, who was trying to snatch a good spot, out onto the driver's assistant seat to brave the cold wind. Then, in the name of the Mage Alliance, he forced himself into the space between Wiz and Yunyun.As for Satou Kazuma, because his reactions were half a beat too slow, he was tragically sandwiched between Aqua and Megumin, who was clutching her massive staff.The carriage traveled along the bumpy, uneven merchant road, the cabin jolting violently as the wheels rolled."It's... it's so crowded..."Yunyun huddled in the corner like a startled rabbit, her overly developed, ample chest compressed by her arms into a breathtaking curve.Just then, the carriage wheel ran over a large stone, tossing the entire cabin upward before it slammed heavily to one side."Whoa!"Accompanied by everyone's exclamations, the interior of the carriage instantly fell into chaos.Haru felt his center of gravity shift, and his whole body tumbled uncontrollably (or rather, with a bit of help) toward the left side.In the next second, his cheek and hands simultaneously sank into an astonishing softness.The sensation carried a hint of the coolness unique to a Lich, yet it was as smooth and bottomless as top-grade pudding."Eek—! Mr. Lin Jin?!" Wiz let out a flustered and sweet cry. Her exquisite face instantly turned bright red, and her hands instinctively tried to push Haruaway, but because the carriage was too crowded, it turned into an embrace that seemed like a reluctant acceptance.A normal gentleman would have immediately gotten up and apologized at this moment.But Haru was a man well-versed in the ways of the degenerate.Not only did he not get up immediately, but he also pretended as if he hadn't stabilized his balance yet, burying his face deeper into that cool softness, while his hands brazenly measured that incredible size."So-Sorry, Miss Wiz, the carriage is shaking too much, I can't get up..." Haru said in a muffled, extremely innocent tone."I-It's alright! It's my fault. As a Lich, my body temperature is too low. Mr. Lin Jin must be feeling very cold being pressed so close to me, right? Oh dear, I'm so sorry..."Wiz didn't suspect Haru's motives at all. Instead, she felt guilty because of her cold constitution and even gently patted Haru's back in an attempt to soothe him.While Haru was enjoying the double service of the Lich's lap pillow and the 'motorboat' treatment, the carriage took another sharp turn.This time, Haru conveniently tumbled toward the right side.His thigh squeezed hard between Yunyun's legs, his firm knee pressing directly into the depths of the Crimson Demon girl's defenseless skirt, while one hand inadvertently pressed against Yunyun's chest, which was also not to be underestimated."Hyah!" Yunyun let out an extremely cute, strange cry, her entire body instantly becoming as stiff as a wooden board.Her brain completely crashed at that moment, and her purple eyes flickered wildly with dizzying swirls."Oh my, Yunyun, I'm really sorry, the road conditions are just too poor." Haru raised his head with a smile, but that hand and thigh seemed to have taken root, staying firmly in place, and he even wickedly gave a slight rub."N-No! It's okay!" Yunyun's face was bright red, steam practically rising from her head. She desperately recalled the unreliable friendship guides she had read and stammered, "Th-This is what the books call... skinship between friends to enhance their bond, right?! I-I understand! As Mr. Lin Jin's companion, this level of contact is perfectly acceptable! P-Please, feel free to enhance our bond!"Seeing Yunyun looking like she was about to faint from shame yet forcing herself to stay calm and accept this 'baptism of friendship,' the degenerate smile on Haru's face almost reached his ears.Meanwhile, at the other end of the carriage, Satou Kazuma was in the midst of dire straits."Haa... haa... so tight... being squeezed in such a small space by so many people, even breathing is difficult..." Darkness panted with a flushed face, her hard Crusader armor digging painfully into Kazuma's ribs. "And every jolt of the carriage sends Kazuma's sweaty body crashing into me... this undignified, crowded hell is simply wonderful! Please squeeze me harder!""You perverted female knight, shut up! My ribs are going to break!" Kazuma wailed in pain, while also trying to dodge the bottom of Megumin's staff, which kept poking toward his nostrils due to the jolts.When he struggled to turn his head and saw Haruwith a girl in each arm, thriving amidst the softness of Wiz and Yunyun, two lines of bloody tears named 'jealousy' flowed from Kazuma's eyes."Haru—!! You goddamn normie! I'll duel you!! Switch places with me, aaaargh!!""Shut up, you shut-in! You're going to make this Goddess spill her Bubbly Wine!"Aqua slapped Kazuma on the back of his head.The narrow carriage was filled with a cheerful atmosphere.Just as Haru was preparing to further deepen his profound friendship with Yunyun under the pretext of checking a friend's heart rate, the speeding carriage suddenly let out a piercing screech of friction, followed by an emergency brake sharp enough to make one vomit their meal from the night before."Whoa!" Haru's face once again sank deep into Wiz's cool and elastic embrace, while Yunyun, due to inertia, lunged directly onto Haru's back. Those heavy fruits pressed against Haru's back through his thin mage robes, forming an extremely clear shape."M-Monsters!! It's Orcs! A whole pack of Orcs is charging at us!!" The driver's terrified scream sounded particularly shrill on the silent forest road."Tsk, there are always these sightless small fry coming to spoil the fun at the critical moment." Harureluctantly propped himself up from Wiz's healing embrace, and casually patted Yunyun's thigh, which was tense from fright, to soothe her. "Kazuma, stop playing dead. Get out there and work. Let's finish them off quickly so we can come back and continue enhancing our bond.""I was thinking the same thing! I can't stay in this place filled with the smell of sweat and metal lumps for another second!"Kazuma pushed Darkness away as if granted a divine reprieve and scrambled out of the carriage.Haru jumped down from the carriage right after him. What greeted his eyes was a scene enough to cause any normal male physiological discomfort, yet made a certain female knight feel her soul being sublimated.From the woods ahead on the merchant road, over a dozen Orcs emerged—each over two meters tall, with bulging muscles, dark green skin, and their signature pig snouts.They brandished crude spiked clubs, suspicious drool leaking from their mouths. What was most revolting was that these guys were only wearing tattered animal skins around their waists, their primitive, wild aura hitting everyone full-on.
