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During the last week of the year, a feast is held every day to commemorate the year that has passed. But the final two days are the most important, because ceremonies are held for the Father and Mother to bring vitality and prosperity to the family.
To celebrate the abolition of slavery, I suggested that Dotea and her mother lead the ceremony to the Mother. The castle was decorated with hundreds of flowers and plants, and the deer were even allowed to roam through the hall.
Tonight, she dressed me in a red robe with a golden veil, along with symbols painted on my arms, legs, and face —If you ask the gods for something, you must be willing to sacrifice something in return. That's why we pledge our souls every year; what happened last year no longer matters, that was a different you.
Dotea sets aside the vase and the brush to lower my veil. Then she puts on a red one and heads toward the door.
— What about love? — I stop her — Can I ask the gods to make me someone worthy of being loved?
— If you want to change who you are, you can ask Mother to give you a new soul. To do that, you'd have to die — Dotea turns her gaze back to the aisle where the other maidens, also dressed in red with golden veils are waiting for us.
The procession is led by mother Tieh alongside another elderly woman from the Ettary tribe, who stand on either side of the altar. Next come the eight mothers, who line the aisle holding clay pots made by their ancestors, filled with a type of seed that represents their legacy; in front of them stand the fathers, their heads bowed as they hold lit candles. The floor is covered with red flower petals, and the other members of the court wear entirely green robes, even covering their faces.
I feel Dotea's hand on my left arm; she intertwines her right arm and holds her sacred vessel with both hands. She whispers something I don't understand and takes a step forward, which I quickly follow before stopping her. Step by step, we reach the first of the mothers, who lifts her golden veil, it is Merana — Cor Myrne lere tas dismer con es rer — I hear her say, almost in a whisper. "May the mother guide the growth of your being" Dotea repeats to me in a softer tone. Merana takes a handful of seeds and distributes them among our vessels. As we both bow our heads and return to the hallway to move on to the next one, I hear a man's voice repeat what was said.
— Cor Myrne deere nayol es mela. "May the mother strengthen your spirit."
After receiving the seed, I notice that the candle the man is holding goes out after he repeats the words. I feel a strong, cold surge rising from the depths of my being.
— Do not look back, my queen; the Father is here — Dotea murmurs.
— Cor Myrne fil es nida. "May the Mother provide for your needs."
— Cor Myrne lere tas camanes tru tas nieh. "May the Mother guide your path through life."
— Cor Morune deere esh tas amysea con es mela. "May the Father grant the desires of your soul."
— Cor Morune lasso es mela. "May the Father unite your souls."
— Cor Morune ties the knot with a ribbon. "May the father protect her spirit from evil spells"
— Cor Morune holds the ribbon close to her heart and says, "May the father preserve her soul for a new beginning and return in due time."
With the last handful of seeds, the last candle goes out. We approach the first step, where we place the vessels before parting ways; the elderly women come forward so we can dip our hands into a thick, dark-colored liquid. Then, with our hands outstretched and palms facing upward, we climb the other four steps to the front of the altar, where we kneel. Dotea gently lifts my veil and traces my forehead and lips with her fingers, running the centers of her palms down my neck until she reaches my chest, just above my dress. I can see her eyes shining beneath the veil, so I do the same amid the repetitive murmurs in unison. Mother Taeh approaches to place an oil lamp between us. When she pours some sand onto it, everyone falls silent until the flame reappears. The prayers give way to a prolonged chant led by the other elder.
— You are now part of the Ettary tribe. Welcome to this new year, Manady — says Taeh.
— As part of my family, we can perform the fertility ritual — says Dotea with a smile, but there's something about her expression that feels forced. I lean in to kiss her, but she slips her fingers between our lips and covers the gesture with a hug.
We stand with our hands clasped, never taking our eyes off each other. Fortis makes his way through the crowd and leads me to the center of the hall, where we begin to dance, prompting the others to join us.
<><><> Year 1313 <><><>
After that ceremony, Dotea seemed closer to me. Sometimes I like to remember that moment when I felt it was just the two of us. No hiding, no hostile stares or malicious rumors.
— I didn't know I could refuse — Dotea replies. It's as if her words were a slap in the face, but it's true, I didn't ask her; I simply chose her.
— You're free to leave if you want; it's never been my intention for you to feel obligated to stay by my side — I say, turning my face away when I feel tears welling up. Fortis was right, I've used her to satisfy myself and done things I shouldn't have with her body, leaving her no choice but to accept my orders. If that's all I am to her, a figure of authority, then nothing we've done has any real feeling behind it. How dare I lock her up here with me and make her feel responsible for everything I was feeling? She never refused, but how could she? I dwelled on this for hours, until I heard her say, "I love you too," with me in her arms during the night.
We were hugging each other in that narrow space where I could imagine I had her all to myself, when Valency warned us that the soldiers were coming.
— Calm down, you're going to drop it — I say, placing my hands on the backs of hers to stop them from shaking. She nods and places the crown on my head. — What's got you so uneasy?
— I'm afraid I won't see him today, tas shivet — she says — He hasn't answered any of my letters.
Does she really miss him so much that she's on the verge of crying just from the hope of seeing him? — I know how that feels, but today you won't have to suffer his absence anymore, Dotea — I place my hand on her chest, and she suddenly kisses me on the lips.
When the last of the soldiers on horseback passes by, I turn toward the other side of the wall overlooking the city to see how the wives are welcoming them. In the crowd, I spot Dotea, who is holding up her dress to run toward one of them. The man takes off his gloves and welcomes her with open arms. Through their tears, they kiss each other on the cheeks as they exchange words so close that they seem to be sharing the same breath — Valency, who is the man my lady-in-waiting is greeting?
The woman approaches me — That's Commander Daís Mereng, Your Majesty.
— He was renowned during the campaign. It was Commander Filos's last order before he died — says Fortis — Did you give your maid a crown?
— No — I say. Fortis turns his gaze back to Dotea with a hint of a smile that makes me feel a little uneasy. I see Daís looking closely at the crown on her head and smiling, then saying something to her — What is his relationship to Lady Arteneses?
— They became engaged before the nobles in Griseo Square on the fourth day of the third month last year. Right at the start of the campaign — Valency says. I feel my heart suddenly race and my eyes begin to well up with tears — That is the reason for the silver crown, Your Majesty.
— Beloved wife, we must go down — I hear Fortis's voice. I keep my eyes downcast as I take his hand until we reach the square. Lifting my gaze to see her standing next to that man tears my heart in two — The queen is deeply moved to learn that so many lives were spared. She is grateful to the men who risk their lives to protect us and to the gods for bringing them home safely.
Everyone is applauding, but my vision is blurry — I'm sorry, my king — I say, and I retreat to my chambers to weep. I run to the balcony to breathe in some fresh air, but the pressure in my chest causes me to fall to my knees.
I feel her warm hands on my shoulders and try to calm myself. I've never felt so heavy — My queen — I hear her say in my ear with a soft melody that soothes my pain. I look into her eyes and kiss her lips, salty from that man's tears, but I don't care; I just want to feel that love that fills something inside me.
We kiss until we're lying on the bed, her breasts brushing against mine — Touch me — I whisper against her lips. Her fingers on my sex make me sigh with pleasure. I trace her body amid the abundant kisses that arouse her, and her moans as I caress her femininity with my tongue make my thoughts lose all meaning.
I kneel between her legs, then slide my right leg over her left hip and lean in to press myself against her. We both moan with pleasure until we reach the peak together.
Over the next few months, we kept trying this ritual. There were long, anxious nights when Dotea would leave, escorted by the soldier Mereng.