Ren had always suspected his life would end pathetically.
He just hadn't expected it to involve a rogue Roomba, three empty cans of "Thunder Ox Extreme Energy," and a physics-defying tower of unwashed mugs stacked beside his desk like a monument to poor life choices.
The Roomba struck first.
With the malice of a machine that had finally achieved sentience—or at least vengeance—it rammed the chair leg at precisely the wrong moment. Ren, half-asleep and reaching for his keyboard, tipped backward. The chair skidded. The mugs cascaded. The energy drinks joined the rebellion.
The last thing Ren saw was a ceiling fan spinning lazily, as if mocking him, before everything went black.
His final thought was oddly calm.
At least I won't have to debug that code anymore.
---
Pain greeted him first.
Not the dull ache of a bad back or the existential pain of student loans—but a sharp, full-body soreness, like he'd been beaten with a sack of bricks by someone who really held a grudge.
Ren groaned and tried to sit up.
"…Huh?"
The ceiling above him wasn't his familiar cracked apartment plaster. It was carved wood, painted with faded cloud motifs and hanging silk banners that smelled faintly of incense and old money.
He blinked. Once. Twice.
"This is either a very vivid hallucination," he muttered, "or I finally died and got isekai'd."
His voice sounded wrong—too young, too smooth, and carrying an unfamiliar laziness, like it had spent years practicing excuses instead of effort.
Memories crashed into him without warning.
A name: Lin Fan.
A reputation: useless, shameless, good-for-nothing.
A life spent dodging chores, borrowing spirit stones he never repaid, and flirting with anything that moved—usually unsuccessfully, occasionally disastrously.
Ren clutched his head as the flood settled into place. This wasn't possession. This was inheritance.
He was Lin Fan now.
A senior disciple—technically—of the Azure Blossom Sect, though "senior" only meant he'd survived long enough not to be kicked out yet. His cultivation? Nonexistent. His talent? A running joke. His future? Imminent expulsion, if the whispers were to be believed.
Ren exhaled slowly.
"Great," he said to the empty room. "I traded a dead-end job for a dead-end cultivation career."
As if summoned by his despair, a cold chime echoed in his mind.
> Ding!
Yin-Yang Harmony System initializing…
Host compatibility confirmed.
Status: Activated.
Ren froze.
"…Of course," he said weakly. "There's always a system."
A translucent panel unfolded before his eyes, glowing softly with symbols that somehow made sense the moment he saw them.
> Primary Directive:
Achieve enlightenment through the art of Dual Cultivation.
Explanation:
Balance Yin and Yang energies through harmonious union.
Rewards scale with partner compatibility and technique mastery.
Ren stared.
Then he stared harder.
"You're telling me," he said slowly, "that my path to immortality is… that?"
> Clarification:
This system does not concern itself with host embarrassment.
A second panel popped up, helpfully listing features: diagnostic scans, specialized manuals, and something ominously labeled Facilitation Aids.
Ren pinched the bridge of his nose.
On Earth, he'd been lucky if he could hold a conversation without stuttering. In this world, Lin Fan had already managed to offend half the sect with his behavior—and somehow the universe had decided this was the optimal candidate for a cultivation path centered on intimacy.
"This is a prank," Ren said. "I'm in a coma. The Roomba won."
> Warning:
Host expulsion from Azure Blossom Sect projected at 87% within three days.
Survival probability without system utilization: Low.
Ren looked around the shabby room—cheap robes tossed over a chair, overdue notices nailed to the door, and the lingering aura of a man nobody respected.
He swallowed.
"…Fine," he muttered. "I'll at least read the manual."
Outside, the Azure Blossom Sect bustled with life—ambitious disciples training in the courtyards, elders plotting in quiet halls, and unseen forces already beginning to stir.
None of them knew that the sect's greatest embarrassment had just received a second life… and a very unconventional path to power.
And Lin Fan—formerly Ren, former victim of domestic machinery—was about to turn his humiliation into his greatest weapon.