Chapter 123: A Paradise of SortsJust as Haru and Satou Kazuma were bracing themselves for a tragic battle to defend the beautiful girls, the atmosphere of the battlefield underwent an extremely bizarre distortion.The group of Orcs, who had looked fierce and malevolent, did not pounce on the panicked Wiz or the brain-dead Yunyun as expected after approaching the carriage.Instead, they stopped in their tracks, and their cloudy little eyes erupted with a thirst and predatory maternal glow that made Haru and Satou Kazuma's spines tingle."Wait... Kazuma, don't you feel like something's wrong?" Haru's eye twitched as he pointed at the leading Orc, who was wearing low-quality purple lipstick and two giant coconut shells on its chest. "That guy... it looks like it's winking at me?""...Haru, I think we've made a mistake." Satou Kazuma's face was paler than a dead man's at this moment. He tremblingly flipped through the common knowledge of this world's monsters in his mind. "In this world... the Orc race... only has females. In order to reproduce, they regularly go out in groups to hunt strong... human males..."As if to confirm Kazuma's words, the leading female Orc let out a thunderous, coquettish cry:"Oooooh! Sisters, look! We're so lucky today! There are actually three high-quality males! That black-haired one looks like he has amazing stamina; he'll definitely last a long time! The one in the green cloak looks a bit weak, but he's quite handsome, perfect as a backup! And that blonde kid sitting next to the driver looks like he knows how to have fun!""Help—!! Why am I being included too?!" Sitting in the passenger seat, Dust let out a scream like a slaughtered pig, scrambling to climb onto the roof of the carriage."Stop talking! Sisters, move! Drive away all those annoying females and capture these three treasures back to the tribe! Tonight, we're having a breeding party!!"With that command, fifteen female Orcs weighing at least two hundred kilograms each charged forward like bulldozers. Their goal was extremely clear—they bypassed Yunyun, who was preparing to cast magic, ignored the shivering Wiz, and even directly knocked aside Darkness, who was standing in the middle of the road."...Eh?"Darkness, who had already struck a posture for humiliation and was immersed in fantasies of being ravaged, stood blankly in place.When an Orc brushed past her, it even pushed her away in disgust: "Get out of the way, tin can! Don't block me from catching that black-haired hottie!""...Eh eh eh?! Wait, wait a minute!" Darkness's face, which was full of blushes, instantly collapsed, replaced by a sense of despair and anger at being abandoned by the whole world. "Why ignore me?! I'm the most famous female knight in Axel! I have top-tier defensive power! I—I look very easy to bully right now! Hey! Come back! You Pig-faced people, hurry up and ravage me! Don't touch Haru and Kazuma, they're my... No, that's my duty!!""You perverted female knight, is this the time to be worried about that?!" Satou Kazuma screamed as he retreated frantically, pulling out a short sword from his robe, his voice carrying a sob. "Haru! What do we do?! If we get caught by these Pig-faced people, we'll be completely turned into juicers! My virginity absolutely cannot be given to these monsters with pig noses!!"Haru's scalp tingled as he watched the group of Orcs drooling and lunging at him with their large, hairy hands. For the first time, he felt that Wiz's cold embrace and Yunyun's shy skin contact were so holy and beautiful.Just as Haru was preparing for a desperate struggle and Satou Kazuma was already considering how to write his will, Lady Aqua, standing on the roof of the carriage, suddenly showed an expression of realization. Then, her divine (self-proclaimed) voice echoed across the battlefield."Wait a minute! Everyone, stop!!" Lady Aqua waved her staff, pointing solemnly at the Orcs who were drooling and rushing toward the men. "I found out! The target of these Pig-faced people isn't us cute girls at all, but those three men whose heads are full of trash! Since that's the case, why should we waste our energy fighting?"Yunyun, who was about to chant middle-tier magic to support Haru, froze: "Eh? But, Lady Aqua, Mr. Lin Jin and the others will be in danger...""It's fine, Yunyun!" Lady Aqua jumped down from the roof of the carriage, conveniently pulling out an unopened bottle of Bubbly Wine and a bag of snacks from the luggage. She sat down on a rock by the road with a relaxed expression. "Look, they just want to take them back to have babies, they won't eat them. For those three guys who usually have no integrity, this might be a paradise of sorts, right? Let's just treat it as giving them a vacation. Come on, Megumin, Wiz, everyone sit down. This is a rare wild courtship show; you won't get a chance to see a live broadcast if you miss it!""Even though I feel like something is wrong, hearing you say it makes it sound quite interesting." Megumin squatted next to Lady Aqua, holding her staff, with a look of amusement in her eyes. "As long as it doesn't delay my daily Explosion Magic, it's not bad to watch them run around for exercise.""L-Lady Aqua, is this really okay?" Wiz looked at Haru, who was being chased and cornered by three Orcs, with a worried face. "Mr. Lin Jin looks like he's about to cry...""Aqua—!! You heartless Intellectual Disabled Goddess! Save us!!" Satou Kazuma let out a heart-wrenching howl. He was being chased all over the place by an Orc weighing at least three hundred pounds, whose large mouth smeared with purple lipstick was almost kissing the back of his head."Help! I don't want to go have piglet babies! Haru! Think of something! Don't you have a lot of scumideas?!" Dust could no longer care about his image. He was running in circles around the carriage, followed by a string of Orcs making grunting courtship sounds.Haru's situation was the most severe because he was the top prize in the eyes of the Orcs.The leading Orc wearing coconut shells was spreading its arms, crashing toward him like an out-of-control heavy tank, shouting: "Don't run, little black-haired one! Big sister will take good care of you! I'll make you the happiest stallion in the tribe!!""...Happiness my foot!!" Haru desperately maneuvered while looking despairingly at the group of female teammates who were leisurely drinking wine and eating snacks while watching. "You women... once I'm out of danger, I'm definitely going to lock you all in a basement for some 'love education'!! Especially you, Aqua! I'm going to replace all your Bubbly Wine with plain water!!""Wuwuwu... Why... why don't even the Pig-faced people want me..."Only Darkness knelt at the edge of the battlefield, gloomily drawing circles on the ground with a dark background behind her.Thus, on this trade route to the Water City, an extremely absurd scene appeared:Three men were fleeing for their lives in front, a group of burly female Orcs was madly showing their love behind them, and a group of beautiful girls was leisurely having a picnic and watching from the side of the road.PS: I've seen many people leaving messages saying they want a place to discuss the plot. Should I start a group? Sometimes I really do need your creative ideas!
Chapter 124: The Gradually Fading ScreamsBlood-curdling screams echoed along the trade route, so shrill they seemed capable of scaring the birds of the entire forest into immediate migration."Help me—!! Don't touch that! That's the sanctuary reserved for my future wife!! Yamete—!!" Satou Kazuma let out one last desperate roar before being pinned down by three female Orcs of staggering weight, who pounced like hungry tigers.Immediately after, a series of heart-pounding (in the sense of physical cardiac arrest) grunts and the sound of tearing fabric drifted over. Kazuma's frail body, held in the Orcs' pincer-like embrace, was like a rubber screaming chicken being ravaged by a hydraulic press, with only his two feet left twitching weakly outside."Kazuma's pathetic state is a disgrace to all men! Hahahaha! Ouch, Kazuma, remember to give your Orc babies nice names, like Satou Chotaro or something... Eh? Wait, wait a minute! When did you guys get behind me?!"Dust, who had been leaning against a tree trunk laughing so hard he couldn't stand straight, didn't even have time to wipe the tears of laughter from his eyes before he was seized by the arms from both sides by two Orc sisters who had silently flanked him."Hehe, this blonde one has a smart mouth, but his frame is quite sturdy. He'll surely sire strong children!""Let go of me!! I am a noble Dragon Knight... no, I am Axel's most promising Adventurer! I cannot end my bachelor life here!! Haru! Save me! Save... Uwah! Don't lick my face! It stinks! Is that the smell of pig slop?!"Accompanied by a heavy dragging sound, Dust was also forcibly pinned down in the grass by the roadside, becoming a captive of the Orc sisters' love.At this moment, the only male creature still running for his life on the entire trade route was Haru.Haru had entered a sort of transcendent state; his legs were pumping so fast they were practically generating sparks from friction. Aside from the whistling wind in his ears, there was only the heavy, drum-like thud of the lead Orc's footsteps behind him."Huff... huff... huff..." Haru kept his head down, his gaze fixed dead ahead, not daring to look back at his two comrades who had already fallen into hell.He was ranting frantically in his mind: (Those two useless bums! Usually, they're better at bragging than anyone, but in a crisis, they couldn't even last five minutes?! Kazuma, is that high Luck of yours just for show? Is all your luck spent on finding the most pathetic ways to lose your virginity?! And Dust, you bastard, what were you laughing at? Now look what happened—our Axel Scum Trio is going to be wiped out today!!)Meanwhile, at a nearby picnic spot, Aqua was munching on potato chips with great interest, pointing at the undulating shadows in the grass and shouting:"Wow! Look, look! Kazuma's been flipped over! Ohhh, Dust is being courted by three Orcs at once! This is an epic scene! Megumin, quick, record it with your crystal ball. Selling this to those middle-aged guys back in town will definitely make us a fortune!""I'd love to record it, but I have to save my mana for Explosion Magic," Megumin commented with a deadpan expression. "But Haru is really fast; that lead Orc hasn't caught him yet. Is this the so-called survival instinct of a scum?"...Mr. Lin Jin, will he really be okay?" Wiz had her eyes covered but couldn't help peeking through the gaps in her fingers. "That lead Orc seems to be holding something like a wedding ring (actually a giant nose ring)... if Mr. Lin Jin gets caught, he'll be forcibly taken back to have a wedding, right?""...Uuuu... why... why are they willing to even snatch that foul-mouthed Dust, but won't even look at me..."Darkness had completely entered her autistic mode, burying her face in the dirt and letting out a wail of being abandoned by the whole world.The commotion in the grass could no longer be described as intense; it was practically a small-scale localized earthquake."Stop! Stop it! That place isn't for stuffing those weird fruits!! That's my... Aaaaah!! My sanctuary has been invaded! Goddess Eris, please save me, even if you let me reincarnate into a world with only Slimes!!"Satou Kazuma's screams had turned from high-pitched to a sort of high-frequency vibrato.Through the gaps in the Orcs' mountainously thick backs, one could vaguely see that Kazuma's green cloak had been shredded into rags, hanging from a tree branch like a broken kite.A giant, bristly pig trotter was pinned firmly against Kazuma's chest, while another Orc let out a terrifying 'gu-hehe' laugh, clumsily and violently attempting to undo the belt that symbolized Kazuma's last shred of dignity."This male is so fair and clean, his skin is so smooth, and his cries are so energetic! Tonight I'll have him sire a litter of the strongest Orc babies!" The Orc Queen No. 2 pinning Kazuma down issued a thunderous declaration, then planted a passionate, pig-slop-scented wet kiss on Kazuma's face, which had already gone bug-eyed."Puff-woah—!!" Kazuma made a sound like a leaking ball, his whole body going stiff instantly. Then, a nearly transparent soul wavered out of his half-open mouth, his face wearing a Zen-like smile as if he had seen through this filthy world.Down the slope on the other side, Dust's situation was not much better."Hey! That's my wallet! No, those are my underpants! That's my... Yamete!! Don't look at me with those eyes, I'm a Dragon Knight! I'm a man who once faced a dragon alone! You pig-heads, get those barbed tongues off my neck! It stinks! It really stinks!!"Dust was like a chick caught by a hawk, held upside down by his legs by two massive Orc sisters, his fists waving feebly in the air.The Orc sisters were clearly very interested in his blonde hair, letting out grunts of admiration while taking turns licking Dust's face with tongues like sandpaper, creating a series of tooth-aching grinding sounds."Ohhh! This male can even spray water (tears)! So cute, just like the screaming frogs in the mud pits back home!" one of the Orcs shouted excitedly, then suddenly pulled Dust into a hug. The monstrous strength, enough to strangle a bull, caused Dust's ribs to emit a crisp 'crack'."He... help... Haru... help me take care of the Guild Receptionist... tell her... I was actually... by pigs... cough cough..." Dust's head slumped as he lost consciousness completely, but the Orcs clearly had no intention of letting him go just because he was out, becoming even more enthusiastic since he was no longer resisting."Wow—! Look, look! Kazuma has completely turned into a dead fish, and Dust seems to have started foaming at the mouth!" Aqua stood on top of the carriage, holding a pair of binoculars she'd swiped from somewhere, her tone as excited as if she were commentating on an Olympic final. "Megumin, look at that Orc, it's actually trying to breastfeed Kazuma?! Even if it's pig milk, this has to be the greatest fan service of Kazuma's life, right? Hahahaha!""...While I sympathize with them, this kind of scene is a bit too early for a member of the Crimson Demon Clan." Megumin said this, yet her eyes were wider than anyone's, and she even pulled a bag of dried fruit from her pocket. "However, Haru is still running. If he doesn't do something soon, that lead Orc is going to snare him with that giant nose ring.""...Uuu... why... why don't I even get a share of that shameful play of being fed pig milk..." Darkness had buried her head deep into a pit in the ground, her body convulsing violently from extreme jealousy and delusion. "This... this ultimate humiliation of being treated as a breeding tool... it should have belonged to me, a Crusader...!"Listening to the gradually fading screams of his two comrades behind him, Haru felt no sympathy. Instead, a strong sense of crisis welled up in his heart.He knew that if he didn't take action soon, he would definitely be the next one grunting in the grass!
Chapter 125: The Useless GoddessJust as Haru's legs were about to spontaneously combust from the high-frequency vibration, he saw the blue-haired goddess ahead, leisurely stuffing potato chips into her mouth and even attempting to sketch Kazuma's miserable state.(Aqua! Since you love watching the show so much, then experience the charm of the wild up close!)Haru let out a scummy, sinister laugh in his heart and suddenly accelerated. His entire being turned into an afterimage as he charged straight for Aqua's picnic mat, which was covered in high-grade Bubbly Wine and expensive snacks."Hey! Haru! What are you running toward this Goddess for?!" Aqua put down her sketchbook and waved her hand with a look of disgust. "Didn't I say it? These Orcs are only interested in you males with brains full of waste. As long as a holy goddess like me sits here, they'll avoid me like the plague... Eh?"Before Aqua could finish, Haru had already slid between her legs like a slippery loach. In passing, he even snatched that unopened bottle of vintage Bubbly Wine worth a hundred thousand eris."You bastard Haru! That's my lifeblood! Give it back!!" Aqua jumped up in anger, about to grab Haru's hem, when she suddenly felt an overwhelming pressure coming from behind.The Orc Queen, following closely behind Haru, only had eyes for the black-haired boy who had stolen her heart's desire. To her, Aqua, who stood in her path, wasn't some noble goddess, or even a female creature—she was just a brightly colored, extremely annoying roadblock."Get out of the way! Don't block me from catching my man!!"The Orc Queen let out a thunderous roar, and her giant palm, thicker than Aqua's waist and possessing monstrous strength enough to shatter rocks, slapped Aqua's delicate, pretty face."Slap—!!!"A crisp, melodious slap that echoed through the sky."Wu... Waaaaahhhh—!!!"Aqua didn't even have time to activate a defensive spell; she was like a baseball hit for a home run, drawing a beautiful blue parabola. Accompanied by her signature scream of terror and grievance, she flew directly into the depths of the distant forest.The potato chips, snacks, and wine glasses on the picnic mat were instantly crushed to Dust under the Orc Queen's iron hooves."Oh! Home run!" Haru stopped not far away, clutching the stolen Bubbly Wine, and looked at the blue flash disappearing over the horizon with a look of wonder. "As expected of a goddess, even her flying posture is so artistic. Kazuma, did you see that? This is the pinnacle of shifting trouble onto others!""...Lin... Jin... you... demon..." Satou Kazuma's voice, so weak it was almost inaudible, came from the grass. He was currently being pinned down by three Orcs like a human pyramid, his soul already halfway out of his body, waving feebly toward the direction Aqua had flown. "Take me... with... you..."However, the Orc Queen didn't stop after slapping Aqua away; instead, she became even more excited because the obstacle had been cleared.She turned her head, her small eyes full of primal desire locking onto Haru again, the drool at the corner of her mouth stretching even longer."Hehehe, little black-hair, your goddess friend has already flown away. Now no one can disturb our honeymoon! Be a good boy and put on this nose ring!!"The Orc Queen pulled out a huge metal nose ring that emitted a suspicious odor from her waist and spun it in the air like a lasso.(Tsk, looks like Aqua only bought me three seconds? What a useless goddess!)Haru had already retreated to Wiz and Yunyun's side.Wiz was trembling with fear, while Yunyun stared blankly at the flying Aqua, completely forgetting to cast spells."Wiz! Yunyun! Stop dazing out!" Haru shouted while quickly pulling out his Adventurer card. "If you don't act now, your good friend is going to be turned into the shape of an Orc!!"On the trade route, the original picnic live show finally evolved into a real melee because of Aqua's light-speed logout."Megumin! Do it! Don't worry about me! Use your Explosion Magic to send me and these Orcs to heaven together!! Right now, my soul and body are completely unclean!! I'd rather turn into a pile of ashes than be taken back by these guys to bear piglet babies!!"Satou Kazuma's heart-wrenching pleas came from deep in the grass. He was being forced to eat some kind of wild fruit with a strange fragrance by an Orc, his hands clawing helplessly in the air as if trying to grasp the last bit of liberation."Since you've begged me so much, as your companion, I will definitely fulfill your final wish! My name is Megumin, the number one genius of the Crimson Demon Clan..."A dangerous red light flashed in Megumin's eyes, and the staff in her hand began to gather destructive magic power."Stop, stop, stop!! Megumin, stop right there!!" Harurushed over and firmly pressed down on the top of Megumin's staff. "If you cast Explosion Magic now, our carriage, luggage, and the remaining half-bottle of hundred-thousand-eris wine will all be gone! Most importantly, do you want the headlines in Axelto be 'Genius Mage Blasts Teammate to Death'?!""Che, how boring." Megumin curled her lip and put away her staff with a look of regret. "Haru, you lack the pursuit of art."At that moment, Darkness, who had been suppressed to the limit, finally exploded.She drew her greatsword, which had never hit anyone, and stood between Haru and the Orc Queen with a flushed face, her breastplate heaving with heavy breaths."Hey!! You Orcs! Look here! I am the leader of this party. I have the strongest armor and the... the most easily ravaged constitution! Hurry up and put down that man who's about to die, and give me a cruel and inhuman beating! Even if you tear my clothes to shreds or drag me back to the tribe in that crude manner, I will absolutely never yield... Come on!!"The Orc Queen froze for a moment, gave Darkness a disgusted look, and then turned to shout to her companions: "Sisters, ignore this rambling perverted woman. She looks like she's not right in the head. The children she bears would definitely be idiots! Let's keep catching that black-haired boy!""...Oooohh!! To be despised to this extent!! This feeling of being publicly humiliated by a monster for having a bad brain... is simply wonderful!!" Although Darkness said this, her body honestly activated the [Provocation] skill, forcefully pulling in two Orcswho were about to charge at Haru.Meanwhile, Wiz and Yunyun finally acted."I-I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, but please sleep for a while! Cursed Crystal!" Wiz stretched out her slender palm, and powerful frost magic erupted instantly, freezing the feet of several Orcs trying to drag Dust away to the spot."As Mr. Lin Jin's friend, I will never allow you to take him! Lightning Bolt!"Yunyun gave a soft shout, and lightning exploded among the Orc group. Although the power was controlled to a non-lethal level, it successfully caused the group of frenzied female Orcs to fall into a brief paralysis.Haru looked at the chaotic battlefield and knew this was the best time to counterattack.(Kazuma, although you're in pain right now, for everyone's sake, hold on a bit longer! I'm coming to save you!)A scummy smile appeared at the corner of Haru's mouth. He didn't go to pull Kazuma out immediately; instead, using his agility advantage, he darted quickly through the paralyzed Orcs, aiming straight for the ones pinning Kazuma down.Mysterious Mini-Theater:Haru: "I heard there's a strange device in Water City?"Kazuma: "What device?"Haru: "It's said that by entering a password, you can discuss things from thousands of miles away."Aqua: "That's amazing?"Megumin: "Then let's guess the password?"Aqua: "The first part must be 1082."Darkness: "Then I guess the middle is 446."Haru: "Hmm, the last part must be 718."Kazuma: "That's right, it's Penguin, right?"
Chapter 126: I'd Rather Just Die NowAs Wiz's final frost magic completely cleared the trade route, the once noisy battlefield, filled with a wild aura, finally quieted down.That group of originally aggressive female Orcs, after witnessing the magical power of the Arch Lichand the Crimson Demon Clan genius, finally realized that although these three males were delicious, the females guarding them were far too savage. They could only mutter curses like "Pah! Stingy women, I hope you never find a man in your life!" before disappearing into the depths of the forest.However, although the battle was over, the atmosphere on the trade route was even heavier than before.Satou Kazuma was currently lying spread-eagled in the mud, his iconic green cloak reduced to a few strips of cloth hanging from his waist.His eyes stared blankly at the sky, his pupils having lost focus, while he mechanically chewed on half a wild fruit he hadn't swallowed yet. A nearly transparent wisp of a soul was slowly drifting out from the corner of his mouth."...White... I see it... Goddess Eris is waving to me from the other side of the river..." Kazuma whispered as if in a dream. "No pain... no debt... and no Intellectual Disabled Goddess or Orcs... that place must be heaven..."Not far from him, Dust, who once boasted of being one of Axel's strongest warriors, was now curled into a ball, clutching his knees tightly, his body shaking violently like a sieve."Don't come over... don't lick my ears... I'm not a little piglet... I'm a noble Dragon Knight... I'm a dragon... a dragon-pig... Waaaaah!!"Dust suddenly let out a broken wail and buried his head deep between his legs, clearly having completely lost his dignity and spirit as a human male."W-Wiz, hurry and use Recovery Magic on them! Even though their bodies aren't injured, their spirits seem to have completely broken!"Yunyun stood helplessly between the two broken men, so anxious she was on the verge of tears."I-I'm on it!" Wiz hurriedly cast her magic, a pale green light enveloping their bodies. But aside from making the bruises on their bodies disappear, their eyes remained as lifeless as two dried-up wells."It's no use, Wiz." Megumin stepped forward and disdainfully nudged Kazuma's waist with her toe. "With this level of mental trauma, unless their memories are completely wiped, they probably won't be able to look at any pork products for the rest of their lives. Honestly, as my teammate, being reduced to this by a few Orcs is truly a disgrace to the Crimson Demon Clan.""...Uwahhh... This is too much..."Just then, a wail filled with grievance and anger drifted out from the nearby bushes.Immediately after, Aqua, her head covered in leaves and a clear, giant handprint on her face, came stumbling back while wiping away tears."Haru!! You scum! Scumbag! You actually used this goddess as a shield!! My face! My peerless, beautiful face was almost smashed by that smelly Pigman!! Waaaaah!! And where's my wine?! Where's my bottle of Bubbly Wine worth a hundred thousand eris?!"As soon as Aqua returned, she rushed straight for Haru, attempting to deliver a goddess's punishment with her soft little fists. But upon seeing the intact bottle of wine in Haru's hand, she instantly stopped crying and flashed an extremely pragmatic, flattering smile: "Hehe, Haru, I knew you were a good person and would definitely protect this wine for me, right? Give it to me quickly; I need alcohol to numb my wounded soul...""You want the wine? Sure." Haru gave a scum smile that sent shivers down Aqua's spine. He pointed at his two good-for-nothing friends on the ground. "As long as you can get these two to snap out of it right now, I'll give this wine back to you. Otherwise, I'll pour it over Kazuma's head right in front of you to help cleanse his soul.""...D-Dammit! How dare you threaten a deity!" Aquagrit her teeth and turned to look at Kazuma and Dust on the ground with a look of disgust. "Hey, you two! Stop playing dead! So what if you were kissed a few times and fed some milk? This goddess was slapped hundreds of meters away and I'm not talking about retiring! Get up and drive the carriage! Otherwise, I'll turn the scenes of you being molested into a mural and post it on the Axel guild's bulletin board!!"Hearing the words "mural" and "bulletin board," Kazuma's soul, which had already drifted halfway out, gave a violent jolt and actually forced itself back into his body."...Aqua... you... demon..." Kazuma shivered as he propped himself up. Although his eyes were still filled with shadows, he had at least regained a sliver of the will to live. "If something like that gets posted... I'd rather just die now..."
Chapter 127: Arrival at AlcanretiaThe sun was setting, casting its golden afterglow over the winding merchant road, which should have been a serene and beautiful scene.However, on top of the carriage carrying Haru and his group, a bizarre and profoundly philosophical sight was unfolding.Due to the horrific battle to defend their chastity earlier (though not much was left to defend in the end), the unfortunate brothers of Axel, Satou Kazuma and Dust, had developed a severe stress response to any creature attempting to approach them from behind."Stay away from me! Don't stand behind me! Not even Wiz! Who knows if those Orcs will suddenly pop out of thin air!!"Kazuma screamed like a startled wildcat, refusing to crawl into the carriage and even afraid to sit in the driver's seat at the front—because then his back would be toward the carriage.Dust was in even worse shape. Now, whenever he heard a grunt, even if it was just a horse snorting, he would immediately perform a backflip on the spot out of pure terror.Thus, under Haru's scum-like arrangements, these two unlucky souls eventually chose the most bizarre riding posture: they sat facing each other, cross-legged on the wooden roof of the carriage like two guardian deities. With knees touching and hands gripping the edges of the roof, their eyes were wide like copper bells, staring unblinkingly at what was behind the other person."Hey, Dust... if you see any pink skin or hairy pig ears in the bushes, remember to pull me and jump off the carriage immediately..." Kazuma's voice was raspy, his eyes filled with the dead silence of someone who had seen through the world."...Shut up, Kazuma. You keep a sharp eye out too. If anything resembling a female Orc appears behind me, just punch me and knock me out... I don't want to experience that hell again while conscious..."Dust replied bitterly. As the carriage swayed, a strange, life-and-death understanding actually formed between the two on the roof.Inside the carriage, Haru toyed with the bottle of Bubbly Wine he had reclaimed while listening to the creaking of the wooden boards above."My, my, what a beautiful sight," Haru said, leaning back against a soft cushion (while pushing aside Aqua, who was trying to crowd him). "Look at them. Doesn't their current state look like they're performing some sacred religious ritual? Like, the 'Final Watch of the Virgin Soul' or something?""Haru! How can you be in the mood to joke! Give me back my wine!" Aqua lay sprawled on the seat, staring at the bottle like a puppy begging for food. "And with Kazuma and the other guy like that, if we go through a tunnel or hit a low-hanging branch, they'll definitely be swept off, right? This goddess isn't going to pick them up then!""...Um, Mr. Lin Jin," Wiz said, wringing her fingers worriedly. "I really wanted to comfort them, but when I tried to hand Mr. Kazuma a handkerchief just now, he almost buried me with earth magic... Is their mental state really okay?""It's fine, Wiz." Megumin held her staff, resting her eyes with a calm expression. "Men are creatures that, as long as they aren't dead, will be resurrected on the spot within a few days just by seeing a pretty poster girl. More importantly, I'm interested in that proposal nose ring the Orc Queen mentioned earlier. If I take it back to the Village of the Crimson Demons to study, I might be able to develop a new sealing magic...""...Ugh... I want to... I want to sit on the roof too..." Darkness sat in a corner, arms crossed, her body trembling slightly from some unspeakable delusion. "Shivering in the cold wind, constantly worrying about being attacked from behind by monsters, while being watched by companions with eyes like they're looking at trash... This all-encompassing sense of shame is just... it's just too luxurious!!"Haru looked at the group of problem children in the carriage and listened to the wails of the two losers on the roof, sighing helplessly."Alright, everyone sit tight! We're going to speed through this forest for the rest of the journey. Aqua, pull back your goddess aura. Don't go attracting any more weird things!""Who are you calling weird! This goddess's aura is sacred and full of fragrance... Ouch! Haru, don't push me! The wine! The wine is going to spill!!"As the last glow of the sunset vanished over the horizon, a magnificent city surrounded by mountains and exuding a misty water vapor finally appeared in everyone's sight.That was the legendary Water City—Alcanretia.Even before entering the city, the air was filled with a faint scent of sulfur and a certain... unsettling aura of fanaticism.The carriage slowly approached the city gates, while the two statues on the roof remained in their posture of knees touching and bloodshot eyes locked in a stare-down."Hey, Kazuma, we're here. Time to get down." Harulifted the carriage curtain and tapped on the roof."...No, Haru. Unless you can guarantee there are no Orcs in this city, I plan to settle down on this roof for the rest of my life."Satou Kazuma's tone was terrifyingly calm, his knuckles white from gripping the edge too hard."M-me too... I think the roof is quite nice. The view is open, and there's only wood behind me. It's very safe..."Dust chimed in with a shiver, as if the two had evolved into some kind of permanent fixture of the carriage.Haru shook his head and turned to look at the others inside the carriage.At this moment, Aqua was leaning against the window, her eyes shining with a blue light comparable to searchlights, and tears of emotion were almost trickling from the corners of her mouth."Oooooh! This feeling! This fragrance full of faith and pure water! This goddess is finally back! Do you see that? Those fountains! Those statues! The people there must be longing for my arrival! Hahaha! Haru! Give me back that wine! I'm going to show my followers what a miracle looks like (and maybe get some snacks to go with the wine)!"Aqua was so excited she almost performed Natures Beauty on the spot. The sheer hype of returning home gave Haru goosebumps. However, Megumin, sitting opposite her, was in the complete opposite state.The genius girl of the Crimson Demon Clan was currently huddled in a corner, clutching her staff tightly, her hood pulled low. Her body was trembling slightly, and her eyes held a look of terror that suggested she wanted to explode on the spot."...Haru, listen to me. It's not too late to turn back to Axel right now." Megumin lowered her voice, her tone extremely serious. "The air here isn't right. It's full of... some kind of virus that makes your IQ drop rapidly.""...Megumin, although I also think the followers here are a bit too enthusiastic, it shouldn't be that exaggerated, right?" Yunyun tried to comfort her from the side, but she clearly hadn't noticed that several cultists in blue and white robes at the city gate had already set their sights on this luxurious-looking carriage."Hehe, welcome to the Water City! Travelers from afar!"Before the carriage had even come to a stop, a simple-looking middle-aged man with an inexplicably fanatical aura lunged precisely toward the carriage window, waving a flyer that smelled of soap:"You look exhausted; you must be cursed by an evil demon, right? No matter! Just sign this Membership Application Form, and not only will your sins be washed away, but you'll also receive a piece of Axis Order Special Hot Spring Soap! By the way, if you join, you can even enjoy a virtual experience of bathing with Lady Aqua (her statue)! How about it? Sign one? If you don't sign, I'll follow you all the way to your inn!""Aaaaah!! It appeared!" Megumin let out a scream.
Chapter 128: Alcanretia Really Is Heaven!The atmosphere at the city gate froze in that instant.Aqua pulled out her fluttering Celestial Raiment from somewhere and stood majestically on the edge of the carriage. The evening breeze blew through her long blue hair, and at that moment, a holy and inviolable radiance emanated from her entire body."O lost lambs! Look up! I am the only god worshipped by the Axis Order, the Goddess of Water—Aqua!" Aqua's voice was crisp and pleasant, carrying a majesty that made one want to kneel and worship. "Since this goddess has descended in person, why haven't you quickly offered the finest hot springs and offerings?!"The surrounding Axis Cultists, who had been frantically promoting, were stunned.They rubbed their eyes and looked at the girl whose exquisite appearance was beyond reproach, with hair and eyes as pure as lake water. Whispers began to spread through the crowd."Hey... did you see that? That raiment, and that feeling... it's exactly the same as the statue at headquarters.""Could it be that the Goddess has truly descended because of our persistent harassment... no, our persistent prayers?""Oh! What a beautiful figure, what a holy aura! Is this our Lady Aqua?!"Seeing several fanatical cultists dropping their flyers and about to kneel, some even starting to pull out their Membership Applications to have the Goddess sign them as Holy Relics.Haru sat in the carriage, his eyelids twitching as he watched Aqua's face gradually inflate with pride from the praise, her mouth almost curling up to the sky.(This is bad. If these lunatics really decide she's the Goddess, there will be no peace in this Water Citytonight. Maybe by tomorrow morning, the city walls will be covered with Wanted Posters for me, with the charge of kidnapping the Goddess and forcing her to be a carriage driver...)Thinking of this, Haru gave a cold snort and skillfully pulled out an unopened bottle of premium Bubbly Wine that exuded an expensive aroma from his backpack, intentionally shaking it in the air to make a crisp liquid clinking sound."Hey! Aqua! Are you going to drink this top-tier Bubbly Wine worth 100,000 eris or not? If not, I'll just give it to this Missionary Uncle here as a sign-up gift!"The Goddess, who a second ago was as holy as a painting and seemed ready to ascend to the heavens at any moment, twitched as if struck by lightning the moment she heard the keywords "wine" and "100,000 eris.""—!!!"Aqua's majesty collapsed instantly, and her artistic, pretty face twisted into an extremely greedy grimace within a tenth of a second."Give it to me! Give it to me now! That's mine! That's this Goddess's lifeblood, ahhh—!!"Under the watchful eyes of the crowd, Aqua let out a scream that completely disregarded her image and lunged directly from the edge of the carriage.She didn't use any flashy magic, nor did she land lightly; instead, like a wild dog that hadn't eaten for three days and nights, she flailed her limbs in mid-air, lunging at the wine bottle in Haru's hand with an extremely unsightly dog paddle.With a "thud," Aqua slammed into Haru's legs, clutching the wine bottle tightly. While rubbing her face against the bottle, she let out a creepy, perverted laugh."Hehe... wine... my precious wine... Haru, you're the best, hehehe..."The surrounding air fell into a deathly silence.The Missionary Uncle, who had looked full of worship just a moment ago, was now frozen in a kneeling position. He watched the blue-haired madwoman rolling on the ground clutching a wine bottle, her skirt flying everywhere, even trying to bite the cap open with her teeth, his mouth twitching violently."...Tch, what? So she's just a drunk madwoman who looks like the Goddess?""What a waste of my excitement. With those dog-paddle movements, there's no way she could be the holy Lady Aqua.""Exactly. Although our Goddess isn't very bright (self-proclaimed), she would never behave so... so much like a loser.""Scatter, scatter. A woman like this would only lower our average IQ even if she joined. Let's go check out that Blonde Lady over there; she looks like she has great potential for baptism."The cultists showed looks of disgust one after another, bypassing the giggling Aqua who was clutching the wine bottle as if avoiding trash.Haru had thought that the collapse of Aqua's persona would make the fanatical cultists disperse, but he had clearly underestimated the weed-like vitality and zombie-like persistence of the Axis Cultists."It doesn't matter! Even if she's not the Goddess, as long as she enters this gate, she's a prospective member of our Axis Order!""Handsome black-haired guy, seeing how smoothly you fed her that wine, you must be very rich, right? Here, sign this Hot Spring Tax Reduction Application (actually a Membership Application), and you'll get 20% off the body scrubbing service tonight!""Little girl, that staff in your hand is very cool. Do you want to engrave Lady Aqua's Holy Crest on it? Just sign here, and not only will you become stronger, but it will also bless your breast development in the future!"The cultists surged forward like a tide. Some flicked long scrolls from their sleeves, some stuck applications under bread to force a sale, and some even tried to crawl under the carriage for a carpet-style mission.This pervasive offensive made even Haru, who was used to big scenes, feel his scalp tingle.Just as the carriage was surrounded so tightly that even the horses began to doubt their existence, Darkness, who had been in a state of delusional climax, suddenly her eyes lit up as if she had found some ultimate form of liberation."...Enough! You insolent fellows! Stop pestering my companions!"Darkness issued a righteous command (which sounded full of excited tremors to Haru). She suddenly jumped onto the carriage roof, landing directly between Kazuma and Dust, nearly scaring those two statues into physically taking flight on the spot.In the afterglow of the setting sun, Darkness puffed out her chest and pulled out a silver badge emanating a holy light from her bosom, holding it high above her head. It was the proof of a believer of the Eris Order—the arch-rival of the Axis Order, the goddess who presided over luck and breasts."Look closely! I am a faithful believer of the Eris Order! I will never yield to a cult filled with the smell of alcohol and soap! If you have any dissatisfaction, bring it all on me! Whether it's verbal abuse, humiliation, or locking me in a dungeon filled with ice water for a heretic trial, I will absolutely... absolutely not bat an eye! Come on!!"The air fell into a complete, deathly silence at this moment.The Axis Cultists, who had been pushing forward like zombies, stopped in their tracks in perfect unison the moment they saw that silver badge.Their expressions quickly shifted from fanaticism to a mixture of disgust, disdain, and the extreme coldness one would show a mortal enemy."...An eris believer?" The uncle's voice was as cold as ice. "In this holy land of Lady Aqua, a heretic who worships that Breast-padding Goddess has actually appeared?""Pah! What bad luck! I take back what I said earlier; this carriage of people must have been infected with misfortune by that Thief Goddess eris!""Hey! Get salt! Quickly, get salt! We must sprinkle away all the bad luck brought by these heretics!"Splash! The surrounding cultists pulled out handfuls of coarse salt from nowhere and frantically threw them at the carriage, at Darkness, and even at Megumin, who was hiding under her cloak, as if the salt cost nothing."Heretics, get out!""Lackeys of the Breast-padding Goddess aren't allowed in the city!""Go take a bath! Wash off that smell of eris poverty!""Oooooh!! This is the feeling!! This treatment of being loathed by the whole city and having salt thrown at me like trash!! Alcanretia... Alcanretiareally is heaven!!"Darkness stood in the rain of salt, her face flushed red, her body shaking violently as she let out a series of hair-raising moans.Mysterious Mini-Theater:Haru: "I heard there's a strange device in the Water City?"Kazuma: "What kind of device?"Haru: "It's said that by entering a password, you can discuss things from thousands of miles away."Aqua: "That's amazing?"Megumin: "Then let's guess the password?"Aqua: "The first part must be 1082."Darkness: "Then I guess the middle is 446."Haru: "Hmm, the end must be 718."Kazuma: "That's right, it's Penguin, isn't it?"I'm burnt out today, hurry up and generate electricity for love!!!
Chapter 129: Assigning Rooms"Darkness, you idiot!! What are you doing?!" Kazumafinally snapped out of his PTSD. While brushing salt grains off his head, he shouted in despair, "Are you saving us or killing us?! We're going to be treated as public enemies!!""...Achoo! Haru, I can't do this anymore. Salt got in my eyes..." Megumin crawled out of the carriage, rubbing her teary eyes. "Let's just go back to Axel. Everyone here is truly insane..."Amidst the symphony of salt grains and verbal abuse, the carriage struggled forward, finally coming to a halt on a deep street paved with blue stone bricks in Alcanretia.The water vapor here was even denser, with channels of clear spring water flowing everywhere along the streets. However, this picturesque scenery was completely ruined by the swarm of cultists, who were like a plague of locusts.Haru pulled down the edge of his cloak, trying his best to look like a passing background character.His eyes twitched violently as he watched the citizens around them frantically throwing salt at the carriage while simultaneously trying to stuff cult application forms into its crevices.(...As expected, there are no normal people in this city. This kind of fanatical behavior that completely defies logic is cut from the same cloth as that Intellectual Disabled Goddess sitting next to me, hiccuping and clutching a wine bottle. No, it's even more troublesome than her, because there's an entire city's worth of Aqua here...)Just as Haru was thinking this, he turned around and saw the most bizarre marching posture he had ever seen in his life.Satou Kazuma and Dust were currently pressed back-to-back, moving sideways down the street like two startled giant crabs.Their eyes completely ignored the shouting cultists around them; instead, they stared deathly at each other's backs. If even the slightest movement occurred behind the other, the two would let out a synchronized scream and shift sideways in unison."Kazuma... that auntie in the blue robe on the left stared at my butt for three seconds. Does she want to turn into an Orc and pounce?!" Dust's voice trembled like a bellows."Calm down, Dust! Watch my lower back! As long as we don't expose our backs, the malice of this world can't hurt us... Damn it, don't push me! You stepped on my foot!"Kazuma spat at the cultists trying to shove flyers at them while walking sideways, making for an extremely comical scene.At the very front of the group, Darkness held her head high in a posture like a hero facing execution.She held up her eris Cultist Badge, its silver light flickering in the rain of salt like a beacon for drawing aggro."Come on! Use more force! Is this the extent of your anger?!" Darkness's face was flushed, her breathing rapid. Every time a salt grain hit her body, she would let out an unsettling moan. "To be rejected as a heretic by the entire city... to be watched by countless pairs of hostile eyes... Ahhh, this truly is heaven! This is the holy land of my dreams!!"The Axis Cultists were so frightened by Darkness's perverted reaction that their hands shook, but as fanatics, they refused to lose and instead threw the salt even more vigorously.Walking in the middle of the group, Aqua was currently caught in a severe internal mental struggle.Her right hand tightly clutched the remaining bottle of Bubbly Wine, while her left hand restlessly wanted to wave at the crowd."Waaah... Although it's terrible of them to throw salt at me, look, Haru! That young man over there shouting 'Long live the Goddess' has such a pious look in his eyes! He must be seeing my sacred and inviolable essence through this mortal shell, right? Wuuu, I'm so moved... Hehe, this wine is so good..."Aqua wiped her tears while chugging the wine, crying one moment and laughing the next. She looked like she was just one step away from losing it completely.Meanwhile, Wiz and Yunyun, who were relatively normal, followed behind awkwardly.Wiz was working hard to use a magic shield to block the flying coarse salt for everyone, while Yunyun looked flattered."Um... Mr. Lin Jin, the people here are really enthusiastic." Yunyun already had five or six cult application forms in her hand, her face blushing shyly. "Three people proactively spoke to me just now. Although they kept asking me to sign these, it's still a form of interaction, right? This is the first time I've been surrounded by so many people when entering a city... Does everyone want to be my friend?""...Yunyun, that's not friendship, that's a pyramid scheme." Haru facepalmed helplessly. "Listen up, everyone, speed up! Before Darkness over there gets hauled away as a pervert by the cultists, we have to find an inn to hide in! Wiz, lead the way. Find a place that looks the quietest and least likely to be harassed!"The wooden door of the [Waters Calm] inn shut heavily behind them, finally blocking out the zombie-like Axis Cultists and the coarse salt flying through the air.The interior of the inn was surprisingly quiet, with the air filled with a faint scent of sandalwood and clean water vapor, forming a sharp contrast to the frenzy outside.The proprietress at the front desk was an older woman wearing a deep blue kimono, her eyes as sharp as if they could cut through rock.She coldly scanned the group of guests who were covered in salt and in bizarre poses, her gaze finally resting on the heavily panting Darkness, letting out a meaningful snort."...Young people these days certainly have some wild tastes. You want rooms? Only four left. Take them or leave them."The proprietress casually slapped four heavy copper keys onto the counter.Haru wiped the salt grains from his face and turned to look at his teammates, who were on the verge of falling apart."Alright, let's divide them up. Kazuma, Dust, since you two have already evolved into a conjoined organism, take this key and get to your room. Go study your crab walk there and stop scaring people in the hallway."Kazuma and Dust looked at each other without any objection. Maintaining their back-to-back posture like a bizarre, eight-legged creature, they moved smoothly sideways toward the stairs."Thanks, Haru... Dust, left turn! Watch the steps! Don't expose your back to the handrail!!" Kazuma's voice faded into the distance.Haru then looked at Yunyun, who was clutching a corner of her cloak and glancing tentatively at Megumin.The Crimson Demon Clan girl's face was as red as a ripe tomato, and she was muttering things like, "If Megumin doesn't want to, I don't necessarily have to...""Yunyun, this one is for you and Megumin." Harustuffed a key into Yunyun's hand. "Megumin got salt in her eyes earlier; help her wash them out. Also, researching Explosion Magic in the room tonight is forbidden. I still want to make it back to Axel alive.""...Oh oh oh! Mr. Lin Jin! Thank you very much! I will take good care of Megumin! We will definitely build a deep and unbreakable friendship!"Yunyun was so excited she almost cried, half-dragging and half-pulling Megumin—who looked annoyed but didn't refuse—toward the second floor.Now, only Haru and the remaining three people were left at the front desk: Aqua, who was clutching a wine bottle and giggling; Darkness, whose body was still trembling slightly with a dazed look in her eyes; and Wiz, who looked awkward and kept apologizing.